intense bullying?

[apolloidolsice]

did anyone else get bullied extremely bad? I have been a social outcast my entire life and only after starting work at one of those "rehab"-esque workplaces that have diagnosed kids, troubled gang-member kids, and kids who have no grades at all. I have memories of being chased by a group of kids when I was 6, being bullied so bad I've been in 4 middle schools, and how no matter where I was the "normal" kids started spitting and beating me up. I still have psychological trauma from 8 straight years of being treated like an animal, and only got friends about 2 years ago I'm 18 now. I get random nightmares about it. And it was specific to my autism. Anybody else? is this a common experience?

 

[Judge]

I've never been able to block out such memories, and I'm 67 years old.

Yes, you are not alone. Sadly the only successful way for me to deal with bullying was to step down and deal with them on their own terms. And at the age of 16 such bullying stopped.

When "the danger" passed, largely because I became "the danger" myself. Not as a bully, but one prepared to periodically beat the bullies up on their own terms.

 

[paloftoon]

Bad memories and experiences aren't really so much about blocking them. It's more about fighting back and expressing our social boundaries and learning from those experiences to be stronger people. The pain might never go away, but it doesn't have to keep hurting us and holding us back from living the rest of our lives.
If you're still hurting after a few weeks, try out www.jewelneverbroken.com and try Jewel's The Work course.

Also, say Simon B. referred you when starting a new account.

 

[Outdated]

I left school as soon as I was 16 and started work, and for the very first time in my life I was treated like a normal human being. People were courteous and showed me respect even if I didn't always really deserve it. I learnt pride and self respect and at the same time stacked on a heap of muscle.

From age 18 I decided that I was never going to be a victim again. Plenty of people tried over the years but I discovered the one thing that no bully can stand, the one thing that destroys them and stops them from ever trying again, against me at least. Public humiliation.

I have a large voice and a well educated quick tongue, and no threats of violence are going to make me back down. As a child I learnt how to be hit all the time, I'm not afraid of pain. I'm also solid enough to take a few hits and I have reflexes that are far quicker than most.

That went for employers as well, plenty of them will try and use job security as a threat to make you submit, so my resignation would be a very loud full dressing down of that employer quite deliberately in front of all the other staff. I also have no desperate need to fit in with others and be part of a group so the old "boys club" mentality that you find in some workplaces has no effect on me.

I don't care if people don't like me, in a lot of ways that makes my life so much easier. You get what you give with me. Be respectful towards me and you'll get exactly the same back, try to start a war with me and you'll suffer all the physical, emotional and psychological abuse that I had to go through as a child.

 

[Chailatte_]

I faced various challenges in my academic paths, changing schools several times.

What they all had in common was their difficulty and danger. I often found myself in perilous situations that I could have surely avoided if I didn't struggle to read facial expressions and understand social dynamics. I was too innocent, unable to perceive malice, until bitter experiences proved otherwise.

Looking back, I realize the core issue is the lack of a solid and protected support system for those on the spectrum: there's no guidance, no information. That's where the problem lies.

When reflecting on my past, it's not a pleasant journey. However, at the same time, I'm not living in that past, and I've survived despite everything. Everyone has their way of coping with traumas and wounds. Mine involved analyzing the situations that impacted me the most and connecting them to my present to discern if my past was influencing my present (because it always does). Once I identified the "knots" serving as bridges or connections between past and present, I dismantled them piece by piece, allowing me to sever the bridge/connection. I did this thanks in part to CBT and metacognition, enabling me to free myself from the burden imposed by others over the years. I'm still working on it, but the knots are becoming less tangled, and the burden is lightening.

Be strong and remember that now none of them can physically harm you in the present. The only person who can prolong the pain today is you—with your thoughts and convictions. Don't perpetuate a pain imposed on you by others! If you need support, the forum is full of people who will gladly listen and provide excellent advice. I wish you the best.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I was only beaten a few times. Always by an individual, not a group. I was mainly ridiculed.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Such physical trauma! I hope you are getting help with that to defuse PTSD. I cannot imagine what you went through. Nobody bullied me probably because of my intelligence yet for me I have had PTSD from social isolation, endured for more than a decade, a half-century ago. Physical trauma must be felt much deeper because it violates a core need; physical safety.

