I'm not ready to be a teenager yet. Why do I feel like this?

[AloneNotLonely]

Go to a better school. Every single behaviour you have described is typical low IQ behaviour. You see this kind of behaviour from adults as well, and it's always the ones with a double digit IQ.

 

[Xerces Blue]

Go to a better school. Every single behaviour you have described is typical low IQ behaviour. You see this kind of behaviour from adults as well, and it's always the ones with a double digit IQ.

Going to another school might not be an option - not everyone has the money to go to a private school and not every area has alternate public schools

 

[Mattymatt]

I'm just not ready.
It's way too confusing navigating the waters of my crazy high school. I'm being bullied really badly at the moment. I hate bullies! I am sick of boys hitting on me.
Like a couple days ago, a boy came over to me and said "something highly inappropriate" (edited by staff for content)
Ew!
And he just randomly put his arm around my shoulders. I shoved him off.
The fashionable items of clothing just aren't comfortable. I hate jeans. And I never wear hoodies, I much prefer cardigans. Or zip up sweaters. But that's not with the current trends!
I am sick of being like everybody else. But if I don't conform to social norms, the bullying gets worse!
This world is too confusing. I'm going to make a terrible adult if I can't handle this.

What you're feeling is okay and probably perfectly normal for someone on the spectrum. When the time came, I neither felt ready to become a teenager nor ready to become an adult. In fact, I never really made the transition to adulthood, and consequently, my health suffered severely because I am unable to cook and prepare nutritious meals.

 

[Ezra]

It took me a while to adjust. Now I'm having to adjust to being an adult.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I'm going to make a terrible adult if I can't handle this.

I didn't read every comment so maybe someone already said this, but I don't think doing bad in high-school, socially or academically, means you'll make for a terrible adult.

I came here to give the same reply that @Fino did. Having difficult teen years doesn't make you a terrible adult. If anything, it makes you a more compassionate adult because you understand that people sometimes have inner struggles.

The teen years are tough for everyone, NT and ND alike. Every teenager is trying to figure out who they are and where they belong.

You have (at least!) two great advantages that you can use:

1) Adults are being trained to be more accepting and understanding toward teens that don't fit the "perfect normal ideal." There is more understanding of autism and other conditions, and there is more emphasis on stopping bullying. You should be able to find some adults in the school system (a counselor, maybe?) that you can go to for advice, understanding, and help.
1a) Do you have a 504 or IEP? If you don't consider asking your parents or counselor for one. It will allow you to ask for special accomodations. My daughter has a 504 that requires there to be a "cool down" location that she can go to when she gets overwhelmed.

2) There are many different social groups, not just one "normal' group. If you don't feel like you fit in one, try others.

 

[Pats]

Teens were a long time ago for me and I'm sure much different for you today. I remember I did not conform. My mom did make me start shaving my legs (but I tried to fight it. lol didn't matter, I only wore jeans). I wasn't interested in make up or anything the other girls were in to. I had one best friend who was a boy and we did some crazy things together - like climbing on top of the drug store downtown. I didn't have any other friends, but I didn't care. My sister was popular and a cheerleader and all and I probably made fun of her more than I should have - I just thought all that stuff was stupid. She wore clothes that would attract the boys attention and she had to call my mom to bring her something else to wear a few times because the boys saying things or acting inappropriately. I had tried to warn her not to wear those things. Is there a middle of the road that you would not look geeky, but not look like everyone else? I pretty much let my daughters dress how they chose - one chose to look like the popular girls to fit in and the one (that was always more like me) had her own look. I was shocked to learn that the other kids at school were afraid of her. lol I laugh because she wouldn't hit a fly. Her older sister would push her and she'd never fight back, even though I would tell her it would only take one time because from playing with them I knew she was much stronger than her older sister. I remember she didn't want to grow up, even when she became an adult she didn't want to be and didn't like it. But she has managed, has a family - 2 kids and calls me often saying she's so done with adulting. I guess I never cared for it either.
Anyway - hope you can find something useful in all this or at least feel like you're not alone.

 

[Joel's Hear]

I'll say one thing; coming from a guy myself, Teen guys are idiots. They're at the point of their lives where they think trying to score (be it drugs, alcohol, girls) is cool. But in reality they're just being idiots who think they're on top of the world.

I had one kid in my High School grad class be expelled because he had a thing of Pot (Marijuana) stashed in his locker in Grade 11 or 12, and he was the "gangster" wanna be type as well, you're likely to encounter those kinda idiots as well.

