I hate work

[Misty Avich]

I'm so angry. I wish I didn't have to work. I hate the government for making people work. It's not fair.

Me and my partner have finally booked our wedding day, paid for the venue and everything, and booked the honeymoon, and it took a lot of time and money and patience, and I thought it'd be easy to get that week off work as April isn't a popular month for annual leave/vacation days where I work, as it's the start of the new holiday year (probably Americans won't understand this but the British users here will).

But now a colleague who I work with says she wants around the same time off to go to Poland (something she does every couple of months every year) and had filled out her annual leave form in and sent it away before I had the chance to, and because I was stressed I couldn't work out what week it will be on our rota and all that, and I circled the 31st April even though there is not 31 days in April. I just got confused, but I sent it anyway, but I know the boss who authorises holidays won't let two people from the same department have the same days off. And I know he'll give her the holiday because she filled her form out better than I did.

It's not fair, now I am really stressed out. He'll probably just tell me off for booking the wedding venue before booking the time off work, but how do you know what to do first? I wanted my wedding for that particular week as well, as it's my birthday. It's just not fair, she can go to Poland any time (she does anyway) but getting married is a special milestone and I don't want to have to change the date now, it'll be too much hassle.

I know you guys can't do anything but I just need to vent. I don't know what to do. My colleague has probably already booked her Poland flights as well but I bet he'll still let her have the holiday because she got in a few seconds before me and filled out her form better than I did.

What do I do? I've been wanting to get married for ages, we've planned it a few years ago but had to cancel because covid happened. Now the big special day is finally going to happen and I don't want anything to change or go wrong. I'm in a huge panic. I hate work.

 

[blitzkrieg]

Workplaces in this day and age should be understanding of a need to book time off for a life milestone such as a wedding. Unfortunately, due to the hyper corporate culture that seems prevalent in the UK, people are expected to suck up having no perks or joy and hardly any time off for minimum pay.

 

[Misty Avich]

People on Facebook shame people who don't want to work, but who can blame people for not wanting to work? It isn't necessarily due to laziness, it's usually because people can't be doing with all the extra stress added to it, especially with mental health issues like I've got.

Ordinarily I'd be more flexible, but in this instance I really can't be, as it's too late to change everything now. I'm not only going to be disappointed if he denies me the week off but I'll also feel angry and anxious. And when I'm feeling emotions like that all at once I go into meltdown mode. No, I don't have meltdowns to "get what I want". I can't always handle the emotions. Even NTs with better emotional regulation would probably get stressed and angry in this type of situation.

We're not going to be off on the exact same week, only two or three days overlap, which can easily be worked around, but knowing the boss he still won't let us both have the days off at the same time. I knew she was having a week off in April before but I thought it was just 7 days, not 13. But she has only just came back from a two-week holiday in Poland. I haven't even had a holiday this year, and the holiday I do want is very important and non-negotiable. But the boss doesn't care about that. He doesn't think we have a life and other commitments outside of work.

So a few buses won't be sparkling clean for a couple of days, it's just tough.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Well, (1) say absolutely nothing about the approaching wedding at work, and (2) you might have to call in "sick" **cough, cough, cough**, or better, "I won't be in tomorrow." and leave it at that. I think everyone is entitled to a "personal day" every once in a while.

 

[Misty Avich]

They already know about the wedding. And I can't pull a sickie because then I won't be paid and I need the money. We don't get sickness days here.

 

[Timelord]

Sickness days should be a right. I'll say that right off the bat.

I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have to work. I'm on what we call in Australia a Disability Support Pension. I don't know what the UK equivalent is. In the US it's Social Security Disability Insurance (what apparently is harder to get than the DSP in Australia). It's not easy as you have to budget very strongly to make ends meet. The fact that I'm in government housing helps although that's only been since late 2019. It was a struggle in private rental.

It is very tempting to suggest that you quit that job, but I guess that's not an option. They should be celebrating that you are getting married for the very reasons you say. But they are also expecting you to plan everything ahead. Autistics have a tendency to not be organised and it is frustrating. I know. I try to organise but it goes off the rails easily due to distractions.