 

[Ken]

did anyone else get bullied extremely bad? I have been a social outcast my entire life and only after starting work at one of those "rehab"-esque workplaces that have diagnosed kids, troubled gang-member kids, and kids who have no grades at all. I have memories of being chased by a group of kids when I was 6, being bullied so bad I've been in 4 middle schools, and how no matter where I was the "normal" kids started spitting and beating me up. I still have psychological trauma from 8 straight years of being treated like an animal, and only got friends about 2 years ago I'm 18 now. I get random nightmares about it. And it was specific to my autism. Anybody else? is this a common experience?

Yes, sorry to say, but I had intense bullying all through every grade of school. However, I could not humiliate the bullies or out bully them like @Outdated did, because my bullies were not students - they were the teachers. I had no clue how to deal with bully teachers - which included the school principle. I grew up in a very "backwards" community and school.

I can only remember one student bully. He was the star football jock. Big and massively muscled. One day on the playground he and his friends cornered me. They were having a good time insulting me. The football jock was telling me how he was going to beat me to a pulp because he doesn't like the way I look. I pointed to a group of girls across the way that was watching, and asked him if he thought those girls would be impressed to see the biggest and strongest guy in town beating up the smallest kid in school? I told him I was confident that any one of those girls could easily beat me up. (I was the smallest kid in school.) He, nor his friends ever bothered me again.

In any event, I guess that bullies are a fact of life. I know you are suffering for it. It is traumatizing, but I don't really know how to eliminate it. I still suffer for it, but at this point, I am at least proud that I have outlived all of my school years bullies.

 

[MildredHubble]

I always attracted the bullies. I've semi seriously said that I'm pretty sure I give off a pheromone that makes people attack me. When I was a kid, I could be walking down the road with two other kids back from school and there was a high chance someone would swoop in from nowhere and start physically attacking me. The other two of my "friends" seemed invisible to my attacker.

When I was 12 I was attacked by two 17 year olds and ended up with concussion and a bad cut and bruises to my face.

Another time I was hit so hard in the school playground that I ended up in intensive care at hospital, where the only thing that I understood in a semi lucid moment was that the doctors were planning to drill a hole in my head.

It was often me that was singled out. The thing that still makes me quite angry is that I was always asked "What did you do to them to make them hurt you?", like people desperately wanted to rationalise what was done to me in a way that made it "my fault".

The worst thing was that whenever I tried to defend myself apparently that was unacceptable and wrong. Everyone knew there was never going to be consequences for harming me and if I tried to stop it, I'd be punished "for retaliating" or told that I in particular "deserved It".

I don't know if I will ever get over the trauma I experienced and I'm still terrified of defending myself, even verbally. I can do it, but I've very much internalised the gaslighting and the feeling that I "must deserve it".

 

[Aspie_With_Attitude]

I am no stranger to being bullied, when people do share their experiences of being bullied, I never hear much stories about being CYBER BULLIED. I had been previously cyber bullied, back in the days when I used to rap on the forum much as a same there called OzHipHop.com which is now non-existent after this was hacked in July 2018.

Someone made a tale that I went to Cypress Hill concert, the concert that I never went to. At the time I called myself FUBEX when I used to be a rapper in the 2000's. I did enjoy the attention, one day a user on OzHipHop.com did say that I was at that concert and I racially abused him for being black. That all started in April 2004 and from there on there were amateur photoshop images of me participating in racist rallies and racist cults, despite they were badly done.

I made the mistake of re-acting and this went on for 5-6 years. The conclusions are, no one is going to believe in it, just trolls and keyboard warriors who were intensively cyber bullying me. In the end of the day, I was inspired to make this video on the autistic YouTube channel "Autism & Cyber-Bullying".