Try and stick with other people who are also into the same hobbies and interests as yourself, your username's Horsegirl so I'm assuming there's likely other people to be into Equestrian things, even if they have yet to discover it; hang out in the library at lunch or if your High School has After School Clubs that cater to your interests, join those too.

Try and go out of your comfort zone, that'll help as well. If you're not into nerdy things but are interested into dabbling in it and there's a Magic the Gathering or Dungeons and Dragons club (they're slowly gaining traction as a HS Club thing), go to the Organizer and ask about it, see if you can attend to see how you might like it

Expelled for pot? You live in BC don't you? The clouds above Vancouver aren't smog - they're smoke But I guess he wasn't likely 19, so I see the issue.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I think I was only a teenager in the superficial sense. It's like the second you turn 13 everyone thinks you should give up "kid" things that you still like, but you're still way too young for adult things. Except I thought most adult things were stupid and dangerous and I still do. I got mixed messages at school - being told by some people that I was more intelligent than most other kids my age while others said I was incredibly immature and selfish, and my grades were plummeting so which side sounded sounded more accurate anyway?
When I was a child I was allowed to be myself, even though I acted odd sometimes, and I was usually happy, did well in school for the most part and even had friends. But when I became a teen I wasn't allowed to be myself anymore. I heard some people say being a teen was the best years of their life. I think they must have been drunk or high on drugs the entire time to believe that.

 

[SunnyDay16]

It's normal to feel the way you feel. Once you become a teenager, adults suddenly start expecting all these things from you, and if you don't understand what those things are good luck being helped. You're expected to "be an adult" while still being treated like a child.

I'm sorry you're being hit on by guys. It's not a pleasant experience at all to be hit on when you're not interested and treated like a sexual conquest. It's not so bad when they get the message early on that you aren't into them, but it's the worst when they continue hitting on you no matter what signs you give. I had to deal with a little of that in both middle and high school by guys that I either found unattractive or who were major schmucks.

It didn't feel good or empowering really. It just felt gross.

 

[Isadoorian]

Expelled for pot? You live in BC don't you? The clouds above Vancouver aren't smog - they're smoke But I guess he wasn't likely 19, so I see the issue.

Yes; though this was in 2013, 2014, prior to it being legalized and when we still had Harper in Office

 

[Highway Cowboy]

When I was at school I was always the odd one out and last in the line to be picked for the soccer team etc. All the other "cool kids" were in their own little clicky groups and I always would wander round on my own finding patterns in the brickwork on the walls or on the flooring. I had a couple of friends who were similar to me but I preferred my own company. I would often occupy my teenage years studying car and truck magazines or drawing pictures.

I am now a 46 year old Trucker, looking back I'm kind of glad I didn't hang out with them as half of them are dead through drugs or similar poor lifestyle choices and the rest are probably in jail. When I was in school, Aspergers and Autism wasn't really heard of so kids like me were just a bit "different".

Don't think you're missing out on anything by not being with the "cool kids". Believe me they are shallow and deeply insecure and as for teenage lads, their brains are in their pants and they are not worthy of even holding a brief conversation with an intelligent, bright and articulate lady such as yourself. Inappropriate behaviour towards you must not be tolerated and you should report any such abusive behaviour to the relevant people.

Try to identify people similar to you, there will be some I guarantee. I did when I was at school and it was a girl actually! We were best friends all throughout high school and spent alot of time together as we had similar interests. We were never boyfriend and girlfriend, that never even occurred to us at the time,. We were just best friends. Alot of other lads used to mock me and bully me calling me gay because my best friend was a girl but I didn't care because I always felt intellectually superior to them.

Just try and avoid idiots and embrace your teenage years, believe me they soon pass and before you know it you're thrown into the adult world.

 

[clg114]

I have been around a long time and I would say that the worst time of my life was high school. By then you are expected fall in with the social norm and are ostracized by everyone else for being different. Within a few months of graduation, I was in the Army basic training. I dealt with that a lot better than high school.

 

[Horsegirl]

When I was at school I was always the odd one out and last in the line to be picked for the soccer team etc. All the other "cool kids" were in their own little clicky groups and I always would wander round on my own finding patterns in the brickwork on the walls or on the flooring. I had a couple of friends who were similar to me but I preferred my own company. I would often occupy my teenage years studying car and truck magazines or drawing pictures.

I am now a 46 year old Trucker, looking back I'm kind of glad I didn't hang out with them as half of them are dead through drugs or similar poor lifestyle choices and the rest are probably in jail. When I was in school, Aspergers and Autism wasn't really heard of so kids like me were just a bit "different".

