I'll start university soon and I want to make friends, do you have any tips?

[CrazyInTrains]

I'm sure this has been asked many times before, but I haven't really found much when searching.

I'll start at university at the Biomedicin analyst program (in Sweden) in about a week (yes, I'm good at procrastinating) and I really want to try to make some friends (and at some point maybe a girlfriend ) but I don't know how, I haven't made a friend IRL since I was 10, and that's kind of 10 years ago and I doubt it works to ask if I can play with them in the sandbox : (

I've figured out some important points:

• TaLk To pEoPlE! It's obvious even for me now, if I don't talk with anyone they won't become my friends in any way.
• Don't sit in a corner avoiding people, and don't use ear defenders in hallways too much.
• Sit "next" to others in the classrooms to show that you don't fear them (I suppose), I've even not asked for a reserved seat in a corner, to force me to sit with others to not seem like a weirdo in the corner, even thought that may cause me a lot of stress and anxiety, but I hope it's worth it.
• Try to eat lunch with others.

I have not joined the student "union" since the only thing they seem to do it drink alcohol (hopefully only ethanol) and I'm not interested in that. I will live with my parents.

Do any of you have more ideas?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Well, in my experience, the incoming class of university students will all be in a similar situation as you,...a large group of people they don't know,...everyone is new,...and looking to make new friends. Don't hide in your room! You don't have to go out and join every on-campus group, but maybe one or two. Go to the sporting events on campus. Go to a few of the social events,...all things in moderation,...but put yourself out there. I went to a few off campus parties, played a few "drinking games", met a few girls,...in other words, I didn't get so wrapped up in my insecurities and social awkwardness to let it stop me from enjoying the university experience.

You can have some fun and get good grades,...just find that balance and pace yourself. When it's time to focus,...focus. When it's time to blow off some steam and have fun,...do it. Keep in mind that the human brain can only focus for about 45 minutes at a time,...you will need those 20-30 minute breaks to let your brain relax,...then go at it again.

If you go about this with a positive attitude, some excitement and anticipation, you'll do just fine. University classes are often a huge step up in intensity,...so don't take them lightly. Your professors are getting paid whether or not you pass the class, so don't expect them to give you special attention like your high school teachers. If you need help, you have to actively seek it out,...study groups, tutoring lab, teachers assistants, office hours,...whatever,...but do not get behind.

 

[VictorR]

I personally like sitting near but not at the edge of a row of seats - e.g. 2 or 3 spots away, and arriving early on the first lecture to pick such a spot. That way, as the seats fill up, I will eventually have two neighbours whom I can introduce myself to, but without the awkwardness of asking "is this seat taken" or "can I sit here?"

I found some of my favourite classmates were middle-aged locals taking courses out of interest - since many were there out of boredom and were happy to take the lead talking about local life and their work.

I tried to go to as many departmental events as I could to get a feel for things, played intramural soccer (football) and eventually, as I was more comfortable, ran for and won a seat on student union and at the academic senate. Admittedly I preferred the latter since it was a lot more formal, whereas the former could be a bit chaotic at times.

 

[Bort]

One relatively simple piece of advice I have is to go to certain help centres your school might have, such as a math help centre. Also go to your professor's office hours. You will encounter other students who are needing help with school work and I have found that one thing that brings people together to form a bond is a mutual suffering of university assignments.

 

[Wulven]

Yeah. Choose who you call "friend" carefully.

 

[LadyS]

Joining student organizations and interest groups are usually a sure bet in meeting lots of people.

 

[CrazyInTrains]

Well, in my experience, the incoming class of university students will all be in a similar situation as you,...a large group of people they don't know,...everyone is new,...and looking to make new friends. Don't hide in your room! You don't have to go out and join every on-campus group, but maybe one or two. Go to the sporting events on campus. Go to a few of the social events,...all things in moderation,...but put yourself out there. I went to a few off campus parties, played a few "drinking games", met a few girls,...in other words, I didn't get so wrapped up in my insecurities and social awkwardness to let it stop me from enjoying the university experience.

You can have some fun and get good grades,...just find that balance and pace yourself. When it's time to focus,...focus. When it's time to blow off some steam and have fun,...do it. Keep in mind that the human brain can only focus for about 45 minutes at a time,...you will need those 20-30 minute breaks to let your brain relax,...then go at it again.

If you go about this with a positive attitude, some excitement and anticipation, you'll do just fine. University classes are often a huge step up in intensity,...so don't take them lightly. Your professors are getting paid whether or not you pass the class, so don't expect them to give you special attention like your high school teachers. If you need help, you have to actively seek it out,...study groups, teachers assistants, office hours,...whatever,...but do not get behind.

I'll try to do my very best to keep my grades as good as possible, but I'm afraid I will be behind from day one. I should take a look on what clubs there are, I don't think it was much here, but they would be a good opertunity, and study groups would be perfect! Thanks!

I personally like sitting near but not at the edge of a row of seats - e.g. 2 or 3 spots away, and arriving early on the first lecture to pick such a spot. That way, as the seats fill up, I will eventually have two neighbours whom I can introduce myself to, but without the awkwardness of asking "is this seat taken" or "can I sit here?"

I found some of my favourite classmates were middle-aged locals taking courses out of interest - since many were there out of boredom and were happy to take the lead talking about local life and their work.

I tried to go to as many departmental events as I could to get a feel for things, played intramural soccer (football) and eventually, as I was more comfortable, ran for and won a seat on student union and at the academic senate. Admittedly I preferred the latter since it was a lot more formal, whereas the former could be a bit chaotic at times.

Ooh! Smart! I'm always in good time so I should be able to do that! Super smart! Thanks!

