I'm constantly late and have no routines, autism or ADD?

[the frog in the fog]

I am currently still evaluating with my psychologist if I qualify for an autism diagnosis, in other words I haven't got one as of yet.

Right now I'm frustrated because I'm once again late to an important thing that there was absolutely no reason to be late to. Okay, part of it was getting distracted by my phone. But that's not the whole reason.

I'm just late for everything all the time. I think I find it hard to transition from the one state into the other.

I don't have any routines either, at all, atleast not from what I'm aware of. My life is so chaotic, I lack the basic micromanagement skills or something, I miss out on brushing my teeth, on taking meals, etc etc. So the opposite of having routines!

I think I might be autistic but my psychologist also suggested ADD.

The being late stuff (I've heard from many autistic people how they like to 'check out' new places in advance) and the no routines stuff feel very un-autistic of me, right?

So maybe ADD then?

 

[Outdated]

I don't really have anything in the way of routines but I was always very pedantic about showing up for appointments 5 minutes early. As you mentioned, I'm one of those people that will usually be 30 minutes early and use that time to properly orient myself, making sure I'm at the right place and making sure I have people's names right, etc.

Okay, part of it was getting distracted by my phone.

To me that is inexcusable.

I have also threatened to sack people before for sitting there playing on their phone instead of doing the work they're being paid for. Their innattentiveness causes mistakes.

 

[jsilver256]

I think the "routine" thing is tricky. My experience is that it is more an intolerance to sudden change.

For example, I used to constantly wear pajamas unless I didn't have a choice. Then it was a chaotic process to throw on clothes and make it to places. It wasn't something I was proud about.

When I received the diagnosis, I figured out that was a coping mechanism for two things - the choice of clothing, and the sensory discomfort.

Now I do the stereotypical autistic thing of having 10 copies of the exact same outfit that's very comfortable. Haven't worn pajamas during the day in a long time. That's a "routine" I guess. But to me it's a necessity for functioning.

 

[Xinyta]

It could be ADD. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. It could be Autism with a ADD comorbid.

However. I'd be mindful about using things as excuses. Like @Outdated said about the phone thing. As it does make it sound like you have a general lack of responsibility.

There is a difference between being outright irresponsible and having a condition like Autism or ADD.

 

[Outdated]

For example, I used to constantly wear pajamas unless I didn't have a choice. Then it was a chaotic process to throw on clothes and make it to places. It wasn't something I was proud about.

[Off Topic] When I was the same age as your youngest I suddenly started being ready for school really early every morning. Mum was pleased and amazed at the change in me until the weather got warmer. I was putting clothes on over the top of my pyjamas. I got caught out by wearing a short sleeved shirt over the top of long sleeved pyjamas.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

There's also the option of combined autism and ADHD. Both autism and ADHD can result in all different kinds of visible difficulties, and the combination can even more so have all sorts of outcomes.

Only from your post, we can't say whether you might have AD(H)D or autism. And even with more information, an online-diagnosis is not possible. You should discuss this with your psychologist, and maybe seek a second opinion if you want.

I got a professional strong suspicion for autism, but I also suspect some ADHD traits in there (ADHD was not a topic what that psychologist). So I consider myself autistic with ADHD traits.

That said, some traits overlap. Not being able to meet deadlines, lack of personal structure, etc. can be autism, it can be ADHD, it can be some other mental health issue, or it can be neither of those.

I am generally good with appointments. If my showing up on time is crucial (like a doctor's appointment, a job interview, a meeting with someone I don't know), I am generally too early. I plan the way there very precisely. But if I consider the meeting a bit less crucial, I often run late because I underestimated the time and still want to finish every item on my morning routine. I also often run late if there's someone else there (like my partner), because my getting-ready-times are estimated based on me being alone, and those few seconds you lose because someone used the milk carton first or needed a moment in the bathroom first, add up (like, alone, 45min in the morning are plenty, but with another person there, I'll need an hour).

Then, I am extremely structured about paperwork, lists, taking notes, making plans. Those look meticulous. My desk, my personal space, etc. on the other hand are always cluttered. I am awsome at writing up a detailed cleaning schedule, but awful at sticking to it.
I don't know how much of that is autism, how much is ADHD, and how much is just my personality (although, are those seperable?).

 

[AuroraBorealis]

But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Wow. I have never in my life heard that expression. It created a very funny image in my mind.

For others who didn't know it: "to lose valuable ideas or things in your attempt to get rid of what is not wanted" (throw the baby out with the bathwater)

 

[thejuice]

Do you live.in a messy.environment

 

[Outdated]

Do you live.in a messy.environment

That's a good question for me. As a kid I was incredibly messy, untidy, wouldn't wash unless forced to, etc. When I first started living in my own place I always kept it spotless, I even regularly washed walls and ceilings. But I also had a very active social life going and in the days before mobile phones and internet you'd have people coming over often.

For some reason I never fathomed the wheels fell off that cleanliness when I was about 30 and I reverted back to being messy again.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Obviously none of us can diagnose you, but certainly the traits you are talking about could be autism or ADHD or both.

The inability to be on time, lack of routines, being disorganized; these sound to me more like impaired Executive Function, which often goes along with autism. While I am obsessive about being on time (and often way early) I have many other traits of impaired executive function, such as having a messy environment, clutter, trouble organizing things, losing things, etc. This in spite of decades of trying a variety of ways and systems to get organized, etc, etc.

What I am trying to say is that even if many autists thrive on routine, some of us can't stick to a routine.

