I need some advice

[Chronos101]

Thanks for the advice Roy.

This is his last chance. He's been apologizing to me today for his behaviors in the past, we'll see how that apology holds up. But this is it, if he tries to cross my boundaries once more I'm blocking him. I need to talk to my mom about this though.

Earlier today I asked him if his parents knew about him and his eyes closed and smelling people things. Turns out he hides them. He hides all the weird things he does from his parents which is very, VERY telling. He told me he was worried that I might break his trust which presumably means he's worried I might contact his parents. I may do that if this keeps up, someone needs to put a stop to this. His parents should but perhaps I could inform them.

Grumpy cat, the good thing is our schedules are incompatible this semester so I haven't seen him at all. Not to mention he is short and frail so I could defend myself easily if he ever gets violent with me.I too have also though he likes to get people into hypnosis because it's a vulnerable state and he can't get people to do want he wants physically, so he does it mentally. Either way, I'm not being hypnotized by him. No ****ing way.

He also has asked me to bring my brothers and some of my friends over his house in the summer. I'm not doing that because I know he's just going to ask them really weird things and I'm not putting them through what I've been through.

 

[Chronos101]

Also let me clarify something regarding his spam texting. If he texts me and I don't immediately respond. He'll be like "pls respond" and "Eric?" (which is my name) at like 5 minute or ten minute intervals. Sometimes I'm busy so I can't respond. He'll stop when he gets my attention or may stop after like 3-6 attempts. Some times after I ignore him after we get in an argument about him not crossing my boundaries he texts me even more and will sometimes call my number. Needless to say it makes me uncomfortable. Thank god it's not a constant stream of texts he's giving but it's still very off putting.

 

[113]

Imagine you've been dealing with a clingy person who asks you to do weird stuff and he tells you that he wouldn't kill and or stalk you or undress you? It's not really a reassurance, Like at all. It scares me more.

I'm not sure if his apologies are actually meaningful and he is trying like he claims, or his desires are simply to strong and he can't control them. Either way it's scary and maddening. I'm not even sure If he is completely aware of the morality of what he's doing. Although he does like to get what he wants without others consent secretly, which suggests he knows its wrong.

However in his mind we have started over a few days ago and he says he'll no longer ask me to do weird things. A part of me doesn't buy this at all. He definitely still wants me to comply to his desires. A few weeks ago he asked me that if he could break break me down on hypnosis, he would.

All of the above comments sound like you're still getting clear impressions of danger.

This is his last chance. He's been apologizing to me today for his behaviors in the past, we'll see how that apology holds up. But this is it, if he tries to cross my boundaries once more I'm blocking him. I need to talk to my mom about this though.

If someone is making you feel that uncomfortable and promising you that they won't stalk you and kill you , you shouldn't feel like you have to give them another chance. You wrote above that you disbelieve his sincerity: "he says he'll no longer ask me to do weird things. A part of me doesn't buy this at all. He definitely still wants me to comply to his desires."

he is short and frail so I could defend myself easily if he ever gets violent with me

Physical size is not a reliable indicator of how dangerous someone can be.

Needless to say it makes me uncomfortable.

You sound like a kind and respectful person. Those are great qualities, but be wary of manipulators who try to exploit them. You aren't obligated to help everyone you meet. You already gave him some chances.

I've been stalked before. The person was "nice." I didn't wish them any harm at all, but there's a point at which you have to ensure your own safety.

I think that it would be a good idea to talk to your mom about it as soon as possible...

 

[Chronos101]

Inwardly he still wants me to do what he says. I just know it. His desires are way to pervasive for that not to be the case. Whether or not he tells me that is another thing. It's okay to want things so long as you keep your desires in check in relation to other peoples comfort level. He hasn't said anything to worrying today but that could change. I think he's terrified of losing me. I'm giving him one more chance and then I'm blocking him for good if he blows it.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Dude, a lot of people here have already said this guy is trouble, but you just want to keep talking about it. I don't want to come off as being rude, but I'm getting tired of hearing you make excuses for this person. Speaking for myself, I gave what advice I could to you and now I'm bowing out. I hope you do the right thing.

 

[Chronos101]

I don't really think I was making any excuses, just thinking about the possibilities. I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of bringing myself to do it. Again, I essentially agree with all of you guys have said for the most part.

There we go. I just blocked him again. This time for good. If he tries contacting me again, I'll get the police and or his parents involved. I have gotten really nothing nothing from our "friendship" aside from stress, anger, fear and lastly ,one heck of a story I can tell for the rest of my life. I've gone as long as I could and tried so hard, but everybody has limits. Starting over now just seems forced. Thank you all. Feel free to give more advice if anybody desires.

