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I hate work

Misty Avich

Misty Avich

I'm more ADHD than autism
V.I.P Member
I'm so angry. I wish I didn't have to work. I hate the government for making people work. It's not fair.

Me and my partner have finally booked our wedding day, paid for the venue and everything, and booked the honeymoon, and it took a lot of time and money and patience, and I thought it'd be easy to get that week off work as April isn't a popular month for annual leave/vacation days where I work, as it's the start of the new holiday year (probably Americans won't understand this but the British users here will).

But now a colleague who I work with says she wants around the same time off to go to Poland (something she does every couple of months every year) and had filled out her annual leave form in and sent it away before I had the chance to, and because I was stressed I couldn't work out what week it will be on our rota and all that, and I circled the 31st April even though there is not 31 days in April. I just got confused, but I sent it anyway, but I know the boss who authorises holidays won't let two people from the same department have the same days off. And I know he'll give her the holiday because she filled her form out better than I did.

It's not fair, now I am really stressed out. He'll probably just tell me off for booking the wedding venue before booking the time off work, but how do you know what to do first? I wanted my wedding for that particular week as well, as it's my birthday. It's just not fair, she can go to Poland any time (she does anyway) but getting married is a special milestone and I don't want to have to change the date now, it'll be too much hassle.

I know you guys can't do anything but I just need to vent. I don't know what to do. My colleague has probably already booked her Poland flights as well but I bet he'll still let her have the holiday because she got in a few seconds before me and filled out her form better than I did.

What do I do? I've been wanting to get married for ages, we've planned it a few years ago but had to cancel because covid happened. Now the big special day is finally going to happen and I don't want anything to change or go wrong. I'm in a huge panic. I hate work.
 
Workplaces in this day and age should be understanding of a need to book time off for a life milestone such as a wedding. Unfortunately, due to the hyper corporate culture that seems prevalent in the UK, people are expected to suck up having no perks or joy and hardly any time off for minimum pay.
 
People on Facebook shame people who don't want to work, but who can blame people for not wanting to work? It isn't necessarily due to laziness, it's usually because people can't be doing with all the extra stress added to it, especially with mental health issues like I've got.

Ordinarily I'd be more flexible, but in this instance I really can't be, as it's too late to change everything now. I'm not only going to be disappointed if he denies me the week off but I'll also feel angry and anxious. And when I'm feeling emotions like that all at once I go into meltdown mode. No, I don't have meltdowns to "get what I want". I can't always handle the emotions. Even NTs with better emotional regulation would probably get stressed and angry in this type of situation.

We're not going to be off on the exact same week, only two or three days overlap, which can easily be worked around, but knowing the boss he still won't let us both have the days off at the same time. I knew she was having a week off in April before but I thought it was just 7 days, not 13. But she has only just came back from a two-week holiday in Poland. I haven't even had a holiday this year, and the holiday I do want is very important and non-negotiable. But the boss doesn't care about that. He doesn't think we have a life and other commitments outside of work.

So a few buses won't be sparkling clean for a couple of days, it's just tough.
 
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Well, (1) say absolutely nothing about the approaching wedding at work, and (2) you might have to call in "sick" **cough, cough, cough**, or better, "I won't be in tomorrow." and leave it at that. I think everyone is entitled to a "personal day" every once in a while.
 
They already know about the wedding. And I can't pull a sickie because then I won't be paid and I need the money. We don't get sickness days here.
 
Sickness days should be a right. I'll say that right off the bat.

I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have to work. I'm on what we call in Australia a Disability Support Pension. I don't know what the UK equivalent is. In the US it's Social Security Disability Insurance (what apparently is harder to get than the DSP in Australia). It's not easy as you have to budget very strongly to make ends meet. The fact that I'm in government housing helps although that's only been since late 2019. It was a struggle in private rental.

It is very tempting to suggest that you quit that job, but I guess that's not an option. They should be celebrating that you are getting married for the very reasons you say. But they are also expecting you to plan everything ahead. Autistics have a tendency to not be organised and it is frustrating. I know. I try to organise but it goes off the rails easily due to distractions.
 
I have ADHD so prioritising and organising can be very difficult for me. It took a lot of courage and patience for me to book a venue and everything, and I don't want to have to go through the motions of changing it. I heard it can cost extra or whatever to postpone the date. I don't want to have to do that just because the boss at work has to do everything by the book and never be reasonable. He ain't the most reasonable person to deal with, his stupid rules come first before anything else. And I know he'll just let my colleague have the time off because she booked her's in first, well, just seconds before I did. And I know she'll kick up if she gets denied her holiday, even though she's just come back from a 2-week holiday. It seems everyone's holiday schedules has to fit around her frequent trips to Poland.

I would apply for disability or whatever it is but that would mean we'll have to live on the bare minimum again and juggle with all the rent and bills every week (there's always something to pay every week). So although I wouldn't have the stress of work, I'd still have the stress of money. My partner has retired (so lucky). I can't retire until I'm about 150 years old. Also we live in a privately rented apartment, which is not very affordable when you don't have a job. If we lived in council rented then I'd probably be able to afford to give up work and claim disability. But it ain't that easy to just get into council, even though we are on the list for council housing.
And then when you don't work and are on government benefits, people start shaming you and calling you a "lazy lay-about taking taxpayer's money" and all that. And then they say things like "my great grandfather worked 15 hours a day from the age of 14 and he never complained, you're just a snowflake." But I bet their great grandfather didn't suffer with ASD, ADHD and mental health problems. People in those days who did suffer mentally that affected their work abilities were probably put in institutions or something, so all you knew was the able NTs who worked 24/7 "without complaining".

