I mess up socially because___________

[Sparticus]

A few weeks ago I met Avinash who started a new business. He was happy to see me as we haven't talked in a bit. He walked me around his business pointing out everything in detail. He shook my hand...I stayed around for a bit since I had gotten off of work. We are not friends but I've known him since I worked for an Indian computer company in 1999.

I messed up when I shook his hand a 2nd time and then 5 minutes later a 3rd time!!!! Why didn't I just leave after the first time? He looked at me like I had two heads...and he's not the most socially likeable person I know! but I messed up...

What about you?

 

[Sparticus]

I mess up socially because I can get so happy to see someone...who doesn't share the same feelings! Or they might be thinking "huh?!"
Why can't I just be normal?

 

[MoCoffee]

I mess up socially because my brain turns off when I'm anxious but my mouth continues working!

 

[Sparticus]

Me too!!!!

Friday late afternoon I get a phone call from Ms. BIGG. She can help me prepare to get my son back. I've called her 2x already & she has her assistant contact me. So leave a small holiday gift with a nice written card and she calls me. Only thing my brain has gone dead...now I can impress her ala Dale Carnegie...but all I can say is "well your people have been very kind to me" aaaaaahhhhhhh! Why didn't I say she had a sparkling personality or a down to Earth personality & BUILD a relationship with her?!!@@@@@

Anyhoo she said when I come into the office next she will say hello to me. A nice start...maybe I can still get me Ninja Offensive going...Operation Get My Son.... She's cute too...sh!

I mess up socially because my brain turns off when I'm anxious but my mouth continues working!

 

[Sparticus]

I do the same thing...and some people actually believe what I'm saying...when I'm nervous!
Me "no, I didn't mean it like that, what I meant...oh bother..."

I mess up socially because my brain turns off when I'm anxious but my mouth continues working!

 

[Hazelle]

I suspect this is not an issue solely for AS folk, but given our social awkwardness and nerves one thing that I always mess up is remembering the names of people whom I've JUST been introduced to and then not knowing how to ask who they are again. I know that a good trick is to repeat their name right after they say it, but this only works if focused instead of being wrapped up in whatever my mind is trying to process instead of names. I also sometimes forget to properly introduce myself.

 

[Sparticus]

Ack, me too :-( I remember we are supposed to repeat their names 3xs "So Bob, you ___ and then Bob you____. Lovely weather today isn't Bob? Oh...your name is Bill...my bad@!" ;D It's almost comical how many times I'll say "what's your name again?" "Oh I'm sorry, what's your name again?" I've said this 2-3xs right after being introducted and attempting to talk to someone.
Introduction-I'll have to think about that. Me brain is gittin tired. That sounds frustrating especially if it's due to shyness.

I suspect this is not an issue solely for AS folk, but given our social awkwardness and nerves one thing that I always mess up is remembering the names of people whom I've JUST been introduced to and then not knowing how to ask who they are again. I know that a good trick is to repeat their name right after they say it, but this only works if focused instead of being wrapped up in whatever my mind is trying to process instead of names. I also sometimes forget to properly introduce myself.

 

[Drake Marino]

I mess up socially because I "Butt into other people's conversations and say things that don't make sense"-My Aspie ex who doesn't have social skills deficits. That's what he said, but I honestly don't know why I mess up socially, all I know is that I'm doing something wrong, as I've had many awkward interactions and made not one new friend this semester at school. I just wish someone would sit me down and tell me all the things I'm doing wrong socially, because 90% of the time I don't pick up on the social blunders I make. It's really frustrating.

 

[Ste11aeres]

A few weeks ago I met Avinash who started a new business. He was happy to see me as we haven't talked in a bit. He walked me around his business pointing out everything in detail. He shook my hand...I stayed around for a bit since I had gotten off of work. We are not friends but I've known him since I worked for an Indian computer company in 1999.

I messed up when I shook his hand a 2nd time and then 5 minutes later a 3rd time!!!! Why didn't I just leave after the first time? He looked at me like I had two heads...and he's not the most socially likeable person I know! but I messed up...

What about you?

