I need help fixing my life

[Jumpback]

I always felt l never wanted to be managed by my stuff. I prefer to be in control. Because executive functioning does limit us so l try to realise this as a daily mantra. Lol. Control your stuff. BAM, I feel better.

Yeah, seeing about executive function, is what convinced me that I must be autistic, because I just can’t do these things like other people can. I think that I kept expecting myself to just wake up one day and organize everything, and then when got upset when I would become a nervous wreck when I tried and just couldn’t manage to get it done

Also, some others stated that they tend to overdo things, like in my case I think I bought too much stuff to resell, though it would have been fine a single story house basement and with the barn type building out back my girlfriend and I were going to buy. Plus a lot of stuff was supposed to furnish a house.

Just like if I had known about my strengths and weaknesses better I would have done things differently, but I just didn’t know. I didn’t know that I just could not magically make myself like other people and so on.

 

[Aspychata]

Yeah, seeing about executive function, is what convinced me that I must be autistic, because I just can’t do these things like other people can. I think that I kept expecting myself to just wake up one day and organize everything, and then when got upset when I would become a nervous wreck when I tried and just couldn’t manage to get it done

Also, some others stated that they tend to overdo things, like in my case I think I bought too much stuff to resell, though it would have been fine a single story house basement and with the barn type building out back my girlfriend and I were going to buy. Plus a lot of stuff was supposed to furnish a house.

Just like if I had known about my strengths and weaknesses better I would have done things differently, but I just didn’t know. I didn’t know that I just could not magically make myself like other people and so on.

You aren't in denial about this so you can do this. Trying to see where it went downhill was the first step.

 

[Aspychata]

So today can you just tackle one small pile. And everyday doing this will give you confidence. So even just 10 mins today will give you a short burst of confidence and you can report your progress to your cheerleaders here. We all need cheerleaders. I sunk so low today, God rest my great grandmother, l bought Italien comfort food because she came here on a boat, nobody pushed her around. It's amazing- l feel better!

 

[Jumpback]

You aren't in denial about this so you can do this. Trying to see where it went downhill was the first step.

Sorry about the girlfriend thing. I know I would feel lost without my wife.

Thank you, guys

Every single thing in my life was arranged around my ex-girlfriend and our future plans. Like a house payment split in two is 1/3-1/2 what I have been paying for apartment and storage units. Plus we were partially in business together. I had planned on paying the first years house payments on my own if she could help me sort out and organize things and box things up for eBay and get going so I could trade stocks online and hopefully make us well off. A lot of the stuff I have is from a failed attempt to start an eBay business so I could trade stock market things with a friend from college, but some weird things happened and he kicked me out and committed suicide

I just wish that I would have found this forum sooner, I’m sure I would be so much better off now. Probably my girlfriend and I would still be together since there were easy things to fix, but I just didn’t recognize that they existed. I have needed perspective on things for a long time. But coulda, woulda, shoulda

But at least I found this before my downward slide had gotten any worse. So the downward spiral has been halted, it’s just that uphill climb now ain’t going to be easy.

 

[Jumpback]

Thank you, guys

Every single thing in my life was arranged around my ex-girlfriend and our future plans. Like a house payment split in two is 1/3-1/2 what I have been paying for apartment and storage units. Plus we were partially in business together. I had planned on paying the first years house payments on my own if she could help me sort out and organize things and box things up for eBay and get going so I could trade stocks online and hopefully make us well off. A lot of the stuff I have is from a failed attempt to start an eBay business so I could trade stock market things with a friend from college, but some weird things happened and he kicked me out and committed suicide

I just wish that I would have found this forum sooner, I’m sure I would be so much better off now. Probably my girlfriend and I would still be together since there were easy things to fix, but I just didn’t recognize that they existed. I have needed perspective on things for a long time. But coulda, woulda, shoulda

But at least I found this before my downward slide had gotten any worse. So the downward spiral has been halted, it’s just that uphill climb now ain’t going to be easy.

There really needs to be a damn owners manual for autistic spectrum people or people who are borderline. Without anything the natural tendency is to judge yourself against others and have others judge you against themselves, and when if you aren’t Bill Gates and find your place in life kind of easily, this thing with being just wired a little bit differently and nobody having any idea what is going on, including yourself, seems to be like almost potential disasters waiting to happen. I really would have done things differently and not got in this mess if I had known, but I just didn’t know

 

[Rasputin]

What happened was girlfriend and I were involved with antique mall and I sold things online. The idea was just to free myself up from working a regular job so I could trade stocks. We were buying a house and all this could go in the basement of the house we were supposed to be buying and in a building out back. But she left and I have been trying to save storage units with only having the rental truck for one day and no one to help me, so I just threw things in here.

