If you were diagnosed at a later age, how did your family react?

[David C.]

Just like the real world not all are supportive of every person with autistic neurology

That is very true. For me it hurts more when negativity comes from family.

 

[AprilR]

That sounds like a let of work for you, hard work too. My fear, speaking for myself, would be that I forget who I was behind the mask and come to regard me with my mask. My $0.02 worth

Think i am already at this stage. I don't know who i am anymore but its prob for the best since society is not really kind to autistic people here. At least no one hurts me if i keep masking

 

[Rasputin]

I was diagnosed ASD-1 three years ago, at age 61. I was being treated for sleep related problems, and was referred to a psychiatrist experienced in adult autism. My wife was initially in denial upon hearing my diagnosis, but then agreed with the diagnosis. Our relationship has suffered, as we barely speak to one another. She confines herself to a 10x12 sq ft home office with a television,
to minimize interaction. I make a point to check in with her throughout the day, as I refuse to give in to her. Her sister also acts strange, and pokes fun at me from time to time.

 

[Darkkin]

Everybody in my family is divergent in some way, mostly ADHD, but low support ASD1, is there, as well.

My diagnosis was the first formal one in the family, but the traits are all there. Everybody seems to accept that it just the way our family is. They are actively working to get screening done with the younger members.

It doesn't change who we are as people, but it does explain certain things like our family history of migraines.

I'm glad I have family like I do. And part of me knows I'm very lucky to have the family I do. Divergence is par for the course. It isn't anything to be ashamed of.

 

[Richelle-H]

The word normal, to me, is a pejorative. Nobody on the face of the planet is 100% normal. That is a concept dictated in part by where you are and when you are. You could be normal in one place but odd in another. The cultural, social, and interpersonal norms are constantly shifting as you move through life.

My mother must have had some inkling early on that I was different. She tried to get me into therapy when I was 10 or 11 but I was not having it. In that sense, I guess you might call me a trifle arrogant, as I have always thought that there was nothing wrong in me. The fault was in other's perceptions, not my own.

That had been the single constant in my life (i.e. an inflated concept of my own self-worth without it being narcissistic). If people did not see it, the fault was theirs and not mine to any degree. That means I have rarely tried to fit in, but I have moderated the totality of my personality such that I might present differently to one person than someone else a bit later. Who I am, is all a big game to me and no single person has a complete picture except, perhaps, my spouse. Although I am not so sure that is a complete picture as well for I tend to withhold things even after 38 years of marriage; or perhaps it is 38 years because of that.

By the time I was diagnosed, my mother had passed and she would have been the only one that it might have made a difference to, but I will never know.

So here I am on the spectrum, diagnosed with Asperger's in my 40s, and still supremely uninterested in what others think of me. You either take me as I am or not at all. That philosophy has served me well throughout my life.

 

[Slim Jim]

Denial, Ignorance, Indifference.

 

[Fino]

They seemed okay/neutral towards it. Probably just keeping their opinions private.

 

[Luca]

I was diagnosed very young but was not placed with a permanent family until I was much older. My adoptive parents have always been very supportive, although I feel like they hinder my maturity sometimes (they kind of baby me. They're not trying to do anything bad, they just feel like they have to protect me from being hurt, even though I'm living on my own and away from them now.)

My extended family has always been horrible about my autism diagnosis and they use it as an excuse to treat me like I'm "less than." They are also very racist towards me.

I went through a lot of bullying and abuse and violence as a result of my diagnosis as well, in school and in a residential program and foster care.
There are probably countless threads on here about "Why does everyone hate autistic people?" and I don't think there's a definitive answer other than that society doesn't like "different." So a lot of us face a lot of abuse and trauma, and bullying and cyberbullying, and even physical and sexual violence.
More reasons why I think it's SO IMPORTANT TO JUST BE A NICE PERSON!!! I can't stress that enough. Some people are really suffering and you don't want to make it worse for them. I'm not a person who has a lot of hate in my heart, but bullies and abusers really disgust me. Even worse when it's someone's own friends or family, who they trusted to support them, and ended up turning on them.

Having a supportive family can be a huge help, but not everyone has a supportive family, and it's good to be able to find support in other places too (this forum has been a massive help for me, since I don't have much of a support system irl other than my parents, and some of my friends don't know about my diagnosis. I have met some of my best friends on this forum!)

 

[Alexej]

Think i am already at this stage. I don't know who i am anymore but its prob for the best since society is not really kind to autistic people here. At least no one hurts me if i keep masking

I hear you, but this quote is one of my favourites and it pulls me up short often. I know I dont live up to the challenge in here.

If I never become what I am meant to be, but always remain what I am not, I shall spend eternity contradicting myself, by being at once something and nothing, a life that wants to live and is dead and cannot quite achieve its own death because it still has to exist.

 

[Magna]

I was diagnosed ASD-1 three years ago, at age 61. I was being treated for sleep related problems, and was referred to a psychiatrist experienced in adult autism. My wife was initially in denial upon hearing my diagnosis, but then agreed with the diagnosis. Our relationship has suffered, as we barely speak to one another. She confines herself to a 10x12 sq ft home office with a television,
to minimize interaction. I make a point to check in with her throughout the day, as I refuse to give in to her. Her sister also acts strange, and pokes fun at me from time to time.

If your wife is willing to work on your marriage and you are as well, AANE.org (Autism Aspergers Network) has courses for mixed couples (ie mixed neurology). They also have zoom groups for NT spouses married to autistic spouses.

aane.org

Here's a free support group they offer for spouses in an NT/ASD replationship. Since she's spending most of her time in a home office, she has a computer which means she has access to zoom.

Neurodiverse Couples and Partners – The Asperger / Autism Network (AANE)

 

[Rasputin]

If your wife is willing to work on your marriage and you are as well, AANE.org (Autism Aspergers Network) has courses for mixed couples (ie mixed neurology). They also have zoom groups for NT spouses married to autistic spouses.

aane.org

Here's a free support group they offer for spouses in an NT/ASD replationship. Since she's spending most of her time in a home office, she has a computer which means she has access to zoom.

Neurodiverse Couples and Partners – The Asperger / Autism Network (AANE)

Might be worth a try. Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[Azul]

I told my godmother I might be because she helped me fill a questionnaire with my childhood data. She works in special education but thinks I don't fit the profile for asperger. She's into her 50s, tough, and thought that the 1/250 ratio of ASD1 over the general populace were 1 in thousands, so her knowledge seems outdated.

I don't know if I give her more details or not. I don't see a real use, as it's just my wish to talk with someone I know about it.

My mother and aunts know I have researched and suspect about it because of my carelessness, since my YouTube account were logged in the TV. They don't seem to care, but probably talk about it without me knowing. But I do know they talk derisively that "everyone believes they're autistic lately". So far no apparent difference.