When I used to rap, in late 2010 I have in the real world got back at the cyber bullies by releasing this Hip-Hop track beating them at their own game. My re-action and the effects was, I became all anti-fascist using my own voice having this on Compact Disc selling a hand full of copies from late 2010 and through-out 2011, since digital music releases like Spotify wasn't the thing back then.

I made the music and wrote the parts while few of my anti-fascist friends helped me record this track and invited another two anti-fascist rappers to join me on this track, what a perception to have after being victim to cyber bullying and I know those trolls were angry that this had to happen.

 

[NDR2]

I don’t know about intense bullying, but I certainly experienced my fair share of bullying when I was younger. There was no school (except for nursery school and kindergarten) or camp I attended where I was not bullied. Quite a bit of it was physical (only a couple of
times causing blood), but most of it was verbal. It was probably because I was regarded as “different,” although it wasn’t said upfront. I was definitely an easy target. It could also get out of hand sometimes.

The teachers and other adults in charge at these places often weren’t much help, though. In fact I often got in trouble instead of the bullies because I always fought back. Usually they would tell me to just ignore it. To me that sounded like they were saying that it was okay if the other children picked on me. I knew that if I were to pick on other children (which was never my style), my parents wouldn’t ignore it.

 

[Ken]

I always attracted the bullies. I've semi seriously said that I'm pretty sure I give off a pheromone that makes people attack me. When I was a kid, I could be walking down the road with two other kids back from school and there was a high chance someone would swoop in from nowhere and start physically attacking me. The other two of my "friends" seemed invisible to my attacker.

When I was 12 I was attacked by two 17 year olds and ended up with concussion and a bad cut and bruises to my face.

Another time I was hit so hard in the school playground that I ended up in intensive care at hospital, where the only thing that I understood in a semi lucid moment was that the doctors were planning to drill a hole in my head.

It was often me that was singled out. The thing that still makes me quite angry is that I was always asked "What did you do to them to make them hurt you?", like people desperately wanted to rationalise what was done to me in a way that made it "my fault".

The worst thing was that whenever I tried to defend myself apparently that was unacceptable and wrong. Everyone knew there was never going to be consequences for harming me and if I tried to stop it, I'd be punished "for retaliating" or told that I in particular "deserved It".

I don't know if I will ever get over the trauma I experienced and I'm still terrified of defending myself, even verbally. I can do it, but I've very much internalised the gaslighting and the feeling that I "must deserve it".

That's horrible! I'm so sorry you had to experience this!!

I never could understand it, but I also seemed to be a bully magnet. As previously mentioned I was bullied by the teachers. I was always their target. However, other kids in my class got bullied by other kids. I'm not sure why, but I remember trying to pay close attention to the kids getting bullied and tried to figure out what they did to prompt the bullying. However, most of the kids that were bullied had a physical issue that got them bullied. I do not remember any teacher ever protecting any kid from being bullied. Sometimes they would join in the bullying action.

It wasn't until I was older that I realized that my expressions and mannerisms made me very different. I still don't know how to look "normal", but it isn't as much an issue now.

Also, would never attempt to defend myself. Regardless of ability, I simply can't make myself try to hurt another person. However, I am quite small and have never engaged in any form of physical competition with anyone. If someone attempted to beat me up, they would get no resistance. I can't even play any sort of competitive game; board game, cards, etc.

There were many occasions that I suspect I escaped bullies, because I could run very fast. Also, which was not a strategy, but if chased, I would laugh loudly, thinking the chase was very fun. In any event, I was never caught and I don't know if the laughing diffused anything. I just really loved a good run.

 

[MildredHubble]

That's horrible! I'm so sorry you had to experience this!!

