Interesting read on Empathy

[Gracey]

I was left with the conclusion that empaths may be attention seeking, disillusioned, gossipy, narcissists after reading the linked article

 

[SusanLR]

I didn't particularly care for the article.
It seemed very mixed and to me presented the idea that people who think of themselves as
empaths are better than those who don't feel empathy, which is mostly emotional.

This is one quote I related to: Autistic people are often deeply compassionate, regardless of whether we feel empathy or not. People who are even more deeply demonized, such as those with antisocial personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, can also behave compassionately without empathy. You don’t have to feel someone else’s feelings in order to care about their well-being.

 

[Alexej]

Discovering that intensity of emotions for me just causes me to just flake out

This reminds me of how when something embarrassing is happening on the TV I zone out and cant watch it.
I have never understood quite why I do this but I do recognise the pattern.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

. . . You saw round the to my mind unsuccessful attempt at systematising, ignoring it. . .

However, it wasn't just that, she's swallowing the "authorities'" poison whole as has been pointed out.

 

[menander]

Thanks for posting. Actions do matter, but they are predicated on feelings. Try geting someone to care about someone else if they have no feelings. They might for a while, but then it would just be grinding along. I guess one could,but really it matters to feel even if it's guilt for not feeling what you think you should!

I used to have too much all the time. Someone cry and I could not function. I still have that but now able to narrow it down to people for whom I should feel and not just everyone. I ask myself, "Would that person give a crap about me?" And I realized I was going in circles for people who could not have given a crap about me at all. So it took a while, but I had to pare it down in order to funciton.

 

[menander]

"Overthinking" is a kind of underthinking because it's not going anywhere.

Wow! I like that. I overthink way too much.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I think for me empathy was never a thing people said I lacked. But I did feel it alot to the point where i'd cry for them or get upset when i should be caring for them. But I think alot of why the emotion was so strong came down to having difficulty regulating emotions. Alot of my life this difficulty was incorrectly labelled as being solely related to autism. And yes, part of it was related to autism, but alot of it was also related to severe anxiety and depression. And it also to me not knowing (until I figured out how to) care for people while at the same time not getting too caught up in what is happening to them. It was hard. Especially considering many times people in my friend circle has been through rough patches. The not knowing what to do, and the anxiety and the depression, was a pretty unbearable mixture. Sometimes the only way i could think to help when i was stuck with nothing to say, was to just be physically present at their side. It was a learning curve, and people around me would sometimes tell me off for being so involved in what an upset friend was doing, and I would feel like i was making a fool of myself and that all the shame was on me for caring so much about my best friend.
An impossible wish was that I wished I was one of those autistics that didn't feel empathy or that I had normal levels of empathy (a not so impossible wish).

But I do not think that it's the fault of the feeling of empathy. Empathy is good. The problem comes in a situation where your friend or loved one is in a pickle and you are in a situation where you might be able to do something...but you get stuck on what to do. And that feeling is what is overwhelming.

The key is find strategies on how to best help someone to the best of your ability. And to find ways to regulate emotions not just when your friend or loved one is in a pickle but it can help in other situations. The second part is difficult, and i do not recall of the top of my head what i do, it's so ingrained in me But for the first part, I think it's best to consider that you aren't a person who can necessarily do much. This sounds negative, but what I mean by that is that you aren't always solely what can pull your friend/loved one out of their pickle. This isn't easy to get used to, but with practice and reminders to yourself, it can help liberate you from feeling like all the pressure is on you to help someone. There are many factors that they need, not just friends or family by their side, but professionals, and also, if your friend is upset, they may sometimes require time to calm down. You can help a person by getting someone or phoning someone who might better know how to help. If you know something off the top of your head what can help, you can say it to them. But I think the least you can do is be physically there for them. If they are sick or in hospital, and you're not allowed to or are unable to visit, message them over social media or phone/text them every now and again; you don't have to even give them advice in that situation, but ask them if they're ok and otherwise just have a conversation. I'm sure they'll appreciate that you are looking out for them

 

[AprilR]

I mostly agree with this essay. People equating empathy with moral goodness has always confused me. I have known overly empathetic people and i don't think they were overly nice people. Because empathy is just something they are born with, it doesn't require that the person cares for the other. to me being a good and compassionate person requires conscious effort.

 

[cnn]

Good afternoon,

It seems a very good piece, unfortunately i could only screen it. However, I think i can share my take on Empathy. From the evolutionary perspective, Mammals have complex cooperation needs and they need a kind of social contract. Empathy is the language of this social contract and Our Limbic/ Mammal Brain is the one that speaks it. I prefer approaching empathy as a tool, survival strategy of evolution rather than a mystery of life.

I compare the troubles we experience to cross cultural communication. Keeping cool, lowering expectations and looking ahead helps me. I know it is exhausting, but frustration always back fires and it harms me in the first place.

May the force be with you,
Cnn

I’ve struggled with the idea of empathy. It’s seems like I either feel too much or I don’t feel anything.

https://humanparts.medium.com/empathy-is-overrated-6cf4090c601e

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

... Keeping cool, lowering expectations and looking ahead helps me. I know it is exhausting, but ...

The alternative - which NT authorities go for - is worse at making them hot under the collar because our coolness is "inappropriate".

 

[cnn]

I m an expat all the time. I know that people; NT or on the spectrum, from different genders, generations, cultural domains would have communication issues even within themselves, so let me add then; "Keep cool with style."

My experience is that "I walk my path!!! I may not reach the destination, but I find my kind of people on the way."

because our coolness is "inappropriate".

 

[risootser]

My take on empathy is that I leave it inside or proceed if I need to. Sometimes I think help would be bad from physical perspective because exercise is good for you.

I usually think why people think like that but I do not give sympathetic resonance most of the time. I have it (empathy) but I do not swim in it. I can have warmth. I just do not see point in everyday life.

 

[GrownupGirl]

What empathy I had has been sucked out my skull by this year's events. Humans are trash.

 

[Aspychata]

What empathy I had has been sucked out my skull by this year's events. Humans are trash.

Kinda of hard to feel anything for humanity. Where is the love, how does outright destruction and robbery promote anything but selfishness. And what message are we giving the world. I feel so third world right now.

 

[risootser]

Sometimes it seems that there are people who only experience "empathy" to have more fulfilling life. I'm talking about a person who goes around subjectively feeling others distress yet this experience does not translate to helping out others because she emotionally shuts down at those situations. I think this is a sign of very sympathetic person. I think there are people who appreciate it but at the same time she critizes me because I have solved problems by taking plaster off at once. Yes, shock might result but wallowing in misery is worse IMO. This is probably why funerals are so hard for me resulting in excessive weeping because the finality.

Anyway, I do think that I usually can experience others emotions but I do not want to accept their narcissism (non pathological).

There is psychology professor Paul Bloom who argues against empathy.

I have read his book. I think he really wants to contrast things and even I got wierded out.