I only thought I knew her

[SusanLR]

Our sexual intimacy joins us as if we are married. I wouldn't need to actually marry in the institutional sense, as it feels like I already am. Committed. Faithful. For as long as we keep choosing to be together.

Wrapping this up with the wondering why sexual intimacy joins as if you are married.
I don't need to actually marry either. Instituional marriage is something like a contract
that is signed for governmental reasons that really have nothing to do with love.
The signed paper is for name changes, income brackets, taxes, what becomes of children of divorce,
and who must do what legally in the event of divorce.

Then there is the second reason people think they need to sign the paper and it is due to
religious/cultural beliefs.
I once ask a priest if I wanted a marriage in church with a priest presiding, would I have to
do the paper contract bit.
He said he couldn't marry someone without it.
I asked what happened to seperation of church and state? It is contradictory.

But, the real reason behind this post is why you need consumation to feel married and faithful.
There seems to be different ideals as to what makes people feel a couple committed by love.
Sex, religion, attraction, rings, the paper contract, love?
Or maybe it is what has been taught to us growing up by parents. I don't know.
Just as you contemplated what does "falling" mean in love.
People say "I'm falling for you."
Did they just trip over a rock or jump off a cliff?
Maybe it is a feeling of losing their strength of independance. Humans are odd.
I don't think there are many who will understand what I am on about as long
as they have a physical body.
Although there are the asexuals and those not physically capable.

Imagine "falling" for someone incapable, but, you don't know it at first.
Would you stop loving them if they couldn't make the physical consumation?
So much I never experienced, so I can't understand.

There's a commercial in the US on tv I find funny...
Got something on your mind? Chew on it.
And the man chews on a Twizzler. But, I don't like Twizzlers.

 

[SimonSays]

But, the real reason behind this post is why you need consumation to feel married and faithful.

I felt it because I had consummated it. It is what I think the institution of marriage attempts to recreate. I felt it naturally. Committed and faithful as long as we continue to choose to be together. No need for ceremony or licensed bit of paper. No state involvement of any kind. Our marriage exists through our love, until it no longer does.

As I said...personally, now, I don't need to be physical. I actually want the feeling that comes out of spiritual companionship than something driven by sexual desire.

Maybe it is a feeling of losing their strength of independance.

Yes. It might be so. It is said sometimes that 'two become one'. I'm not sure how but I sort of get the idea about what this might be getting at.

In my experience, I did feel I would lose myself. Slowly, as I found myself attempting to calibrate to who they are, often doing it unconsciously. It is a similar feeling to how I might feel when pulled into special interest. My relationship becomes my special interest, and it has an obsessive quality in many ways. I am so involved in her world. I want to know her completely. Share everything. It feels like quite a delusional state while at the same time nothing else matters.

I think about her so much. Feel like I miss her when she is not there. I'm always ready to be there for her, support her ideas. Make her feel loved in unexpected ways. It feels like we are a part of each other. It has never lasted though. As time goes on our differences become more apparent. What was once so easy becomes more and more like a compromise. What made us want to be around each other so much now feels more like it stifles. A feeling of needing more space arises. And in my experience, once we need space, it is only a matter of time before that need widens until space is all we need.

 

[SusanLR]

It is said sometimes that 'two become one'. I'm not sure how but I sort of get the idea about what this might be getting at.

To me the 'two become one' is the type of love that would eliminate the need to compromise
that stifles and creates the needing of more space.
There will always be differences. No two are clones.
And those differences can become overwhelming.

Only once have I know the 'two become one' feeling. Then, even though there are differences,
it doesn't seem to be a burden.
Other relationships those differences were so mindful and uncomfortable, yes, space is all you want.
I understand the spiritual two as one.

This has been a great topic. Thanks @SimonSays !