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Is it just me (thats possible) or do a lot of people just seem???

Aaaaw Chance I feel for you, truly I do. I hate it when people, no matter whom, just drop in uninvited, hate loud crowds of people, hate superficiality and meaningless judgmental BS, and I'd probably flee my own house if this was happening to me. So I am so glad to hear you are moving and will be away from all that soon. You can visit BRIEFLY in the future but when YOU want to and on YOUR terms. I feel it's incredibly invasive for people to assume you want them to drop in unannounced and uninvited. Aspies don't have a corner on those feelings but may suffer even more intensely than us NTs do. Don't feel bad for venting, that's what we are here for.
 
From this and previous posts, you often seem overwhelmed in your own house when other people come into it. Perhaps what you need is your own little space, within that house, that has a lock so others can't enter and bug you whenever they want. That room could be like your sanctuary where you can go when you are overwhelmed.

I also don't get how people can just invite themselves over like that. It's not very polite to do that and it shows a clear inability to sense someone else's boundaries or emotions. It's just another example of NT hypocrisy. We may not be able to pick up on their boundaries and emotions sometimes, but they either cannot pick up on ours, or they don't feel the need to try because we're not important anyway.
 
WittyAspie said:
“It’s because I don’t.” Aspie honesty at its finest. I love it. You win sir, you win.
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but yet I now feel like a jerk for saying it, but it did get them off of me, at least temporarily.

Why do I always feel so out of place even in my own home... its just messed up sometimes.

Today is one of those days where I just feel weirder than usual. I feel disassociated with everything even myself... It don't get much weirder than that I guess.
 
dragoncat16 said:
From this and previous posts, you often seem overwhelmed in your own house when other people come into it. Perhaps what you need is your own little space, within that house, that has a lock so others can't enter and bug you whenever they want. That room could be like your sanctuary where you can go when you are overwhelmed.

I also don't get how people can just invite themselves over like that. It's not very polite to do that and it shows a clear inability to sense someone else's boundaries or emotions. It's just another example of NT hypocrisy. We may not be able to pick up on their boundaries and emotions sometimes, but they either cannot pick up on ours, or they don't feel the need to try because we're not important anyway.
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Your right in what you say about me feeling uncomfortable in my own house...

This has become "a thing" in the last couple of months and I don't really even know what started it other than I opened my home to some kinfolks who needed a place to stay during and after the hurricanes...
It just kind of never stopped. It now starts every Friday and ends late on Sunday and God knows what all goes on during the week.

Its sort of like I live in community housing but the one real difference is... this is my home that I have paid 100% for and its just crazy... I wouldn't mind it ever so often... but this is crazy even for a non-ASD guy.

I do try to hide out in the office, but people are constantly checking up on me, wanting me to show them how to run the media or where some utensil is... Hell, I have people doing their laundry right now... and they just don't seem to have any issue with any of it... Then they finally leave and I clean like some crazy old maid with a germ issue. Its pretty sad really.

I came into my office while ago, and there was a baby crib in here and I kind of had a moment and just said, "That won't work... You need to move that and the baby please." I think I offended some people but I tried not too.

I was told I was being rude to wear my headphones 24/7... "I told them believe me... Not a word you say isn't heard"... I got a really odd look from a person who thinks they are being cute... One of the very reasons I'm upset... Don't curse kindness...ever.
 
Chance said:
but yet I now feel like a jerk for saying it, but it did get them off of me, at least temporarily.

Why do I always feel so out of place even in my own home... its just messed up sometimes.

Today is one of those days where I just feel weirder than usual. I feel disassociated with everything even myself... It don't get much weirder than that I guess.
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You have a developmental disorder,if you had cancer they would take that into account, it's just discrimination- disrespect really, you know the saying familiarity breeds contempt and you've got to set up boundaries !!!!!!!!
 
Streetwise said:
You have a developmental disorder,if you had cancer they would take that into account, it's just discrimination- disrespect really, you know the saying familiarity breeds contempt and you've got to set up boundaries !!!!!!!!
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its very obvious I suck at boundaries and at telling people off.
I guess I saw so much stuff as a kid that I just don't want any part of anything that reminds me of it.
I get so upset over an argument that I don't even care who is right or wrong... the arguing is more wrong than anything else.

I also know that isn't a correct way to handle LIFE, but I do the best I can... : )
 
Chance said:
its very obvious I suck at boundaries and at telling people off.
I guess I saw so much stuff as a kid that I just don't want any part of anything that reminds me of it.
I get so upset over an argument that I don't even care who is right or wrong... the arguing is more wrong than anything else.

