(warning, mention of sensitive topics like suicide, if you’re sensitive to this don’t scroll, tldr, how do I manage intrusive thoughts and anxiety as an autistic person)
please help me. I’ve struggled with really unnecessary and sometimes dark thoughts for almost a year now. I’m on medication for it (at a 40mg dosage, medication I’ve been taking for a long time, but stopped because I believed I didn’t need it). I did weird things, I would avoid technology because I was afraid something bad would happen if I used it. I also believed that if I didn’t do said compulsions, i would be stuck in an endless loop of worrying. It got really bad during January-May and toned down for a good few months until now, where I would get these unwanted thoughts, even on medication for it. Sometimes I would have really bad thoughts about me offing myself because the pain of these thoughts was too much to handle. I legitimately suspected I had OCD during this time due to the fact my intrusive thoughts would sometimes take over my entire day. One day, I had a thought of downing several of my anxiety pills just to make the thoughts go away.
Ive never seen a therapist in my life as my dad believes them to be scams and pointless. I’ve only ever seen a doctor to get back on the prescription as a way to treat my symptom. What should I do?
Sadly, I'm not a qualified mental health therapist, but I recommend looking more into OCD by yourself, without bringing your parents into it. There might be some methods and techniques which can help with managing your obsessions and help calm you down when your anxiety is paralyzing, but you ultimately need to find what works for you. Perhaps there are some Youtube channels and/or videos made by who are dealing with or used to deal with OCD, which is a serious condition. I'm not saying you have OCD, but it's worth looking into if you think it's a possibility, and it definitely seems like you have obsessive/intrusive thoughts infiltrating your mind.
Of course, the long term plan should be to achieve enough independence to be able to seek out all the help you need without the approval (or even knowledge) of your parents. Either that or educating them, but my experience has been that people don't change their personality and preconceptions easily, so I recommend working on gaining independence first before attempting the latter (which is very exhausting and draining, as you probably know already).
I really do wish you luck, and I'm sad about the struggles you are going through. I hope you will manage to find some way to alleviate your obsessive thoughts as they sound serious and quite horrible to deal with (otherwise you wouldn't have sent this message). You are a talented artist and come across very well in the forums. I think giving yourself some mental space away from others (like your parents) to nurture your interests and work on yourself might prove useful. Feel free to send me a message if you need to vent or get a handle on your thoughts. I wish you the best.
Probably best to see a psychiatrist first, before considering a therapist. This way they might be able to better understand your actual issues and possible conditions.
My autism often stops when I close my front door to the outside world. However my OCD never ever gives me such a break, and is with me 24/7. I was formally diagnosed with OCD, clinical depression and social anxiety in 1982. All comorbid to autism which was never diagnosed by a medical professional.
Yes- it can quite draining at times, with so many perceived consequences that aren't really there. Almost like superstition on steroids. Not always easy to dismiss, either. I still have some of those dark thoughts too.
Hey @mysterionz it sounds like you've had some tough times from what you've described in your post. I can definitely relate to the intrusive thoughts you've described. They are very similar in theme to what I've experienced. It can be extremely distressing.
I assume that you don't want to name the medication that you are taking? I've been on some SSRI meds that drove me up the wall. Oddly they are prescribed for anxiety even though they can actually cause it.
I agree that it may be worth talking to a psychiatrist about how you have been feeling. They in theory know what the best medication is for your symptoms. Have you talked in detail to your doctor about the intrusive thoughts and the OCD like symptoms?
In the past, my mistake was to gloss over those sorts of details, usually because I was afraid of telling people about the thoughts about harming myself or bad things happening if I didn't do a particular thing or avoid a particular thing.
If you find that your meds don't help much, please do tell your doctor. With some people the usual meds just don't work. They didn't work with me unfortunately.
Please remember that you are not alone and lots of us have experienced pretty much exactly what you have. Thoughts are just thoughts but they can be powerful in how they make us feel. The thoughts aren't you though! Everyone gets all kinds of whacky thoughts, just most people forget them as soon as they pop in!
So please, if the meds aren't helping and haven't helped in the past, tell your doctor and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist, particularly if they prescribe new meds that are ineffective. Doctors are very limited in what they can prescribe compared to psychiatrists.
