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I mess up socially because___________

wyverary said:
For some people, that IS living. They are doing things that they enjoy and get pleasure from (genuinely, not simply because it's something that's somehow expected of them). Whether it's boring to us doesn't really matter. And among NT's, too, they all find different things, and judge other NT's on their own habits. I think everyone has different ways of finding happiness and having fun, even if we or others don't understand them. :D

And re: badwolf (awesome username, by the way...Who reference?) I have the same problem, and problems related to that. Sometimes I'll come across an acquaintance, and we exchange the usual greetings, maybe have a little small talk...and then I'm never sure when to leave the conversation. It's usually an awkward few seconds before the other party says, "Well, I guess I'll see you!" and we both manage a feat of daring escape. :)
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LOL, I get it, well in the live and let live kind of context, I was just pointing out my contrasting point of view in comparison to how they tend to view my ideas of fun. The most puzzling of which seems to be that I like to go out with absolutely no plans whatsoever and just explore... Maybe I'll end up in the woods, or the beach, or a park, or wandering around stores downtown, etc. Usually walking, which seems to be the biggest turn off of all. My son loves it though and gets excited when I say, it's such a beautiful day, let's just go out and find something to do. He knows he's in for a day where he has the total freedom to check out anything he wants to check out for as long as he wants to check it out, even if it's just a roly poly on the sidewalk.
 
rollerskate said:
LOL, I get it, well in the live and let live kind of context, I was just pointing out my contrasting point of view in comparison to how they tend to view my ideas of fun. The most puzzling of which seems to be that I like to go out with absolutely no plans whatsoever and just explore... Maybe I'll end up in the woods, or the beach, or a park, or wandering around stores downtown, etc. Usually walking, which seems to be the biggest turn off of all. My son loves it though and gets excited when I say, it's such a beautiful day, let's just go out and find something to do. He knows he's in for a day where he has the total freedom to check out anything he wants to check out for as long as he wants to check it out, even if it's just a roly poly on the sidewalk.
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You sound like a really cool mum.
 
I mess up socially because of my social anxiety. I have a reasonable understanding of body language and facial expressions, but I just can't show it around other people. There are times when I just freeze and can't express myself.

I also find indirect communication difficult and often don't know how to respond. However, when it comes to friendship, I'm mostly interacting with other Autistic people from my social group or with Neurotypicals who understand so it's not that big an issue nowadays.
 
Ok I have to share this one because I did it just now, and it's one of my biggest social roadblocks.

Any time I want to ask/express/explain something that could potentially come off as insensitive/critical/malicious I over explain to the point where I feel like I just made myself look like an even bigger jerk than before.

For instance, I run into it a lot at work since I do a lot of things that involve identifying errors made by other employees (which I do a LOT because I am literally incapable of not noticing inconsistencies, which miraculously got me promoted despite my atrocious interviewing skills). I tend to say things like, "this person made this mistake and I'm pretty sure this is the exact scenario leading to them making this mistake and this is the exact chain of events and my thought process along the way leading me to discovering this mistake" etc etc and it's really unnecessary. And in this case, I do it because mistakes can be made for a number of different reasons, and I think it's important to try to be aware of the conditions under which the mistake was made.. because it's more effective when trying to correct someone in a manner that ensures they understand the mistake so they don't make it again. But I end up sounding like a crazy conspiracy theorist, or like I'm reaching or just trying to get them in trouble or something. Because most people don't explain things like that in so much detail unless they feel they need to defend their statement - which in a situation like this is usually because their assumption/accusation is unfounded. BUT I always feel like I have to do that because I'm constantly aware of how abnormal I am in terms of the way I make connections between seemingly unrelated things. I constantly have people asking me, "how do you even find this stuff!?" And a lot of people think I'm just constantly looking for errors. It took my "closer" coworkers a long time to realize that I'm really not trying to find them, they just jump out at me. And there are a few people (one being my boss, I think... though I'm also pretty sure I really annoy him) that I think realize what my intentions are when I over explain things and recognize the value buried under all of my word vomit, but a lot of people just think I'm overbearing and overly critical and too concerned with insignificant details. It's exhausting.

And then there are the more personal ramifications. Like when I've accidentally said/done something offensive without realizing it at first. And then I realize it was insensitive (even if the other person didn't take it that way) and it eats away at me. So I try to address it in a way that explains that my intentions were sincere while still acknowledging that my words/actions were problematic... and I end up sounding like "I know I did something wrong, but I didn't actually do anything wrong because [entire thought process, usually involving massive internal conflict between my intentions and the limited words I have with which to express them]." And I don't mean that! I am 100% aware that I was in the wrong and am not trying to defend what I said... but I am also afraid that if I "own up" too much then I wont sound sorry, or by saying "yep that's exactly what I did" I'll sound like that's exactly what I meant.

So... lately I've found myself trying to explain myself in writing. It helps a lot... sometimes. But sometimes it has the same effect as it does when I'm speaking out loud, and a lot of the time I spend over an hour agonizing and trying to write out my thoughts, then just going "haha, NOPE," and deciding it's best not to say anything.

And it's always really, really wordy. And most of my sentences start with conjunctions. Kind of like this post.

TL;DR - I talk a lot without actually saying very much.
 
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