I think I need help?

[TheBlankCanvas]

If you write it down, you can save yourself a lot of grief under such circumstances.

I encounter a similar problem, I can't leave the note, and if I try to read it my jaw just wont function. Weird but that's how it is. I'm on my own in this apart from people I've never met before on the internet, the only people I can sort of be confident in talking about me too.

 

[Judge]

I encounter a similar problem, I can't leave the note, and if I try to read it my jaw just wont function. Weird but that's how it is. I'm on my own in this apart from people I've never met before on the internet, the only people I can sort of be confident in talking about me too.

It's a note. Let them read it. Don't say a word. Even write down that you have troubles expressing yourself verbally under certain circumstances like this.

 

[TheBlankCanvas]

It's a note. Let them read it. Don't say a word. Even write down that you have troubles expressing yourself verbally under certain circumstances like this.

I'll think about that option, but I don't see myself following through with it.

 

[Vinca]

Hi, I haven't posted on here in a while. The reason being that, my life has been great...ish. You see, I did everything that the Doctor's and my Family told me I should do. And everything they said would happen, happened. And I never stopped to think if it was what I wanted to happen. And now for the past six months I have had the life I was told I should have, and that I always believed I should have. I now I have the most peculiar and perplexing problem in that for these past six months, I have felt nothing, not one thing. And It's torture, I have been nothing but calm for six months, I always dreamed of being calm, but now that I have been calm for so long I "feel" horrible. I want nothing more now than to be depressed again for at least then my life will have a little meaning to it, Something interesting, a challenge to overcome and a problem to solve. My only problem is that I have none. But now I see that I need problems. I'm stuck in friendships I do not want, but I was told I needed them. I can't bring myself to talk to anyone I know in real life about what's going on inside my head, even if that is exactly nothing. Before my life sucked, and now it sucks but I have "friends". But before it was interesting. I liked it a hell of a lot more than I do now. I want it back! I want nothing more than to cry again because someone offended me, I want nothing more than to feel nervous before a test in school! I just can't feel anything and I don't know why. I'm stuck in a hole I don't want to be in and I would like nothing more than to lead my old life, one where I did "weird" stuff and people actually judged me for it. Without that I feel there is no reason for me to exist as I have no obstacles now. But like I said, I have literally no problems, no emotions, for six whole months! And it is because of this I do not know what to do and so I have come here in the hope that someone here has experienced something remotely similar. Thank you in advance if you take the time to reply.

To help me better understand what you are trying to communicate, if you are willing to, please will you answer the following questions -

What was it that your Doctors and your family told you to do? Was it to form friendships?

Please can you explain in more detail what the experience of being calm is like for you.

When you use the word calm, do you mean it in the sense of relaxed and tranquil or in some other way?

When you use the word calm, do you mean it in the sense of an absence of feeling or in some other way?

I've exerienced times when I have gone along with what someone else wanted me to do, even though I didn't truly want to and the result has been what I would describe as an emotional shutdown (I also think, in this example, it is as though I had chosen to supress my will). Another experiences that has caused an emotional shutdown for me is seeing my desceased Grandma in a coffin.

Durring an emotional shutdown it is as though my emotions no longer respond to external stimuli. At first I find this to be a pleasant break from my usual experience of being emotionally sensitive. I also find, however, that I loose the motivation that I usually have and no longer strive to move forward in life, or seek to 'solve the problems of my life'.

In the case of an emotional shutdown due to having surpressed my will in favour of anothers, I usually experience a return to my usual self once I am no longer in a situation in which my will is being supressed, which includes the return of my motivation.

In the case of an emotional shutdown due to and emotionally distressing situation, with time and processing of the emotions I usually experience a return to my usual self which includes the return of my motivation.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

What's all this talk of drugs? I never mentioned drugs... I've quite simply been nothing but calm for six months, seems great on paper but it's torture.