Don't think you're missing out on anything by not being with the "cool kids". Believe me they are shallow and deeply insecure and as for teenage lads, their brains are in their pants and they are not worthy of even holding a brief conversation with an intelligent, bright and articulate lady such as yourself. Inappropriate behaviour towards you must not be tolerated and you should report any such abusive behaviour to the relevant people.

Try to identify people similar to you, there will be some I guarantee. I did when I was at school and it was a girl actually! We were best friends all throughout high school and spent alot of time together as we had similar interests. We were never boyfriend and girlfriend, that never even occurred to us at the time,. We were just best friends. Alot of other lads used to mock me and bully me calling me gay because my best friend was a girl but I didn't care because I always felt intellectually superior to them.

Just try and avoid idiots and embrace your teenage years, believe me they soon pass and before you know it you're thrown into the adult world.

Yes, I've seen some of the things cool kids do and I have no desire to be a popular kid. I also have one best friend. She is almost nothing like me, but we get along really well. And I think she's the only person on this planet that I can be my 100% self with.
Which is nice.

 

[Horsegirl]

It's normal to feel the way you feel. Once you become a teenager, adults suddenly start expecting all these things from you, and if you don't understand what those things are good luck being helped. You're expected to "be an adult" while still being treated like a child.

I'm sorry you're being hit on by guys. It's not a pleasant experience at all to be hit on when you're not interested and treated like a sexual conquest. It's not so bad when they get the message early on that you aren't into them, but it's the worst when they continue hitting on you no matter what signs you give. I had to deal with a little of that in both middle and high school by guys that I either found unattractive or who were major schmucks.

It didn't feel good or empowering really. It just felt gross.

Yes, its beyond horrid when guys will not quit bugging you.
I have told this guy outright to
"Leave me alone and quit being a creep."
Were the words I used exactly. But he for doesn't take the hint. I don't think you could even call it that, I didn't "hint" I said outright to let me be.

 

[Horsegirl]

Going to another school might not be an option - not everyone has the money to go to a private school and not every area has alternate public schools

Yes, switching schools isn't an option. And I wouldn't if it was. I switched schools last year and it SUCKED LIKE A VACUUM CLEANER ON HIGH POWER

 

[Fino]

Maybe home-schooling if it ever got bad enough?

 

[Horsegirl]

Maybe home-schooling if it ever got bad enough?

This could be used as a last resort. However, I do not have the best relationship with my mom. This would probably make it worse.

 

[Rayner]

I'm not trying to minimize how you feel, but I tell you that you will figure it out and eventually it all be over. I promise.

I'm just not ready.
It's way too confusing navigating the waters of my crazy high school. I'm being bullied really badly at the moment. I hate bullies! I am sick of boys hitting on me.
Like a couple days ago, a boy came over to me and said "something highly inappropriate" (edited by staff for content)
Ew!
And he just randomly put his arm around my shoulders. I shoved him off.
The fashionable items of clothing just aren't comfortable. I hate jeans. And I never wear hoodies, I much prefer cardigans. Or zip up sweaters. But that's not with the current trends!
I am sick of being like everybody else. But if I don't conform to social norms, the bullying gets worse!
This world is too confusing. I'm going to make a terrible adult if I can't handle this.

 

[Autistamatic]

School days were the worst days of my life. There. I've said it!
I went to an all boys selective school for what were supposed to be the brightest kids in the city. They were ANIMALS! I loathed every second of that place. I left after a couple of years and went to a normal, mixed comprehensive school which was marginally better but was still soul destroying.
That was over 30 years ago and memories of that time still haunt me sometimes. We have to go through it though. The standard school systems of most if not all the world are not geared up for any kind of challenging kids, not just ASD kids. If you deviate from the herd you're likely to have a hard time of it.
The good news is that it ends when you eventually become an adult and take charge of your own life. You can turn your back on those days and get on with your life your own way. The only thing you can do is get as good a set of grades as you can, ignore the idiots, perverts and bullies as much as you are able and use the rules to keep them in check when you get the opportunity.
My heart goes out to you @Horsegirl , it really does. I'd hate to go back to that time of my life, but I can honestly say that if I hadn't learned from the experiences of those days, I wouldn't have been as well equipped to handle adult life as I was.
Hang on in there as best you can

 

[OlLiE]

part of being a teenager is having your hormones try to take over
intelligent thought or responsible behaviour as a result, is generally unrealistic to expect
another part of this base instinctual behaviour is the irrational need to 'belong'

as you grow up and the hormones start to recede,
intellect starts to reassert itself

and you will realise that there is no real need to belong
all you need is to accept who you are
make the best of your life
try to be happy
don't care what other people think