I want you to know that I have paid attention at what you wrote. I am sorry that you are experiencing that.
I have given courses on personal finances to people at it does not work, most people going to those courses did not wanted help neither followed tips. They wanted to vent, to be listened and to feel they are important and control their lifes. So being told what to do with their money was not helpful.
I have recomended very good books on personal finances and investing. It does not work. People dont want help. They just want to be the protagonist, to be said "you did all you could", " dont worry bro, I also like junk food". People want to think there is nothing to do, so they can't be told they failed and cant be told "you have a load of work to do if you want to get out of this hole".
So as people nor want or need help, there is nothing I can do to help. I can just read and feel your misery.
You dont need help.
You already know what to do.
Ok, to start, I am sorry Metalhead has it tough. You wasted lots of money on things trying to please others or to not be lonely. You have a crappy job, abusive family, and you could have been so further along in life and functional had they not been so mean, selfish and not caring, and had you not had a condition and had you chose better paths or been stronger to tell your family to get lost. Some things you could not control, but you suffered needlessly and learned lots there from all that misery too.
We cannot turn back the clock though, but move forward. Do you think I and others here enjoyed living with one or more abusive parents, dysfunctional family, having not ever felt like a typical person, been mostly silent or awkward feeling and been bullied so many years, having had no caring relationship, or not until much later in life? Do you think I enjoyed having no friends up to age forty other than my brother? Do you think I enjoy being born small in size, not having any treatment or substance to cope through those years, because of parents that hid their secrets and abuse. And do you think I enjoyed being unable to work outside my home most of my life? We all here have suffered. I am sorry for that, but many will make the best of the situation, not forever dwell on it, and they will use their wisdom and any little energy they have to propel them forward in life.
So I mostly agree with Atrapa Almas. Why give advice to any as it likely will lead to nowhere but excuses for many to fail or remain the status quo, or lead to some desire for more continual support. I mean, although there will be exceptions--those that will truly listen, engage, put forth an effort, prioritize their stated needs, and act on some advice or to be reasonable in attitude--there are many NTs and others who just may be only able or wanting to be heard and supported or who will not truly consider more, for whatever reason, even if they state or suggest a need to be assisted. That is their choice, and I respect that, but you will just live or not with the results.
People may need mainly support through their difficulties partly because:
---They feel they are not ready to act on any advice, certain advice, or to do other needed things to better the situation.
---They do not have the stress tolerance for that, or their anxieties, sensory issues or sensitivities may be too great.
---Their views could be too rigid or narrow minded.
---Their priorities may be on the wrong things.
---They may have a hard time initiating and completing tasks,
or they may have procrastination issues.
---They may not have clearly stated goals
---Or the goal may be too big so they do not have belief in succeeding so they never try or give up
---Specifica!ly, they may lack the energy or motivation (physical or mental) to accomplish that attainable goal. That may require first finding ways to eat heathier, sleep better, exercise more, get some needed medication or to be more positive and worry less)
---Disorganized thinking makes them do goal tasks out of order which causes more difficulties achieving things
---Distorted thinking
---They lack the knowledge or a plan how to get to accomplish their goal (often not true) as lots of specific advice is given besides support)
---They refuse to Act or they give up if things don't go to plan
---They refuse to alter their paths if roadblocks occur, or to create and follow through on other tasks needed to make that goal's success more likely.
Now, some here will say all that stuff sounds too complicated or those things I said won't work for them. True,if that is your set thinking.. However, some person's may have much of that knowledge or foundation already, but just could be overlooking one important thing, or need just one such thing there or some push there. And it is not complicated to find ways to think more positively and worry less, even if much abuse occured in their lives, through simple research.
Anyway, find something that will work for you even, as yes, we all are different and have different abilities, limitations, needs, and desires, with different genetics and life experiences. If this means picking something small for you to head down a better path, and sticking with it, and then when that is not enough, find something else to add to a more healthy way of thinking, feeling and living .
Mostly nobody cares if we succeed or fail, and not many are going to feel our pain, regardless if the others are abusive or not, unless like a few to several here and in life who have strong empathy, so it will be up to us ourselves, to put our needs first and to consider that shifting out of harmful routines, thinking patterns and habits, which can be changed some if we prioritize that.
I only mentioned what is working or had worked for me. And this required brainstorming to figure out who I was, what I desperately wanted in life, and what was reasonable actions I could do to attain that, and then I researched things I did not know, and acted on doing all those things, and fine tuned things and rewarded myself with healthy things when others did not believe in me or attempted to roadblock me or set me back.
Sometimes we will feel better through support, and it can energize or motivate us further, but in most cases those who want continual support really do not have the belief things can get better in other ways. I just think many of those persons are misguided thinking their brains are not capable of changing ourselves or our lives--in some meaningful ways. We need not let our past, other people and distressing situations control us. There may not be a magic pill that solves many things immediately, but I have reached out to several others here privately, to find something individualized--for them--to go in a step by step manner, and the majority I never heard back from them, as it seemed not a priority or ability to move forward.
Anyway, I and others here have selflessly given so much of themselves to support, inquire more, or to guide others in pain or need, when they can have their own issues to deal with too and responsibilities elsewhere, so the least those others can do is to every now and then to consider thanking them for their support or efforts, even if it was not the response that they were looking for. We cannot blame everything on depression or anxiety--or Autism or ADHD.
Those forum supporters and assisters can have building frustrations as well from not feeling heard or appreciated. So, yeah, whether any here want support or advice, I did both here. At least one may get something out of it. But, I only give such advice rarely in life, as I realize many think they need things their ways or will have that info given them go quickly out of their ears and see no positive in our efforts or with that information.
I would kind!y ask all here to not take for granted any replies seen from others, as we have all different perspectives and are trying to help in our own ways. We are not mind readers if you say only so much. Hopefully something sticks, from reading all the messages, as really, support and advice will usually go nowhere if you are in that endless loop of negative thinking and do things that sabotage your goals. That work will have to come from you. If you convince yourself your life is worse than for most, or that you are a victim to the past, your situation, and to others, then your negative actions will follow. I bet many here would love to have an SSDI income, and live the simple life, without needing others or many friends.
I enjoy your posts.
