Internet relationships- tips for young players

[eonbus]

anyone you meet online needs to be cautious. you dont know what they do for living.

 

[paloftoon]

My negative personal experience that I will bring to this is not everyone is honest. I was lied to for years, and I had a feeling because this person wouldn't talk to me on the phone, or skype. If you make a friend, or even maybe a romantic connection, make sure to verify their identity, especially before EVER meeting them.

. . . .

The MTV Show, Catfish, is a great visual example of what can happen online.
http://www.mtv.com/shows/catfish-the-tv-show

 

[Kayn-Ishmael]

Pro tip in internet relationships/friendships: don't do it.

That's pretty much my pro tip for anything, really.

 

[paloftoon]

I noticed one or two people said if someone starts off with something physical, block them. Of course, if that's what you want, especially if you indicate that in your profile, then you don't block. If you like the interest but think it's just a bit too soon, then I'd let the person know you want to take it (a bit) more slow. If they push after that, then you can move on. Part of this process is knowing what you want too and how to express yourself when the time comes.

 

[MuiDylan]

I noticed one or two people said if someone starts off with something physical, block them. Of course, if that's what you want, especially if you indicate that in your profile, then you don't block. If you like the interest but think it's just a bit too soon, then I'd let the person know you want to take it (a bit) more slow. If they push after that, then you can move on. Part of this process is knowing what you want too and how to express yourself when the time comes.

Hi

 

[ADL]

One thing I would suggest is finding a fun activity or discussion topic where you can get to know people online without being too personal. Then once someone is familiar and you know how they play games or talk about their favourite foods or something, you'll have a better idea of if you want to persue a friendship

The more lighthearted sections of forums like this are great for that sort of thing, and online video games can also be good if you're playing one with a friendly community.

 

[foliodoe]

Being an autistic person with free access to the internet has been both a blessing and a curse for me. Literally all of my meaningful friendships and relationships have come from the internet. All of my good jobs have come from the internet. You get the idea.

I give my heart away to anyone who wants it and I pretty much always end up feeling abandoned or disappointed. It never hurts less or gets any easier. I am learning how to take these things in stride and how to prioritize my privacy and safety.

 

[LupinLady]

I have a lot of experience with this subject, because most of my socializing as an adult happened on the internet... I even met my life partner through the internet, lol!

- What information is okay to give out?

When I was a teenager and young adult, I used to chat with random people on a site called Omegle. (I did not use their video feature.)

The only information I ever gave out there was an anonymous email account associated a private messenger app (none of the ones I used to use exist anymore). That way, it was easy to block someone if they turned out to be creeps or whatever.

Since that time, I have met people through the mainstream social media websites and forums on special interests, too.

- When is it okay to give it out?

If I enjoyed the conversation and found the other person to be kind and friendly and we had some areas of interest in common, I would ask if he or she wanted to talk further later.

- What red flags do you look for?

On Omegle, people were typically upfront if they were interested in "inappropriate interactions," which I wasn't interested in myself.

Anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, scared, or hurt is best to avoid.

- How long do you talk to someone before you consider them a friend?

If I talk to someone regularly for three months or so (either a few times per week, every week, or a few times per month), then I would consider them a friend.

At that point, we would often exchange email addresses.

Usually, people only spend time chatting online when they are in a life circumstance that accommodates it, but typically those circumstances change, and people move into the non-virtual world.

Being pen pals is a good way to keep connection with internet friends who live very far away and need to move away from chatting. It is typically quite a bit less frequent communication, but you can still talk about the important stuff that matters!

I also have met local friends through the internet! I chatted with them for over six months before I met them in person at a public event. They were lovely on the internet, and lovely in person, too! We all have a group chat where we stay connected and plan meetups.

- Any other tips/hard lessons learned?

Once, I knew a girl who created an entirely fake story about her life. She was an emotionally troubled person.

Surprisingly, she ended up confessing her deception to me, after one of her other internet friends was angry with her for lying to them and she wanted to process the loss of that friendship...

I felt a bit gullible after that, and she stopped talking to me shortly after...I hope she's doing okay, now.

Moral of the story: there are people who will misrepresent themselves, due to personal issues.

- And I guess the most important thing is why?

Being able to connect with other human beings in a positive way helps us all emotionally regulate better! My life coach explained to me that self-regulation is a good and important skill, but that co-regulation is how we develop that skill as a child and strengthen it as an adult and how we support one another as a social species. Even as an autistic person, I can experience this. Emotional validation is important!

 

[OmoriKinnie]

As shown by MTV's Catfish, and from personal experience, people are not always who they say they are. You don't know them in real life, so it is all too easy for them to lie and deceive you. Being gullible is a very dangerous trait to have in the realm of online relationships.

Even in in-person relationships, this is very important information. I once had a gf once (in school) and she did things so heinous that I can't mention them here or I'll get banned. The thing was, though, she acted nice at first, she wasn't a straight up mean person, although she was egotistic and emotionally immature, two red flags to look out for. Also being [that dark thing] is a red flag, although I think this is less of a red flag irl than online, my ex was still this way and our relationship was a total train wreck for the last 2 days because of what she did. Just saying.

Edit: changed "day" to "days" for Grammer reasons

 

[OmoriKinnie]

Moral of the story: there are people who will misrepresent themselves, due to personal issues.

Amen.

I had a gf once, I think the only reason she acted the way she did was because of her family situation. Basically her mom and her step-dad have to take care of her and 11 other kids. I thinks she acts boisterous because of this. That doesn't mean she's a good friend, let alone a good gf!

 

[Trophonius]

Pro tip in internet relationships/friendships: don't do it.

That's pretty much my pro tip for anything, really.

Friendships are fine, I think. I've met people online with whom I have had deeper and more lasting relationships than with people in real life.

Internet relationships are ok as long as they become in real life relationships at some point. The issue with catfishing is of course, that they never do, while pretending they will.