I'm very nervous for tomorrow.

[Horsegirl]

@TempeFan So that's why people think I'm so weird?

Better course of action for them would be to do the opposite. Or just treat all kids more like adults because even NT children see it as a problem.

Seems like your father doesn't really understand or care.
Also, I do think that you are likely weird, but not in the same way your father or they understand it.

Yes, I am weird. Or quirky. But not in the way my dad thinks. I'm good weird. And I don't act shy around my mom, my siblings, or my best friend, and I wouldn't act so "weird" around my dad if he didn't get mad at me when I did! I've never thought about it like that before.

 

[Graphin]

I remembered something

There actually was a situation in my previous school last year,
a girl most people didn't even know existed got pregnant. She asked the school administration many times to not do it, but despite that there was a school wide anncouncement, something like *name* is pregnant, please don't bully her.
She definetly was bullied after that.

End of the story? Unexpectedly she was not bullied very hardly and students were actually calling out the teachers on doing this stupid thing, so I guess kinda a happy ending?

There were many pointless announcments that made things worse, but this is the worst they've done

 

[Progster]

That's annoying. It happened to me, too. When I was diagnosed, I told my mum that I only want close family members to know, but she then told two of her friends. And worse, I needed to go the the local health centre for something and my mum told the receptionist that I had been "diagnosed with this disease". Wtf? Asperger's is not a disease! And it was irrelevant, the receptionist did not need to know this.

Just be yourself, don't put yourself under pressure to act one way or another.

 

[Graphin]

I am not diagnosed, but my parents talk a lot of bad things about me

 

[sidd851]

I have to meet my dad's girlfriend's parents tomorrow. It's at their house. I hate going to unfamiliar houses. And I get freaked out when I have to talk to new people.
And to make matters worse, my dad has informed them that I "can be a little weird." I'm not weird. I'm shy. There's a D I F F E R E N C E. He doesn't seem to get that though. He also told them I have aspergers. Now here's the thing: I HATE it when my parents tell people about that without asking my opinion! My mom never does. But my dad always does. But anyway, now they probably already have a predetermined picture in their minds of what I'll be like. I probably will just reinforce that idea. I H A T E meeting people at their houses!
My dad doesn't listen to me, I specifically asked him not to do that. Yet he D I D. I probably won't like his girlfriend's parents. I don't like her. I just hope I won't embarrass myself too badly. The LAST thing I need is to have a complete meltdown while I'm there and make them think I'm some sorta damaged teenager.

@Horsegirl ,
I'm sorry you've ended up in this
circumstance. As some have mentioned,
perhaps her parents are nothing like her.
Admittedly, though, it is reasonable to expect
that they may be somewhat similar.
I have found that expecting and preparing
for the worst, but hoping and allowing for the best is the better position to be in.
(How funny would it be to find that you and her parents share very similar opinions on
their daughter?)
It is also entirely possible that, knowing
you will be accompanying your father,
they have made preparations to be good hosts, and will attempt to make an experience daunting for any teen, more enjoyable for you.
You could be pleasantly surprised.

As has already been said, you could take a book, make up an important (school) task
to attend to(who could fault you for such a serious approach to your studies), take some pressing homework assignment, or simply sketch interesting objects around their home, or outside of it(weather permitting).

You could also think of some questions, ahead of time, to ask them, people generally
like to feel as if they are interesting, and are usually happy to talk about themselves and their lives. They may have some interesting stories to share.(How did they meet,
what do they enjoy doing, do they like horses?)

You could also ask some questions about your father's girlfriend, possibly when she was a child(be careful here, not to ask potentially embarrassing questions, though), what she liked, where she played,
what she was good at in school. You may learn a little bit about her,
and may find that you understand and even like her a bit more.

You could choose the most enjoyable(least un-enjoyable) thing that you, your father, and his girlfriend have done together, and talk about it. It's another opportunity to grow closer, tell about what you like, and what you would like to do in the future.