If things are getting on top of you, remember there are lots of people here who care and will listen if you need someone to talk to! A problem shared is a problem halved as they say!
I assume that you don't want to name the medication that you are taking? I've been on some SSRI meds that drove me up the wall. Oddly they are prescribed for anxiety even though they can actually cause it.
(warning, mention of sensitive topics like suicide, if you’re sensitive to this don’t scroll, tldr, how do I manage intrusive thoughts and anxiety as an autistic person)
please help me. I’ve struggled with really unnecessary and sometimes dark thoughts for almost a year now. I’m on medication for it (at a 40mg dosage, medication I’ve been taking for a long time, but stopped because I believed I didn’t need it). I did weird things, I would avoid technology because I was afraid something bad would happen if I used it. I also believed that if I didn’t do said compulsions, i would be stuck in an endless loop of worrying. It got really bad during January-May and toned down for a good few months until now, where I would get these unwanted thoughts, even on medication for it. Sometimes I would have really bad thoughts about me offing myself because the pain of these thoughts was too much to handle. I legitimately suspected I had OCD during this time due to the fact my intrusive thoughts would sometimes take over my entire day. One day, I had a thought of downing several of my anxiety pills just to make the thoughts go away.
Ive never seen a therapist in my life as my dad believes them to be scams and pointless. I’ve only ever seen a doctor to get back on the prescription as a way to treat my symptom. What should I do?
Have you looked into (or even heard of) EMDR? I had always had intrusive trauma memories (often at inopportune times), and this helped me tremendously. The memories are still there, but no longer intrusive and I can all them up if I want. It may not work for everybody, and on the face, it seems like it can't possibly work, but it does appear to help a lot of people.
Prozac is an SSRI, there are several that doctors prescribe for depression and general anxiety or OCD.
There's Setraline, Citalopram, Ecitalopram and of course Prozac. There's likely a few others that I'm not aware of.
Basically if your symptoms don't improve within 3 months, or heaven forbid, get worse. Then the appropriate amount of time for the therapeutic effects to manifest has passed. So you can legitimately say "Hey Doc, I want to try something new" and they should honour your request.
The two worst meds for myself were Prozac and Sertraline. They turned my symptoms up to maximum and then ripped the dial off.
If you notice a correlation between the symptoms getting worse and restarting Prozac then I think it's best to talk to your doctor about trying ab alternative.
Now, I'm not medically qualified, this is just based on my own personal experience. But I wanted to chime in, as often when we are in situations like this, we don't know about how long you should wait for the meds to help and when something new should be tried.
The meds that I have mentioned are part of a group of meds known as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. The theory behind how they work is that they allow your neurons to slosh about in Serotonin for longer before it's reabsorbed. The idea is that having more Serotonin will make you feel happier.
So if you have been on the meds a good long while and you've not experienced improvement then you can ask to try a new SSRI. Your doc will probably suggest one.
In my own personal experience, Ecitalopram was the only SSRI that I got along with fairly ok. With yourself it may be different.
If you've tried a variety of different SSRI meds and still no improvement then the doctor very much should be referring you to a psychiatrist to find something more effective.
You know what's really interesting? Professionals have told me time and time again that these are normal.
I've had plenty of conversations with people who, while they're driving and I'm riding shotgun, talked about intrusive thoughts about jerking the wheel and ending our lives (I hope I'm allowed to talk about this here, I'm trying to be sensitive about my wording). While most of us are programmed (possibly from previous generations?) to label that person a psychopath, it might just be a regular side of us that isn't nearly as dark, because merely talking about it and how strange it is kind of proves that we'd never do such a thing. It proves we care about our lives, not the opposite.
For me personally, I'm lucky that I didn't have access to medication until I was much older, because I could never stamp out psychological problems via chemical means. Everyone's got their own path, but personally mine went away when I began to embrace them and realize how much meaning I really do have in my life. Or rather, they come and go like fluffy little clouds and I barely pay any attention to them because I'm completely unbothered.
I'm not even allowed to talk about the type of intrusive thoughts I used to get, but now when they show up I just laugh right in their face, because I know they're coming from something that actually cares a great deal about life and not the opposite.
