I published my memoir of my 37 year marriage to an Asperger Spouse

[Nitro]

You know, the ones where we're basically villified for existence, because Boomers married Boomers and decided to scream at one another instead of working on their physical and mental well-being.

I never participated in any rubbish like that, so I have no point of reference to it.

You are aware that there are quite a few of us boomers here, correct?

 

[Lisa Merle]

Yikes indeed. @Lisa Merle I'm curious, what reception did you expect to find for this book here?

I wrote this book to raise awareness and help those on both sides. Whether those in relationships or with children who are afflicted. I have no intent to harm. It is my story. I loved someone for thirty-seven years on the spectrum so please don't feel I am insulting anyone. I spent a lifetime helping him. I am retired and wealthy and do not need money or any self promotion as the book is under a pen name. If you want have an open mind you can read or not as it is your choice. Maybe you will learn at least one thing or possible nothing. I wish everyone happiness and success.

 

[Magna]

I wrote this book to raise awareness and help those on both sides. Whether those in relationships or with children who are afflicted. I have no intent to harm. It is my story. I loved someone for thirty-seven years on the spectrum so please don't feel I am insulting anyone. I spent a lifetime helping him. I am retired and wealthy and do not need money or any self promotion as the book is under a pen name. If you want have an open mind you can read or not as it is your choice. Maybe you will learn at least one thing or possible nothing. I wish everyone happiness and success.

Not that it matters, given I'm only one person, but I can also share my thoughts and opinions just like the next person. I'm bothered by you referring to autistic people as "afflicted".

I'm still not clear as to whether or not your ex-husband was professionally diagnosed through the process of a formal and thorough autism assessment?

 

[Crossbreed]

I am now giggling because I have a visual of a stranger opening the door, throwing a book in my face instead of greeting me, and running off again.

"Throw the book at 'em...!"

 

[Thinx]

The problem for me is, that though you may be well-meaning, for someone who allegedly spent 37 years 'helping' someone who allegedly had 'Aspergers', you sound not to understand very basic things, such as, you describe the alleged 'Aspergers' as 'an affliction '. And seem unaware that that is very inappropriate and shows ignorance. Plus you generalise from your ex's alleged 'Aspergers' to all others who may have this, even though it's very well known that this is a hugely varying state.

Also, one can only conclude from the divorce, that the person concerned did not find the alleged 'help' indispensable. Maybe they didn't enjoy themselves and their children being described as 'afflicted'?

Given your very basic inappropriate use of terms, I would not consider reading a 400 plus pages book by yourself in order to learn anything about a neuro diverse condition and how it may affect relating, because it sounds like you don't understand basics in this area, and are not well-read.

 

[Luca]

I’m not a confrontational person, at all, and I’m taking a very bold leap by saying this… but… this was very triggering to read and reminds me of stuff that my abuser said.

*To clarify, the topics and descriptive language in the book, not anything that anyone else has posted in this thread.

 

[Owliet]

I read most of the free pages, and whilst I won’t deny that I’m sorry that your marriage is over, I think your claims throughout that you helped him, you seem very not understanding of most things. For instance, your lack of understanding and empathy regarding his concerns for his health that from what I’ve understood to have begun before your divorce, like why would you not be understanding here when his health must have been extremely worrying to him? Health worries are not related to being ASD, everyone can behave confusingly regarding their health. Even if you have labeled him as a “hypochondriac “.

Usually, when you write a book like this, anything of an outsider source aka all that literature you read, you need to cite it. Where did you get your statistics from? Where did you get your ASD information from? This is merely common academic curtesy.

Throghout the free pages, you’ve written in a way that seems to be quite passive aggressive.i get that you’re bitter from your divorce but the language that you’ve used, do you not think that it’s not going to be perceived as offensive? When you use such language such as “unfortunately “ , “afflicted” it implies extremely negative connotations. You might have well made the suggestion to round us all up and put identification marks on us to alert anyone that we are different and undesirables. Whilst you wrote the words “retard” and “damaged” in a reflective manner to your own ignorant understanding, it’s still conveys the ignorance and negative hurtful feelings for many of us who may have had this said. Also suggesting that people with ASD don’t excell in academia is extremely ignorant. I’d say more, however, most of this read as though you were over generalizing a small percentage of 1% of people who have ASD (How Many People are Diagnosed with Autism in the U.S., 2022), and saying that because of your experience with ONE person who is theorized you be on the spectrum, not officially diagnosed, that we are all like this. The image that you painted us in is negative in the extreme and extremely offensive. Can you not see why this may be upsetting for others?

I wrote this book to raise awareness and help those on both sides. Whether those in relationships or with children who are afflicted. I have no intent to harm. It is my story. I loved someone for thirty-seven years on the spectrum so please don't feel I am insulting anyone. I spent a lifetime helping him. I am retired and wealthy and do not need money or any self promotion as the book is under a pen name. If you want have an open mind you can read or not as it is your choice. Maybe you will learn at least one thing or possible nothing. I wish everyone happiness and success.

I bolded this because you haven’t learnt anything really. You claim that you have no intention to harm yet still use the same negative word choice of “afflicted “. You’ve met one person who may be on the spectrum, ONE. I can’t speak for anyone else here but it took me years since I was diagnosed as a teenager to accept myself. Being a girl with this “affliction “ as you like to call it is extraordinarily difficult, and to have this viewpoint that it is an affliction is so upsetting because it just further highlights that no matter how hard one tries to fit in and be “normal”, that there’s always going to be ignorant people who are always going to view you as such.

finally, to add an example to “your” statistics Of 80% of marriages failing, My parents have been married for almost 30 years *they will be together for this long in May. Whilst perhaps most marriages with an ASD partner ends, my parents are the 10%. It hasn’t been an easy marriage, and most marriages are not easy. To add into the mix, my mom’s health is very very poor, and it’s been like this most of my life. But My dad has ASD, and he is obviously on the spectrum and yet despite the challenges, the frustrations, they make it work. It is not for me or my sibling but they make it work for them.

 

[Magna]

I've offered my opinions and feelings on this thread topic but the only other thing I can think of at this point is to mention the purported mission of this book to "help" people.

A good number of members on this forum and especially newer members may not be aware of this, but some years back there was a website that was created by a woman who experienced a bad relationship with a man she said she was convinced was on the spectrum. She created the website to "help" others by raising awareness at how heartless people (it was directed at men) with Asperger's were and ultimately the underlying message on her website was to avoid relationships with men who have Asperger's at any cost, how they will ruin your life, etc. The fact of the matter is, that website was an autism hate site. It was extremely disturbing. Whether it was simply coincidence or otherwise, the site was taken down a few years ago.

I bring this up not because I believe the book referenced in this thread has any relation to that defunct website but because both in my opinion had the same thinly veiled underlying message disguised as "help" to the effect of: Beware of getting in relationships with autistic people. 'If you do, you'll likely have the same awful experience I did because most all of them are the same.'

 

[watersprite]

Sometimes it’s difficult to ignore - to NOT engage with people like the op, because they poke at the amygdala, & bait me with poor writing, and crap ideas that provoke me to want to defend us; but it’s best to block hate-centered people, or ban them.

 

[Tom]

Revenge Fiction I guess.