I think I know what you are talking about, but correct me if I'm wrong. I'm NT btw. Anyway, I was put on a drug once that was a mood stabilizer and I had absolutely no high's and no low's - just neutral and I HATED IT! What other people here said about taking drugs is not the answer. I actually got off of all medications, changed my diet and started exercising. Exercising may help you with getting positive feelings.

What I really think is happening is that you aren't able to be yourself and you are actually living the life like all NT's would like you to live and it's not you and you're pretty much just existing. If you really aren't wanting the friendships that you have right now, I would just slowly break off from them for a while (don't burn your bridges cause you may later find that you want your friendships back at some point) and spend time alone. You need some excitement in your life and some new goals. Spend some time figuring out what would make you happy (which may take some time). Maybe finding a new hobby that you could take pride in. Volunteering somewhere that may bring some good feelings of helping people. Or finding a new book series that peaks your interest. Aspies need obsessions, right? Thing is also you're only 15 so at this time you will be limited in the things you could do (traveling, changing jobs, etc) that an adult might end up doing. Just some ideas I had, but please know that drugs are never the answer - ever.

 

[TheBlankCanvas]

To help me better understand what you are trying to communicate, if you are willing to, please will you answer the following questions -

What was it that your Doctors and your family told you to do? Was it to form friendships?

Please can you explain in more detail what the experience of being calm is like for you.

When you use the word calm, do you mean it in the sense of relaxed and tranquil or in some other way?

When you use the word calm, do you mean it in the sense of an absence of feeling or in some other way?

I've exerienced times when I have gone along with what someone else wanted me to do, even though I didn't truly want to and the result has been what I would describe as an emotional shutdown (I also think, in this example, it is as though I had chosen to supress my will). Another experiences that has caused an emotional shutdown for me is seeing my desceased Grandma in a coffin.

Durring an emotional shutdown it is as though my emotions no longer respond to external stimuli. At first I find this to be a pleasant break from my usual experience of being emotionally sensitive. I also find, however, that I loose the motivation that I usually have and no longer strive to move forward in life, or seek to 'solve the problems of my life'.

In the case of an emotional shutdown due to having surpressed my will in favour of anothers, I usually experience a return to my usual self once I am no longer in a situation in which my will is being supressed, which includes the return of my motivation.

In the case of an emotional shutdown due to and emotionally distressing situation, with time and processing of the emotions I usually experience a return to my usual self which includes the return of my motivation.

1: Told me I needed to be more social, and form friendships yes, that's the gist of it.
2: Being calm for me is like a state of nothingness, I rely more on impulses than anything else to function as thinking takes a lot longer, emotional responses are almost non-existent. (I laugh a few times, but I'm not sure they we're genuine or just an automatic response I've garnered over time to fit in.)
3: At first I was tranquil, but as time has gone on it has become more a feeling of entrapment.
4: Yes, it is very much so a state in which I feel emotionally empty, I don't like it.

 

[TheBlankCanvas]

I think I know what you are talking about, but correct me if I'm wrong. I'm NT btw. Anyway, I was put on a drug once that was a mood stabilizer and I had absolutely no high's and no low's - just neutral and I HATED IT! What other people here said about taking drugs is not the answer. I actually got off of all medications, changed my diet and started exercising. Exercising may help you with getting positive feelings.

What I really think is happening is that you aren't able to be yourself and you are actually living the life like all NT's would like you to live and it's not you and you're pretty much just existing. If you really aren't wanting the friendships that you have right now, I would just slowly break off from them for a while (don't burn your bridges cause you may later find that you want your friendships back at some point) and spend time alone. You need some excitement in your life and some new goals. Spend some time figuring out what would make you happy (which may take some time). Maybe finding a new hobby that you could take pride in. Volunteering somewhere that may bring some good feelings of helping people. Or finding a new book series that peaks your interest. Aspies need obsessions, right? Thing is also you're only 15 so at this time you will be limited in the things you could do (traveling, changing jobs, etc) that an adult might end up doing. Just some ideas I had, but please know that drugs are never the answer - ever.

I think this might be the problem yes, but I am extremely anti-drug so do not worry. I have tried to break off from my friends and it has never worked, I sit next to them in most of my classes, so I don't know what to do when it comes to that.