You may even tell a story about a funny misunderstanding you may have had as an Aspie, since your father announced it(ONLY if you're comfortable doing that). It may break the ice, and provide a harmless laugh,
showing that you're just another human with a sense of humor, and can laugh at your own mistakes.

Of course, it could be as unenjoyable as you fear. In which case, you may have to endure
for a while, and keep your head down.
If that happens, do your best to occupy yourself, and use the opportunity to do something enjoyable to entertain yourself.
I would take a small bag of things to do, just in case it isn't going as well as could be.

Remember, this is probably more about them getting acquainted.
But on the offhand that they are gracious, caring hosts, be prepared to be a gracious, caring guest.

Most importantly, be you.
Polite, courteous, gracious, but you.
It doesn't help to create an idea of you that isn't accurate.

I do so hope that it goes well for you.
We've all been there, so know that you've got an entire forum of people caring and thinking about you.
Let us know how it goes!

I'm sorry if I've written a small book, here.
I hope you can find some help and comfort in our suggestions. Good luck!

 

[sidd851]

I sure as heck won't be bored. I'll probably be too busy freaking out the entire time. And if I bring a book my dad will say I'm being weird.

Well, since he told them that "you're a little weird", how can he fault you for living up to his expectations?
Besides, bringing your collection of dead rodent furs, or searching their home for bugs, or talking about yourself in the third person would maybe be weird, but bringing a book to an adult social function where you are likely to be the only one in your age group... well, if that's "weird", pffffft!

 

[SunnyDay16]

I am trying to think in this way. But the thing is they might. They don't now, but my dad has only known his girlfriend for around 6 months. So they might become people who I see more often. I'm almost sure I won't like them if they could spawn somebody like my dad's girlfriend.
And I have absolutely NO IDEA why my dad would tell them I have Aspergers. He always tells everyone I meet BEFORE I meet them, and then when I do meet them they speak to me in a sllllllooooooowwww drrraaaaawwwwnnnn ooooouuuut vooooooiiiicccce and use simple words like I'm some sort of idiot. Even though I'm certain I have a better vocabulary than most of them. I have told him this SO MANY FREAKING TIMES and he still doesn't listen.

Even if you do have to see them more often, some people just aren't people whose opinions of us really matter, regardless if we see them daily or once a year. If they aren't educated on Aspergers, then their judgements of you aren't that important.

That is certainly irritating! Aspergers has nothing to do with how smart someone actually is. If it's bothering you enough, then you should be able to tell them that talking to you like that isn't necessary. You could say something like, "You can talk to me like you do everybody else, you know." As far as your dad telling everyone he meets you have it, I don't quite understand why that's necessary. Maybe it's something worth bringing up to him?

 

[Mr Allen]

Contrary to popular opinion, Aspies are almost always of average or even above average intelligence, anyone who says otherwise is clearly ignorant and needs to be better educated IMO.

 

[Ginseng]

How did it go Horsegirl?

 

[AloneNotLonely]

He sounds like a real prick. "Girlfriends parents" are clearly outside the circle of trust for me anyhoot. Girlfriends come and go, so parents are totally out of the question with this sort of information in my opinion.

Should I get into such a situation I'd be a pretty humongous asshole. Someone talks slow to me? I'd reply like I was talking to a small child with a learning disability. Probably some offhand remark like "I can see where she gets her intelligence from!" in this case.

Who cares what they think though. They should be worrying more about their own daughter. Thinking about what other people might think is a pretty worthless pursuit unless you are playing poker.

 

[Pats]

That's annoying. It happened to me, too. When I was diagnosed, I told my mum that I only want close family members to know, but she then told two of her friends. And worse, I needed to go the the local health centre for something and my mum told the receptionist that I had been "diagnosed with this disease". Wtf? Asperger's is not a disease! And it was irrelevant, the receptionist did not need to know this.

Just be yourself, don't put yourself under pressure to act one way or another.