I never could understand it, but I also seemed to be a bully magnet. As previously mentioned I was bullied by the teachers. I was always their target. However, other kids in my class got bullied by other kids. I'm not sure why, but I remember trying to pay close attention to the kids getting bullied and tried to figure out what they did to prompt the bullying. However, most of the kids that were bullied had a physical issue that got them bullied. I do not remember any teacher ever protecting any kid from being bullied. Sometimes they would join in the bullying action.

It wasn't until I was older that I realized that my expressions and mannerisms made me very different. I still don't know how to look "normal", but it isn't as much an issue now.

Also, would never attempt to defend myself. Regardless of ability, I simply can't make myself try to hurt another person. However, I am quite small and have never engaged in any form of physical competition with anyone. If someone attempted to beat me up, they would get no resistance. I can't even play any sort of competitive game; board game, cards, etc.

There were many occasions that I suspect I escaped bullies, because I could run very fast. Also, which was not a strategy, but if chased, I would laugh loudly, thinking the chase was very fun. In any event, I was never caught and I don't know if the laughing diffused anything. I just really loved a good run.

I tried to figure out ways to avoid it too, only I tried a slightly different strategy, I looked at what the kids did who weren't being bullied and tried to copy them. One of the things they would do would be a bit rude to the teachers by saying "no" in a condescending, snarky way, often just mildly uncooperative.

I didn't want to really do that, but since the headteacher's response to me being violently targeted by the bullies was to tell me to "Toughen up!" My, admittedly silly reasoning was basically "These people don't get bullied, therefore they must be tough, therefore if I try to copy them I will seem tough." That may seem silly but I was only 12/13 and very naive, I didn't see what could happen potentially.

Not wanting to "punch down" on anyone, I started being a bit snarky with some teachers. Remember, at most I was 13 years old, I didn't think they would perceive me as any kind of threat. They certainly never complained about others doing it. It was just a performance as far as I was concerned. And you know what? A few of the bullies started to leave me alone for a while. Then I began to feel ashamed of behaving like that and stopped. Problem is my behaviour had already been reported to my head of year.

Oddly enough, they came down on me like a ton of bricks for "bullying" my teacher. Not a single one of my bullies were ever even chastised. They were even bold enough to do it in front of the head teacher. When I complained and asked him to intervene (they were literally kicking me as I was trying to get to my next class) he just said "I can't fight your battles for you." Then he walked up to the bullies with his hands in his pockets with this slack, juvenile posture and said to one of them "Alright Heresy, you going to be playing any footy at the weekend?". I consider that man to be spineless, hypocritical, scum. He didn't care about bullying and wanted to maintain and enforce the "pecking order".

I'm so glad that I've long since left that school. But even 27 years later, I still have nightmares where suddenly I'm back there!

 

[Jumpinbare]

Nobody bullied me probably because of my intelligence yet for me I have had PTSD from social isolation, endured for more than a decade, a half-century ago.

Being intelligent was half the cause of my bullying. Being physically uncoordinated was the other half.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Being intelligent was half the cause of my bullying. Being physically uncoordinated was the other half.

I was uncoordinated and had issues with proprioception and balance. I was not bullied about sports, just treated like I was as useful as tits on a snake. As is normal for me I took that as a challenge and took up Whitewater Open Canoe, XC Skiing, SCUBA Diving, Sea Kayaking. I find pro sports boring.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

did anyone else get bullied extremely bad? I have been a social outcast my entire life and only after starting work at one of those "rehab"-esque workplaces that have diagnosed kids, troubled gang-member kids, and kids who have no grades at all. I have memories of being chased by a group of kids when I was 6, being bullied so bad I've been in 4 middle schools, and how no matter where I was the "normal" kids started spitting and beating me up. I still have psychological trauma from 8 straight years of being treated like an animal, and only got friends about 2 years ago I'm 18 now. I get random nightmares about it. And it was specific to my autism. Anybody else? is this a common experience?

