I'm so tired of wanting to belong. I have never fit in with any social group. Not even my family.

[jfk]

meh I wish I had someone to talk to at least. I feel very lonely at the moment. It's making me very unhappy

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I've been looking for years and could not find anyone who i can relate to its either people are too normal for me or too crazy no one in my comfort zone.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I've been looking for years and could not find anyone who i can relate to its either people are too normal for me or too crazy no one in my comfort zone.

This place could be a start Trust me, many of us know how you feel.

 

[Otenba]

Obviously I've not had the same life as you, but the whole deal of experiencing dissonance of not wanting to be around people because of compatibility issues, but being sick of the isolation and in turn wanting some decent company, I can totally relate to. I'm not even ASD diagnosed yet but this exact problem has been there all my life.

My husband is like a rare treasure, but I worry about how reliant I can be on him because of this exact struggle. He thinks it will be something that will always be a problem though, especially if I turn out to be autistic (like it has been in the past despite my best efforts to work on myself to be less of a problem - obviously, this hasn't worked - I'm still not good enough for others even as an adult).

This is reflected here too in some of this thread's replies, and so I'm trying to get myself to a mental point where I am okay with it - where I can accept it and not let it hurt me. I've only been aware of possibly being autistic since May 2017 though, and I feel like I've learnt so much since then, and yet, still have so much more work to do. I'm likely still in a stage of grieving despite my lack of diagnosis, so I'm likely not mentally ready to go "this doesn't bother me anymore" but if it is just like that, it's possible that moving past it may happen in time. I hope my assessment will help me find this acceptance faster. I hear others have managed it from being so so that's some hope.

I wish you all the best in finding your self acceptance, and in turn, the self confidence to be okay with who you are. In case it might help, like it has done me, maybe see if you can do a free cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) course to help you manage how you feel. I honestly had a light bulb moment of self awareness from doing it which me helped a lot, despite it not fixing everything wrong (to be fair though, it's a coping technique thing, not a fixing thing, so if you do the CBT thing, bear that in mind).

Take care and best wishes!

 

[Bronzelincolns]

maybe you should stop trying to jedi mind trick yourself into believing you don't need relationships and work on building some.

if being isolated isn't for you, then it isn't for you. go out and start building.

 

[tlc]

Sounds a lot like me, except the animals.

I desire peace as well. I've always thought an ideal partner would be one where we could be peaceful together. Be each self sufficient but do things together when we want or need to. Doesn't seem to exist. I've got one friend I rarely talk to, that's about it. The idea of a bestie seems like more work than I could feel well doing, because to get time you should expect to give your time equally.

I don't fit in that well with my family either. Always been the odd one out, no matter where I go. After school I thought a change of venue would change things. But same thing in college, and at the workplace, and in the neighborhood.

 

[china autie]

"So my question is how do I stop wanting to be wanted. How can I stop feeling so hurt by being excluded. Why do I yearn so much to have a friend when so many of us couldn't care less? On the other hand, how did so many members find partners, spouses, ECT.? I'm just so tired of hurting."

I don't know if we can stop wanting to be wanted. And being excluded hurts.

I think joining clubs and things that reflect my passions ["special interests'] could help. I am going to try that.

 

[spacegirlalienfairy]

I thought I was the only living being in the universe who didn't feel like a member of my own family. I was afraid I might be antisocial or a sociopath because of it. I also have this conflict in me about wanting to have friends really bad yet prefering to have as little to do with other people as possible. I really thought I was the only one who had to deal with this.

 

[spacegirlalienfairy]

When I was a kid, during the holidays I would go around with a tape recorder & record family members' conversations, jokes, songs, etc. The rest of the year I would play these tapes all alone in my room, pacing around (apparently a lifelong stim) & fantasizing that I was interacting with them in real time. I guess this was my weird, autistically creative way of interacting with my family. I couldn't seem to interact very well directly, only through the tape recorder. The word "vicarious" comes to mind; I always seemed to live life vicariously - there was always this distance & detachment.

I never really had any friends, just acquaintances. I was almost always alone. I would have imaginary conversations with imaginary friends, all alone in my room. When I discovered shortwave radio, I would always listen to & record the ham radio operators, & fantasize I was one of the gang & was part of their conversations. A vicarious social life - that's how I always thought of this thing I always did.

I have basically always had a pretend, fantasy social life so I wouldn't feel so lonely.

 

[TempeFan]

1)
I think that my ideal friend/partner would be someone who is open-minded and accepting of not just myself but all people. Someone who is stable and not overly excitable, if you understand what I mean by that. Someone who is good in an emergency in other words. Someone that enjoys intelligent conversations as much as they enjoy watching stupid movies or goofing off. They must be empathetic and love animals. No smokers!! Someone with similar interests as me, of course. They enjoy staying home and watching a movie or something more than going out to a party or a bar. Someone who cares about me and wants to spend time with me because they enjoy it, not because they feel they should or feel sorry for me...

That sounds just like Grandma Antonia. You said you tried making friends by volunteering at an animal and a woman's shelter, perhaps you should try the old folks home or an orphanage where the forgotten are waiting ready and willing to find good friends not just in need of emergency rescue. Talk about craving human companionship! Bring your cat. Just a thought.

 

[jfk]

I thought I was the only living being in the universe who didn't feel like a member of my own family. I was afraid I might be antisocial or a sociopath because of it. I also have this conflict in me about wanting to have friends really bad yet prefering to have as little to do with other people as possible. I really thought I was the only one who had to deal with this.

No, not just you! I think this precisely rings true for a lot us, I certainly identify with what you say