I also know that isn't a correct way to handle LIFE, but I do the best I can... : )
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You don't have to argue be honest say it's just too much I can't cope with it
 
Chance said:
I am trying to understand the song... Am I Nigel ... I'm guessing : )
My world is pretty messed up sometimes
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Yeh .. or me ... always liked it everybody stepping in and telling you what to do.. how to feel.. as people often do instead of minding their own business.
Poor Nigel
And it is the 142nd most popular song of the 70s, so that's something:)

I take it as the backing singers are the voices of the people interfering - he should be happy- etc not understanding they're causing the problem
 
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Agree you need to communicate that it is getting to be too much for you and that you don't want any company unless you specifically invite them for a specific date and time. Just put the onus on you (which it really isn't but will maybe make it easier for you to do it that way). Perhaps you could do it in writing so you don't have to do it in person over and over. I think what they are doing is both inconsiderate and inexcusable and that it would bother anyone who likes their space AS or NT alike. You have gone way beyond the pale putting up with it as long as you have. They are taking advantage of your decency and innate kindness. You are a profoundly good guy Chance and have nothing to feel guilty about.
 
i don't have friends outside my immediate family and immediate in-laws, i have told them what my issues are, and they respect it, i was able to explain to them about how i deal with things and that it is not a reflection of anything they had done, i try to participate, but no one takes it personally if a disappear for a while (go for a nap, go for a walk, put on headphones)

i will be spending xmas with my inlaws, they know that it is very possible that i won't be at some of the 'events' and may even just go and do something on my own for one of the days, leaving my wife behind with them

they know i am a decent person, and i have gotten over my own discomfort about my needs for quiet and solitude, i just try to enjoy the time with them that i can handle, no one gets upset, no one feels insulted, it's actually pretty great
 
OlLiE said:
i don't have friends outside my immediate family and immediate in-laws, i have told them what my issues are, and they respect it, i was able to explain to them about how i deal with things and that it is not a reflection of anything they had done, i try to participate, but no one takes it personally if a disappear for a while (go for a nap, go for a walk, put on headphones)

i will be spending xmas with my inlaws, they know that it is very possible that i won't be at some of the 'events' and may even just go and do something on my own for one of the days, leaving my wife behind with them

they know i am a decent person, and i have gotten over my own discomfort about my needs for quiet and solitude, i just try to enjoy the time with them that i can handle, no one gets upset, no one feels insulted, it's actually pretty great
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I think you just helped me out... I have never gotten over the discomfort or insecurity of all this stuff that is wrong with me... I’m a totally normal looking guy, so people don’t see anything physically wrong with me... so in my head I think I seem like some mental patient that is weak, but externally I have been taught (even forced) to not let it show...

I used to get the life beat out of me for letting it show, so now I don’t really know how to act when I’m upset other than just close off and hold it all in. I was never accepted for who I am, so I guess I just allow people to basically bull doze me to not cause any issues.

I think some of them know they are taking advantage and if they wouldn’t it would be great. I am trying so hard to not let my past rule my present. Sometimes it seems the harder I try the more intense some stuff I try not to even look back at - gets very much in the way and in my head.

In what some people saw as some twisted way of being right, they messed me up really bad and I have spent my whole life trying to be this person who is acceptable but never really just been me.

I want what you have going but don’t have a clue on how to get it without upsetting people or being seen as some weak being who can’t cope with LIFE - which is basically a truth I can’t face very well it seems sometimes.

I don’t have an understanding family... i’m Basically nothing like most of them (except for 1 cousin and my grams - who has passed on) .

Most all of my family are very outspoken people, some of them like to fight and will start fights...

I wish I could say I was proud of this part of my family... the Canadian side are very quiet and I want so much to be more with them. But when my mom took off, it caused some weird disconnect there that I have never understood, maybe they don’t either.

In my twisted head I see my present family as modern day Vikings. No offense to Vikings... they are just very rough people and then came Chance (and now Josh) and we just don’t fit in but yet we have too... it’s basically all we know as far as having a family.

Even myself and Josh aren’t super close but we do see that we are the 2 odd ducks, not that this is in any way comforting... geez I spill my guts on here too much
 
Chance said:
I want what you have going but don’t have a clue on how to get it without upsetting people or being seen as some weak being who can’t cope with LIFE - which is basically a truth I can’t face very well it seems sometimes.
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Having to work harder than everyone else to do or to cope with certain things, having to deal with lots of extra difficulties most people don't have and don't recognize/understand, and still going forward with life as best you can doesn't seem like being a "weak" person to me....
 
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