I'm constantly late and have no routines, autism or ADD?

[the frog in the fog]

I am currently still evaluating with my psychologist if I qualify for an autism diagnosis, in other words I haven't got one as of yet.

Right now I'm frustrated because I'm once again late to an important thing that there was absolutely no reason to be late to. Okay, part of it was getting distracted by my phone. But that's not the whole reason.

I'm just late for everything all the time. I think I find it hard to transition from the one state into the other.

I don't have any routines either, at all, atleast not from what I'm aware of. My life is so chaotic, I lack the basic micromanagement skills or something, I miss out on brushing my teeth, on taking meals, etc etc. So the opposite of having routines!

I think I might be autistic but my psychologist also suggested ADD.

The being late stuff (I've heard from many autistic people how they like to 'check out' new places in advance) and the no routines stuff feel very un-autistic of me, right?

So maybe ADD then?

 

[Outdated]

I don't really have anything in the way of routines but I was always very pedantic about showing up for appointments 5 minutes early. As you mentioned, I'm one of those people that will usually be 30 minutes early and use that time to properly orient myself, making sure I'm at the right place and making sure I have people's names right, etc.

Okay, part of it was getting distracted by my phone.

To me that is inexcusable.

I have also threatened to sack people before for sitting there playing on their phone instead of doing the work they're being paid for. Their innattentiveness causes mistakes.

 

[jsilver256]

I think the "routine" thing is tricky. My experience is that it is more an intolerance to sudden change.

For example, I used to constantly wear pajamas unless I didn't have a choice. Then it was a chaotic process to throw on clothes and make it to places. It wasn't something I was proud about.

When I received the diagnosis, I figured out that was a coping mechanism for two things - the choice of clothing, and the sensory discomfort.

Now I do the stereotypical autistic thing of having 10 copies of the exact same outfit that's very comfortable. Haven't worn pajamas during the day in a long time. That's a "routine" I guess. But to me it's a necessity for functioning.

 

[Xinyta]

It could be ADD. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. It could be Autism with a ADD comorbid.

However. I'd be mindful about using things as excuses. Like @Outdated said about the phone thing. As it does make it sound like you have a general lack of responsibility.

There is a difference between being outright irresponsible and having a condition like Autism or ADD.

 

[Outdated]

For example, I used to constantly wear pajamas unless I didn't have a choice. Then it was a chaotic process to throw on clothes and make it to places. It wasn't something I was proud about.

[Off Topic] When I was the same age as your youngest I suddenly started being ready for school really early every morning. Mum was pleased and amazed at the change in me until the weather got warmer. I was putting clothes on over the top of my pyjamas. I got caught out by wearing a short sleeved shirt over the top of long sleeved pyjamas.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

There's also the option of combined autism and ADHD. Both autism and ADHD can result in all different kinds of visible difficulties, and the combination can even more so have all sorts of outcomes.

Only from your post, we can't say whether you might have AD(H)D or autism. And even with more information, an online-diagnosis is not possible. You should discuss this with your psychologist, and maybe seek a second opinion if you want.

I got a professional strong suspicion for autism, but I also suspect some ADHD traits in there (ADHD was not a topic what that psychologist). So I consider myself autistic with ADHD traits.

That said, some traits overlap. Not being able to meet deadlines, lack of personal structure, etc. can be autism, it can be ADHD, it can be some other mental health issue, or it can be neither of those.

I am generally good with appointments. If my showing up on time is crucial (like a doctor's appointment, a job interview, a meeting with someone I don't know), I am generally too early. I plan the way there very precisely. But if I consider the meeting a bit less crucial, I often run late because I underestimated the time and still want to finish every item on my morning routine. I also often run late if there's someone else there (like my partner), because my getting-ready-times are estimated based on me being alone, and those few seconds you lose because someone used the milk carton first or needed a moment in the bathroom first, add up (like, alone, 45min in the morning are plenty, but with another person there, I'll need an hour).

Then, I am extremely structured about paperwork, lists, taking notes, making plans. Those look meticulous. My desk, my personal space, etc. on the other hand are always cluttered. I am awsome at writing up a detailed cleaning schedule, but awful at sticking to it.
I don't know how much of that is autism, how much is ADHD, and how much is just my personality (although, are those seperable?).

 

[AuroraBorealis]

But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Wow. I have never in my life heard that expression. It created a very funny image in my mind.

For others who didn't know it: "to lose valuable ideas or things in your attempt to get rid of what is not wanted" (throw the baby out with the bathwater)

 

[thejuice]

Do you live.in a messy.environment

 

[Outdated]

Do you live.in a messy.environment

That's a good question for me. As a kid I was incredibly messy, untidy, wouldn't wash unless forced to, etc. When I first started living in my own place I always kept it spotless, I even regularly washed walls and ceilings. But I also had a very active social life going and in the days before mobile phones and internet you'd have people coming over often.

For some reason I never fathomed the wheels fell off that cleanliness when I was about 30 and I reverted back to being messy again.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Obviously none of us can diagnose you, but certainly the traits you are talking about could be autism or ADHD or both.

The inability to be on time, lack of routines, being disorganized; these sound to me more like impaired Executive Function, which often goes along with autism. While I am obsessive about being on time (and often way early) I have many other traits of impaired executive function, such as having a messy environment, clutter, trouble organizing things, losing things, etc. This in spite of decades of trying a variety of ways and systems to get organized, etc, etc.

What I am trying to say is that even if many autists thrive on routine, some of us can't stick to a routine.