Is anyone particularly upset about dealing with ‘cognitive defects’?

[Ruby]

I have been struggling with cognitive defects throughout my life, such as lack of attention, lack of awareness of surroundings/directions, slow processing speed, forgetfulness, slower learning abilities & poor social skills. I am managing to keep my streams of income, and more feedback is good, however a lot of services seem indifferent about whether or not they have me working for them. I’ve been given negative feedback a few times about my lack of interactions and some people seem to have a problem with me not knowing what has been said/shown to me right away or for not remembering. When I’m in a situation where I’m unsure about something or someone points something out to me when I wanted to figure it out in my own time & way, it upsets me tremendously, to the point of feeling worthless, cognitively defective & sometimes to the point of suicidal feelings in which I contemplate the point of existing, why my parents had me, why I wasn’t euthanised or murdered & whether I am a waste of space. These feelings are somewhat temporary & occasional but they can be triggered in similar circumstances. Cognitive defects are the worst of issues I’ve dealt with as they may very well be permanent and they are ongoing and detrimental to my self-worth and happiness. I would like to figure out if these slip ups are typical & whether there is a way to feel better in these moments.

Thank you for reading!

 

[All-Rounder]

Yes, big time. It got me fired many times. Doing things my own way because it was easier, is considered bad work and you can get fired for it. The result is the same but they care about the method for the sake of watchers, obedience and order following, or who knows why.

Issues with forgetting constantly, and due to my executive dysfunction, I take a long time to remember what I was about to do.

 

[Ruby]

Yes, big time. It got me fired many times. Doing things my own way because it was easier, is considered bad work and you can get fired for it. The result is the same but they care about the method for the sake of watchers, obedience and order following, or who knows why.

Issues with forgetting constantly, and due to my executive dysfunction, I take a long time to remember what I was about to do.

Thank you for your input! I’m sorry that the workforce won’t accommodate how you need to do tasks to get the result they want. I hope you find a company that isn’t particular about how things are done. Best of luck for your future!

 

[Angular Chap]

Yes, very much so.

The worst thing for me is usually getting lost in some way whenever I have to go somewhere new, or sometimes even when I've been to a place in the past but the procedure has changed. The distress of being embarrassed really started getting to me after all these years, that's why I finally decided to start to come clean about being autistic.

I would like to figure out if these slip ups are typical & whether there is a way to feel better in these moments.

Yes, these slip ups, big or small, are VERY typical. Sorry I can't be of help about feeling better in the moment, but I find coming here and reading about other people's struggles and sharing my own is a good way to feel better after the fact, or to help prepare for any upcoming issues.

Hope you get some more replies of solidarity in your thread here to help make you feel better.

 

[All-Rounder]

Same, used to get lost in my city, I would panic, the more i got out daily around some areas, the better i knew the bus routes and the city ways. Got addicted to the bus but I think it messes with my digestive system and back, so gotta not overdo it and just use it in need. Still can be bad at times and i have to stop and think.

 

[Ruby]

Yes, very much so.

The worst thing for me is usually getting lost in some way whenever I have to go somewhere new, or sometimes even when I've been to a place in the past but the procedure has changed. The distress of being embarrassed really started getting to me after all these years, that's why I finally decided to start to come clean about being autistic.


Yes, these slip ups, big or small, are VERY typical. Sorry I can't be of help about feeling better in the moment, but I find coming here and reading about other people's struggles and sharing my own is a good way to feel better after the fact, or to help prepare for any upcoming issues.

Hope you get some more replies of solidarity in your thread here to help make you feel better.

Thank you for your support!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The defect which has profoundly impacted my life is the inability to process non verbal and verbal, social signaling. That led to social isolation and a distorted view of my self worth and body image. I was able to overcoming that with self acceptance but the experience left me scarred.

