Is it just me (thats possible) or do a lot of people just seem???

[Chance]

I dont know if the word is fake, pretentious, empty, full of crap, or what?

Is it possible that my ASD logic just cant do all this PRE-holiday pettiness?

Also am I just a total idiot, or do any of you have this gut feeling, (maybe a sick feeling) when certain people shove themselves into your life?? There are certain people (who I try really hard to avoid) that just make me feel hot, or sick... Anyone experience this?

I'm just trying to understand some feelings I have battled all my life, and lately maybe I seem to be picking up on them more that I used too.

What spurred this is... for one I have a house full of people I wish were not here, but obviously I don't have the guts to tell them to leave, nor do I want the backlash from doing so. Second is what I call "this battle for holiday superiority"... It might sound weird, and I understand if you don't get it... I don't get it myself, so... Its just a bunch of hype and banter, and its just stupid to me...

I would rather go to a strange place and work in a homeless shelter than sit here and listen to these spoiled rotten people gossip, criticize, and whine about what others have and why they shouldn't have it... The gifts and who deserves this or that... Its just so stupid to me. Its not even worth the air spent to have these conversations...

I kind of just skirted by an argument (I hope). I was called an A**hole for not seeming to care about what they were discussing... In classic ASD fashion, I replied, "its because I don't." and ended it there I hope... geez

It makes me feel deeply sick inside to feel forced to communicate, and I am trying to think of a reason to leave my own house right now. The weather sucks so going and enjoying outside isn't much of an option today.

Now... How can I learn from this and not be some bitter jerk over it? I am open for your suggestions and of course list anything that bugs you OR fixes you in these instances. : )

 

[Warmheart]

I’m sending you positive thoughts that you will get through this smoothly.

Just a thought: In future, could you maybe set it up so you get to enjoy those you care about..... more on your own terms? What I mean is, can you attend any invited holiday gathering you wish, but keep your own home sacrosanct?
I need my Autie sanctuary. I wonder if you could next year keep your home base as a healing respite, to decompress?

I hope you can feel better soon. I’m wishing you strength!

 

[Judge]

Socialization ISN'T an inherently positive experience. No matter what people may say.

Just as isolation isn't an inherently negative experience either.

Socialization to only to fulfill some kind of annual ritual? Ack!

Such considerations don't make us "wrong". Just different.

 

[Chance]

Oh goodness to have a place that is not a revolving door for everyone... Its not that I mind, but sometimes it gets really overwhelming. No one calls, or anything they just show up and kind of meet here, and stay... Sometimes I feel really taken advantage of. I always want people to feel free to come here. Down deep I do love them, but they just don't see life through my eyes, nor do they care to, and I get it...

I have family close members that I am not welcome in their lives... Maybe this is why I try and tolerate this. I never want for anyone to have to know that I hold a "hate" for them... Or put it out there that they aren't welcome. Its just something I have to deal with and it will all be changing soon : )

I wake up every morning sad to know I'm about to leave here and move away (on a much more permanent basis), but gosh at the freedom that holds also. I have been super quiet about my pending transfer, because I don't want to hear what everyone will have to say. So for now I bide my time, and dream of sunny days in SoCal... Then I can come here and bug them ever so often, if they don't totally black list me from the family... If so, well I don't guess I lost a whole lot.

Maybe down deep my biggest fear is I might not ever look back, or come back... That seems to be a trait in my family that I have always tried to avoid. Maybe its actually the answer.

 

[Streetwise]

I dont know if the word is fake, pretentious, empty, full of crap, or what?

Is it possible that my ASD logic just cant do all this PRE-holiday pettiness?

Also am I just a total idiot, or do any of you have this gut feeling, (maybe a sick feeling) when certain people shove themselves into your life?? There are certain people (who I try really hard to avoid) that just make me feel hot, or sick... Anyone experience this?

I'm just trying to understand some feelings I have battled all my life, and lately maybe I seem to be picking up on them more that I used too.

What spurred this is... for one I have a house full of people I wish were not here, but obviously I don't have the guts to tell them to leave, nor do I want the backlash from doing so. Second is what I call "this battle for holiday superiority"... It might sound weird, and I understand if you don't get it... I don't get it myself, so... Its just a bunch of hype and banter, and its just stupid to me...

I would rather go to a strange place and work in a homeless shelter than sit here and listen to these spoiled rotten people gossip, criticize, and whine about what others have and why they shouldn't have it... The gifts and who deserves this or that... Its just so stupid to me. Its not even worth the air spent to have these conversations...

I kind of just skirted by an argument (I hope). I was called an A**hole for not seeming to care about what they were discussing... In classic ASD fashion, I replied, "its because I don't." and ended it there I hope... geez

It makes me feel deeply sick inside to feel forced to communicate, and I am trying to think of a reason to leave my own house right now. The weather sucks so going and enjoying outside isn't much of an option today.