The brain is basically a random possibility generator. Everyone has weird thoughts, the problem is that due to some weird puritanical denial these things aren't talked about or really acknowledged. Our only real window into the world is our mind. If we never hear others talk about the funky thoughts they have, then we might conclude that there may be something wrong with us because no-one else has these thoughts pop into their heads.
If our brains are possibility generators then it's likely they will say at some point "hey what do you say, let's drive into on coming traffic..." And then we will grip the wheel tighter to prevent it happening and feel distressed that a "normal" person wouldn't even think such things. Of course we don't get freaked out by the earlier random thought of the possibility of pigging out on 10 huge pizzas for lunch! We flag the traffic related thought as negative and dangerous. It makes us feel like we can't trust ourselves.
I suppose also if you are on the spectrum, sharing certain thought processes with people will result in ridicule because they don't understand, so this can teach you to feel automatically negative about your own thoughts. While others haplessly think whatever they want to without any shame at all.
My brain can think strange things and l just think what a great way to start a story, or write a script. Like what if this happened? Would people want to read this storyline?
I'm so sorry. I know how much this sucks. I have been dealing with it since I was a very young child.
Prozac made me more anxious. I haven't done too well with SSRIs in general, most of them made me feel physically sick or they made my anxiety go through the roof.
Going to spoiler some of these topics because they are sensitive and I don't feel comfortable talking about them a lot. But it's relevant.
Most of the SSRIs I was on made me gain 30-40 pounds in a few months because I couldn't stop eating. My body has never been the same after I took antidepressants. Like my body has completely changed shape and I cannot get skinny again no matter how little I eat or how much I work out.
My body and my weight are some of my biggest insecurities. I always feel ashamed and embarrassed because there is so much prejudice against people who aren't skinny, and everyone seems to think it's a choice to be overweight (for most people, it's not.) So I have been struggling with anorexia, extreme over-exercising and dieting, and binge eating since I was a teenager.
I have intrusive thoughts about suicide and self-harm occasionally but they're not as bad as they used to be. I would never act on them now although I have acted on them in the past. I have not intentionally harmed myself in over a year, probably about two years now.
I do have intrusive thoughts about other things though, like thinking everyone I know is talking behind my back, thinking everyone who's laughing is laughing at me, and not being able to trust anyone I meet because they might be thinking about harming me, bullying me, or killing me. These are obviously PTSD-related intrusive thoughts and are obviously kind of paranoid, but I do still get them a lot. I think the most common intrusive thought I have is "I am going to die." I have that thought at least a few times a day with a bunch of different reasons behind it.
When I'm driving, I have intrusive thoughts about getting in an accident or getting pulled over and being shot.
This also ties back in to what I said about my weight, I have intrusive thoughts about my weight and my body too. Like I'm constantly obsessing about people thinking I'm pregnant or making fun of my body. It doesn't help that these intrusive thoughts have occasionally been reinforced by other people.
I would guess that I probably have OCD too, but I'm formally diagnosed with C-PTSD, chronic depression, and an anxiety disorder. The depression comes and goes and sometimes it isn't there at all, but it's particularly bad right now. My anxiety is constant. I don't think I'm ever *not* anxious, even though it isn't obvious to most people, and I guess I "mask" my anxiety the way I mask my autism. People are often really surprised when I admit that I have constant anxiety. Most of the time they say things along the lines of (I'm paraphrasing) "Oh, I would've never known that because you're so confident" or "I didn't know extroverts/outgoing people could have anxiety."
I'm afraid to talk about intrusive thoughts and anxiety because when I have brought them up to people, they thought I was insane.
People also tend to get really angry and annoyed with me for being anxious and don't understand it at all so I never bring it up to my friends or anything. I actually brought it up to a friend the other day and she got mad and yelled at me and made me cry. People always think I'm not listening or I'm doing it on purpose and I'm obviously not, like do they think it's enjoyable for me to live like this?
So I don't open up about my mental health very much at all, because this is the reaction I usually get. Talking about it usually has one of two outcomes: 1.) They get angry or frustrated because I'm "being immature" or "not listening," or 2.) They tell me to "get help," even though I have been getting help for literally more than half of my life, and I have obviously made progress that they're just ignoring.
