I think I've been acting this whole time?

[Kristinaiswhite]

It's not arrogance if it is true.

Haha oh good, I KNEW I couldn't be the only one thinking this.

And Werebear, stress is my biggest problem. I am so stressed all the time, because I am "acting normal" that it is making me extremely sick. You get it, the dr thinks I'm chronically I'll. He thinks I probably have lupus. Maybe I do? But those tests don't seem to think so, yet add seems to fit perfectly. I actually haven't mentioned it to my GP, but plan to soon. I just started seeing him.

I've also researched docs that specialize in adults in the spectrum, docs specialized in females with asd... I was unpleasantly disappointed. Especially because I live in a wealthier city.. one of those California cities that just pretends to care for the mental health of their community lol. I'm beginning to see what's more near LA. I have found that the university in my city has an autism research center, but of course the assessment is $2000+ so I'd like to see if there is a psychiatrist that my insurance will ph first before I spend a fortune... but I will if I have to

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Haha oh good, I KNEW I couldn't be the only one thinking this.

And Werebear, stress is my biggest problem. I am so stressed all the time, because I am "acting normal" that it is making me extremely sick. You get it, the dr thinks I'm chronically I'll. He thinks I probably have lupus. Maybe I do? But those tests don't seem to think so, yet add seems to fit perfectly. I actually haven't mentioned it to my GP, but plan to soon. I just started seeing him.

I've also researched docs that specialize in adults in the spectrum, docs specialized in females with asd... I was unpleasantly disappointed. Especially because I live in a wealthier city.. one of those California cities that just pretends to care for the mental health of their community lol. I'm beginning to see what's more near LA. I have found that the university in my city has an autism research center, but of course the assessment is $2000+ so I'd like to see if there is a psychiatrist that my insurance will ph first before I spend a fortune... but I will if I have to

We had several quotes for a complete Autism diagnostic assessment from specialists. Most were around $1500 to $2000. One wanted to charge $8,000 though. Whatever. We finally found a cheaper specialist whose primary specialties were diagnosing for Autism and ADHD. He charged a very fair fee of only $450, for up to a 2 hour assessment. The four hour drive away to the other side of the state was worth it.

 

[Sabrina]

S



Same with our four year old son at the time. All the general practitioners, pediatricians and service providers (10-12) had no clue what Autism entailed, as all the core symptoms were there if they wanted to look for it, and after we told them about it. Even after we told them our older son had Autism, and to please screen for Autism in Dylan, as he still was nonverbal, had severe eating and other sensory issues, and some routines and atypical fascinations, they still all basically had the attitude, "We cannot evaluate him for Autism. We do not know how too" or "Let's wait until later" attitude.

All they would ever do is look in his ears, up his nose, in his mouth, and check his height and weight, and disrespect us there. He was always between the 1 and 5 percentile! And delayed in all areas. They could not put the pieces together, or want to, as they are not trained to evaluate Autism, or as they are too superficial as Dylan had eye contact, a smile, and had no atypical physical features. He did though do hand flapping in their presence. So, after we self-diagnosed him ourselves, using common sense and after additional research, we took him to an Autism specialist 4 hours away.

We brought video of his behaviors in all environments, and one hundred pages of additional evidence that that specialist looked at in advance of the appointment. This was needed as at the appointment Dylan refused to be examined and get out of his stroller. He sat with his IPad with minimal eye contact and randomly played with his IPad app programs, some repetitively. He would scream at any attempt to get him out of the stroller. That was because this was a new place for him, and a new doctor. It was not his routine to get out and play there, so why would he tolerate or want that? That doctor within 45 minutes of seeing him told us "Your son definitely has Autism."

Our vast family experiences show most non-specialist doctors and service providers to be not at all capable of evaluating for Autism, as seen by their own words and practices, so for those who want formal diagnostics, to rule in or out Autism, go to a specialist with much training in Autism. They are trained to see the fine and even subtle nuances of that condition.

Is being short for his age (my son has always been in the 1-5 lowest percentile or even less) a symptom of autism?

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Is being short for his age (my son has always been in the 1-5 lowest percentile or even less) a symptom of autism?

Short height alone could be explained by genetics, if either parent or grandparents were short.

However, any developmental delay should be looked at appropriately, whether speech and language delay, any physical delay not explained, cognitive delay, social and emotional delay, fine or gross motor skills delay. Severe eating difficulties combined with other sensory sensitivities could be indicators too.

So, it is not necessarily the shortness, but any unexplained delays, and especially a combination of delays and signs and symptoms that could indicate some concern of some condition.

 

[WereBear]

And Werebear, stress is my biggest problem. I am so stressed all the time, because I am "acting normal" that it is making me extremely sick.

I did a lot with sleep hygiene (balancing my blue and red light) and supplements like pregnenolone and niacin. Getting a weighted blanket did wonders.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Hello, Kristina and welcome to AC. I'm new on here too. I have been feeling different pretty much my whole life. For years I didn't even know what Asperger's was, and as a kid I've been simply accepting being different and living with it, because I knew I was a good guy (I do have behavioral issues at home though, not proud of it). As I've grown up I've come to observe my differences more and more - both by myself and through my very poor and failed attempts at fitting in and making friends. To this day I feel like everyone, everyone literally - around me - is normal, and that I don't have any of that. I do feel like a human imitator too, like some sort of cartoon character.