I don’t know how to organize things in here and I am surrounded by this mess 24/7. I try to get something accomplished either by organizing or listing things on eBay, but I just pace around and become a nervous wreck, then give up and do bad habits or post on the forum. Meanwhile complete financial disaster is getting closer and closer.

I’ve gotten a lot of fantastic ideas on here about what to do, and feel a lot more optomistic now and less depressed, but I am still overwhelmed and just avoiding due to anxiety.

Like I guess that I know what I need to do: get up every day at the same time. Make lists so I don’t get overwhelmed and know which thing to do first. Keep my mind busy with movies or CBT therapy videos or with thinking about things people are posting on the forum to not think of problems or catastophize

I think that I know more or less what to do, I just almost really need a manager for awhile to just tell me what to do, especially just tell me how to organize things so I can work with a clear head. And like tell me what is trash and what is good and so on. I guess that I just doubt that I can do this myself. Part of the problem is in dealing with anxiety to try tackle this I have gotten more and more caught up in bad habits.

Like here are a couple pictures of how bad it is. First one is my living room (I half want to throw blue thing away, but it was next to impossible for me to get in here) and second is my kitchen. There are 2 floors and a smaller basement that all look like this.

I don’t know exactly why I am writing here. Maybe if I write down what I need to do and have others read it, I’ll actually fight through all the anxiety and do it

But I really just wish for everything to magically be neat and organized or for it all to just go away. I don't really want to be adult right now and have adult problems to deal with.

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It looks like you need to call 1-800-GOT-JUNK to get organized.

 

[Aspychata]

It looks like you need to call 1-800-GOT-JUNK to get organized.

They aren't cheap. I used them once. At that time it was 400 dollars if you filled half of their truck. They carted furniture and stuff we had in garage because we needed to sell our house.

 

[Tom]

I find if you put stuff out on the curb with a 'Free' sign that most of it magically disappears. From big to small.

Maybe win back the house one room at a time. One room with no clutter.

 

[Aspychata]

Goodwill does pick up certain things. Just call it misc household goods.

 

[Rasputin]

They aren't cheap. I used them once. At that time it was 400 dollars if you filled half of their truck. They carted furniture and stuff we had in garage because we needed to sell our house.

I had to use them once when I remodeled my mother's to get it sold. Yes they are expensive, but I had mess to clean up that was. More than I could handle.

 

[SusanLR]

Looks a lot like the garage where I live.
The rest of the house, except for my bed and bath room is all clutter too.
The man that owns the house bought it 6 yrs ago and just moved everything from where
he was living into this new one and left it lay.

It really makes me depressed to see the house this way and I know if I want anything to look better
it is up to me. Some projects are just too big or heavy and I can't go through his bags of clutter in his
side of the house.
But, no matter how long it takes, I attack cleaning something everyday I am home and have the time.
Even if it is only for a few mins. Go through a box or a drawer. Anything.
It eventually gets done and looks nicer even if it is a small area at a time.
I feel like a hummingbird trying to put out a fire with a paper cup filled with water.
But, if I don't keep working on a small thing each day I feel I have wasted doing something that
needs to be done. And it makes me feel emotionally better after even if it is just one box or bag.

 

[Jumpback]

It looks like you need to call 1-800-GOT-JUNK to get organized.

It's not as much junk as it looks like, it just looks like it's all junk since it's just thrown in piles. For example, that silver helmet in the second picture is an Amvets Silver Helmet Award considered the "Veterans Oscar". There is a picture of recipient meeting the Catholic pope with that award. The issue with selling it is that I hate to sell it without the pictures that go with it. I could ship it on eBay, but not all the pictures that go with it.

AMVETS Silver Helmet Awards - AMVETS National Headquarters

It's more of a logistical nightmare than just junk is a big problem. To sell things on eBay there has to be a matching box and so on.

 

[Jumpback]

Looks a lot like the garage where I live.
The rest of the house, except for my bed and bath room is all clutter too.
The man that owns the house bought it 6 yrs ago and just moved everything from where
he was living into this new one and left it lay.

It really makes me depressed to see the house this way and I know if I want anything to look better
it is up to me. Some projects are just too big or heavy and I can't go through his bags of clutter in his
side of the house.
But, no matter how long it takes, I attack cleaning something everyday I am home and have the time.
Even if it is only for a few mins. Go through a box or a drawer. Anything.
It eventually gets done and looks nicer even if it is a small area at a time.
I feel like a hummingbird trying to put out a fire with a paper cup filled with water.
But, if I don't keep working on a small thing each day I feel I have wasted doing something that
needs to be done. And it makes me feel emotionally better after even if it is just one box or bag.

The thing with me is anxiety all the time when I have to organize. Like It's all a bunch of tiny decisions and for some reason they overwhelm me.

