I'm very nervous for tomorrow.

[Horsegirl]

I have to meet my dad's girlfriend's parents tomorrow. It's at their house. I hate going to unfamiliar houses. And I get freaked out when I have to talk to new people.
And to make matters worse, my dad has informed them that I "can be a little weird." I'm not weird. I'm shy. There's a D I F F E R E N C E. He doesn't seem to get that though. He also told them I have aspergers. Now here's the thing: I HATE it when my parents tell people about that without asking my opinion! My mom never does. But my dad always does. But anyway, now they probably already have a predetermined picture in their minds of what I'll be like. I probably will just reinforce that idea. I H A T E meeting people at their houses!
My dad doesn't listen to me, I specifically asked him not to do that. Yet he D I D. I probably won't like his girlfriend's parents. I don't like her. I just hope I won't embarrass myself too badly. The LAST thing I need is to have a complete meltdown while I'm there and make them think I'm some sorta damaged teenager.

 

[OkRad]

That is a tough situation indeed. You have 5 more years to go before you are allowed to make your own decisions.

There are several options.

One is to play nice and just be kind and if you feel it coming on, go for a very long walk. If you think you can hold it off five years, that is best.

The other is to go ahead and BE weird. If you do not like them, it won't matter. They way they think of you will not matter. Just be weird upfront and let them sort it out.

I wish I had always taken the latter approach when I was young, to be honest. The more Fake I let get all caked up on my mind, the less I was able to scrape it off when I wanted to.

If I could go back, I would stay mute, stay weird, and not care because in the end, the people who judge don't matter but oh man, they can do so much harm!!

 

[SunnyDay16]

What your dad did wasn't cool. He should have respected your wishes. Why would he tell them you have Asperger's? What purpose would that serve?

Unfortunately, at the end of the day you can't really control what other people think of you. You can try to act or behave a certain way, but people will form their own opinions of you regardless. If his girlfriend's parents aren't people that play a big role in your life, why even worry what they think?

 

[Horsegirl]

What your dad did wasn't cool. He should have respected your wishes. Why would he tell them you have Asperger's? What purpose would that serve?

Unfortunately, at the end of the day you can't really control what other people think of you. You can try to act or behave a certain way, but people will form their own opinions of you regardless. If his girlfriend's parents aren't people that play a big role in your life, why even worry what they think?

I am trying to think in this way. But the thing is they might. They don't now, but my dad has only known his girlfriend for around 6 months. So they might become people who I see more often. I'm almost sure I won't like them if they could spawn somebody like my dad's girlfriend.
And I have absolutely NO IDEA why my dad would tell them I have Aspergers. He always tells everyone I meet BEFORE I meet them, and then when I do meet them they speak to me in a sllllllooooooowwww drrraaaaawwwwnnnn ooooouuuut vooooooiiiicccce and use simple words like I'm some sort of idiot. Even though I'm certain I have a better vocabulary than most of them. I have told him this SO MANY FREAKING TIMES and he still doesn't listen.

 

[TempeFan]

now they probably already have a predetermined picture in their minds of what I'll be like. I probably will just reinforce that idea.

Do you have a predetermined picture in your mind of what they will be like?

I figure, if you have to meet them anyway, give them a chance. Have fun with it. Either they will be good and you will have two extra people in your corner or they won't and then you will know they are not worth worrying about. Bring a book to read and maybe some snacks or your stress balls or what ever else comforts you, in case you get bored or need a distraction to focus on.

Too bad your dad's being such a jerk about this. Have you asked him why he's so cruel and disrespectful to keep setting you up like that? So your mom's nice but your dad has a girl friend. I wouldn't expect his behavior to improve much at this point. It obviously didn't for your mom.

 

[Fino]

I think it's fun when someone thinks I'm stupid! If they're nice about it. It's a fun little secret to have as you talk to them and you can ask whatever questions you want or say pretty much anything.

Going off of Tempefan's idea, you could bring an obviously advanced book, like some philosophical treatise.

 

[Pats]

Your dad is telling people up front for HIS benefit. Not right that he's putting himself above your wishes. I would like to think he thinks he's bragging about your intelligence or something, but it sounds more like he's preparing the other person for any possible 'weirdness'. I would suggest you give them the benefit of the doubt up front. Maybe they will be nothing like their offspring. After all how much like your dad are you?
I still regret the one time I deliberately made my dad look bad in front of his friends. I was probably around 12 and loved listening to his gospel quartet albums. Apparently he had bragged to his friend about it and he brought them downstairs where I was and told me to put on the album I was listening to. I put on a Black Sabbath album and pretended not to know what he was talking about. I'm not that fond of my dad but I still horrible that I did that to him.