I get bullied everywhere by everyone.
I am the sort of person who will try to get away from it because I know I deserve better.
If you have disabilities people can laugh at you and make fun of you.
I am better when I am on my own, I have some limitations but I know I can do some things.
I feel happier alone at times but I still like some people I meet and I still believe my family loves me.
Some people drive me crazy more than others.
When I was younger I could catch public transport, order coffees etc. Do not know I could have worked but I could always be resourceful and try to do an online course and work from home. I'm not sure I could be the sole breadwinner. Pays often are not very high and I love shopping.
I love art though, I wish I could do a career in art. I like advertising too and i have a bit of flair for the visual in the sense like I have ideas how to market products and a bit of a business brain too and can still touch type as well. And I know some things of graphic art like I actually know a bit about how they touch up photos I did not even learn especially beauty photos and also sometimes I am a little interested in fashion design but there are some areas you may not be very good in.
Like I am not sure I cam design clothes really but I noticed I am good at certain aspects but maybe not others like I notice when a photo has been touched up next to the original sometimes.
I am a firm believer in non touched up photos in magazines though maybe just a little bit of smoothing for a magazine but not a lot.
Anyway people are mean and it hurts and it is hard to get away from. People who seem like allies can be horrible and people who seem unlikely friends can stick by you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I am the sort of person who will try to get away from it because I know I deserve better.

Way to go, girl! Knowing that you deserve to be valued and respected is great. That is a lesson I did not learn until I was past 25. Stay strong. Hugs to you.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Way to go, girl! Knowing that you deserve to be valued and respected is great. That is a lesson I did not learn until I was past 25. Stay strong. Hugs to you.

Thanks I am 38 now though I may seem younger to you.
I wish I could get away from it but I still do not trust others not to hurt me yet.
But i still believe I deserve better than bad treatment.
Hugs.

To be honest...I have suffered from a very long illness and a lot of people in society struggle with self worth, self love and self belief even men.
It is hard, my illness has been so long and terrible for me, it has changed me.
To being more bold, self confident, practising self love, not limiting myself.
And I often feel like it is wrong or separates me somehow.
And also at times i feel like I relate to some autistic behaviour but I am undiagnosed so not entirely sure
But I think I have adhd very severely at times.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Thanks I am 38 now though I may seem younger to you.
I wish I could get away from it but I still do not trust others not to hurt me yet.
But i still believe I deserve better than bad treatment.
Hugs.

To be honest...I have suffered from a very long illness and a lot of people in society struggle with self worth, self love and self belief even men.
It is hard, my illness has been so long and terrible for me, it has changed me.
To being more bold, self confident, practising self love, not limiting myself.
And I often feel like it is wrong or separates me somehow.
And also at times i feel like I relate to some autistic behaviour but I am undiagnosed so not entirely sure
But I think I have adhd very severely at times.

At my age everybody seems younger. I am sad at your continued illness because I have been affected by my health issues of the past two years and understand how it impacts our self concept. Plus, so many here have been hurt, including me, that I aspire to be a small bit of kindness in this world. I am putting in the work to attempt that and have a session with my therapist in another couple of hours. Regardless of being diagnosed or not your earnest struggle to be confident and recognize your value is shared by many of us. I wish you success in your growth.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Anybody else? is this a common experience?

Its almost a mandatory experience for autists to be bullied by "mentally healthy" people. That is one of the reasons that makes me wonder how on earth can bullys been "normal" or mentally healthy. To me bullys are monsters, animals, sub-humans. It just happen to be in mankind DNA to use, abuse, slave and manipulate... So with the right conditions, as psicological experiments shows almost every human being will become a bully.

https://topicalmag.com/reexamining-the-third-wave-experiment-and-the-banality-of-evil/
Just few people can resist authority and and social inertia and keep being good in such enviroments. I do think that its an autist trait.

And as other people said, the only way I know to stop bullying is using violence. Verbal, psicological, physical... They must suffer to stop hurting others.

That this topic triggers me must mean that there is trauma involved.

Im sorry for you and all the other millions of people (autists or not) who suffer bullying every day.