I'm so frustrated about drug testing

[umbrellabeach]

Judge - Yeah, that's what I've been trying to say all along. My parents are the real issue. Once I'm on my own I'll be free, but as long as I'm with my parents I'm trapped. I'm definitely going to try for a job at the library, though. The position I best qualify for doesn't pay much, but it's better than nothing and I've always wanted to work in a library. :love:
By roommates, do you mean I should move into an apartment with roommates? I hate having roommates... I want to live completely on my own if at all possible. I do know that it would be expensive, though. Also, I don't think anyone else in the world is in the same predicament as me. Even if other people have parents like mine, no one is as embarrassed about it as I am.

Spinnning Compass - They probably wouldn't go with me to the room where the sample is actually provided (as if I'd let them!), but since I don't drive, one of them would have to take me to the lab, and they would be at least in the waiting room. I know that much because my dad and I almost got it done. They already know the results, because they know I don't do drugs; they just want to know... other things... that are none of their business. It was weird when my dad asked me what he did because I'd expected that question from Mom but not from him. That's why I was glad at first that he was taking me, but now it's why he's completely lost my trust.
They do retaliate when I stand up for myself. They get all mad and call me disrespectful and sometimes immature, and that they have the right to do anything just because they're my parents. I wish I could move out! I do have some money from my old job, but it's not enough. I could live on it for maybe a month or two, and I don't think that's enough time for me to get a full-time job that can allow me to live independently. I haven't even been to college at all. Not sure if I want to. I've tried looking up "how to know if college is right for you" and all I got was "how to know WHICH college is right for you." Ugh. But how many people are going to give someone as inexperienced as me a full-time job?
My parents know I'm not five but they treat me like I'm five and when I have meltdowns they tell me I act five. I wonder if, because of that, they think they have the right to treat me like they do.

Another thought that I had earlier today: It is completely stupid and unfair for law-abiding people to suffer like this just because some people do drugs. I understand that if it weren't for testing a lot of people would lie and say they're not on drugs, but if an honest, non-drug-doing person is willing to be tested but trapped by parental invasion, he should at least have a choice of sample.

 

[MoCoffee]

I don't know how things are in your community, but mine provides me with Social Workers who drive me to appointments, take me shopping and to do laundry, and basically help me to get things done. I have as severe anxiety disorder as well as Asperger's which prevents me from taking the bus, but I don't want to be dependent on my family. They are wonderful.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Are they asking these questions while you are still in the waiting room? If so, maybe you might want to take a nurse or one of the other health-care professionals aside (out of sight and hearing of your parents, of course) and let them know what is going on so that the receptionist can be aware and step in. Your rights are being violated and what your parents are doing is a form of abuse.

Yes: if you are having meltdowns, then they do feel that they have the right to do as they do. I'm not saying they have the right, I'm saying that they feel they have the right. However, legally, they DO NOT have the right, unless a court declares you incompetent to manage your own affairs. Do you think they would go that far?

I like what MoCoffee says about social workers. You might, because you are a legal adult, be able to get assistance so you can live on your own or some kind of assisted living facility that allows you a degree of independence. You mention your parents driving you. Are there alternatives to that, such as public transportation or are you unlucky enough to live where there isn't any. I know all too well about the transportation issue and that is why I got a car and a driver's license (in that order--it's a long story and wouldn't work in Michigan today) as soon as I could afford it. I also moved out as soon as I could afford that as well.

 

[wyverary]

You mention your parents driving you. Are there alternatives to that, such as public transportation or are you unlucky enough to live where there isn't any. I know all too well about the transportation issue and that is why I got a car and a driver's license (in that order--it's a long story and wouldn't work in Michigan today) as soon as I could afford it. I also moved out as soon as I could afford that as well.

Even the rural areas have transportation for disabled people who are on very low income and unable to make it to doctors' appointments, etc. And Compass is absolutely right, in that you should specifically request a private consult. I don't know which part of the world in which you live, but here in the States the HIPAA laws are very clear: You are not obligated to share any medical information with anyone, even close family members; if a professional feels the need to share this info with them, or anyone for that matter, they are obligated to have you first sign a release, unless you are specifically declared incompetent to take care of your own affairs, which in this situation seems highly unlikely and is a process lined with quite a lot of red tape to begin with.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I like the idea of public transportation or social workers, but my parents would still demand to know where I was going and by this point, as silly as this might sound, I can't stand my parents even knowing if I'm taking the normal test. Even if they don't talk about it, if they have this awkward silence where they say as little as possible, I can tell they're still thinking about it, and there's nothing that can stop them from doing that, let alone legally. Is it weird to not want your parents to even think about something? With what they say to me about this, I shudder to think of what they could be thinking.
My dad and I weren't in the waiting room very long; we didn't even sit down, but I have a feeling that if we had, he still would have asked what he asked, so I'd say yes - if we made it that far, whichever parent was with me would be asking in the waiting room.
Assisted living might be nice but I associate it with old people... My dad currently works in assisted living. What would it cost? And what would I be able to do there, anyway?