It IS annoying. I would think your mother told, maybe, her best friends to help her and have someone to talk to about it but still should have respected your wishes. You're right about it not being relevant for the receptionist. When I worked on the med/surg floor of the hospital. We got all the AIDS patients. I loved working with them because most of them felt so isolated among those even close to them. Anyhow, it always made me mad when the day shift nurses would include HOW they got it and I would ask them why did they feel that was pertinent to their care? That was the last thing anyone needed to know and it just got to me.

 

[Progster]

It IS annoying. I would think your mother told, maybe, her best friends to help her and have someone to talk to about it but still should have respected your wishes. You're right about it not being relevant for the receptionist. When I worked on the med/surg floor of the hospital. We got all the AIDS patients. I loved working with them because most of them felt so isolated among those even close to them. Anyhow, it always made me mad when the day shift nurses would include HOW they got it and I would ask them why did they feel that was pertinent to their care? That was the last thing anyone needed to know and it just got to me.

I agree, how the patients contracted AIDS is personal, and irrelevant to their treatment, the staff don't need to know that detail.

 

[Horsegirl]

I COMPLETELY screwed the ENTIRE visit up.
If there was any hope in heck for it to NOT go horribly south, I immediately screwed that up.
I was doing OK at first. I wasn't enjoying myself, but I was OK.
And then they turned on a TV show SUPER LOUD and that put me over the edge. I started completely freaking out.
But whatever, it's over with now and I can quit worrying

 

[Pats]

Well, you tried and went with good intentions. Don't feel bad. Sounds like THEY screwed up first (tv too loud). If your dad told them about the autism, he should have told them things like not play the tv too loud. Glad it's over.

 

[Ginseng]

They screwed up! You did your best.

 

[sidd851]

I COMPLETELY screwed the ENTIRE visit up.
If there was any hope in heck for it to NOT go horribly south, I immediately screwed that up.
I was doing OK at first. I wasn't enjoying myself, but I was OK.
And then they turned on a TV show SUPER LOUD and that put me over the edge. I started completely freaking out.
But whatever, it's over with now and I can quit worrying

I'm sorry that it didn't go so well.
It's easy for some people to think that BLASTING something, then SCREAMING OVER IT is completely normal.
I'll always and forever be puzzled over this, as well as the fact that the same people that do this are the ones that frequently like to tell me that I have no "common sense", LOL.
A while ago, I began telling people that I
have hyperacusis--- a medical condition
wherein louder noises can be painful.
This sometimes stops a debate(how loud is too loud?) in it's tracks.
My opthalmologist has noted that I'm photophobic--- brighter light hurts my eyes---useful when I need to wear sunglasses indoors.

As far as your father's "announcement":

Often-times, it is our instinct to bring something up as it occurs, which isn't always advisable, because emotions often run their highest and hottest nearest the incident, making rational discussion then, somewhat difficult.

Instead, I would choose a time to broach the subject when nothing else is going on---
if you choose to broach it.

If you do, I would calmly ask if he is announcing your Asperger's to make them more comfortable, or you.
Let him know that announcing it makes you uncomfortable, and, unless he tells whomever what would prevent your discomfort so that they can be courteous, that you would prefer he not tell them at all.
It is likely that, if you approach the subject, and tell of your discomfort, calmly, rationally, and adulty, it is more likely
to be taken seriously.
He is your father, and it's possible that he just hasn't thought it through to it's logical conclusion,
or even that he's simply a little inept or nervous, as we all can be at times.

You may even consider broaching the subject to whomever he has told yourself.
Something like:
"I'm not really weird, I'm just a little sensitive to_______, ________, or __________."
I may have to retreat if it gets to be too much, or just find a quiet place to sit, for a bit."
You may be surprised at the power of disarming explanation.

Planning ahead, in as far as it is possible,
is often the most productive course.

Here's hoping for a better experience next time.

May you be well.

sidd

 

[TempeFan]

Ah shucks! Should have told you to bring earplugs. I have to do that when I go to the movies, it's usually way too loud or too hot or cold, so I have to wear layers. Glad it was over quickly. Now you can go do something you like.