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Introduction, an adult questioning their neurodiversity

Hi there @UncertainAdult and welcome to the forum! I have found it to be a safe place to hang out and bring up topics that may cause one uncertainty in RL. Its been mentioned before, but female presentation of ASD and ADHD is often somewhat different to that of males (for various reasons on many levels). It caused me some issues when coming to term with my diagnosis of ASD, especially as I also "pass" quite well in daily life and appear quite successful in my marriage and work. Currently I am being assessed for ADHD and that seems a sure thing. I was not aware how much ADHD and ASD overlap and also how frequently both appear in individuals - I found the book "neurodivergent minds" by Jenara Nerenberg an interesting read on this topic.
I relate to what you write in terms of being more hesitant to mention ASD (at least, that is how I understand what you wrote), I find it much easier to mention other diagnoses that I have - such as that I am hard of hearing or likely have ADHD, there is a lot of stigma associated with ASD for me. Also my wife and I are trying to find ways to talk about my sensitivities in a more inclusive, less NT-ableist way. Society often is seen to function a certain way - a way where being quick, organized, able to work long sessions without a break and able to socialize in noisy environments, for example, are "normal" and prized. I cant do that, internalizing that this makes me different, not less has been and is a path that we are still on. My wife often feels that if I cant do things "the accepted" way, then she has to be the one to do it / or to suck it up. We are finding ways in which I can do things in a way more suited to my neurodiversity and in which she can let go of this entrenched view of "how things should be done" without having to feel that she has to bend and compromise all the time. It sounds a little like you and your husband are maybe on a similar path.
Anyway, welcome and see you around on the threads :-)
 
Richelle-H said:
Hello again @UncertainAdult,

The thing is. I never wondered or even suspected. The questioning and research came from my spouse who was studying to be a psychologist at the time. One evening the conversation took a turn with them saying they thought I had Asperger's.

I did not even know what that was at the time. I never considered that there was anything to explain my quirks and peculiarities.

Once I had an official diagnosis, it did not change me in any significant way. It just offered a base from which I could effect some changes that made me seem less 'difficult'. It did offer a safe harbour, however, if push came to shove in my working or social life.

I tend toward education with those that are uninformed and wonder about my affect. I am very open with others, and I have learned how to not feel so stressed when in social situations with large numbers of people who are new to my acquaintance.

There were some other things that probably helped me long before that point, but that is some stuff that is not appropriate in an open forum.

So you see, not only are there a wide range of presentations within the autistic spectrum, but also a wide variance in how those of us who share the diagnosis present to the world.

Honest discussion with a professional may be useful at this point. Just have faith in yourself and know that you are not alone.

If you come to the decision that it is all due to ADHD (which seems a stretch to me) you would still be welcome here.

May you find peace and joy in your life.
Click to expand...
Your story is really interesting, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for the advice and welcome!
 
Suzette said:
Hello @UncertainAdult, one suggestion I have is for you to select some videos on YouTube that address topics about autisim to share with your husband. You can watch them together and discuss how these topics apply to you.

I suggest these channels:
Autistimatic
Purple Ella
Aspergers from the Inside
Yo Samdy Sam

There are also a dozen or so Ted Talks on autisim on YouTube
And many other contributors that might present the perspective you wish to convey.
Click to expand...
Thank you for those recommendations! I love to read, but it is hard for my husband and so he does not like reading. I get lots of information from researching and reading, but I think videos will help him alot more.
Thanks!
 
Rasputin said:
Welcome to the autism forums. I was diagnosed with ASD two years ago at 61, and had some doubts at first. Then I got to know a half brother I had met once, and we are now friends. He is autistic, and is just like me. Same habits, quirks, everything. He has a 16 year old daughter who is also autistic, and we think our father was autistic.

Some habits we share are being very compulsive about our interests. We don’t do anything in moderation. When I become interested in a new subject, I will research until I am almost an expert. Then I move on to something else. When I find a show I like on Netflix, I can’t stop watching. I’ll binge watch the entire series in a couple days. I binge eating and drinking. When others sip on a glass of wine, I drink like it is soda. I once drank four liters of beer in one sitting during Oktoberfest in Germany. Neither of us has good self regulation of things we like or consume.

I am only mentioning these things because I think these compulsive behaviors are traits of autism that you don’t generally hear about.