Sorry I kind of went off into a rant there, but I really feel for you because I've been struggling with this for my entire life and I wish I could make it go away.
I agree with the others that you should probably see a psychiatrist, not a therapist. They also might be able to explain it to your parents so they'll take you more seriously. I don't think my parents really understood how much of a problem there actually was until they heard it from my doctor.
I'm so sorry. I know how much this sucks. I have been dealing with it since I was a very young child.
Prozac made me more anxious. I haven't done too well with SSRIs in general, most of them made me feel physically sick or they made my anxiety go through the roof.
Going to spoiler some of these topics because they are sensitive and I don't feel comfortable talking about them a lot. But it's relevant.
Most of the SSRIs I was on made me gain 30-40 pounds in a few months because I couldn't stop eating. My body has never been the same after I took antidepressants. Like my body has completely changed shape and I cannot get skinny again no matter how little I eat or how much I work out.
My body and my weight are some of my biggest insecurities. I always feel ashamed and embarrassed because there is so much prejudice against people who aren't skinny, and everyone seems to think it's a choice to be overweight (for most people, it's not.) So I have been struggling with anorexia, extreme over-exercising and dieting, and binge eating since I was a teenager.
I have intrusive thoughts about suicide and self-harm occasionally but they're not as bad as they used to be. I would never act on them now although I have acted on them in the past. I have not intentionally harmed myself in over a year, probably about two years now.
I do have intrusive thoughts about other things though, like thinking everyone I know is talking behind my back, thinking everyone who's laughing is laughing at me, and not being able to trust anyone I meet because they might be thinking about harming me, bullying me, or killing me. These are obviously PTSD-related intrusive thoughts and are obviously kind of paranoid, but I do still get them a lot. I think the most common intrusive thought I have is "I am going to die." I have that thought at least a few times a day with a bunch of different reasons behind it.
When I'm driving, I have intrusive thoughts about getting in an accident or getting pulled over and being shot.
This also ties back in to what I said about my weight, I have intrusive thoughts about my weight and my body too. Like I'm constantly obsessing about people thinking I'm pregnant or making fun of my body. It doesn't help that these intrusive thoughts have occasionally been reinforced by other people.
I would guess that I probably have OCD too, but I'm formally diagnosed with C-PTSD, chronic depression, and an anxiety disorder. The depression comes and goes and sometimes it isn't there at all, but it's particularly bad right now. My anxiety is constant. I don't think I'm ever *not* anxious, even though it isn't obvious to most people, and I guess I "mask" my anxiety the way I mask my autism. People are often really surprised when I admit that I have constant anxiety. Most of the time they say things along the lines of (I'm paraphrasing) "Oh, I would've never known that because you're so confident" or "I didn't know extroverts/outgoing people could have anxiety."
I'm afraid to talk about intrusive thoughts and anxiety because when I have brought them up to people, they thought I was insane.
People also tend to get really angry and annoyed with me for being anxious and don't understand it at all so I never bring it up to my friends or anything. I actually brought it up to a friend the other day and she got mad and yelled at me and made me cry. People always think I'm not listening or I'm doing it on purpose and I'm obviously not, like do they think it's enjoyable for me to live like this?
So I don't open up about my mental health very much at all, because this is the reaction I usually get. Talking about it usually has one of two outcomes: 1.) They get angry or frustrated because I'm "being immature" or "not listening," or 2.) They tell me to "get help," even though I have been getting help for literally more than half of my life, and I have obviously made progress that they're just ignoring.
Sorry I kind of went off into a rant there, but I really feel for you because I've been struggling with this for my entire life and I wish I could make it go away.
I agree with the others that you should probably see a psychiatrist, not a therapist. They also might be able to explain it to your parents so they'll take you more seriously. I don't think my parents really understood how much of a problem there actually was until they heard it from my doctor.
When you open the text box to type a post, click on the three dots next to the "photo" icon.
