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I keep on accidentally being mean

inkfingers

inkfingers

21 year old artist
I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong times, and I also tend to blurt out whatever I am thinking at the moment. This can often end with me inadvertently offending someone, or insulting someone, when I wasn't trying to be mean. My mom will say that what I said was unkind, and then I feel really horrible, like a bad, mean person, because I wasn't trying to be mean. It seems that I am the only one who understands what I am trying to say.
Does anyone else feel this way? How can I be honest without being unkind?
 
I'm bad at that too, but have learned to not blurt out so often, but to think about the effect what i say will have on others.
However, blurting still happens once in a while and i apologize and try not to agonize over it too much.
 
We can learn from our mistakes. The only problem is there are so many new mistakes yet to be made... :oops:
-----​
"If the only time you open your mouth is to change feet,
you might be an Aspie...!"
 
I'm still trying to figure this out myself. When someone reacts badly I apologize and try to figure out what went wrong.
 
"I hear what I'm saying at the same time everyone else does!" is a line I've often used, because it really seems to be that way sometimes, involuntary.

I've gotten better and learned more about what offends people!
 
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I tend to say what's on my mind without thinking how it sounds, too.
But, I don't worry about it as I figure if it sounds offensive to someone they will let me know.
Then I can apologize or explain.
I try to be aware of certain things that I know would be obviously offensive and refrain.
I like to keep things peaceful.
My words may be harsh if someone has said something personal that has made me angry,
but, I figure by the time it reaches that point, it is time for them to do some explaining.
 
I got "excommunicated" and almost expelled from my high school for exactly this reason. I don't think I said anything wrong or hurtful, but loads of other people do, and instead of trying to understand what I meant, they just tried to erase me.

Good thing I don't live in 17th(?) century Salem...

But, yeah, I still have trouble. I've learned not to share what I think with unsafe people or in u safe environments. I just stick to pleasantries if I'm not ready to dig in and defend myself against surprise-hate.
 
This used to be more of an issue for me when I was younger, not so much any more, as I have gained experience and learned which things get which reaction, and which things I need to avoid. But it can still happen, especially in unfamiliar settings, or at times when I too overwhelmed by things going on around me that I can't process my words and thoughts. I tend to say 'safe' things that I know from past experience won't cause offence.
 
I know I've offended people and made people uncomfortable, but I'm usually just quiet - most things I say are in my head and remain there.
 
Let me put it this way:

"It goes with the territory." :oops:

Or another way to put it, "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt". ;)

The good news? You aren't alone on this. It strikes me as a very common trait of ASD. That most of us are guilty of saying something to another that just didn't quite come out right for any number of reasons. Yeah. It happens. :oops:
 
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I wrote "Don't drink (a certain brand of soft-drink filled with caffeine) when you are tired."


But drinking alcohol is a bad idea if I'm tired or not. Does the same thing.
 
SusanLR said:
I tend to say what's on my mind without thinking how it sounds, too.
But, I don't worry about it as I figure if it sounds offensive to someone they will let me know.
Then I can apologize or explain.
I try to be aware of certain things that I know would be obviously offensive and refrain.
I like to keep things peaceful.
My words may be harsh if someone has said something personal that has made me angry,
but, I figure by the time it reaches that point, it is time for them to do some explaining.
Click to expand...
In today's society it's hard to say anything without somebody being offended over it. Most times I feel they should get over it.
 
Just curious about this algorithm.

So Mountain Dew or M******n D*w? Coca Cola or C**a C**a? McDonald's hamburgers are delicious. M******d's.
 
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