I Positively Detest Attending Social Gatherings but I have a Social Family

[DC1346]

They don't seem to understand even with the knowledge of how I function. Like, for instance, this upcoming weekend. They want me to go out shopping with them in a crowded mall full of people I don't know doing something that takes forever with very little productive outcome. A.k.a. Shopping. When I shop, I go in, I grab what I need and then I get out.

Is there any reason you HAVE to go to a mall? I find malls to be crowded, annoying, and tedious.

Why not use a service like Amazon.com? I do nearly all of my non-food retail shopping through Amazon. Since I'm a premium member, I get nearly everything I order delivered for free. During the summer, I have these items sent to my home. During the school year (since I'm a teacher), I have these items sent to my work address.

My father just started his musical career as a Salsa singer. His single's debut is this upcoming Saturday and it's going to be in the middle of a club full of loud, drunk people and music. I try explaining to them why I don't want to go but it's always the same response: "This is a family thing. Don't you wanna be there for your family?" Then I go and I have a panic attack.

Why not buy a tripod and camcorder and have your family tape a performance for you. If you have video editing skills (and software) you could edit the performance to put on YouTube or on your father's website if he has one.

How do others deal with this traditional family thing? Do you just not go or do you figure out a way to cope? I'm really going into a panic frenzy about this.

My way of coping was to not have a relationship with my family. This may seem a bit extreme but I simply don't care for anyone in my family. Both of my parents were physically and emotionally abusive. My sister would also get me trouble screaming crocodile tears and I'd get punished for something I hadn't even done simply because she was crying.

I email my father but haven't seen him in 15 years. I haven't had any contact with my mother in something like 37 years. I've had no contact at all with my sister in 35 years.

My NT friends tell me that I should patch things up before it's "too late". I don't see why I should.

I was not formally diagnosed with Asperger's until last April. My parents knew I was different but never sought a diagnosis or treatment. When I was a child, spinning, flapping, and head shaking initially resulted in a slap to my face (from my mother) ... and if that didn't work my father would pull out his belt. Being clumsy was punished and I was forced to wear leg braces. Being socially awkward resulted in more slaps and the admonishment that "children should be seen but not heard."

I see no reason to forgive any of them. They have their lives. I have mine.

 

[Myway]

For the most part I am not that social. I prefer to be in my room on my computer or iPad. I detest socializing, but sometimes it comes out of necessity. I think people should really do more research into our lives to find out what Aspies really like and enjoy. Oh well. People will be people.