One relatively simple piece of advice I have is to go to certain help centres your school might have, such as a math help centre. Also go to your professor's office hours. You will encounter other students who are needing help with school work and I have found that one thing that brings people together to form a bond is a mutual suffering of university assignments.

Wonderful idea, and it gives a reason to talk with others, about the questions and so on. Thanks!

Yeah. Choose who you call "friend" carefully.

Yeah, that's important ... I ahve to remember that! Thanks!

Joining student organizations and interest groups are usually a sure bet in meeting lots of people.

I'll see what i can find! It's a very good idea! Thanks!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think it is important to socialize a bit. I didn't do that well and my sense of isolation increased by an order of magnitude. Those who I saw who were good at socializing seemed to be more certain of themselves and relaxed, as if the weight of such necessity was lifted from them. Just sayin'. Then came grad school and things ramped up even more.

 

[Rasputin]

I think you have received some good advice. I would look for potential friends who are interesting, are a little reserved, and who share some common interests. Don’t be afraid to say hello and introduce yourself, but don’t overwhelm with information. Give it some time; If the other person wants to be friends they may want to talk and get to know you. And listen to the advice others have given you.

 

[Crossbreed]

I'll start university soon and I want to make friends, do you have any tips?

1. If you are Christian, find a good church.
2. Join school clubs that match your interest(s). Math? Chess?

 

[CrazyInTrains]

I think you have received some good advice. I would look for potential friends who are interesting, are a little reserved, and who share some common interests. Don’t be afraid to say hello and introduce yourself, but don’t overwhelm with information. Give it some time; If the other person wants to be friends they may want to talk and get to know you. And listen to the advice others have given you.

I agree, they are good! Oh! That's smart to look for reserved people! I'll probably have to work on an introduction with only a relevant amount of info I almost always say too much. Thank you!

 

[CrazyInTrains]

1. If you are Christian, find a good church.
2. Join school clubs that match your interest(s). Math? Chess?

Oh, I do be in the (former) state church, but I'm too lazy to get up before lunch on Sundays and there has at least been a Christan association at the university, could be of interest. I'll see if I can find any clubs! Thanks!

 

[Crossbreed]

Oh, I do be in the (former) state church, but I'm too lazy to get up before lunch on Sundays...

If they have them, you may want to check out non-state churches in the area. If they are like ours, they will have evening activities and a more casual manner to them.

 

[CrazyInTrains]

If they have them, you may want to check out non-state churches in the area. If they are like ours, they will have evening activities and a more casual manner to them.

I googled a bit and they seems to have a some stuff, but it seems like the state church has more over all it's definitely something to look in to. The free churches seems more "God obsessed" than the state one
Thanks!

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Dpending what you are majoring in, many programs would be full of fellow Aspies Engineering would be a good example. Likes likes like.

 

[Ovaltine Overdose]

Don't know if it would work for you, but at my college I found a tactic where I would force myself be as socially assertive as I could for a short duration, enough just to get people interested in me. After this, the other socially awkward people would start to gravitate towards me like an Aspie bugzapper.

For example, if I was giving a project, I was confident in my own knowledge and found it easier to speak up and be loud about it. This would draw attention and people would figure me out by watching my mannerisms. Then you wait for other people to give a project, and watch if they're quiet like you. Then after class try and approach them about said project and use it as an icebreaker. Because you put yourself out there earlier, these otherwise quiet people find it easier to open up, and the chance of a friendship forming from the following conversation would increase. This tactic has to be adapted to whatever situation you may find yourself in, but it has the highest success rate of anything I've ever tried.

Consider friend making a game with strategies and tactics. At least looking at it that way helped me.

 

[Alexej]

Joining student organizations and interest groups are usually a sure bet in meeting lots of people.

Agreed. Go along and try the meeting. Everybody will be new and getting to know each other.

Going to the Union was a good idea in my day. The union also had cheap food, and you met others there too. Alcohol was certainly an option, but not a requirement.

All the best.

 

[Rainbowcat]

I will tell you how i made friends in my first Bachelor and what i have understood about how you can make friends at college.

I tried to be outgoing, relaxed(as much as possible) and sat at first rows of the auditorium. At first rows sit students who pay attention,they might be more reserved and more geeks than students sitting in the last 3 rows.
You can try sitting in different places eg. In the middle, or in the last rows and you will observe what type of students are gathered.

Don't forget the student clubs and unions as other memebers have forementioned.

Last but not least, be yourself, meaning be authentic don't try to be someone else, in order to be more likable.

College is much cooler and better experience than school. Have a great start!

 

[Martha Ferris]

No. My college experience was a repeat of my previous school experience. I expected people to be more mature but it was just more of the same BS. A nightmare from which there was no escape as I lived in a dorm. I wish I could be more encouraging. I really do. It partly led to my leaving school in my third semester. The social difficulties impacted my ability to learn. I found different ways to get my education that did not involve traditional learning scenarios and met my educational goals despite that experience. I hope your experience is far more positive and beneficial than mine was.

 

[Rainbowcat]

No. My college experience was a repeat of my previous school experience. I expected people to be more mature but it was just more of the same BS. A nightmare from which there was no escape as I lived in a dorm. I wish I could be more encouraging. I really do. It partly led to my leaving school in my third semester. The social difficulties impacted my ability to learn. I found different ways to get my education that did not involve traditional learning scenarios and met my educational goals despite that experience. I hope your experience is far more positive and beneficial than mine was.

I am sorry about your experience.


I did not live in a dorm ,which might have stressed me out if i lived. So that might be a factor for feeling much better in college.