Is any one else struggling with a cognitive bias of "Not Feeling Likable"?

[Neri]

I'm sorry to hear how hard life was, as if ASD isn't a hurdle enough.
ASD leaves us socially weak that we become preyed on by wrong type of men or a typical symptom of coming from a dysfunctional family. I thought I'd healed my wounds of my father but my husband was a clear indication I hadn't. I believed that in self therapy I could assess and recognise a weakness but in truth it's people's response to you that heals trauma. At my age finding love n healing seems daunting, I'm a write off. Maybe real love would've changed me years ago

Aaah, Thems the breaks. No one claimed life was easy. Yes it does suck to be so vulnerable to being treated very shabbily and having compromised skills to defend oneself.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time of it too. Being loved is lovely. I consider myself very fortunate to have found my beloved. We are very good for each other, after both of us had it very rough for the longest time before that.

It would be lovely if you found someone. Don't ever think you are "too broken" for love.

That was something my guy said to me at first, "I'm too broken, you don't want me" but I told him "I'm broken too and I do want you". 13 years later we are still very much in love.

 

[Kayla55]

I related my painful feelings to animals, you can tell a dog that's mistreated as it's withdrawn and tail between legs. Asd or abuse makes us so much harder to call us back....like calling a dog that's shy away and telling it it's ok.
Is it how we battle to understand social that really exacerbates our pain and reasoning behind why it's done to us?
So if someone calls you back is it abuse or rejection or asd making it harder for us to go back, to understand.
Does our sensitivity level show how abuse can devestate us.

 

[Kayla55]

Symptoms found in orphans are very similar to ASD.....
So I suppose it confuses the whole issue and adds to complexity of trying to understand what's happening on the inner world!!
I turned away from my ex...
Never wanted hugs, I'd soak in my sadness and sleep facing the other way which isn't not wanting sympathy whilst crying but not wanting him and way he treated me. (A typical reaction to a sardonic person not ASD related)

 

[Neri]

I related my painful feelings to animals, you can tell a dog that's mistreated as it's withdrawn and tail between legs. Asd or abuse makes us so much harder to call us back....like calling a dog that's shy away and telling it it's ok.
Is it how we battle to understand social that really exacerbates our pain and reasoning behind why it's done to us?
So if someone calls you back is it abuse or rejection or asd making it harder for us to go back, to understand.
Does our sensitivity level show how abuse can devestate us.

I think our sensitivity does make abuse very, very devastating. Couple that with not having innate understandings of the kinds of power dynamics that other neuro types take for granted.

I cannot tolerate dishonesty or fakery of any kind any more. It was like I reached my threshold to cope, and a switch got flicked and now, as soon as I detect it I must leave that situation immediately.

Safety; so hard to come by, so easy to destroy the sense of.

Have you heard of the "Intense World" theory? I think that is what it's called. It helped me make sense of my brain and how things impact me so, so strongly and how negative, life threatening situations or perceived life threatening situations are so hard to over-write.

We all have the capacity for neural placticity, but it seems, that ours is capped in a way, because of our denser, more-sensitive-to- sensory-input brains. And so we have limitations imposed on us via our brains increased connectivity and more rapid firing than neurotypical brains. "Bad" things and intense things are felt very, very intensely.

The other side of if it is that we will just dissociate and not be present when we get overwhelmed. I spent years very very dissociated and my parents are both still like that from their own traumatic childhoods and autism.

That's what "shut downs" are, extreme dissociative episodes.

I think stimming is a grounding and soothing strategy and is very helpful for that.

I cry a lot too, it's been good for my system. And I've done therapies like "Trauma/Tension Release Exercises~ TRE, which was very helpful. You can find youtube vids on that.

The other thing to point out, which you touched on, is that our trauma was incurred inter-relationally and it's inter-relationally that we repair our damaged brains, nervous systems and senses of self, so finding good therapists is important. They need to be a good fit though.

At a certain point, I resolved only to engage with a talk therapist if they were either neurodivergent themselves or had an understanding and specialization in working with neurodivergent or, in particular, autistic people, and I found one. She is a trauma psychologist and has a keen interest and understand of ASD and I really like her and feel "seen" by her.