 

[TempeFan]

I think it's fun when someone thinks I'm stupid! It's a fun little secret to have as you talk to them and you can ask whatever questions you want or say pretty much anything.

It really is fun when meeting someone who is stupid enough to assume that just because you have asperger's or just because you are a teenager or a grey haired old lady that you must also be some sort of idiot. The look on their faces when you answer their simple 4 letter words with 8 letter words in intelligent sentences, then you just kill 'em with kindness. When people act ignorant, they are the stupid ones who don't know no better.

 

[Thinx]

I hope this isn't too tedious for you, I would have resented this too at your age. Aspergers is often inherited genetically, so it could be your dad has high autistic traits too? If he doesn't realise this it could explain his failure to do as asked and communication and relating problems?

I hope it goes ok and you are not bored. Taking a book is a good idea.

 

[Horsegirl]

I hope this isn't too tedious for you, I would have resented this too at your age. Aspergers is often inherited genetically, so it could be your dad has high autistic traits too? If he doesn't realise this it could explain his failure to do as asked and communication and relating problems?

I hope it goes ok and you are not bored. Taking a book is a good idea.

I sure as heck won't be bored. I'll probably be too busy freaking out the entire time. And if I bring a book my dad will say I'm being weird.

 

[Horsegirl]

Do you have a predetermined picture in your mind of what they will be like?

Point taken. I kinda do. But it's not because someone told me they'd be like that. Its because (as a rule, not always though) children are like their parents. And if they are anything like my dads girlfriend, I dont like them.

 

[Fino]

You dad already seems to think you're weird. Having it said out-loud shouldn't prevent you from doing anything you want to do.

 

[TempeFan]

Ok, then bring your phone and text us how it's going. There's nothing more weird than a teenager who's not texting every 5 minutes.

 

[Horsegirl]

You dad already seems to think you're weird. Having it said out-loud shouldn't prevent you from doing anything you want to do.

I guess you're right. But I really don't want to look weird for these people. For 2 reasons:
1: My dad has said that I need to act normal. And I know him, he'll be really peed off if I don't.
2: It's not going to do me much good if these people don't like me. There are enough people who my dad know who don't like me.

 

[Thinx]

Well if taking a book makes you weird in your dad's eyes, that's not really the definition of weird in the wider world. Maybe you can think of a strategy that fits better with how he is, then, and use it to avoid freaking out?

Would he support you being keen to help in the kitchen maybe? Or could you be doing a gardening project that makes you long to explore and sketch their garden? Etc. Something to do that's acceptable, rather than socialising with strangers and freaking.

 

[Horsegirl]

Ok, then bring your phone and text us how it's going. There's nothing more weird than a teenager who's not texting every 5 minutes.

Ah, but no Wi-Fi. There seems to be absolutely no solution here

 

[TempeFan]

Maybe they will be nothing like their offspring. After all how much like your dad are you?

Not every body is like their parents. You aren't. Why should they be?

 

[Horsegirl]

Well if taking a book makes you weird in your dad's eyes, that's not really the definition of weird in the wider world. Maybe you can think of a strategy that fits better with how he is, then, and use it to avoid freaking out?

Would he support you being keen to help in the kitchen maybe? Or could you be doing a gardening project that makes you long to explore and sketch their garden? Etc. Something to do that's acceptable, rather than socialising with strangers and freaking.

Actually that's a really good idea. I could say I'm going some sort of science project (which I am, but it's nothing to do with plants) and maybe I could "take notes" on what I have no idea, but I'll find something. Again, my dad will accuse me of being weird. But seems like the best plan at the moment.

 

[Graphin]

@TempeFan So that's why people think I'm so weird?

He always tells everyone I meet BEFORE I meet them, and then when I do meet them they speak to me in a sllllllooooooowwww drrraaaaawwwwnnnn ooooouuuut vooooooiiiicccce and use simple words like I'm some sort of idiot.

Better course of action for them would be to do the opposite. Or just treat all kids more like adults because even NT children see it as a problem.

Seems like your father doesn't really understand or care.
Also, I do think that you are likely weird, but not in the same way your father or they understand it.

 

[Horsegirl]

Not every body is like their parents. You aren't why should they be?

Yes, you're right, not everybody. But a good portion of the population is. I'm like my mom. In almost every way. I think the same as her, I act the same as her, (at least around people I'm comfortable with) I problem solve the same as her, etc.
But I am nothing like my dad. The only thing I inherited from him is weird toes