Now... How can I learn from this and not be some bitter jerk over it? I am open for your suggestions and of course list anything that bugs you OR fixes you in these instances. : )

You're in the Bible belt so you're volunteering at the homeless shelter

 

[the_tortoise]

I dont know if the word is fake, pretentious, empty, full of crap, or what?

Is it possible that my ASD logic just cant do all this PRE-holiday pettiness?

I don't know about the whole world.....at the very least, lots of people are not like that at all.

In my own family and with all the friends I've ever had, nobody does what you describe....holidays are not a competition; They are about religion, or about love, or about loved ones, or about traditions, or about having fun, or about generosity and kindness to others, or some combination of those things.

 

[Streetwise]

Oh goodness to have a place that is not a revolving door for everyone... Its not that I mind, but sometimes it gets really overwhelming. No one calls, or anything they just show up and kind of meet here, and stay... Sometimes I feel really taken advantage of. I always want people to feel free to come here. Down deep I do love them, but they just don't see life through my eyes, nor do they care to, and I get it...

I have family close members that I am not welcome in their lives... Maybe this is why I try and tolerate this. I never want for anyone to have to know that I hold a "hate" for them... Or put it out there that they aren't welcome. Its just something I have to deal with and it will all be changing soon : )

I wake up every morning sad to know I'm about to leave here and move away (on a much more permanent basis), but gosh at the freedom that holds also. I have been super quiet about my pending transfer, because I don't want to hear what everyone will have to say. So for now I bide my time, and dream of sunny days in SoCal... Then I can come here and bug them ever so often, if they don't totally black list me from the family... If so, well I don't guess I lost a whole lot.

Maybe down deep my biggest fear is I might not ever look back, or come back... That seems to be a trait in my family that I have always tried to avoid. Maybe its actually the answer.

Pray for them in a big way to get help they obviously need it

 

[the_tortoise]

Maybe down deep my biggest fear is I might not ever look back, or come back... That seems to be a trait in my family that I have always tried to avoid. Maybe its actually the answer.

Leaving and never looking back is not always abandonment, or running away, or anything else negative (although running away is not always negative....some things are arguably good to run away from).

Sometimes there are no solutions to a bad situation that don't cause someone (or everyone) to feel emotional pain.....life is hard and complicated that way.....

If you worry about hurting people (if you ever decide it will be permanent and you are not looking back), one idea to make your departure weigh less on your conscience is to write a letter to them explaining that you love them and care about them (they may believe this or not, and sadly there's really nothing you can do about that) but that you need to look after yourself and to do that you must go and stop contact for x,y,z reasons. If there are any circumstances in which you might welcome them into your life again, you can spell those out (but, if you were to write such a letter and include something like this, be careful and mindful of realistic expectations, since people can manipulate you with such information -- or even genuinely and whole-heartedly try to change their relationship dynamics with you but be totally unable to do so).

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Somebody call ypu something -

Let them.

Agree with them.

They dont matter.

What they say dont matter.

Agree - yes i am. Thats why youre in my house. You love a××ho×××

 

[Chance]

I don't know about the whole world.....at the very least, lots of people are not like that at all.

In my own family and with all the friends I've ever had, nobody does what you describe....holidays are not a competition; They are about religion, or about love, or about loved ones, or about traditions, or about having fun, or about generosity and kindness to others, or some combination of those things.

You are totally right in my mis-wording... Of course its not the whole world... Just the world surrounding me right now..

Your description is in some way what I would picture in my head and in real life... Yet its not what I see around me. Thats why maybe it would be more fulfilling to me to just go help others who don't need to know my name, or expect nothing from me.
I struggle really bad with holidays... It makes me pretty sad really.

I am actually looking at booking a trip out of here... Just not sure I even want to be around this anymore. its just not right.

 

[Chance]

You're in the Bible belt so you're volunteering at the homeless shelter

thinking about it... but not here or anywhere close to here...
That would be real to me... I just need meaning in my life sometimes...

 

[the_tortoise]

You are totally right in my mis-wording... Of course its not the whole world... Just the world surrounding me right now..

Sorry, now that you write this I think I was being too literal (rather than you mis-wording anything!)

 

[Streetwise]

thinking about it... but not here or anywhere close to here...
That would be real to me... I just need meaning in my life sometimes...

What I mean is because you're in the Bible belt they would more easily except you doing it because of the culture they are surrounded by but you don't have to tell them where

 

[Chance]

Woke up with a house full of loud people that I thought would be gone by now...
Nope... The football game is coming on... geez

I'm just in one of my nasty funks... I don't understand myself today and I certainly don't understand
the commotion that people are discussing...

These are the days when I just feel alone (and want so bad to be alone). It's like no one can possibly understand me, so they just make little comments, like I'm stupid or something. If I cant even understand my own emotions, how can anyone else understand me?