As someone else stated, we are all different. If any of my habits sound familiar, you might be autistic or with OCD.
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I also love to research. When I am curious about something I will research it as far as I can and I really like it. I never understood how people can ask how something works or something similar and then never go find out.
And the Netflix binge watching can get crazy. Thankfully my husband loves movies so we have many good times binge watching a series or movies all weekend long. We've stayed up way to late many times.
I don't binge drink. I don't like alcohol really. But binge eating the whole container of something instead of a serving is hard. I always associated that with ADHD and impulse control. Interesting that it is also a common experience in autism.
 
Barymore said:
Hi there @UncertainAdult and welcome to the forum! I have found it to be a safe place to hang out and bring up topics that may cause one uncertainty in RL. Its been mentioned before, but female presentation of ASD and ADHD is often somewhat different to that of males (for various reasons on many levels). It caused me some issues when coming to term with my diagnosis of ASD, especially as I also "pass" quite well in daily life and appear quite successful in my marriage and work. Currently I am being assessed for ADHD and that seems a sure thing. I was not aware how much ADHD and ASD overlap and also how frequently both appear in individuals - I found the book "neurodivergent minds" by Jenara Nerenberg an interesting read on this topic.
I relate to what you write in terms of being more hesitant to mention ASD (at least, that is how I understand what you wrote), I find it much easier to mention other diagnoses that I have - such as that I am hard of hearing or likely have ADHD, there is a lot of stigma associated with ASD for me. Also my wife and I are trying to find ways to talk about my sensitivities in a more inclusive, less NT-ableist way. Society often is seen to function a certain way - a way where being quick, organized, able to work long sessions without a break and able to socialize in noisy environments, for example, are "normal" and prized. I cant do that, internalizing that this makes me different, not less has been and is a path that we are still on. My wife often feels that if I cant do things "the accepted" way, then she has to be the one to do it / or to suck it up. We are finding ways in which I can do things in a way more suited to my neurodiversity and in which she can let go of this entrenched view of "how things should be done" without having to feel that she has to bend and compromise all the time. It sounds a little like you and your husband are maybe on a similar path.
Anyway, welcome and see you around on the threads :)
Click to expand...
Tha ks for the book recommendation!
I find similarity in a lot of what you said.
I think that people think ADHD is a funny quirk. They don't realize how much it affects and media makes it just seem like "squirrel!". ASD is scary to people. I think that what's in the media alot is people who may be nonverbal or need a lot of assistance. There is not so much about other effects or how common it is.
In general people seem to associate any nuerodivergency with intelligence in some way and that's something I'd like to see change.
That is really how my husband feels with some things. For example, I struggle with focus and memory and one thing I do alot is forget to text back or text when I said I would. I tell him to just message me again or call me so my phone goes off and snaps my attention back, which he does now, but to him it's still annoying. I understand how it's annoying, but it also isn't likely to change so we are working on changing the emotions part of it too. He used to get upset that I forgot him and felt less important than whatever had my focus, now he understands he is not less important, I just need to get my focus reassigned. Annoying maybe, but not hurtful.
We talk more in depth about things that upset either of us and sometimes it is hard to get to the bottom of it, but alot of times it helps.
We read a book called "The ADHD Effect on Marriage". It was helpful. Some of it rambles like a self help book, and some of the suggestions are off in my opinion, but it was a good starting point.
 
I got diagnosed with ADHD shortly after my daughter did. Lol - shouldn't have walked into the psychologist office saying I understood my daughter's symptoms because I had the same ones as a child.

Over the years I became suspicious that my daughter also had autism but she was never formally assessed or diagnosed. But I am seeing a psychologist now who believes (based on my description) that my daughter is both ADHD and autistic. However it never occured to me that I could be both. I felt that I was reasonably good at recognizing the moods of other people. And I thought autistic people couldn't do that.

But after hinting at it for a few weeks, my psychologist made it very clear that he considers me autistic in addition to having ADHD. Now things make so much more sense. Lol - I always rationalized I must have the worst case of ADHD ever because all my symptoms didn't fit neatly into that diagnosis. Now I know why.
 
22222 said:
I got diagnosed with ADHD shortly after my daughter did. Lol - shouldn't have walked into the psychologist office saying I understood my daughter's symptoms because I had the same ones as a child.

Over the years I became suspicious that my daughter also had autism but she was never formally assessed or diagnosed. But I am seeing a psychologist now who believes (based on my description) that my daughter is both ADHD and autistic. However it never occured to me that I could be both. I felt that I was reasonably good at recognizing the moods of other people. And I thought autistic people couldn't do that.

