Intense anxiety and making friends.

[disconnected]

There is a meetup.com in my area for Aspies! They plan an event and then you sign up and everyone that is going is listed along with their profile.
I joined but haven’t gone to any of their events yet, I’m, you know, too scared. But I know it’s there if I get the courage.

There are 3 asd groups here. I went once. I’ll go again October 14th.

 

[10PurpleHippopotamuses]

Most friendships develop naturally from group activities and social situations. I had a thought that you should consider taking a class to learn something that interests you. Depending upon the class, you might interact with others on topics related to the learning objective. The regularity of the class means you can meet and see people again, and again. There is no mindless chit-chat. This could be an easy and stressless way to decide how to develop friendships with people. You are not obligated to socialize, but you can experience people's ways of conducting themselves without obligations to be buddies. A class would get you out of the house for a valid, useful reason. Find some way to inject activity into your world. Having something new could disrupt the monotony you are probably experiencing. Don't let depression set in. Remain active and follow your interests.

Thanks for the advice.

My sister just told me last night that she is gonna pay for me to go back to school, and we are gonna share an apartment, which will get me away from my parents, so a lot of stuff that people have been recommending is gonna happen.

This is the happiest I've been in a while.

You all are so friendly, and it is appreciated.

 

[10PurpleHippopotamuses]

make sure:
- friendship is a two way street, do you want a friendship or attention from someone
- why do you want friends: do you really want friends or do you assume because others have friends that you should have friends to be happy
- if you want friends, start with a single friend, that may already be demanding enough

i was much happier when i realised that i don't need friends to be happy, i have my wife and that is all i need

but everyone is different

I don't want friends, but rather, just one. I'd even be happy just being married; having someone else in my life. If that could happen, then I'd be happy, but making a friend must be a lot easier than finding a partner in life, so one step at a time.

Preferably, I'd like to have a good friend that eventually becomes more than a friend. Gets rid of the awkwardness of dating.

 

[Zachary Scott]

I have a difficult but potentially rewarding solution. If you have the income, look for a room to rent in a house with other people in your profession. Here's why:

The only thing that seems to really work for me is literally being forced to spend time with someone - whether by living with them or working with them. I can only think of one person I'm still friends with that I didn't live or work with, but I've known him since I was a kid and he went to the same college. It's pretty common for people to make friends like that anyway. I've found that all of the reasons people find me weird or distant fade away once they spend enough time with me and see my positive, entertaining aspects. And when I have no choice, I find that the anxiety of being around other people and the frustration of feeling weird or out of place fades away around familiar people. There are a lot of kind folks out there who will appreciate your unique value, but in my experience it requires a lot of extra time and forced contact, because I rarely ever initiate conversation unless I have a specific reason or feel that too much time has passed. Also I have a lack of desire to hang out with people because I feel out of place in someone else's apartment after a while and don't have the urge to invite people over. If the social anxiety aspect is the primary reason, exposure (in slow steps) is the tried and true method of expanding your comfort zone. I lived with my parents for a while after college because it was hard to get a job, and I found that made it extra difficult to socialize because I was living under pressure from them to get out and they were frustrated by my lack of motivation and ability to express what I wanted to do (and have any conviction in expressing it). I live alone now and doubt I would have made friends if I didn't have coworkers who also needed friends in the area. Chances are, someone who is moving to your town for a job will want to meet new people. That could be you! That being said, I have had roommates I had absolutely no connection with and who in fact made my anxiety worse. So it isn't a guaranteed solution. On the other hand, some of the people I have lived with previously taught me new aspects of friendship I never before understood and still want to be my friend even if we rarely talk.

 

[Zachary Scott]

Oh I just saw your most recent response, that's awesome!! haha I got so caught up in my thoughts I didn't bother to keep reading the responses!

 

[Fade2black]

I’m terrible at making friends because I’m a social failure. Yet, I’m just now finding that there are some social situations where everyone fits in, even goofs like me. I have to assume that at your age you have an idea of your political position. As an example, try attending a political advocacy group meeting. Or, begin attending town hall meetings. There are not many people who go to these and the ones who do, genuinely care and are supportive of those who’re likeminded.

 

[10PurpleHippopotamuses]

I’m terrible at making friends because I’m a social failure. Yet, I’m just now finding that there are some social situations where everyone fits in, even goofs like me. I have to assume that at your age you have an idea of your political position. As an example, try attending a political advocacy group meeting. Or, begin attending town hall meetings. There are not many people who go to these and the ones who do, genuinely care and are supportive of those who’re likeminded.

I'm politically active, but my beliefs aren't popular, and I don't want to be confronted by violent people, so I'll avoid that one.