I've had it with work. I hate rules, I hate being told what to do. Getting up and going to work is not the issue for me. It's all the rules and regulations and policies and greedy business owners and all that that's off-putting.
 
Misty Avich said:
I'm so angry. I wish I didn't have to work. I hate the government for making people work. It's not fair.
Click to expand...
Your government makes you work? Usually, people work in order to have money to buy food, pay for housing, etc, without the government making them do so.
 
Jumpinbare said:
Your government makes you work? Usually, people work in order to have money to buy food, pay for housing, etc, without the government making them do so.
Click to expand...
They want to get as many disabled people as they can to work. Also they keep raising the retirement age. So basically yes, they do make us work. And they make it even harder to win the lottery by adding 10 extra numbers.
And then businesses love to make work unbearable for people.
I just wish being a housewife was an affordable lifestyle. I hate employment.
 
Hi Misty,

that must be SO stressful. I completely get the anxiety around planning and organising anything. And that is with everything going according to plan.

Could you speak to that colleague who wants to go to Poland? It might be easier to sort things out with her than with your boss. Maybe she would like some days off which you've already booked, and you could trade. Honestly, I would change my plans for someone getting married. A wedding just is something special. But I know that not everyone does that. Still, I'd suggest that. She might be open to some sort of trade or agreement between colleagues. If you don't get along that well with her, maybe ask a colleague for help with whom you do get on well, to help you with that conversation. Try to be friendly and polite in that conversation, and avoid accusing her, since that tends to make people go all defensive and non-cooperative.

I really hope it all works out. Work can be super tough.
 
AuroraBorealis said:
Hi Misty,

that must be SO stressful. I completely get the anxiety around planning and organising anything. And that is with everything going according to plan.

Could you speak to that colleague who wants to go to Poland? It might be easier to sort things out with her than with your boss. Maybe she would like some days off which you've already booked, and you could trade. Honestly, I would change my plans for someone getting married. A wedding just is something special. But I know that not everyone does that. Still, I'd suggest that. She might be open to some sort of trade or agreement between colleagues. If you don't get along that well with her, maybe ask a colleague for help with whom you do get on well, to help you with that conversation. Try to be friendly and polite in that conversation, and avoid accusing her, since that tends to make people go all defensive and non-cooperative.

I really hope it all works out. Work can be super tough.
Click to expand...
She's not the most flexible person. Once she's booked one of her holidays then that's it, she has to have it and will make a fuss if she doesn't. She'll probably even hate me after this.
But it's a wedding, and it's too late to change it now. We were actually lucky to get the wedding booked on my birthday at quite short notice. We couldn't book the wedding earlier because we couldn't afford to. We've been saving up and I really don't want anything to come along and change my plans, as it's a special occasion.

But, knowing my unsympathetic boss, he'd probably just look at how she filled her holiday form in vs how I did, and the way she scanned her's over to him just a few seconds before I did, and say "she got in first and filled it out properly, that's the rule."
This. Is. Why. I. Hate. Rules.
If it were our previous boss he would have okay'd it and just worked around it, with a positive attitude like "I'll sort something out", followed by a "wow, congratulations on your wedding day, that is wonderful!" But this new boss is a stoic "rules are more important than anything else in the world" type of person.
 
Misty Avich said:
I'm so angry. I wish I didn't have to work. I hate the government for making people work. It's not fair.

Me and my partner have finally booked our wedding day, paid for the venue and everything, and booked the honeymoon, and it took a lot of time and money and patience, and I thought it'd be easy to get that week off work as April isn't a popular month for annual leave/vacation days where I work, as it's the start of the new holiday year (probably Americans won't understand this but the British users here will).

But now a colleague who I work with says she wants around the same time off to go to Poland (something she does every couple of months every year) and had filled out her annual leave form in and sent it away before I had the chance to, and because I was stressed I couldn't work out what week it will be on our rota and all that, and I circled the 31st April even though there is not 31 days in April. I just got confused, but I sent it anyway, but I know the boss who authorises holidays won't let two people from the same department have the same days off. And I know he'll give her the holiday because she filled her form out better than I did.

It's not fair, now I am really stressed out. He'll probably just tell me off for booking the wedding venue before booking the time off work, but how do you know what to do first? I wanted my wedding for that particular week as well, as it's my birthday. It's just not fair, she can go to Poland any time (she does anyway) but getting married is a special milestone and I don't want to have to change the date now, it'll be too much hassle.

I know you guys can't do anything but I just need to vent. I don't know what to do. My colleague has probably already booked her Poland flights as well but I bet he'll still let her have the holiday because she got in a few seconds before me and filled out her form better than I did.

What do I do? I've been wanting to get married for ages, we've planned it a few years ago but had to cancel because covid happened. Now the big special day is finally going to happen and I don't want anything to change or go wrong. I'm in a huge panic. I hate work.
Click to expand...

I thought you were already married. You've posted many times about your husband.
 
I preferred to refer to him as my husband because it just sounds more sophisticated than "boyfriend", and I don't like the word "fiance".
 
After a long phonecall of negotiating, it's finally agreed that I can have the wedding day off but I'll have to come in the two days after but then have the next week off. That's okay, as we can postpone our honeymoon easy.

Goes to show I don't lack communication skills.
 
Misty Avich said:
I preferred to refer to him as my husband because it just sounds more sophisticated than "boyfriend", and I don't like the word "fiance".
Click to expand...
You are in a legal de facto relationship, rather than a bf/gf one.
That is the same as being married, without the certificate.
Well, here is Australia.
 
Jonn said:
You are in a legal de facto relationship, rather than a bf/gf one.
That is the same as being married, without the certificate.
Well, here is Australia.
Click to expand...
I think we call that "engaged" here.
I don't know why, but "boyfriend" sounds boring.
 
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