 

[royinpink]

For me this is true...I think there are two ways I can feel kind of numb or calm. The first is more related to a depressive phase, feeling totally apart from the world like watching it from a fishbowl. The second I think is more what you're describing, just going with the flow. I think much of my adult life has been this way, and the reason is I have no access to my interests anymore...plus I seem to need drama in work or love to really feel much, even though it's unhealthy. I discovered early on (freshman year of college?) that that is simply me lacking awareness of my own emotions, however.

So, um...I suppose I am in agreement about pursuing interests as much as you can, because if your external world (school, work, friends) is simple, that is actually a GOOD thing for you, and you don't need to spend a lot of time trying to maintain it. Better to put your energies into something you can obsess over.

Unfortunately, in my own experience, there are a lot of expectations that get in the way of that--expectations that I exhaust myself trying to meet due to various issues. And that exhaustion also leads to numbness, lack of motivation, etc. Anyway, there is really no point trying so hard to be someone you're not. Be proud of who you are. Let yourself be that person. And whoever said you 'need' so many friends to be happy is full of it. You just need one or two good ones.

Hope something in there was helpful. I don't really have good advice. I just wanted to say, you are not alone.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I think this might be the problem yes, but I am extremely anti-drug so do not worry. I have tried to break off from my friends and it has never worked, I sit next to them in most of my classes, so I don't know what to do when it comes to that.

Just be cordial to them, but if they ask you to do something outside of school just say you are busy and can't at that time (NT's use this excuse all the time! ) If you choose the exercise route, know that it will be difficult to start and maintain, but the results do help. I still struggle to exercise most days (even though I have done it for years), but I really feel so much better after a good workout. Some Aspie's (like my Aspie friend) like to lift weights and do bodybuilding or karate. That might be something you would be interested in. You could also make some new "friends" in a hobby you enjoy doing. Don't force yourself to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. Making friends and keeping friends is hard work and you have to really want it for it to happen. Focusing on school work is always good (I wish I had done more of that in high school). Music always changes my mood too - it's very powerful. Or a really good movie (even if I have watched it a 1000 times!) Spending some time with animals or a pet will help too. You just need to find what works for you.

 

[epath13]

A few years ago I started feeling that I wanted to get myself back, I wanted experience my true self fully. I got really tired to be somebody else for the sake of other people's peace. I wanted to escape or fight or something, just not to feel trapped like I did. A friend introduced me to Lords of Karma meditation technique. It helped me tremendously, more than anything else ever did. I had previous experience with meditations and breathing exercises etc so it was pretty easy. What I experienced was extraordinary and quite extreme. I basically connected with who I really was and a lot of things became clear. It's just my personal experience. It obviously may not work for everybody

 

[AsheSkyler]

I can see the necessity of being a barren wasteland for the sake of preserving the peace around people who can't handle you being you. People are timid little varmints that spook easy, in my experience.
If not being yourself 24/7 isn't an option, could you perhaps indulge when you're alone? I've gotten into such a habit of shutting down my emotions that I can't turn them back on when I'm around other people, but get me alone with a good book, movie, game, or something involving characters, and I have almost my full spectrum of emotion back. I can still protect people from the parts of me they're scared of or don't understand, and I can still have some freedom at the end of the day.

 

[Maelstrom]

Well this strange not sure if I should tread here or not. Being calm is generally a good thing, I have noticed that some people who have had chaotic and abusive relations in the past become so used to the stress chemicals in the brain, that they will feel the need to recreate those conditions to feel normal. Evedently reseting the brain takes time. However I am not sure what is going on here maybe someone is frosting your fruitloops with a mood surpressor. Or you are standing in the eye of a major meltdown do to life changes. Or there is a certain dopamien condition that kicks in at a certain age in collage. Which may explain the family pushing you to seek medical help. Probably little point in my explaining that one, as you won't like it, and from what I've seen things will likely head in a bad direction regardless. Good luck hope it turns out well for you.