i never belong

[Hi-c@]

my "hosehole suporter" is trying to convince me that my AS diagnosis in incorrect by saying stuff like ur not like "them".... ur interested in what i'm saying when we talk..u dont just go on abute ur instrests...., u understand practical doings like doing the dishes.....

ofc the more important part of it is that i always feel like i never belong (yes i can construct my identity on a diagnosis i know )

just before getting diagnosed with AS and ADHD i had for a a short period of time the diagnosis "borderline" but the doc at the clinic "for borderline" "suspektet something" (are u relly one of us... they didn't tell me what it was that made them suspicious ofc... and send me for a neuropsychiatric evaluation which resulted in the AS and adhd diagnosis.

i fitt far from all the criterias for AS, but that has been the case w almost all the diagnosis i've "had" at lest in my slim and sort of pure"O" way of defining stuff.

so the feeling within me that i never belong (and wod want to) which exist in a brother seens then the diagnosis insecurity, prevails and is reinforced by others punting in ther generalisations.

but perhaaps im fron another planet nad that they why....

Kpax

• Hi-c@
• Jul 24, 2016

 

[hiraeth]

I've never belonged and I'm quite at peace with that now. I only get annoyed when the expectation is placed on me that somehow I should belong (in a certain place, with a certain group of people, etc). I also tend not ever to use labels (because I don't experience any social belonging to others using that label that might then be expected of me) and experience some degree of annoyance when such labels are put onto me by others.

 

[watersprite]

I have been trying for years to come to terms with not belonging. Sometimes I achieve a peacefulness with it. I guess I just belong to my self.

Here I think/hope we all accept each other/you as you are.

 

[Suzanne]

I have never belonged either and for a while, after I accepted that I have aspergers; unprofessionally diagnosed , I found that it was ok to not belong, but then, I suddenly get ill and have gone right back to the beginning of feeling so sad and disorinated that I am not like others. I feel so lonely when I watch other females chatting together and long to be a part of that!

So I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I am not a person that another person is eager to be around. Oh, my husband is the one person who does seem to want my company, but despite his shyness, he is able to associate with others.

I also realise that I do not put on the figurative mask a lot. If I am in a room with many others, who are chatting away, I cannot look on in interest and be content; I feel that I stand out like a sore thumb ie look at that loser!

Because aspies tend to look "normal" until people take the time to hang around for a while, that is why we get the derisive words back ie you look normal or etc etc.

I do not have a montone voice or a blank look. But that is why it is called: on the spectrum, because some have it more than others.

 

[WereBear]

I am seeking an official diagnosis in part because I know many people will not believe it. I am socially capable and do enjoy good body language interpretation and picking up of social cues.

But be careful what you wish for.

I am now in the throes of a terrible chronic fatigue kind of illness, where I come home from a busy day meeting strangers almost comatose: barely able to speak or move, exhibiting much more Asperger traits like clumsy hands and difficulty with faces than when I left for work that morning.

I faked it so long and so well I was unaware of the effort I was expending until now, when it seems I am almost out of whatever that is. Too late for me to find another profession, unable to do the things I enjoy when I get home.

I am hoping there will be coping strategies to get ME back.

 

[rickxxxblaine]

I don't have any answers, but I can say it's exhausting to be social. I don't know how normal people do, they talk about themselves, about other people and seem to really enjoy it. They talk about all sorts of little things that seem insignificant to me. I can enjoy that for a while but then, when I come home, alone, i start to feel anxiety. I always feel I did something wrong and when I was in couple, my dear beloved one used to point out everything I didn't make correctly, making me feel really down. How sadistic when i think about it now... Social context is very hard, if you are passive, you look like an idiot and if you're active, you're probably too much and annoy people without realising it. As I said, no answer here...

 

[clg114]

At a very young age, I learned the term "odd man out". This just one of the things that made my childhood and young adulthood very hard. My life got better as I got older. My social abilities improved just a little from living in a NT world. Over the years I have learned get along in the business world just fine. But socially, not so much. I got lucky and married a wonderful lady. Now I have a large family, but very few friends. I just do not fit in with groups of people. However, I like being a Aspie and my life. I just can not imagine thinking the way that "they" do.

I do not have all of the symptoms of AS and I think that it is unlikely that anyone here does. That does not mean that you do not have Asperger's Syndrome.

 

[Uncertain ways]

I never really had that feeling of belonging, but it still feels like I'm missing something. I gave up trying to fit in and adapting to the busy social lifestyle of the people I encounter in my environment. I'm not social and I can't pretend to be. There are only few people in my life I feel really connected to.

 

[Uncertain ways]

I am seeking an official diagnosis in part because I know many people will not believe it. I am socially capable and do enjoy good body language interpretation and picking up of social cues.

But be careful what you wish for.

I am now in the throes of a terrible chronic fatigue kind of illness, where I come home from a busy day meeting strangers almost comatose: barely able to speak or move, exhibiting much more Asperger traits like clumsy hands and difficulty with faces than when I left for work that morning.

I faked it so long and so well I was unaware of the effort I was expending until now, when it seems I am almost out of whatever that is. Too late for me to find another profession, unable to do the things I enjoy when I get home.

I am hoping there will be coping strategies to get ME back.

I can imagine you must be very exhausted. Hope you will get your diagnosis fast. What is your profession if I may ask?

 

[Hi-c@]

ty for sharing our stories. I would really like to stop caring about what others think of me and being afraid of not belonging, Being a fake or seen as one ord/and having no identity,
in my life people (parent) have been telling me who i am, and who i'm not without me agreeing on the suggestion, but still/at the same time i'm in any sort of contest (surface mild but still deep) "identity crisis", i've solved this crisis by deciding who
"i am" (sings i was 15)" to circumvent the problems the consept of genuinity bring in its bag (what is really me.....?)

besides the fact that i emotionally want to belong and i'm terrified of the opposite i do want to understand why a function as i do as well, and in that diagnoses can help or might not for me not sure.

And when the rational reason for wanting to understand thru some professional giving me a diagnosis (AS and other diagnoses) and the emotional "identity insecurity" cross path in my brain i sort of giches,and when my "hosehole suporter" tries to tell me who i'm not, it sort of glitches even more in my brain.

 

[Suzanne]

I don't have any answers, but I can say it's exhausting to be social. I don't know how normal people do, they talk about themselves, about other people and seem to really enjoy it. They talk about all sorts of little things that seem insignificant to me. I can enjoy that for a while but then, when I come home, alone, i start to feel anxiety. I always feel I did something wrong and when I was in couple, my dear beloved one used to point out everything I didn't make correctly, making me feel really down. How sadistic when i think about it now... Social context is very hard, if you are passive, you look like an idiot and if you're active, you're probably too much and annoy people without realising it. As I said, no answer here...

My husband always did this with me, but has calmed down a lot and yes, picked on for being too quiet and picked on for being aminated!