If my memory is correct, last time I saw me best friend we shook hands several times in the course of a few minutes. There was nothing wrong with that. Nothing against NTs, but sometimes they are mysterious. ::

 

[Sparticus]

Ah but Avinash* is ALL business! yeah what you said about n-ts & he's a super one...business wise. it felt weird too because we both don't like each other too much. We just haven't seen each other for years AND he's nervous about expending so much $$$ on a new location/business. Thanks for responding!

*not his real name

If my memory is correct, last time I saw me best friend we shook hands several times in the course of a few minutes. There was nothing wrong with that. Nothing against NTs, but sometimes they are mysterious. ::

 

[Sparticus]

I mess up socially because usually I'm either in a rush...dashing out the door like a crazed deer...ya know the the in the headlights look...or I'm too happy to see someone who is just someone in the neighborhood who doesn't share the same feeling.

How about you? How do you socially mess up? Yikes I have a 100 of these stories...

 

[Christy]

I mess up socially because I am sure I phoned you more recently than 6 weeks ago. You know, the time when you phoned me....

 

[CJinherPJs]

I mess up socially because a lot of the time, I just don't know what to say to people when they speak to me.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I definitely don't do names. I'm usually nervous when I first meet someone and when they say their name I'm still focusing on what important information they are telling me (which must not be their name.) I think its also because I don't want to get to personal with them either unless I find them to be someone I want to get to know more. A name is getting "personal" and I don't do "personal" with very many people. My other problem, though, is if I think I do want to know them more, too much time has gone by for me to ask their name again (crap!).

 

[Cerulean]

Apparently I tell the same stories over and over again. After one person says this to me several time I just stop telling stories because I feel stupid and like I'm annoying them, and then they think I'm mad because I'm not talking. I don't get it!

 

[Soup]

I mess up socially, sometimes, because my carefully cultivated Mona Lisa smile slips & my 1000 mile Aspie stare returns or, more disturbing for some people, that blank expression that many NTs interpret as something threatening, angry or hostile when all it is, is neutrality! When that happens & some concerned (or disturbed) person asks me if everything is okay, I have a few rote 'socially appropriate' responses I can provide in a pinch. Since I know I slipped, inside my head, I am thinking, "DOH!" (like Homer Simpson) & I'd really rather this did not happen.

 

[Nolan1971]

I mess up socially, sometimes, because my carefully cultivated Mona Lisa smile slips & my 1000 mile Aspie stare returns or, more disturbing for some people, that blank expression that many NTs interpret as something threatening, angry or hostile when all it is, is neutrality! When that happens & some concerned (or disturbed) person asks me if everything is okay, I have a few rote 'socially appropriate' responses I can provide in a pinch. Since I know I slipped, inside my head, I am thinking, "DOH!" (like Homer Simpson) & I'd really rather this did not happen.

It's funny how only our fellow aspies see beyond the stare and see what's hidden from everyone else. Maybe we just look deeper!

 

[Daniel]

I mess up socially because, in cases like yesterday, I often don't have the energy to keep up the effort!

For me, this Christmas was an exercise is dealing with physical/mental/spiritual/emotional depletion. I've been so exhausted (from running errands in the aftermath of an ice storm) that I couldn't muster up the effort to make small talk with people. All I could think about was when and where I was going to grab my next cup of coffee and/or nap.

I don't know what neurotypicals feel when someone they're trying to draw into conversation excuses himself to get a glass of water and then sits down on the other side of the room, but I was too tired to care. Did that a couple of times. Collateral social damage.

Oh well. It was less awkward than sticking around.

 

[grapesicles]

I mess up socially because..I'm oblivious to non-verbal communication! It's incredibly frustrating, like everyone else has an extra sense and I'm somehow missing out. So therefore I rarely pick up on anything that isn't directly said to me.

 

[psu2012]

I lack social boundaries sometimes. Ill tell you a funny story. So at this Halloween party my friend was dressed up as the whore of babylon. My original costume as a scotsman fell apart, so I put on this shirt that the seminary banned me from wearing (college IM soccer team named Multiple Scorgasms) and a slip from the mailroom which said "You have a package"...on my package. And I was drinking and dancing, I love to dance. And someone asked her why she wasnt dancing, she said there was no pole, so I being a bit tipsy pointed to my package and told her I have one. Anyways I guess even with her being dressed as she was, and her comment, mine was still too far. She still gets mad about it and says it was the only time in two years at the school that shes been offended.