I have a heart full of hate.

[Metalhead]

I hate so many different people who have burned me in the past.

I hate everybody who has ever taken advantage of me when I was at my lowest points.

I hate everybody who has ever effectively silenced me when I dared to speak the truth.

I hate everybody who has ever used me as a withdrawal only ATM.

I hate my entire blood family for raising me to be nothing more than a doormat.

All this hatred in my heart, and nothing I can realistically do about any of it except to let the hatred go and let everybody off the hook in the process.

 

[Tom]

I hate when you are using a stapler, and the staples are running low and it doesn't work properly. First it messes up on the papers, and then you try again and it gets stuck in the stapler itself. So you get a paperclip and straighten it out and try to pry it out. But this is the worst part. You really have to apply pressure and I'm always afraid some metal shard will go flying in my eye, or my hand will slip and I will staple myself.

 

[Slim Jim]

I have a heart full of Blood. That's how it supposed to be. And that's how I like it!

 

[Sunny1]

Sorry to hear that Metalhead. You have to give it up. The only person it is hurting is you. Give yourself a break and let it go.

 

[Thinx]

It's appropriate. Those people did some hateful things.

Hate is quite energetic. So, now your recognising what they did. And soon you could use that energy to better your situation. You'd have to stop focussing on them though.

You don't have to let them off the hook. They are on the hook for those actions, only they can do something about that, by working on themselves. I don't know if they will. But you could.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

It is true that life experiences affect your personal truths and who you are as a person. On the other hand, you can't move forward in life by looking into your past and dwelling on it.

You've learned who you can rely upon, and those you can't. Loyalty also has an expiration date on it,...so don't hang onto a relationship out of some sense of "being the better person" when they are treating you like dirt.

You don't have to forgive,...you probably shouldn't in some cases, but don't allow them to continue to have power over you by keeping you pissed off at the world. Kick them to the curb and move on.

Move along,...move along,...nothing more to see,...stop looking behind you. Eyes forward.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I hate so many different people who have burned me in the past.

You may hate yourself because of allowing them to burn you.

I hate everybody who has ever taken advantage of me when I was at my lowest points.

You may hate yourself for being that low and/or letting others take advantage.

I hate everybody who has ever effectively silenced me when I dared to speak the truth.

You may hate yourself for not being able to avoid being silenced.

I hate everybody who has ever used me as a withdrawal only ATM.

You may hate yourself for being used.

I hate my entire blood family for raising me to be nothing more than a doormat.

You may hate yourself for thinking that you are/was nothing more than a doormat.

All this hatred in my heart, and nothing I can realistically do about any of it except to let the hatred go and let everybody off the hook in the process.

Accepting that you did the best you could have done with the tools you had at the time, being kind and understanding with yourself, attend that need of better boundaries that you are feeling as anger and keep on building your new independent life in which you wont be used again seems a lot to realistically do.

 

[Aspychata]

We hate everyone. -K-flay sings this song. It helps when l am pissed off.

What purpose does it serve? Being angry is a waste of creative energy. Get revenge by living your best life so you forget them. Maybe? Possibly?

I understand you are still feeling raw. So accept this anger. Own it. Then you have to do the task of releasing. Otherwise, people will distance themselves from you.

 

[Metalhead]

I spent the last couple of hours listening to The Geto Boys when I already feel physically sick. I pulled out my favorite irredeemably angry music. I wish I could quote my favorite lyrics here, alas, I do not want to receive a ban for rules violations.

Maybe next I should watch some angry movies, like Pasolini’s Salo, or A Serbian Film.

 

[Thinx]

Could you go for a walk or run, or use some energy in a safe way, to disperse some of what you are feeling? It may not work to keep watching angry stuff?

 

[Metalhead]

Could you go for a walk or run, or use some energy in a safe way, to disperse some of what you are feeling? It may not work to keep watching angry stuff?

A walk or a run is out of the question for today. A long nap is not out of the question. Playing a non-violent low-stress video game is also not out of the question. Making myself a stock pot full of chicken noodle soup is not out of the question, either.

 

[Thinx]

Those all sound like great ideas. It's appropriate to feel angry after what you have been through, but also good that you look after yourself too.

 

[Aspychata]

It's especially hard to dissect why we are angry. Like it's tough. But if you don't identify it then it's gets buried and covered with bad coping skills.

 

[Metalhead]

It's especially hard to dissect why we are angry. Like it's tough. But if you don't identify it then it's gets buried and covered with bad coping skills.

I am the king of bad coping skills. That’s why I drank beer as if it were water for many years. That’s why I often smoke weed to escape. That’s why my retail therapy got insanely out of control.

What I need to do is release the hate, since nobody I hate really cares that I feel that way about them, anyway.

 

[Aspychata]

That's what l think too. I can binge eat if very frustrated. I deal more with frustration and feeling helpless about my situation. My anger only shows if you're messing with the person that l care about.

 

[Metalhead]

That's what l think too. I can binge eat if very frustrated. I deal more with frustration and feeling helpless about my situation. My anger only shows if your messing with the person that l care about.

Yeah, and the only people who do care about my anger against them actually enjoy that I am angry with them. Living my best life is the only way to deal with that.

I need to stop buying weed and junk food. I need to build myself up instead. There will always be people who get off on trying to tear me down. Some of those people are in my blood family. I can’t change them, but I can change myself.

 

[Aspychata]

When you really stop and think about it, there is a lot of dysfunctional people. I think a lot of bullies in school are part of a racket to get kids hooked for life on substances and their parents don't have a clue how big the underground economy is.

 

[Metalhead]

When you really stop and think about it, there is a lot of dysfunctional people. I think a lot of bullies in school are part of a racket to get kids hooked for life on substances and their parents don't have a clue how big the underground economy is.

Yeah, it is almost as if pharmaceutical companies want to make Brave New World a reality.

 

[Aspychata]

Give kids no rites of passages turning to adults, dumb them down in school, give them social media creating instant gratification receptors, then we wonder why things happen. Take away jobs that create independence and satisfaction and voila. Just look at your newspapers.

 

[Metalhead]

Give kids no rites of passages turning to adults, dumb them down in school, give them social media creating instant gratification receptors, then we wonder why things happen. Take away jobs that create independence and satisfaction and voila. Just look at your newspapers.

Yeah, people are willing to put up with anything as long as they have food on their plate, a roof over their heads and a never ending stream of entertainment. I too am guilty of this.

I should put my damn foot down and not only say enough is enough, but actually act as if enough is enough as well.