I never had a relationship but I want to hold off dating until after College, Is it a bad thing?

[aspieman2396]

It might help to work on some of your issues with women. If you have a habit of reading polarizing material about women online or go on online spaces to rant about them, that's not going to be good for your overall mental health or with relating to women in the future. A big hint to me that you might be doing this is describing women as "trying to be alpha" and being "promiscuous". And as an added note, it isn't very fair to your female friends to view their gender this way, even if you think they are "exceptions".

Its not like I have issues with them. Its just that I dealt with women like that in my life. And I see it on the news. I dont want someone who just loves me for my success and leaves after she finesses me and cheats on me behind my back. ( I have seen that happen before and it affected). But you have a point.

 

[Mattymatt]

I recently made the decision that I am going to hold off dating until after college. With the state that I am in, I just feel like it's not a viable option right now. I tried to get my foot in the door with girls but they all rejected me for my "weirdness", me getting bullied and dealing with my dysfunctional family and as a result I got insecure about myself and it stayed with me all the way to high school and college. I never had a girlfriend or even a first kiss that's how inexperienced I am although I did get close a couple of times .

I have some issues that I am trying to work out and I decided that I rather work on myself first because if I am in a relationship right now , I feel like I will be a very horrible boyfriend and I don't want that on my conscience and besides I feel like all the roughest times in my life, I've been through them by myself. There are some days that I feel like I am glad that I am single. I also am inexperienced with talking with women as a result of my diagnosis. Also, right now I am dealing with anger and depression stemming from all of theses years. Does anyone feel the same way?

Do what you believe will make you feel comfortable? Don't let society's messages of what you "should be" doing get in the way.

 

[Pariah Dog]

Also with some norms nowadays that women (trying to be alpha, being too tough with their men, they are nothing but trouble, being promiscuous, bratty, stuck up, stubborn etc.) I just roll by myself. If there is someone that interests me, she has to give me the butterflies and only one girl did that to me, there's also that.

You pretty much summed up most of the trouble with women in English speaking countries. Of course they are not ALL like this and there are some good women to be found, but I would say on average we in the English speaking world have it worse than anywhere. Results of a very toxic culture and "Feminist" propaganda. They think being an obnoxious, abrasive, promiscuous, selfish ***** are hall marks of being a strong empowered woman.

I think others have pretty well covered it. There is definitely a lot of positive to be had just working on yourself. Avoiding a potential bad relationship that may drag you down physically and maybe financially.

On the other had as Oilie put it, when you do want to get into a relationship afterward you will find yourself at a significant disadvantage, due to...

1. Lack of opportunity.
Not only because you will have less exposure, but the older you get the more hooked up everyone is. Let me tell you from my own experience at 32 years old. Do you know how many 30ish year old people are single? I don't have a statistic for that, but I suspect around 5-10% just based on experience. The number probably skews a little as a person of high desirability is more likely to be locked down, and vice versa. That makes dating very difficult because even if you meet a lady in some kind of encounter there is a very low chance she is single, and willing to date. Dating websites? There are a few threads around here on the matter, one started by myself. Though some get lucky, I don't think a person should put a whole lot of faith in those.

2. Lack of experience.
Reaching your mid 20's and having never kissed a girl or gone anywhere down that path will make it far more difficult to land a girl when you are ready. Here is the thing. You can't get a girl without confidence, but you can't get real confidence unless you've already had some degree of success. A rock and a hard place. It is somewhat like trying to get your first job, or your first job in your field of study. They don't want you because you have no experience, but you can't get experience because they don't want you... Feel free to smash your head against the keyboard at this point. You can fake confidence, but women can see through that show of bravado like a window. Eventually given enough exposure and enough attempts, a fella is bound to see some success somewhere (a little like putting out a batch of 200 resumes and finally getting an interview). Hopefully you are actually as good looking as Daniel Craig.

 

[Evil Genius]

Be willing to wait for the right person. Always. Be willing to accept that they must accept you even though you've already accepted them. And be willing to disclose early that you're autistic. It will help them see you through the right lens.

 

[mw2530]

2. Lack of experience.
Reaching your mid 20's and having never kissed a girl or gone anywhere down that path will make it far more difficult to land a girl when you are ready. Here is the thing. You can't get a girl without confidence, but you can't get real confidence unless you've already had some degree of success. A rock and a hard place. It is somewhat like trying to get your first job, or your first job in your field of study. They don't want you because you have no experience, but you can't get experience because they don't want you... Feel free to smash your head against the keyboard at this point. You can fake confidence, but women can see through that show of bravado like a window. Eventually given enough exposure and enough attempts, a fella is bound to see some success somewhere (a little like putting out a batch of 200 resumes and finally getting an interview). Hopefully you are actually as good looking as Daniel Craig.

I think one way to construct confidence in yourself despite lack of experience, you know that you are likely going to be very unique in comparison to anyone she has ever dated before. You can be confident in the fact you will have the opportunity to explain the world through your eyes. I feel this way not from personal experience but more from the other threads on here where an NT woman comes to ask us for advice. In many instances, the NT woman indicates that the aspergers man has changed there outlook on life. Being unique can be very attractive. Being unique can keep them guessing and working on trying to figure you out. At least this is what I have to believe due to the fact that I as well have zero experience. It is the only way that I keep my hope from being completely crushed.

 

[Ambi]

I recently made the decision that I am going to hold off dating until after college. With the state that I am in, I just feel like it's not a viable option right now. I tried to get my foot in the door with girls but they all rejected me for my "weirdness", me getting bullied and dealing with my dysfunctional family and as a result I got insecure about myself and it stayed with me all the way to high school and college. I never had a girlfriend or even a first kiss that's how inexperienced I am although I did get close a couple of times .

I have some issues that I am trying to work out and I decided that I rather work on myself first because if I am in a relationship right now , I feel like I will be a very horrible boyfriend and I don't want that on my conscience and besides I feel like all the roughest times in my life, I've been through them by myself. There are some days that I feel like I am glad that I am single. I also am inexperienced with talking with women as a result of my diagnosis. Also, right now I am dealing with anger and depression stemming from all of theses years. Does anyone feel the same way?

I think it's wise to hold off on dating just for the sake of dating. If someone uber-special comes along while you are in college, you'll know to make an exception - and hopefully that would be a drama-free situation that would make your life easier and happier