There are a bunch of options that come up under that, and the spoiler one is the "eye" with the slash through it.
please help me. I’ve struggled with really unnecessary and sometimes dark thoughts for almost a year now. I’m on medication for it (at a 40mg dosage, medication I’ve been taking for a long time, but stopped because I believed I didn’t need it). I did weird things, I would avoid technology because I was afraid something bad would happen if I used it. I also believed that if I didn’t do said compulsions, i would be stuck in an endless loop of worrying. It got really bad during January-May and toned down for a good few months until now, where I would get these unwanted thoughts, even on medication for it. Sometimes I would have really bad thoughts about me offing myself because the pain of these thoughts was too much to handle. I legitimately suspected I had OCD during this time due to the fact my intrusive thoughts would sometimes take over my entire day. One day, I had a thought of downing several of my anxiety pills just to make the thoughts go away.
Ive never seen a therapist in my life as my dad believes them to be scams and pointless. I’ve only ever seen a doctor to get back on the prescription as a way to treat my symptom. What should I do?
Sorry you're going through all this, mysterionz I know how difficult those kinds of thoughts can be. They're very debilitating.
I can't really comment on the medication and don't want to give advice where I'm unqualified. Is it possible, though, you also need someone to talk to you? You're reaching out here, and say your dad has issues with therapy. You've also had some bad experience recently, like with that invasive guy on the dating site. It's possible you feel anxiety from not being heard and needing to connect more genuinely. You've been punished for being yourself. I don't know your full situation, but maybe talk therapy would help. If that feels right to you, maybe explaining to your parents how you've been feeling would convince them to let you give therapy a try.
It can be hard to find someone understanding, so be patient if you do. I've had bad experiences with therapists, but recently found an Autistic therapist I love.
Whatever you do, I hope you find relief. You're a great person and have every reason to enjoy yourself and your life.
I can't believe how there is people out there with so similar problems to mine. It always feels like a set up to me.
I struggle with suicidal thoughts in a way that they would come in my dreams. Dreams, nightmares or however You call it are big part of me. I tried medication, antidepressants etc etc. and would, after the years discover that they wasn't helpful. I could take triple the dose and be resistant to it. I could handle suicidal thoughts when conscious, awake without medication. But then my unconscious mind would serve me dreams that was so vivid I could live them and feel for most of the days. For some reason, and I have no idea how this things helping but it's combination of talking, hypnotising therapies along so called psychedelics. I don't think It would be productive to talk about it here but, I do believe that talking therapy and unconventional medication such as Cannabis, Mushrooms which are being researched more these days( still costly £1000 per session in UK) can definitely help people with Depression, OCD, ADHD
, and Autistic burnouts and Autism related intrusive thoughts in general. Not sure if this is any help to You but if You feel like You ran out of options, evere in Your life, there's hope out there that works for health problems You listed. (Peace
As others have indicated, another function of a psychiatrist would be in reassessing the present medications you have been prescribed. They may not be the best choice for you. I too was once prescribed a medication that made my anxiety much worse. -It happens.
Medication itself, whatever it is, is useless in terms of healing mental illness, disorders etc etc. Whatever You want to call it. The only way to free Your mind is to talk to a person in safe setting and open up with time, with or without medication. If You feel like You need to talk about problem, it means that You have problems. And it's ok. Talking out loud about them helps but only when You can receive honest feedback from someone who is sincerely focused on what You say. I call it necessary evil, a therapist and medication helps to, if combined. Hope that makes sense.
( I lost few friends due to suicide and really hope You find better options. Lots of nice threads from You here etc. Nice arts keep it up!
One thing is clear, there are lots of us that have dealt with or are dealing with very similar problems.
When I was younger around mysterionz age I felt sure that I was the only person who dealt with these sorts of things. It can cause a lot of guilt and shame, and that can make the anxiety etc much worse. It can be a feedback loop.
It's important I think, that people share their experiences as although it may not look that way from inside your own head, intrusive thoughts are a lot more common than appearances may lead you to believe.
My mother's usual response to my dwindling mental health was to shame me into hiding it. So a big pile of more masking for me. It also reinforced the shame and guilt.
Owing to the way I was brought up, I believed that I needed to be given permission to do pretty much anything well into early adulthood so my problems were never dealt with until I was much older and been through an awful lot of distress.
I wish I could go back in time and help my younger self so badly sometimes.
I'm so sorry. I know how much this sucks. I have been dealing with it since I was a very young child.