 

[Ruby]

The defect which has profoundly impacted my life is the inability to process non verbal and verbal, social signaling. That led to social isolation and a distorted view of my self worth and body image. I was able to overcoming that with self acceptance but the experience left me scarred.

That would have been difficult. I’m glad you have found some way around it.

 

[Progster]

I can't join in group conversations, because I don't proces fast enough - the conversation has moved on or someone else has already spoken before I get to say anything. I don't react fast enough, so I just sit there and say nothing. I don't pick up on body language, and it all seems like it's going on from behind a glass screen, or like watching TV. It used to bother me, but now I accept it and it no longer really bothers me.

 

[Outdated]

I can't join in group conversations, because I don't process fast enough.....

I have this same trouble. It's ether sit there and say nothing or take over the conversation and be the one that's doing the talking. The second option seems to happen automatically if I'm drunk.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Yes I do get upset, I need understanding and black and white often and stability and gentleness and love and support.
Seems I am often unable to get it.
If I cannot understand, I get really distressed and often feel like I need to put pressure on myself to understand because I cannot walk blind with no knowledge of the future.
I have no foresight and that is OK and it does not make you less. But just means people need to provide information at times or comfort and validate you when you struggle.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

The defect which has profoundly impacted my life is the inability to process non verbal and verbal, social signaling. That led to social isolation and a distorted view of my self worth and body image. I was able to overcoming that with self acceptance but the experience left me scarred.

I struggle to read people at times and am extremely sensitive.
So I make mistakes in what people mean
And I blow everything out of control because of sensitivity.
I just think people will find a way to hurt me and people and the way they think often hurts me and I get offended easily which has been worst with my cptsd and illness to the point of paranoid.
I often too feel like God and others are just waiting to see me trip up and fall on my face which it is not my fault if I am bitter and angry and feel offended by others because of my trauma even if God knows there hearts.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I struggle to read people at times and am extremely sensitive.
So I make mistakes in what people mean
And I blow everything out of control because of sensitivity.
I just think people will find a way to hurt me and people and the way they think often hurts me and I get offended easily which has been worst with my cptsd and illness to the point of paranoid.
I often too feel like God and others are just waiting to see me trip up and fall on my face which it is not my fault if I am bitter and angry and feel offended by others because of my trauma even if God knows there hearts.

The worst of it for me was when aquaintences, knowing that I had no prospects for a relationship, would relish sharing their sexual experiences with me. I had no thought that they were lying to me. This made me feel damaged and unwanted and also thought that it was disrespecting women they were intimate with as some would laugh about somebody's small breasts (it took a lot of willpower not to assault the guy over such disrespect). Once a guy I didn't like and who knew I had a crush on a cute woman where we worked told me that she was a good lay and that I should ask her out and get her in bed. I was totally deflated that she would have sex with a guy like that. I never understood why no woman noticed me or was interested in me, especially when I had wide ranging cultural interests, was active, and had significant career potential. I thought that all the work I did meant nothing.

All of this was hard to recover from.

 

[Ruby]

Yes I do get upset, I need understanding and black and white often and stability and gentleness and love and support.
Seems I am often unable to get it.
If I cannot understand, I get really distressed and often feel like I need to put pressure on myself to understand because I cannot walk blind with no knowledge of the future.
I have no foresight and that is OK and it does not make you less. But just means people need to provide information at times or comfort and validate you when you struggle.

That must suck. It is unfortunate that not everyone can or will provide information, validation or comfort. I hope you’ve got people who can support you.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

That must suck. It is unfortunate that not everyone can or will provide information, validation or comfort. I hope you’ve got people who can support you.

Wow, thank you. It does suck, it is helpful to have information I think autistics struggle without it just walking blind.
And you are right it is helpful to have support and validation especially with cptsd and illness. I'm glad someone agrees.

 

[Ken]

I voted very much. No one in the community of my life has any clue about autism, so no support for me. However, I am fearful that if I did get support, it would have been inhibiting even if it would have made my life more comfortable.

