I published my memoir of my 37 year marriage to an Asperger Spouse

[Lisa Merle]

The Asperger Husband by Lisa Merle on Amazon kindle now - paperback 3/1/22

 

[Aspychata]

Lucky you. I tried to snare a cutie pie but he is a free spirit. I think he is on the spectrum.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome

 

[Magna]

I skimmed the "free look" on Amazon. Yikes.

"Unfortunately" your children have the gene.", "Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome"

In your book, when you say "Having difficulty understanding nonverbal cues makes them terrible drivers as merging requires reading other drivers.", who are you talking about when you say "them"?

More research could "possibly prevent the affliction in future generations."?

I'm confused as to whether your ex-husband was professionally diagnosed or did you and some psychologist acquaintances diagnose him?

 

[Bolletje]

I skimmed the "free look" on Amazon. Yikes.

"Unfortunately" your children have the gene.", "Afflicted with Asperger's Syndrome"

In your book, when you say "Having difficulty understanding nonverbal cues makes them terrible drivers as merging requires reading other drivers.", who are you talking about when you say "them"?

More research could "possibly prevent the affliction in future generations."?

I'm confused as to whether your ex-husband was professionally diagnosed or did you and some psychologist acquaintances diagnose him?

Yikes indeed. @Lisa Merle I'm curious, what reception did you expect to find for this book here?

 

[Gracey]

I was promoted. Went up a rank when serving in HMForces as a driver.
I don't think they hand out promotions for being terrible at something.

Have you self published your book?

 

[Crossbreed]

Yikes indeed. @Lisa Merle I'm curious, what reception did you expect to find for this book here?

@Lisa Merle, no one here is saying that your ex did not have relational problems or mental issues on top of his autism (if officially diagnosed), just that autism (without those problems) is not the defect that you characterize it to be.

 

[tree]

"After adversity struck, Lisa was compelled to tell her her story. It’s her gift to others who might be struggling to save or improve their marriage and family life. If Lisa had known certain things during her marriage or even before, life could have turned out very differently. She spent her marriage behind the scenes helping the man she loved function to the best of his ability while catering to their family. Her initial fascination with his oddities and eccentricities became her worst nightmare. When Michael's behavior took a turn for the worse, Lisa searched for answers to help him and save their long marriage. Only after fate took hold was the mystery of what ailed Michael solved. Lisa found solace in writing her legacy about living with a spouse on the spectrum."

The Asperger Husband Kindle Edition
by Lisa Merle (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I have been driving for over 50 years without an accident, able to anticipate other drivers.

 

[Tom]

I'm not sure 'The Asperger Husband' is grammatically correct. Or perhaps it is not a factor in the publishing world and titles are mostly done for effect, like 'The Stepford Wives' ?

 

[Gerontius]

Sounds like one of those old "Cassandra" forums that used to be all over the web. You know, the ones where we're basically villified for existence, because Boomers married Boomers and decided to scream at one another instead of working on their physical and mental well-being.

Signed, an autistic guy who just interviewed as a van driver (This will be my second job driving professionally.)

 

[Magna]

I hope the OP responds in order to provide more clarify and insight into some of the questions that have already been asked in this thread. I've been on this forum long enough to know that the members here are respectful and don't "attack" people; therefore the OP should be assured that we will welcome her responses which may in turn prompt more questions.

I write this as an autistic man who has been married to an NT woman for 20 years; she's the love of my life and we're each other's soulmates. I also write this as someone who's been driving for 36 years and I've never gotten a traffic ticket and the few minor accidents I did have were over 30 years ago. I was also a driver of a convalescent van in a major metropolitan area for a about a year and was accident free during that time.

And to clarify, I don't mean by saying this that I believe anyone who has responded thus far has attacked the OP.

 

[watersprite]

The excerpts noted from the self published book she is selling come across to me as irrational, & denigrating of us as a group.
This area of the forum is specifically for welcoming new members. In this case I cannot, since 1. her post is more of an advert than a hello, & 2. her approach of throwing this sort of book at me isn’t the kind of thing I welcome.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I hope the OP responds in order to provide more clarify and insight into some of the questions that have already been asked in this thread. I've been on this forum long enough to know that the members here are respectful and don't "attack" people; therefore the OP should be assured that we will welcome her responses which may in turn prompt more questions.

And to clarify, I don't mean by saying this that I believe anyone who has responded thus far has attacked the OP.

That what makes this forum different, we like facts and data. More then
opinions.

 

[Bolletje]

The excerpts noted from the self published book she is selling come across to me as irrational, & denigrating of us as a group.
This area of the forum is specifically for welcoming new members. In this case I cannot, since 1. her post is more of an advert than a hello, & 2. her approach of throwing this sort of book at me isn’t the kind of thing I welcome.

I am now giggling because I have a visual of a stranger opening the door, throwing a book in my face instead of greeting me, and running off again.

 

[watersprite]

@Bolletje At times, especially when things are stressful &/or strained, I respond with visual cartoons.
Maybe somewhere deep inside I want to heal situations with laughter.

 

[VictorR]

In light of some of the comments here, I took a look at some of the excerpts / preview available.

Lisa, I don't doubt that you feel very hurt by your divorce and the divorce proceedings. And sometimes putting things in writing, or sharing your feelings with someone can be a way of relieving our emotions.

Memoirs are an interesting form of writing in that they are, generally speaking, someone speaking of their experience, and so the writer can pretty much say whatever they want, if it's their thoughts and opinions.

However, when one is citing or presenting facts, aside from facts that are widely known (if not generally, then at least in the field being discussed), we would need to provide citations so the reader, if they so wish, can confirm and learn more about that fact.

I was surprised when I came across

An Asperger's to non-Aspeger's marriage fails at an eighty percent rate much higher than the general population.

The sentence isn't grammatically correct, but that's not the point. The point is that you are presenting as a fact that there is an 80% failure rate for Asperger - Non-Asperger marriages.

I have not come across this previously and was intrigued by where it came from.

A quick internet search brought me to Ashley Stanford's 2003 (JKP) book Asperger Syndrome and Long-term Relationships where at page 42 she writes

Preliminary research performed in Holland suggests that the divorce rate for couples in which one partner has AS may be as high as 80% (Relate leaflet).

And so Ashley herself is quoting a secondary source which is openly of a speculative nature, given they use the term "may" and where we don't know what this preliminary research was or what happened - did it ever get published, and if so, were the final results different?

What I'm getting at is that we not only have a case of a missing / unverifiable source, but that we're also experiencing a "telephone game" situation where the intended message has become corrupted over time, and this ultimately hurts any writing as now it casts doubt about the rest of the work.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

out of the of the 4 Aspies in my family we all got married, one had a failed marriage which I would blame on his Autism, I have been married 41 years.

 

[Magna]

The more I think about it I have to say the very title of the book: "The Asperger Husband", is disturbing to me. Rather than making reference to your personal situation and experience with your ex-husband: e.g. "My Asperger Husband", titling it "The Asperger Husband" connotes some level of authority speaking on a singular uniform subject that is known and accepted as fact as being a singular uniform subject such as: "The sun in our solar system", "The definitive guide to igneous rocks", "The protozoa". Your title ie giving the false and inaccurate allusion that ALL autistic men who are husbands are and will be like your husband. That kind of inaccurate overgeneralization is problematic and dangerous.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My brother and I were different in so many ways yet were so different. I got him when so many others did not including my other bothers and sister. Even as four of us have strong autistic traits, the one common fact is we all had the same blood type AB. interesting both my parents had AB blood type.
The one thing we all have in common we are all science buffs. No creatives in the family.