I Need Some Advice

[May Black]

Thanks for replying, especially since you sound busy! Thinking about him as a robot is such a hard thing to do. This is the man who cried when we couldn't adopt a cat he'd befriended at the shelter but doesn't seem to realise when I need a hug or kind word. Seeing him behave so differently from one situation to the next is extremely confusing for me :/ But if you think it might help then it's something I can try to do. I would never force him into a diagnosis though. It would be impossible for a start - he's so blimmin stubborn.

It's np really, weekends are my busiest days at work, and I work double shift tomorrow. My boyfriend doesn't cry or show any emotional reactions at all, so I can't really say much about that. I will know when he's upset, because his way of talking and acting changes slightly. This can be even when he's very upset, like when his mother nearly died.

What I mean with the robot is, more or less just replace AS with robot for the time being. "Being a robot, it's not strange you don't want to have eye contact" I'm not sure if you get what I mean. I guess see it as a way of naming the symptoms (sorry it's a terrible word, but I really can't come up with anything decent right now), but instead of AS, you name them Robot.

As you say, the techniques I've tried so far clearly haven't been working so I need to learn more and try new things which can help me to modify my own behaviour. I'd love it if he were able to make more of an effort, but am realising that this may not be possible. Maybe, if I can learn to speak his language, it'll make communication easier for both of us. I'm not holding my breath for another argument ( ) but if and when it does happen I'll follow your advice and see what happens.

He might be putting in a lot of effort already, it's hard to say, but you both need to learn to talk with each other, and he needs to be open to teach you Robotic. I've learned to anticipate my boyfriend's reactions, it helps a lot.

If he shuts down, you really need to leave him alone, especially if it escalates to a point where he retreats to aggressive behavior. It's more or less his defence mechanism, he's trying to keep you away until he calms down. I did not understand this in the beginning of our friendship, it took me a while, but it's made things so much easier.

Maybe you could try discussing serious things over the internet if you two communicate better that way. My boyfriend still sends me small messages over skype sometimes even though we sit next to each other.