It just seems a lot easier and not so messy to find a job that doesn't test, like one at the library, and work there for a long time until I have enough money to consider moving out. Right now there are three branches of the library system here that are close enough for me to work at. Next Saturday is when my current bunch of books is due, so when we go I'll look for that green paper with job openings their website talks about, and if there's an opening for a page I'll ask for an application. If there are none there, I'll look at the other libraries.
In the meantime I need to find a way to spend a whole week not being so worried about this... I guess right now I'm just worried that my parents are going to bring up my need for a job again and get so frustrated with it that they'll just force me to apply to Target or something (which has a testing policy so strict that you have to sign two pages consenting to everything). It seems to go through cycles: my parents tell me to look for a job, I find a place but it tests so I resist, we fight, we stop talking to each other, we slowly resume talking and things are somewhat normal for a while, then they bring it up again and we fight more... and if we fight enough, surely they'll eventually make a totally right-brained decision to force me, almost as kind of a punishment. Actually, shortly after the failed test my dad got mad at me and in the heat of his anger said we were going to get that test done first thing in the morning - just because he was mad. Of course I fought back so we never did it, thank goodness. Is it also illegal to force this normal adult-world stuff, as a punishment?

 

[Spinning Compass]

Is it illegal? That I wouldn't know. You'd have to consult someone who know the laws of your state or look it up online. You have a great advantage that I did not have at your age and that is the Internet. There is literally nothing that you can't find out from the privacy of your own home. From your posts, it does sound like you are being allowed that much freedom, at least, unless they are looking over your shoulder.

So what you are describing is kind of a gray area. Now, if they lay a hand on you or otherwise PHYSICALLY force you to do something, that is a different story entirely, and you do have rights there. I believe that is called assault or domestic violence. However . . .

While they do not have the right to use physical force, because you are an adult, they are no longer legally obligated to look after you. You are on your own. That's the beauty and the hell of being of age. You are, under the law, completely responsible for your life unless someone goes to court and takes those rights away. As someone else pointed out, that takes a lot of red tape and is generally a pain in the behind. What your parents CAN do is to evict you from their house and there is nothing, nothing at all you can do about it. Back in the 1980's there was something called Tough Love which advocated just that. Haven't heard much about that lately, but you never know.

Now, here is the other side of the coin. Because you are a legal adult, if you hit them or otherwise do physical harm to them during one of your meltdowns, you can be charged with assault and battery and you will be tried as an adult. That means no special breaks, no consideration of your autism, unless you are very, very, very lucky. Once you are in the tender mercies of the legal system, you may find that yes, you are entitled to a lawyer, and because you have no money, one will be appointed for you. But that lawyer will come at his/her convenience, not yours, and may only go through the motions of defending you so that everyone can say all the legalities were observed. If you are a member of a minority group, it is almost 100% certain that you will not get an adequate defense if you are relying on a public defender.

