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Inappropriate Social Behaviour

Clueless in Canada said:
Have you had anyone say anything critical to you about the volume? My ex used to do that to me and I was devastated. I hope nobody is doing that to you.
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I’m not devastated by critique (and thank you for your sentiment :) )

I will be anxious because something has changed (my level of control)
and I don’t know why.

Yes, my family might comment because they too are noticing a difference.
It isn’t critique, more surprise...
...perhaps some awkwardness ? in a social setting.
 
I don't touch strangers either unless they offer the handshake in a professional setting.
I just go about my own business and hardly ever even initiate a conversation and most people
don't initiate hugging, pats on the back or such to someone who has poor eye contact and
keeps the convo to the business at hand.
They just think (I think) that I am a stoic, matter of fact person and that doesn't
create a touching type atmosphere.
 
I can be both, at different times. As an adult, I know what to say in most of the most common, scripted conversations, such as greetings, saying goodbye, etc. But still manage to sound socially awkward, because it's not accompanied by the right facial expression or body language.

At times I'm talkative and tend to go on about things too much, or in too much detail. I don't really do small talk, in the sense that it doesn't have the same social function for me as it does for most people. If I talk about the weather, I talk about the weather. I monologue, for ages. When the small talk requirement is usually a shrt answer. If someone mentions parking difficulties to me, I launch into a speech about the difficulties in my area, which will extend to how crowded and congested cites are, and how impractical it is to have a big car, how people have cars to boost their ego and social status, but don't really need them, how people should use public transport more, but then that gets crowded too and I hate that, but at least it reduces CO2 emission, etc. Or I over-explain and say the same thing over and over again.

At other times, I shut down and don't speak at all. I do this in group conversations, I have many difficulties participating in group social situations or discussions. Difficulties with the subject matter not interesting me and not having anything to say/contribute, not being able to follow or respond to banter, not being able to process the conversation in time to be able to respond, so when I have thought of something to say, the conversation has moved on, someone else is speaking and the moment is gone. When I sepak, people ignoring me and then someone else starts speaking and they listen to the other person instead of me. I feel that I don't have a voice.

When people speak, they aren't just speaking, they actually exchanging emotimemes, little packets of emotional messages consisting of both verbal and non-verbal information, that the other person receives and then responds to. When I talk, I only exchange verbal information, I don't really know how to exchange emotimemes. They get lost in translation, or I receive them, and don't know how to respond, so do nothing, which is then interpreted as indifference.
 
Sometimes I have to tell myself multiple times to STOP TALKING because the other person is clearly not interested, but I think I'm always too late in noticing.
Other than that I'm usually too quiet because that's the safer bet.
I think a big part of it is a self confidence problem too, because I do much better talking to children for instance (though I suppose they're easier too).
 
l use laughter to diffuse situtaions, l find that takes the pressure off of me and other inappropriate people without judgement. No judgement by me on their poor behavior, no judgement from them if l didn't react the way they thought l should, which can happen even with no Aspergers.
 
I remember sitting in church with my cousin and would not stop pinching her and she'd finally move and go with her mom. I have no idea why I would do that, I just remember doing it. I would have hated if someone did that to me. I don't like when people are all huggy. My daughter's best friend's mom always thought we were friends and we are far from it. We were both at my daughter's baby shower and she kept hugging on me and I'd try to step away. Once I seen her coming and turned my back to her thinking she couldn't hug me but she did from behind and I just wanted to smack her. But this big dog that is now mine (I would not give back to the original owners if they paid me) I can not stop hugging him. He loves it and leans into the hugs and just makes you want to do it more. I've ever seen a dog enjoy hugs like he does.
 
Aspychata said:
l use laughter to diffuse situtaions, l find that takes the pressure off of me and other inappropriate people without judgement. No judgement by me on their poor behavior, no judgement from them if l didn't react the way they thought l should, which can happen even with no Aspergers.
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If I can't fix it with laughter I'm lost.
 
Pats said:
But this big dog that is now mine (I would not give back to the original owners if they paid me) I can not stop hugging him. He loves it and leans into the hugs and just makes you want to do it more. I've ever seen a dog enjoy hugs like he does.
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I had a feeling that Cubby was at your place to stay. Good dawg! ;)
 
Judge said:
I had a feeling that Cubby was at your place to stay. Good dawg! ;)
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It's hard to believe that this is the dog that I worried and worried what they were going to do with him. He chewed up the outside corner of the house, dug through walls and 2x4's and they could not contain him. Yep - he kissed me in a dream and I said bring him and it's been love ever since. He was just insecure and now he's a little spoiled and I could not have asked for a better dog. He doesn't even jump on visitors. :)
 
I have many difficulties participating in group social situations or discussions. Difficulties with the subject matter not interesting me and not having anything to say/contribute, not being able to follow or respond to banter, not being able to process the conversation in time to be able to respond, so when I have thought of something to say, the conversation has moved on, someone else is speaking and the moment is gone. When I sepak, people ignoring me and then someone else starts speaking and they listen to the other person instead of me. I feel that I don't have a voice.

I have this difficulty too. I can be a sparkling conversationalist one on one, though do tend to control the conversation and keep it on my favourite topics if I can. I can manage two people I know well but add one less familiar person to the mix or make it more than two people other than myself and I cannot function or hold anyone's attention.
 
Don't have any desire to control conversations, everybody brings something interesting, just like this forum we are at now.
 
Aspychata said:
Don't have any desire to control conversations, everybody brings something interesting, just like this forum we are at now.
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I don't think it is a conscious desire, and I am only fairly recently aware that I do it. It's just sticking to the topics you know and love and finding it difficult to shift.
 
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