I keep on accidentally being mean

[techteach]

Sorry @tree, just seeing how this program works. Am I being a bother?

 

[techteach]

Thank you @tree . Sorry for obsessing, just curious. So the asterisks are the problem Noted

 

[MaeveTheRaven]

Yeah, all the time. I almost never try to be intentionally mean to people, I just say things that would definitely not offend me. Well, turns out, my not-offensive-things are not the same as people's not-offensive-things. I'm still trying to figure out the logic behind it.

 

[Jojo_LB]

This is a huge problem of mine, which is why I speak to no one. I prefer to communicate electronically because at least I can think about what I want to say, edit, re-edit, re-edit over and over and over. If I do speak face-to-face with someone it is usually on a purely need-to-know basis, or sharing of information. I can rarely ever speak to anyone on a deeper level about things.

I still speak bluntly to the very few people who remain close to me. I don't know how to use tact, really. And when I do try, it is beyond frustrating because I am a very slow processor of thoughts and emotions, and I never get to clarify efficiently or make things better. I get more and more upset.

Thankfully, the people close to me either don't mind this, because they know me and know that I rarely mean harm, or they make a retort and we end up retorting back and forth a bit lol but because I value them and they value me, we come to some sort of understanding in the end.

 

[inkfingers]

My Rule #1
Don't drink when you feel tired. You think you're a comedian.

Well, that's not a problem. I don't like drinking any kind of alcoholic beverage. They taste disgusting. Coffee, too...

 

[inkfingers]

Yeah, all the time. I almost never try to be intentionally mean to people, I just say things that would definitely not offend me. Well, turns out, my not-offensive-things are not the same as people's not-offensive-things. I'm still trying to figure out the logic behind it.

Yes, sometimes I think I am complimenting someone, or saying something very neutral that no one should be upset by, but then I find out later that I insulted them. It's very confusing.

 

[Mia]

Don't talk in the car, is my motto. I get stressed and irritated easily when driving.

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Does your non-intentional lack of etiquette makes you upset due to your preoccupation with what others think of you? Or does it bothers you because you want to make sure you aren't hurting anyone? In either case, you only waste precious time and attention when you try to focous on this. Try to detach from your feelings in said situation. You chose wrongly, or you wouldn’t be in the situation; that’s why you have a "price to pay" (in your head).

Observe yourself as you are, not as you say or think you are. If you are not being socially competent in one circumstance, analyze why. Remember: the "price to pay" for doing something wrong in these kinds of situations is only real on your head.

 

[Fino]

Does your non-intentional lack of etiquette makes you upset due to your preoccupation with what others think of you? Or does it bothers you because you want to make sure you aren't hurting anyone? In either case, you only waste precious time and attention when you try to focous on this. Try to detach from your feelings in said situation. You chose wrongly, or you wouldn’t be in the situation; that’s why you have a "price to pay" (in your head).

Observe yourself as you are, not as you say or think you are. If you are not being socially competent in one circumstance, analyze why. Remember: the "price to pay" for doing something wrong in these kinds of situations is only real on your head.

Unless what you say or do alienates friends, lovers, acquaintances, etc then the price is real. Unless I misunderstood what you're saying.

 

[Pinkie B]

I know I've offended people and made people uncomfortable, but I'm usually just quiet - most things I say are in my head and remain there.

Wow. I envy your willpower!

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Unless what you say or do alienates friends, lovers, acquaintances, etc then the price is real. Unless I misunderstood what you're saying.

What do you mean? There are millions of people out there in the world; you have a lot more to choose from than just what you see in front of you now.

 

[Fino]

What do you mean? There are millions of people out there in the world; you have a lot more to choose from than just what you see in front of you now.

That's not relevant if I read it correctly that you said the "price" is "imaginary". The fact that you're pointing out replacements admits there was a real loss to be replaced.

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

That's not relevant if I read it correctly that you said the "price" is "imaginary". The fact that you're pointing out replacements admits there was a real loss to be replaced.

Well, that's relative. I probably just misjudged what kind of "price" you consider relevant, and for that i'm sorry.

 

[Fino]

Awesome!
I love semantics!

 

[aspiemaa]

My biggest issue with this, is if I notice what I said is offensive, I apologize, mostly it does not matter. Once I sound mean, people decide I am a bad person. I feel terrible about it. I am not a bad person. I feel it is impossible to explain it, as it happened in the past, people just didn't care of the explanation.
I had a manager before. He said I made a mistake. I always admit it and look deeply into my mistakes to learn from that. But that time I was sure I did not make mistake. I was trying to explain it to him, but he just kept saying, my story was impossible, that was a human mistake, caused by me. From that moment I was not just the person in his eyes who cannot take the responsibility, but also a liar. I cried a lot because of this story.
We didn't talk in the next 8 months. I was scared to say anything to him, I saw on his face what he thought about me. Sometimes I tried to start a chat, but he refused. He didn't know how much I was suffering. And he didn't even care. He just decided I am a liar, I am a bad person, that's it.

 

[Crossbreed]

NTs are tricky to figure out.

 

[Pinkie B]

They should come with instruction manuals.