My issues: I am very mentally slow, making school very difficult. I am unable to listen to anyone speaking and take notes at the same time. I cannot read faster than I can speak. I cannot understand anyone that speaks fast. Speaking fast sounds like gibberish or a foreign language. That is just a few, there are plenty more.

While that made my life very exasperating, I think I am glad that I did not get any support. It made me learn to be dependent and make my own way. If left alone I am able to succeed. I can learn, I just can't be taught. But, I am happy that I ended up with a successful career once I learned that I require solitude in professional settings.

 

[WiffingWaffles]

Same, used to get lost in my city, I would panic, the more i got out daily around some areas, the better i knew the bus routes and the city ways. Got addicted to the bus but I think it messes with my digestive system and back, so gotta not overdo it and just use it in need. Still can be bad at times and i have to stop and think.

you ride the bus a bunch of times, too?

 

[Ruby]

I voted very much. No one in the community of my life has any clue about autism, so no support for me. However, I am fearful that if I did get support, it would have been inhibiting even if it would have made my life more comfortable.

My issues: I am very mentally slow, making school very difficult. I am unable to listen to anyone speaking and take notes at the same time. I cannot read faster than I can speak. I cannot understand anyone that speaks fast. Speaking fast sounds like gibberish or a foreign language. That is just a few, there are plenty more.

While that made my life very exasperating, I think I am glad that I did not get any support. It made me learn to be dependent and make my own way. If left alone I am able to succeed. I can learn, I just can't be taught. But, I am happy that I ended up with a successful career once I learned that I require solitude in professional settings.

Your struggles seem similar to mine. I wish that I didn’t get specialised support at school and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but despite mentioning that I had a problem with it various times, I had no choice until I was in high school and I feel ashamed about the situation and what it might say about my intelligence. I’m currently trying to sort out this dilemma and find out how prevalent and how upsetting this is for others and I want to try and feel better about myself.

 

[Ken]

Your struggles seem similar to mine. I wish that I didn’t get specialised support at school and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but despite mentioning that I had a problem with it various times, I had no choice until I was in high school and I feel ashamed about the situation and what it might say about my intelligence. I’m currently trying to sort out this dilemma and find out how prevalent and how upsetting this is for others and I want to try and feel better about myself.

My actual education began several years after leaving high school. I found that I can learn, but I can't be taught. Teaching is too much of a social thing. In high school, I was diagnosed as retarded. I believed that which was very confusing to me as my career ascended above others who had esteemed degrees. I could never navigate any sort of higher education due to my social anxiety. At the time, I did not know it was social anxiety. Never heard of autism. I didn't know what was wrong with me. However, I could learn on my own and that is what I did. I spent years worth of hours studying text books in university libraries.

I would say the important thing to learn is your strengths and what impedes you. Then focus on your strengths and work on figuring out how to avoid or get around all the impediments. I think just asking your questions on this forum is a strong move forward. Life is hard, sometimes really hard and really confusing, but it looks like you are on a path to triumph.

Something else I learned; you don't necessarily have to have a degree to excel in a career that "requires" a degree.
Vivian Thomas is just one of many examples.

 

[TBRS1]

A few people have mentioned on-the-job stuff. I don't know if people are aware of this -

So... Here's a thing. In the US, there is a powerful federal law known as The Americans with Disabilities Act - the ADA.

Anybody with any kind of "disability" should become familiar with this.

Very briefly - if you are able to perform the duties of your job, the employer can not fire, demote, fail to promote, etc. based on your disability (example: the boss says "You are not a team player, therefore, we don't have a place for you," you say "I am on the autism spectrum, and am protected by the ADA."). They are legally required to make " reasonable accommodations" for you. In the example I gave, they may end up being obligated to use revised job rating criteria.

I'm not a lawyer, but this law is very, very powerful - and in your favor! Do a bit of research; if necessary, find a lawyer.