Prozac made me more anxious. I haven't done too well with SSRIs in general, most of them made me feel physically sick or they made my anxiety go through the roof.
Going to spoiler some of these topics because they are sensitive and I don't feel comfortable talking about them a lot. But it's relevant.
Most of the SSRIs I was on made me gain 30-40 pounds in a few months because I couldn't stop eating. My body has never been the same after I took antidepressants. Like my body has completely changed shape and I cannot get skinny again no matter how little I eat or how much I work out.
My body and my weight are some of my biggest insecurities. I always feel ashamed and embarrassed because there is so much prejudice against people who aren't skinny, and everyone seems to think it's a choice to be overweight (for most people, it's not.) So I have been struggling with anorexia, extreme over-exercising and dieting, and binge eating since I was a teenager.
I have intrusive thoughts about suicide and self-harm occasionally but they're not as bad as they used to be. I would never act on them now although I have acted on them in the past. I have not intentionally harmed myself in over a year, probably about two years now.
I do have intrusive thoughts about other things though, like thinking everyone I know is talking behind my back, thinking everyone who's laughing is laughing at me, and not being able to trust anyone I meet because they might be thinking about harming me, bullying me, or killing me. These are obviously PTSD-related intrusive thoughts and are obviously kind of paranoid, but I do still get them a lot. I think the most common intrusive thought I have is "I am going to die." I have that thought at least a few times a day with a bunch of different reasons behind it.
When I'm driving, I have intrusive thoughts about getting in an accident or getting pulled over and being shot.
This also ties back in to what I said about my weight, I have intrusive thoughts about my weight and my body too. Like I'm constantly obsessing about people thinking I'm pregnant or making fun of my body. It doesn't help that these intrusive thoughts have occasionally been reinforced by other people.
I would guess that I probably have OCD too, but I'm formally diagnosed with C-PTSD, chronic depression, and an anxiety disorder. The depression comes and goes and sometimes it isn't there at all, but it's particularly bad right now. My anxiety is constant. I don't think I'm ever *not* anxious, even though it isn't obvious to most people, and I guess I "mask" my anxiety the way I mask my autism. People are often really surprised when I admit that I have constant anxiety. Most of the time they say things along the lines of (I'm paraphrasing) "Oh, I would've never known that because you're so confident" or "I didn't know extroverts/outgoing people could have anxiety."
I'm afraid to talk about intrusive thoughts and anxiety because when I have brought them up to people, they thought I was insane.
People also tend to get really angry and annoyed with me for being anxious and don't understand it at all so I never bring it up to my friends or anything. I actually brought it up to a friend the other day and she got mad and yelled at me and made me cry. People always think I'm not listening or I'm doing it on purpose and I'm obviously not, like do they think it's enjoyable for me to live like this?
So I don't open up about my mental health very much at all, because this is the reaction I usually get. Talking about it usually has one of two outcomes: 1.) They get angry or frustrated because I'm "being immature" or "not listening," or 2.) They tell me to "get help," even though I have been getting help for literally more than half of my life, and I have obviously made progress that they're just ignoring.
Sorry I kind of went off into a rant there, but I really feel for you because I've been struggling with this for my entire life and I wish I could make it go away.
I agree with the others that you should probably see a psychiatrist, not a therapist. They also might be able to explain it to your parents so they'll take you more seriously. I don't think my parents really understood how much of a problem there actually was until they heard it from my doctor.
Think it's great you talked about this. This is actually the first thing l ever felt shame over, anxiety. Most of the time l deny it is happening. I wish you would do a post on this. I think a lot of us suffer from your well-written mentions but we have to much self-doubt or shame to truly talk about this. Bravo to you, you made me look at my thoughts regarding this. You are such a valued member here at this forum. Your honesty is beautiful.
Just feel the true definition of autism is another a-word, ---anxiety. I have always come from anxiety. I totally identify with Woody Allen's comedy which is 100% based anxiety. To me there is so much uncertainty in the world, and our chance of being targeted does creep up in our mind, so anxiety is how l roll. I would be curious in learning if NT's experience anxiety quite to the extent that we on the spectrum do.
A problem shared is a problem halved as they say! 
I know how difficult those kinds of thoughts can be. They're very debilitating.
keep it up!