I've had my fair share of being made fun of and ridiculed in school all the way up to senior year, and as I ventured through college my "difference" became way worse. Without even being aware of it at first, I started acting very hyper and obnoxious. I've gone from being made fun of to actually being hated by my classmates. People thought I was crazy, others thought I was on drugs. I'm just glad to be out of there for more than five years, the computer science department had enough of its antagonist for two years. That's a long time. People like my parents and coworkers, who know about my college story, tell me that I obsess way too much over that and I should never call myself an antagonist, I'm not a bad guy...but often times I just don't believe them. I've gone too far and pushed everyone away. I started self-hating.

I believe I've improved somewhat, but I still very much act like a cartoon character. Even at work - I try to be come most of the time, but I'm always scared of screwing up. The anxieties are a story of their own pretty much. I've burst into panic more than once in front of my coworkers, even in front of my boss. I live in fear and worry, and at the same time I'm this cartoon character living amongst human beings. I don't know what to say here anymore. In any case...

Joining this site has its goals for me. I will help you a lot, Kristina. I'd like to gain some insight on my disorder and learn more about it. My psychologist "diagnosed" it, but not really - he said I'd need a specialist. I haven't gone to one yet, I'll need to see if I have to. I've learned on here from fellow Aspies that it's NOT a disability, even though the doc said it was - and I just know that it's not. Yet I'm very gullible, I just tend to believe what anyone would tell me. The community on here is a more reliable source, for sure. No one is alone here. In fact, this same doc recommended that I join an online AS community, and here I am. I should have done it years ago. I also want to use this site to help me diminish my severe anxieties and self-hatred, as well as all those regrets from my past in college. Living in fear, worry and regret is cancer to the mind and I just can't cope with it on my own. I want it all to go away and be as happy as I should be. I'm still capable of being happy but I've sure missed out on a lot of it.

 

[Streetwise]

Just to say its common for what is unusual to be abandoned my mam had pseudo bulbar palsy one of the motor neurone diseases she unofficially diagnosed herself
that was 20 years ago there was stephen hawking with familial M.N.D
And David Niven actor with this motor neurone disease
knew nothing about it

 

[Streetwise]

Just to say its common for what is unusual to be abandoned my mam had pseudo bulbar palsy one of the motor neurone diseases she unofficially diagnosed herself
that was 20 years ago there was stephen hawking with familial M.N.D
And David Niven actor with this motor neurone disease
knew nothing about it

No movies with people being destroyed by it but she did the usual

 

[Streetwise]

No movies with people being destroyed by it but she did the usual

Go to the library and re searched it herself -it's survival mode her speech went in the first three months

 

[Streetwise]

Go to the library and re searched it herself -it's survival mode her speech went in the first three months
her GP ADMITTED!!!! he had seen 3 people in the last 30 years with it

 

[Thursday]

And Werebear, stress is my biggest problem. I am so stressed all the time, because I am "acting normal" that it is making me extremely sick.

Hi there Kristina! I can relate to what you said about being stressed acting normal. Some days are good for me and I can hide it just fine, though there are times when it seems impossible to contain. Just today when I ended up crying in a corner of our house because of some argument, my mom attempted to order me to stop crying. Regardless if it's inside my home (not hers) and it wasn't even about her, she has an idea about what behavior is acceptable.

I'm aware of it, there are times I'm ashamed I can't always keep the gold standard of what passes for normal, but what can I do...I've been like this since I was a kid and all they did was lock me inside a room and threaten me with various things. Sucks to be in a country where mental health is deemed a rich person's concern.

Oh if only they knew how much effort it takes just to be able to smile and nod through their pleasantries. I'd rather be taking a test sometimes.

Edit: also, don't be surprised about high white blood cell counts. We have abnormally strong immune systems. I was once kept in the hospital for observation for a week because my white cell count was alarmingly high and never went down. I guess they didn't get the memo.

How interesting. That might explain something about myself...my autoimmune issue is that I clot too fast and kill off anything foreign entering my system. Figures, my body is as much of an introvert as I am.

 

[slowtrain]

I hear you. It took me about 5-6 years after initial research to receive a diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 33. I suspect many women are going undiagnosed. We should get academy awards for outstanding performances in a neurotypcal drama. As a child I attended a very small independent school and had a few close friends who shared similar traits-- introverted, extreme interest in something esoteric, tomboys, blunt and/or quiet-- I wonder what their journey has been like. I felt I had to hide this identity once I transferred to a public middle school.

 

[Keigan]

Welcome. Sounds like you are on the right path, many "professionals" don't see it as they simply don't know the details.

 

[WereBear]

We should get academy awards for outstanding performances in a neurotypcal drama.

Funny, sad, and true.

One of my tasks since my discovery of my Aspieness (which I am totally cool with, BTW!) is figuring out, after a lifetime of straining to "fit in," where my true self lies.

 

[Section_Eight]

Hi Kristina,

It’s a shame that the so-called medical professionals won’t take you seriously. Like you I have self-diagnosed with HFA. Also like you I’m fairly good at acting normal, so that no one would believe me if I told them my suspicions, my wife certainly doesn’t.

You mentioned that you feel like you’re in a cage because that doctors refused the idea that you have HFA. Why is that? What about having a diagnosis would free you from that cage?

Whether you get diagnosed or not you’re still going to have HFA. I can understand that it would be nice to have an official diagnosis (“see people I really am crazy”), but it certainly won’t change anything. Assume that you’re self-diagnosis is correct and move forward with that.

A few people have mentioned their children being on the short side. This came as a surprise to me as growing up I was always the shortest in my age group and it wasn’t until I was around 11 that I started to get taller than some people, eventually topping out at roughly average height.