I wish I could have helped my friend more.

[Metalhead]

He died by his own hand instead.

The last time I hanged out with him, I served him tacos and we watched the first half of Howl’s Moving Castle together. I knew he was as suffering from depression and I wanted to be a pillar for him. But I failed.

Even though I know logically that I should not blame myself, here I am doing just that. My brain is like that sometimes.

 

[Metalhead]

I hate knowing I was the last person he hung out with before that happened. And I failed him.

 

[Xinyta]

This is a very hard thing to deal with. And as much as it hurts. We must be willing to deal with the cards life deals us. It's not your fault.

I wish I could think of more to say, to try and help.

 

[Metalhead]

This is a very hard thing to deal with. And as much as it hurts. We must be willing to deal with the cards life deals us. It's not your fault.

I wish I could think of more to say, to try and help.

While I know what you say is correct, my logic and my heart are divided here.

 

[Metalhead]

Seriously, damn him for being so selfish.

Damn him for taking his own life and taking the easy way out.

Many people cared about him, and he did not give a bloody damn about any of that.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

It's beyond your control, though. You couldn't fail, if he makes the ultimate choice. I think of someone in my life who died by suicide and have wished, at times, I did more. But, looking back, I made myself available. Just like you did. There was no way for me to be successful or fail, because it ultimately wasn't my choice.

Imagine if it was a friend struggling at work. Would you credit yourself with their success or failure at keeping the job, after giving them advice? Suicide is extremely difficult to deal with, but don't turn that into self-judgment.

 

[Metalhead]

It's beyond your control, though. You couldn't fail, if he makes the ultimate choice. I think of someone in my life who died by suicide and have wished, at times, I did more. But, looking back, I made myself available. Just like you did. There was no way for me to be successful or fail, because it ultimately wasn't my choice.

Imagine if it was a friend struggling at work. Would you credit yourself with their success or failure at keeping the job, after giving them advice? Suicide is extremely difficult to deal with, but don't turn that into self-judgment.

Then that means he was an asshole.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Then that means he was an asshole.

I doubt it. Depression can severely distort thinking. He probably thought he was doing everyone a favor, tragically.

 

[Metalhead]

I doubt it. Depression can severely distort thinking. He probably thought he was doing everyone a favor, tragically.

While I know I can relate to that line of thinking, I still hate that my friend did what he did.

 

[Neri]

I've lost friends to taking their own lives, too. It's so very, very painful! It's so easy to blame ourselves, even though it's completely not our fault. I really feel for you.

 

[Rodafina]

I hate knowing I was the last person he hung out with before that happened. And I failed him.

@Metalhead, all your different feelings about this situation make a lot of sense. It is very difficult to have been close to someone who has taken their life. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Sometimes, people have already decided what they are going to do but like to silently say goodbye. There is a good chance that your friend was already sure that he was going to take his own life and seeing you for the last time was a way for him to say goodbye without actually saying it. I don't think you failed him.

 

[Aspychata]

I made the mistake of talking someone out of suicide, why do l say that? Because if l failed, l would have lived with guilt that l failed the person. I was shaken up for quite a few days. It is very emotionally taxing. They were bipolar, ADHD, and were dealing with a lot of physical pain. The other time l called 911 for them, and they were taken to the hospital for about a week. Don't beat yourself, up, you didn't know how depressed they really were.

 

[saturnv]

My brother killed himself 10 years ago. I don't know if the feelings you are describing are normal, but I do know I have felt them too. I still feel regret and I am still somewhat mad at him. I don't have any advice, but it did get easier to live with over time for me. I hope it does for you too.

 

[Masked Man]

I'm going to say something that may sound harsh. I don't mean it to be.

This isn't about you. Don't make his battle about you.

This was his battle. Sadly he lost the battle. And it's a shame when that happens.

You can only do so much. And you can't always save other people.

 

[Metalhead]

I'm going to say something that may sound harsh. I don't mean it to be.

This isn't about you. Don't make his battle about you.

This was his battle. Sadly he lost the battle. And it's a shame when that happens.

You can only do so much. And you can't always save other people.

You are correct. I am being selfish. I miss him.

 

[Wolfnox]

You are correct. I am being selfish. I miss him.

maybe finish watching howl’s moving castle will help?

 

[Metalhead]

He was a selfish twat waffle.

So many people wanted to help him build himself up, and he spit in all of their faces.

I will never kill myself and be a selfish coward like he was.

 

[Metalhead]

I hate that I miss such a selfish person. I am not the only person who misses him. What a dick he is.

 

[Xinyta]

Judge not his actions in life. For it's not our duty as humanbeings. Take example of his actions as a lesson, but not as a overall definition of his character.

Lost souls need to be prayed for in life and death. Or we truly are condemning them to darkness. To never escape the abyss. To live all thier existence in hell.

To continue to cling to the ill ideal of a person who has done wrong to themselves and/or others. Is to poison the very well, you sought to purify.

Hatred is a nothing but a desire to inflict malice on others. It goes beyond anger or distain. It's something that corrupts your very blood.

Poisoning your mind.

Poisoning your soul.

Forgiveness is the only way to free them, and yourself.

Either we bury our dead, or our dead bury us.

 

[paloftoon]

Now you have time to bond with other people, if you are okay with that. Everyone feels differently in these kind of situations. I suggest you seek therapy if it's still bothering you if you are not already seeing someone.