 

[FilterFreq]

I've got AuDHD like a few others on here and I've never had an affinity for strict routines.

Sometimes I wonder if the textbooks have confused hyperfocus for routine adherence at times, although I know there are plenty of people on the spectrum who really do prefer to adhere to a strict schedule for many aspects of their daily life.

 

[Neia]

I hate being late. It increases my anxiety so much that I end up having panic attacks because of that.
But I also hate arriving early anywhere, because that entails being forced to unnecessarily (in my mind) interact with people.
So, that meant I'd often arrive late to work, because public transportation here are a mess, but I couldn't push myself to arrive early.
Sometimes, most times, I'd stay till late at work just because the prospect of getting in a full bus again was unbearable.

I use my smartphone to self-sooth, just as I used to use books or crochet or stimming. But I've decided that a good way to not use my phone for that when out and about, is to not have internet on my phone

 

[DrBadStrings]

I am currently still evaluating with my psychologist if I qualify for an autism diagnosis, in other words I haven't got one as of yet.

Right now I'm frustrated because I'm once again late to an important thing that there was absolutely no reason to be late to. Okay, part of it was getting distracted by my phone. But that's not the whole reason.

I'm just late for everything all the time. I think I find it hard to transition from the one state into the other.

I don't have any routines either, at all, atleast not from what I'm aware of. My life is so chaotic, I lack the basic micromanagement skills or something, I miss out on brushing my teeth, on taking meals, etc etc. So the opposite of having routines!

I think I might be autistic but my psychologist also suggested ADD.

The being late stuff (I've heard from many autistic people how they like to 'check out' new places in advance) and the no routines stuff feel very un-autistic of me, right?

So maybe ADD then?

My own experience and what I've read would have me thinking that the lateness thing would be more on the ADD side but I could be wrong. I'm autistic and have always had this compulsion to never ever be late. Like I can't be late, if it's a 5 minute drive to an appointment I'm leaving with at least 25 minutes to spare. Now my brother and his daughter, both ADD, have an inability to ever be on time for anything. Always dawdling and hard to get out of the house and moving.

 

[RemyZee]

Same thing about not ever being late and being late is kind of upsetting for some reason to me. I like what one said about confusing hyper focus, which I have, and a need for routine. I find when I'm in my focus place it can be very disorienting to have to suddenly come out of it--it turns me into a huge scatter- brain. But in terms of routine I'd say for me the focus is the routine. It can look like adhd but what turns me into a space cadet isn't a lack of routine so much as being completely into something to the point I don't really care about the environment or it's demands.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Wow. I have never in my life heard that expression. It created a very funny image in my mind.

For others who didn't know it: "to lose valuable ideas or things in your attempt to get rid of what is not wanted" (throw the baby out with the bathwater)

I've read that the saying originated back when families took a bath, the father would take one first. Then the mother. Then the children, oldest to youngest. By the time it was the youngest kid's turn to be bathed, the water was so dirty they could disappear into it without the adults noticing and then they'd dump the water out. So they were throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

 

[the frog in the fog]

I've read that the saying originated back when families took a bath, the father would take one first. Then the mother. Then the children, oldest to youngest. By the time it was the youngest kid's turn to be bathed, the water was so dirty they could disappear into it without the adults noticing and then they'd dump the water out. So they were throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

My grandpa grew up like that.

 

[thejuice]

That's a good question for me. As a kid I was incredibly messy, untidy, wouldn't wash unless forced to, etc. When I first started living in my own place I always kept it spotless, I even regularly washed walls and ceilings. But I also had a very active social life going and in the days before mobile phones and internet you'd have people coming over often.

For some reason I never fathomed the wheels fell off that cleanliness when I was about 30 and I reverted back to being messy again.

I go through periods of really trying to clean and tidy but it doesn't last. For me I feel it's an over compensation for my innate scatty nature!

When I worked.in a kitchen I did manage to keep it spotless. But that was because we were graded on it and I'd have an inner meltdown if things got messy and it was busy, especially if something wasn't where it was supposed to be. It would totally throw me off axis!

I take after mum, if I took the scissors and didn't put them back she was on warpath haha

 

[RemyZee]

Wow. I have never in my life heard that expression. It created a very funny image in my mind.

For others who didn't know it: "to lose valuable ideas or things in your attempt to get rid of what is not wanted" (throw the baby out with the bathwater)

THANK you, I always wondered what that meant! But honestly, I still don't get it.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

THANK you, I always wondered what that meant! But honestly, I still don't get it.

I assume, an example could be: You decide to quit your job because you got overlooked for a promotion and are upset about it, but ignore that you also got some new perks if you stayed.
A very literal image could be: You throw out your entire vegetables drawer in your fridge because some of it got bad, even though there's still some good food in there as well.

If someone else has better examples, feel free to add. I just came up with those off the top of my head.

 

[the frog in the fog]

I assume, an example could be: You decide to quit your job because you got overlooked for a promotion and are upset about it, but ignore that you also got some new perks if you stayed.
A very literal image could be: You throw out your entire vegetables drawer in your fridge because some of it got bad, even though there's still some good food in there as well.

If someone else has better examples, feel free to add. I just came up with those off the top of my head.

But what did it mean in this particular context?

It could be ADD. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. It could be Autism with a ADD comorbid.

However. I'd be mindful about using things as excuses. Like @Outdated said about the phone thing. As it does make it sound like you have a general lack of responsibility.

There is a difference between being outright irresponsible and having a condition like Autism or ADD.