But I have gotten some really helpful input on things like CBT and setting reasonable goals and so on to try to keep from getting overwhelmed as bad

But it's like you said about just doing small things and it eventually gets done

 

[Jumpback]

It looks like you need to call 1-800-GOT-JUNK to get organized.

Goodwill does pick up certain things. Just call it misc household goods.

Here is some more stuff I have here. Like that last thing you can hardly see is an English land deed from the 1860s when they were adding on to a community which included a lot of British nobility. Those lamps are real 1950s designer brand. One of those vases is hand painted (though it has a crack) and I am wondering if other one is pre-Chinese revolution. Etc. And there is a lot more stuff like this in storage units that I am about to lose.

It’s just that when my girlfriend left, my expected expenses almost tripled and my workload increased a lot and I lost Antique mall spots because of non payment of rent (I owe them a bunch of money) and I just shut down and started going gown a very bad path of addiction and hopelessness

It’s like if my damn executive function worked right I could have fixed everything, but it just doesn’t. I made the mistake of thinking that I could transform myself into someone who can make decisions without anxiety and organize and schedule time and so on, but I just can’t do these things as well as others. I really needed my ex-girlfriend to just tell me what to do

If I would have known that I am just autistic spectrum and there is an executive function issue going on with me that I can’t make disappear, I would have not set unreasonable expectations for myself and just sold off entire contents of antique mall and storage units to the highest bidder. But I really thought that I could just will myself into not having this issue, but I just couldn’t.

 

[Aspychata]

Some pretty cool stuff. I understand. I think l can always will my brain to do things too but we are works in progress. You can always find a parking lot, put a tarp down or sheet, take a pic and list it on EBay. Just get rid of stuff that may not sell. Also check to see if there are any other online antique malls online. Pretty much now, people shop online, so the antique malls are only one way to list your stuff. You need to make the executive decision and do a little work today. She has moved on. You may stay single for the rest of your life. I am now divorced and l have realised that many older people live alone. So you need to get your life back on track.

 

[Jumpback]

If I would have known that I am just autistic spectrum and there is an executive function issue going on with me that I can’t make disappear, I would have not set unreasonable expectations for myself and just sold off entire contents of antique mall and storage units to the highest bidder. But I really thought that I could just will myself into not having this issue, but I just couldn’t.

And like if I actually had friends I could be like, “hey, if you can help me out right now to get me organized, you can take whatever you want and I can help you with your mutual fund portfolio in your retirement account” or something

It’s just like the pitfalls of almost certainly being autistic spectrum hit all at once or something

 

[Jumpback]

Some pretty cool stuff. I understand. I think l can always will my brain to do things too but we are works in progress. You can always find a parking lot, put a tarp down or sheet, take a pic and list it on EBay. Just get rid of stuff that may not sell. Also check to see if there are any other online antique malls online. Pretty much now, people shop online, so the antique malls are only one way to list your stuff. You need to make the executive decision and do a little work today. She has moved on. You may stay single for the rest of your life. I am now divorced and l have realised that many older people live alone. So you need to get your life back on track.

Thank you, I have really been going down a horrible path and it’s all somehow related to being autistic spectrum or close to it. Like I have serious issues about sexual assault where I overreacted due to probably autistic related things and psychs I have needed help from misunderstand or assume negative things about me. It wasn’t particularly difficult to fix issues with ex-girlfriend, I just missed things and social requirements

I mean I have a framed thing about “all female air races” to Cuba that when my girlfriend and I visited the national air and space museum in Washington DC were wondering if it was nice enough to go there

Like all the pitfalls of being like this hit all at once because I just didn’t realize things.

I just have to get going again and forget about all that has happened before. Just it’s like I was a car speeding in exactly the wrong direction, and finding forum has halted that wrong direction, but now I have to turn around and go in the right direction.

 

[Jumpback]

Some pretty cool stuff. I understand. I think l can always will my brain to do things too but we are works in progress. You can always find a parking lot, put a tarp down or sheet, take a pic and list it on EBay. Just get rid of stuff that may not sell. Also check to see if there are any other online antique malls online. Pretty much now, people shop online, so the antique malls are only one way to list your stuff. You need to make the executive decision and do a little work today. She has moved on. You may stay single for the rest of your life. I am now divorced and l have realised that many older people live alone. So you need to get your life back on track.

I took a nap and then had to go do something that I also had to do this time last year, and I am not the same person I was last year. I am far more of a nervous wreck now. My confidence is shot from trying and failing or something and I am thinking when I can smoke or have a beer. It’s bad.

But the only way to fix this is to fix it. Avoiding works to control anxiety in the short term, but it’s disasterous in the long term. I’m going to try to get up tomorrow morning at a preset time and slowly tackle problem by problem. I can’t avoid anymore