Really the only thing left is to just keep having him blocked and not relent. Hopefully I never come across him on campus because that's going to be awkward and possibly dangerous.

 

[royinpink]

I don't really think I was making any excuses, just thinking about the possibilities. I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of bringing myself to do it. Again, I essentially agree with all of you guys have said for the most part.

There we go. I just blocked him again. This time for good. If he tries contacting me again, I'll get the police and or his parents involved. I have gotten really nothing nothing from our "friendship" aside from stress, anger, fear and lastly ,one heck of a story I can tell for the rest of my life. I've gone as long as I could and tried so hard, but everybody has limits. Starting over now just seems forced. Thank you all. Feel free to give more advice if anybody desires.

Really the only thing left is to just keep having him blocked and not relent. Hopefully I never come across him on campus because that's going to be awkward and possibly dangerous.

I'm really happy for you. You did the right thing. And I hope you never have to deal with him again.

I think you weren't trying to make excuses for him, but it read that way. Probably you were telling yourself 'just one more chance' in your struggle to, as you say, bring yourself to block him. I get that. We all do that sometimes, especially those of us who struggle with guilt and self-doubt. That's why I kept coming back to say what I did. Anyway, as I say, I am really glad you blocked him and hoping the best for you.

 

[Chronos101]

I was trying to give him another chance. However I realize I've already given him to many. Now don't get me wrong, friendships take effort, but not this much effort. He's apologized so much and disregarded those apologies that there is simply no more point in interacting with him anymore. Anymore interaction from me is simply labored and a waste of time on my part.its been like 5 almost 6 months and he's just now figuring out how to treat me, that is far to long and I'm done.

I will always wish him the best, I really mean that. I hope he gets himself under control. I tried to change him, but I couldn't. While he may have stopped asking me strange things, he's just going to be asking other people then. I tried and I failed. I can't continue trying, it's just to tiring.

I finally can move on with my life. I finally feel some semblance of freedom. Thank you all for your words, they mean quite a lot.

 

[Tia Maria]

Friendships do take effort, but this was not a real friendship. Do not second guess your decision. You're 19 & you can't save or change another person. (When you're twice that age, you still won't be able to change another person!) Don't worry about this guy. He is manipulative & troubled. Just worry about & take care of yourself. You're doing the right thing. Just stick with it. Good luck to you Eric.

 

[Chronos101]

Thank you for words. They mean a lot! Only he or his parents can change him at this point.

 

[Chronos101]

Oh my god I just met him in the hallways again. This is is very strange because I've never seen him on campus this semester till this day. I have no idea if he was just going to class or looking for me. Hopefully not the latter.

He was like "why aren't you texting me" or something in his very hoarse breathy voice. I told him I was busy (which is a lie because I've blocked him). I told him I was going to get a drink and then going to class and he was then like "can we text now" and I said we could. So I skipped getting a drink and just went in my class to hide there because I don't want to risk seeing him again. Of course I still have him blocked so we're not texting. I thought he would take the hint at this point but he hasn't

If this happens again I'm going to ignore him or tell him to leave me alone. I was very taken aback. If he starts intentionally hunting me down I'm contacting his parents.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Oh my god I just met him in the hallways again. This is is very strange because I've never seen him on campus this semester till this day. I have no idea if he was just going to class or looking for me. Hopefully not the latter.

He was like "why aren't you texting me" or something in his very hoarse breathy voice. I told him I was busy (which is a lie because I've blocked him). I told him I was going to get a drink and then going to class and he was then like "can we text now" and I said we could. So I skipped getting a drink and just went in my class to hide there because I don't want to risk seeing him again. Of course I still have him blocked so we're not texting. I thought he would take the hint at this point but he hasn't

If this happens again I'm going to ignore him or tell him to leave me alone. I was very taken aback. If he starts intentionally hunting me down I'm contacting his parents.

Chronos101, before you tell him directly to leave you alone, make sure you have plans to vary your routines. And then you have to stop lying to him and say directly that you aren't looking for a relationship right now and start your new routines immediately. If you haven't talked to your mother yet, break the silence. You should also start logging, in writing, the number of times he approaches you. You should also familiarize yourself with the campus rules on harassment, none of which apply until you've told him point-blank to stop contacting you.

That's all I've got.

 

[Chronos101]

I do need to be assertive with him. I couldn't really today because it was so sudden and I had no time to prepare for this interaction so I was caught off guard. I've been reading people on the spectrum have issues picking up non verbal cues so maybe thats why. However he has noticed before that I looked scared and uncomfortable around him sometimes so I'm not sure.

I still have yet to tell my mom which I'm just going to force myself too. I've told my friends and my brother (who attends the same school as me) about this today so I am keeping tabs on this. I'll look up the rules right now. Thank you.

 

[tree]

Chronos101