But after hinting at it for a few weeks, my psychologist made it very clear that he considers me autistic in addition to having ADHD. Now things make so much more sense. Lol - I always rationalized I must have the worst case of ADHD ever because all my symptoms didn't fit neatly into that diagnosis. Now I know why.
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That is really interesting how you found out. I think that in my case, my ADHD was the reason no one ever considered autism as a child.
You thinking you "must have the worst case of ADHD" is exactly what I felt and how I ended up looking at autism more. I'm super interested in how the two are linked now. Seems like there is some research to support it.
 
Two of my children & I [all ASD1] and an ASD2 son all had an ADHD diagnosis, first, before it was changed to ASD, instead.
(In my case, I subsequently passed a TOVA test.)
 
Crossbreed said:
Two of my children & I [all ASD1] and an ASD2 son all had an ADHD diagnosis, first, before it was changed to ASD, instead.
(In my case, I subsequently passed a TOVA test.)
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I wonder if I ever took that test. I vaguely remember a lot of testing, but not enough to remember which ones.
The genetic piece is also interesting. Only recently after I started treatment for my ADHD did my days tell me his doctor told him he probably had ADHD. He didn't do anything about it though. My dad has always been a little weird in a way I always seemed to cannect and bond with. I don't think he's interested in any sort of evaluation tho.
 
Crossbreed said:
It is like a really boring video game...
Click to expand...
My mom had to really push military benefits to cover my medical. That meant they decided I should be tested like crazy. Doesn't make much sense to me, but there was a computer game, and a test with headphones and noises, one with blocks, and one psychiatrist that I would just sit and play games with for years and I have no idea which of those were tests and which were used to keep me engaged and have fun talking to her.
I also have disgraphia and I'm not sure if the storytelling one was about me writing or something else. I did hear there was a storytelling test for autism too.
Sometimes I wish we had a Sci Fi scanner that would just scan you with a bunch of lasers and print out a list of everything
 
UncertainAdult said:
Sometimes I wish we had a Sci Fi scanner that would just scan you with a bunch of lasers and print out a list of everything
Click to expand...
There is some hope that an MRI can be used in that fashion...
full
 
UncertainAdult said:
I also love to research. When I am curious about something I will research it as far as I can and I really like it. I never understood how people can ask how something works or something similar and then never go find out.
And the Netflix binge watching can get crazy. Thankfully my husband loves movies so we have many good times binge watching a series or movies all weekend long. We've stayed up way to late many times.
I don't binge drink. I don't like alcohol really. But binge eating the whole container of something instead of a serving is hard. I always associated that with ADHD and impulse control. Interesting that it is also a common experience in autism.
Click to expand...

I had to research a bit myself to understand the difference. ADHD may make it difficult to focus too long, whereas autism makes it difficult to change the object of focus away from something. The binging sounds more like autism based on this explanation. Note I don’t fully understand these conditions; I just know the way I am.

Autism and ADHD: What are the key differences?
 
Rasputin said:
I had to research a bit myself to understand the difference. ADHD may make it difficult to focus too long, whereas autism makes it difficult to change the object of focus away from something. The binging sounds more like autism based on this explanation. Note I don’t fully understand these conditions; I just know the way I am.

Autism and ADHD: What are the key differences?
Click to expand...
Nice article! I like how they show that the symptoms can be so similar from an outside perspective. I do think they missed a few things with ADHD. One being hyperfocus. With ADHD you can be so completely focused on a thing that you can't focus on anything else.
I didn't know that 1 in 59 kids is diagnosed with ADHD. That is an interesting statistic.
Im starting to wonder more about how the two may interact together and maybe how the biology of it all works out. I do think you may be right. Binging may be something more related to autism, where as when I get stuck and can't do anything till I finish a project, that might be more ADHD. Or both!
 
Needing to finish something that is started and hyper focusing is common to both ADHD and Autism. It seems to be very difficult to distinguish one from the other.

People in my family have been diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD1 until I was 61, when I was seeking treatment for insomnia. Prior to that I met with a psychologist who could not diagnose anything. Then I was referred to a psychiatrist who made the diagnosis.
 
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Rasputin said:
Needing to finish something that is started and hyper focusing is common to both ADHD and Autism. It seems to be very difficult to distinguish one from the other.

People in my family have been diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD1 until I was 61, when I was seeking treatment for insomnia. Prior to that I met with a psychologist who could not diagnose anything. Then I was referred to a psychiatrist who made the diagnosis.
Click to expand...
I did not know that. Its so interesting how similar they are. I wonder why I never stumbled upon this when I was younger.
 
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