So my advice is, start rationally planning an exit route before you get booted out on the street. You don't say what skills or education you have, but from the sounds of the type of jobs you are applying for, you are probably starting out at the very bottom work-wise and don't have many choices. It's not that I am not sympathetic. I am very sympathetic. But at some point you will probably have to face drug testing if you want a job where you can realistically support yourself, or you will have to move in with someone else, or you will have to see what kind of disability/social security assistance you can get. Once you have gotten yourself out of the house and into a more stable environment, you need to work on education and job skills. Again, the Internet is your best friend to find things out. Google is wonderful.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Whoa, I didn't see your post until now.
I don't think my parents would ever charge me legally or kick me out of the house, because they're too secretive about what goes on in here. They only want people to know the happy fluffy image they put on when they go out or when company comes over. If they even found out about this thread, they'd probably be furious. They'd be furious about a lot of stuff I've posted on here, even though none of you know who we are. I have hit my dad recently but not during a meltdown (only when he really wrongs me or if I want him to get away from me), and all they do about that is yell at me and lecture me.
I wonder if I could work a non-testing job for a long time until I have a few (or several) thousand dollars saved and then live on that on my own in an apartment or something while I find a better job. Is that possible? I worked my last job for just under two years and earned about $6000 total. I've spent a lot of that since we moved, though, since I buy my own toiletries, clothes, books and whatever else I need or want now. (I paid for my own laptop too so I'm pretty sure they can't take it away from me and I'm glad about that.) I don't know how long any amount of money would last me on my own.
Clerical aides at my local library branch get paid $10.76 per hour. That sounds good but you need social skills for customer service, answering telephones, etc. I wonder if I could do that. Maybe I can try it out when I volunteer. Otherwise I'll be a page and be paid $7.43 per hour, which is a few cents more than what I was paid at my old job.
I feel so trapped by this, and it's all my parents' fault. If they didn't make such a big deal out of this, I'm sure I would have a job by now. Even if they swear to me that they won't blow it up next time, I don't trust them enough for there to be a next time. It seems there has to be if I can move out, but I swear, there's got to be another way. I can't let my parents do this to me, even though my plans to change my name and move out claiming I have no family are pretty much set in diamond.
Despite everything, I want to thank you guys for being so understanding about this. The first place I asked for advice - and I feel like an idiot for going there - was Yahoo! Answers. The first answer I got said (I quote): "Buck up and get over it." No understanding, no help at all.

 

[Ereth]

Despite everything, I want to thank you guys for being so understanding about this. The first place I asked for advice - and I feel like an idiot for going there - was Yahoo! Answers. The first answer I got said (I quote): "Buck up and get over it." No understanding, no help at all.

That's why we're here.

And Yahoo! Answers? It's generally going to be a cesspool, from my experience. It's better to ask advice from people who actually care about you.

 

[umbrellabeach]

That's why we're here.

And Yahoo! Answers? It's generally going to be a cesspool, from my experience. It's better to ask advice from people who actually care about you.

It used to work for me when I was younger. I got some good answers from it. But maybe it was because I was asking about other things, like how to do something or where to find something.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Whoa, I didn't see your post until now.
I don't think my parents would ever charge me legally or kick me out of the house, because they're too secretive about what goes on in here. They only want people to know the happy fluffy image they put on when they go out or when company comes over. If they even found out about this thread, they'd probably be furious. They'd be furious about a lot of stuff I've posted on here, even though none of you know who we are. I have hit my dad recently but not during a meltdown (only when he really wrongs me or if I want him to get away from me), and all they do about that is yell at me and lecture me.
I wonder if I could work a non-testing job for a long time until I have a few (or several) thousand dollars saved and then live on that on my own in an apartment or something while I find a better job. Is that possible? I worked my last job for just under two years and earned about $6000 total. I've spent a lot of that since we moved, though, since I buy my own toiletries, clothes, books and whatever else I need or want now. (I paid for my own laptop too so I'm pretty sure they can't take it away from me and I'm glad about that.) I don't know how long any amount of money would last me on my own.

Living on one's own is very expensive. It would be a bad bad bad idea to do that when one doesn't have a job, regardless of how much money one has saved in the bank.

 

[Judge]

Living on one's own is very expensive. It would be a bad bad bad idea to do that when one doesn't have a job, regardless of how much money one has saved in the bank.

Yep. That's what happens when my investments don't produce enough yearly income. Life becomes a decaying orbit...kind of like actor Tim Robbins as an astronaut staring at the planet Mars saying, "Hello Beautiful" as he helplessly gets closer and closer. It's not a comfortable feeling at times...one of the downsides of self-employment. A scenario to avoid if you can.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Living on one's own is very expensive. It would be a bad bad bad idea to do that when one doesn't have a job, regardless of how much money one has saved in the bank.

That's what I thought. I hate this world.

 

[King_Oni]

That's what I thought. I hate this world.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to just look around you and look what renting a place costs, look at what you eat in a month (even if you're not paying for it) and go from there.

That's already a bare minimum would would need... and then add in insurance, electricty and a few other things and it quickly adds up.

Still, just looking at it while you still live in the "safe zone" might give you some more perspective.

 

[Judge]

That's what I thought. I hate this world.

Just remember this world has other people in a similar predicament. Seek them out if possible....and consider pooling your resources. You might find having to share a place with people who suffer similar circumstances isn't so bad.