Of all things... I have had to listen to a crying baby for the last 3 hours and I love kids, but geez, its like this little guys lungs are on steroids and my nerves are just about to short circuit and the "holidays" haven't even started yet... My cousins kids are running all over the place screaming... Its a madhouse and its become an every weekend thing... I never asked for any of this, so I don't really know how to end it peacefully...

I have people telling me I need to put lights up, and planing on stuff "we" are gonna do... and stuff I need to go get... I am already done with all of it, and it hasn't even started yet. I have to be honest some of this is people using my generosity and I know it, and that is getting too me.

I love being generous, but I thought that should be something I get to decide, and not have decided for me?? Its obvious I'm in a nasty mood, so please don't take what I say wrong, and please forgive me if I sound like a first class jerk.

 

[Judge]

I love being generous, but I thought that should be something I get to decide, and not have decided for me?? Its obvious I'm in a nasty mood, so please don't take what I say wrong, and please forgive me if I sound like a first class jerk.

Actually you sound like a first class Aspie. We profoundly get you, they clearly don't.

 

[Streetwise]

Woke up with a house full of loud people that I thought would be gone by now...
Nope... The football game is coming on... geez

I'm just in one of my nasty funks... I don't understand myself today and I certainly don't understand
the commotion that people are discussing...

These are the days when I just feel alone (and want so bad to be alone). It's like no one can possibly understand me, so they just make little comments, like I'm stupid or something. If I cant even understand my own emotions, how can anyone else understand me?

Of all things... I have had to listen to a crying baby for the last 3 hours and I love kids, but geez, its like this little guys lungs are on steroids and my nerves are just about to short circuit and the "holidays" haven't even started yet... My cousins kids are running all over the place screaming... Its a madhouse and its become an every weekend thing... I never asked for any of this, so I don't really know how to end it peacefully...

I have people telling me I need to put lights up, and planing on stuff "we" are gonna do... and stuff I need to go get... I am already done with all of it, and it hasn't even started yet. I have to be honest some of this is people using my generosity and I know it, and that is getting too me.

I love being generous, but I thought that should be something I get to decide, and not have decided for me?? Its obvious I'm in a nasty mood, so please don't take what I say wrong, and please forgive me if I sound like a first class jerk.

You're going to have to say no it's very hard unnatural

 

[vangelis]

You're definitely not alone with these thoughts. I get violent aversions to certain people often for no discernible reason. I have never regretted any escape I have made away from these people - you can't live your life always hoping to do what someone else wants - sometimes being self-centred is the only way to maintain a degree of sanity.

 

[Chance]

You're going to have to say no it's very hard unnatural

I know your right... but gosh I am so bad at putting my foot down...
I'm an expert at putting it in my mouth though...

I'm ASD and people say we don't have emotions or know boundaries... I think at times I dont think that much of a specific ASD trait at all...

I certainly want to ask if I can go to someones house... Especially if I'm fixing to crash their whole weekend... (which I wouldn't do). I would certainly bring lots of food and drinks and clean up after myself. I would also try and be respectful of their home and how they live in it.

So back to my original thoughts... Maybe some of this stuff we are always blamed for or called on isnt so much ASD as it is just stuff...

I derailed my own thoughts on this.. in two blinks of an eye..

I am either really mis-informed, or something... Because I am noticing lots of stuff that people try and label as ASD in lots of very non-ASD people... Again confusing, but that is just the mood I'm stuck in for a little while...

By the way... thanks for you kindness... I dont have anywhere to go with this stuff and it helps to not hold it in and brew over it.

 

[WittyAspie]

“It’s because I don’t.” Aspie honesty at its finest. I love it. You win sir, you win.

 

[Streetwise]

I know your right... but gosh I am so bad at putting my foot down...
I'm an expert at putting it in my mouth though...

I'm ASD and people say we don't have emotions or know boundaries... I think at times I dont think that much of a specific ASD trait at all...

I certainly want to ask if I can go to someones house... Especially if I'm fixing to crash their whole weekend... (which I wouldn't do). I would certainly bring lots of food and drinks and clean up after myself. I would also try and be respectful of their home and how they live in it.

So back to my original thoughts... Maybe some of this stuff we are always blamed for or called on isnt so much ASD as it is just stuff...

I derailed my own thoughts on this.. in two blinks of an eye..

I am either really mis-informed, or something... Because I am noticing lots of stuff that people try and label as ASD in lots of very non-ASD people... Again confusing, but that is just the mood I'm stuck in for a little while...

By the way... thanks for you kindness... I dont have anywhere to go with this stuff and it helps to not hold it in and brew over it.

Remember I'm just as desperate to talk as you, it's the autism trait I have literally talked until I have gone hoarse you have nothing on me .