I hear these things at least once a week!

[Keigan]

I step back and ask myself, how far off base would I need to be for someone to actually say these type of things to me?

Knowing myself I’m fully capable of making a mistake, though I have to imagine that someone who would make a comment like these towards myself is probably way off base themselves.

 

[Keigan]

My wife has said a lot of these

Not good, it is too bad that she can’t support you at this time.

 

[Jdeisher]

I think she really thinks I’m making it up. And that’s stressful to me. Makes me shut down even more

 

[Keigan]

I think she really thinks I’m making it up. And that’s stressful to me. Makes me shut down even more

I concur, in our cores we want to be heard and accepted more than anything.

The feeling of persecution by the outside world is brutal.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I think she really thinks I’m making it up. And that’s stressful to me. Makes me shut down even more

That's the thing -

Youre guessing what she thinks
Shes telling you what you Think (ie disagreeing with statements you make about yourself)

Read some books about boundaries, and communication.

Its about learning what is yours and what is hers.

Then it's about finding a succesful approach going forward. Not easy.

You have to do most of the work to start with,so you are proficient enough so your wife can see the difference.

 

[megacomic]

Most people in my life don't call me anything. Everyone just kind of pretends I don't exist. It's been that way since high school.

 

[fairy_girl]

I tend to roll my eyes and sigh deeply when my schedule changes, I had to deal with that alot in high school till they had to change the classroom schedules since I didn't have to go to the mandatory classroom (government forced, it was downright depressing and very loud so I passed as soon as I was asked).

For most part I tend to think that people are being passive aggressive so I tend to ghost (ignore badly without talking to them ever) them or they seem to think that I'm slow. No I'm just trying to control my anger at you putting me into a nicely wrapped box because I don't like looking at others.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

For most part I tend to think that people are being passive aggressive so I tend to ghost (ignore badly without talking to them ever) them...

Yep. I do, too. After I have ghosted someone for a while, I feel guilty about it ("I'm a BAD friend!)", but then I realize that they never bothered to call me back, either. Probably there are feelings of mutual relief that the awkward relationship has gone dormant. Trying to sustain something like that can't be healthy for anyone. I often wonder if there should be closure of some kind. But how do you tell some that you don't want to be their friend any more?

 

[fairy_girl]

Yep. I do, too. After I have ghosted someone for a while, I feel guilty about it ("I'm a BAD friend!)", but then I realize that they never bothered to call me back, either. Probably there are feelings of mutual relief that the awkward relationship has gone dormant. Trying to sustain something like that can't be healthy for anyone. I often wonder if there should be closure of some kind. But how do you tell some that you don't want to be their friend any more?

Most people (NTs) understand if you don't want to see them and don't ask. If they come back into your life after you stop talking to them then get to know them or at the very least say hi in passing. They can always have a bad day and then come to apologize to you.

I used to feel guilty about it too but then I adopted the NTs way of thinking and I made myself not care about them since they aren't worth my energy.

 

[Mattymatt]

If it helps any, I can understand. I am not frequently told that I am asshole and I think it has more to do with my 6'4" 365 pound body mass than anything but I still hear it. Some days I am an asshole because I simply cannot muster the energy to play by the neurotypical rules or I am in sensory overload. On occasion, I get called an asshole when I am completely unaware that I've done anything wrong. Thankfully those days become fewer and far between as I get older.

I've had lots of ****** advice thrown at me over the years. Perhaps the only worthwhile advice I have ever received was to talk less, listen more, and don't be first in line. Going to certain events that trigger emotions always put me into a tizzy because I never knew how to act, i.e. a funeral. I had to go to a funeral some months back (the last one I went to I was a teen and acted inappropriately) and it dawned on me that I don't have to be first in line to do anything. I can simply watch what other people do and mimic their actions. I paid close attention to the words people were using and tried to look for the body language. Well, I made it through the funeral without having been called insensitive or rude . I was actually shocked when someone said to me how wonderful I was. This person had no idea that I am on the spectrum - I keep that a closely guarded secret.

It only took me 40 some years to figure out that I can pass as a neurotypical simply by not being first in anything. But even the social learning that I've done on my own only goes so far. I cannot translate this learning into the workplace. In the workplace, social dynamics shift so rapidly and subtly that I can just barely get by. All this effort leaves me physically and mentally exhausted and looking for a method to stim to bring down the stress levels.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Most people (NTs) understand if you don't want to see them and don't ask. If they come back into your life after you stop talking to them then get to know them or at the very least say hi in passing. They can always have a bad day and then come to apologize to you.

I used to feel guilty about it too but then I adopted the NTs way of thinking and I made myself not care about them since they aren't worth my energy.

You bring up a very good point. I don't know that they aren't worth my energy. After all, I've already spent most of it trying to figure out the best way to conform to their social rules. If I already spent that much energy on them, then by definition they were worth it. It's just that I can't — and won't — allow them to have ALL of my mental energy. Doing that will only destroy me.

 

[fairy_girl]

You bring up a very good point. I don't know that they aren't worth my energy. After all, I've already spent most of it trying to figure out the best way to conform to their social rules. If I already spent that much energy on them, then by definition they were worth it. It's just that I can't — and won't — allow them to have ALL of my mental energy. Doing that will only destroy me.

It was maddening to try to come up with reasons why they didn't do what you wanted them to do so I chose to ignore them and let them come to me if they were going to be mean. I found most of my friends that way but it's not to say that it will always happen.