Is it weird that I consider the idea of me making new friends not realistic?

[Masked Man]

What you stated above is not true.
I don't think it's helpful for you to tell yourself these false stories.

Agreed.

Steelbookcollector217 - you really need to stop this idea that there are no women who have dating difficulties. These ideas don't serve you. Try actually getting to know some women in real life. You'll find there's a spectrum of personalities - just like there are with men. Go outside and meet real human beings.

 

[velociraptor]

Men are also the only gender that were meant to have a mentor or have mentors it seems

Wow. Sexist much?

 

[Outsider]

I am a social NT who talks a lot, it is easy for me to make connections with all kinds of people. However, when it comes to choosing friends I have several criteria: 1. I want them to be intelligent, this is a must. 2. I prefer them being scientifically oriented like myself, although I don't mind them being artistic even if they don't care much about science. 2. Being interested in politics is a big plus, their political affiliations don't matter. 3. Sense of humor is a big plus.
Too much interest in astrology, Scientology, numerology, Tarot cards and similar bs is a huge minus.
I think that the necessity of having common interests applies to both neurodiverse and neurotypical people in equal measure.
One of my best friends was autistic and had a difficulty making friends, His NT wife was his BFF and I was the only friend who was not family. Oleg was a very bright individual, it was a pleasure having philosophical discussions with him. Unfortunately, he drowned at the age of 21.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Agreed.

Steelbookcollector217 - you really need to stop this idea that there are no women who have dating difficulties. These ideas don't serve you. Try actually getting to know some women in real life. You'll find there's a spectrum of personalities - just like there are with men. Go outside and meet real human beings.

well me and lots have people have observed, it is significantly more common for men than for women to reach a certain age, decade and to have never dated or never been in a relationship before, and reminds me of a comment that someone followed up with me with that really angered me a lot, which i won't bother to post this time

 

[Masked Man]

well me and lots have people have observed, it is significantly more common for men than for women to reach a certain age, decade and to have never dated or never been in a relationship before, and reminds me of a comment that someone followed up with me with that really angered me a lot, which i won't bother to post this time

If you're referring to people on this site, given that this is an autism site, I would guess that difficulties in dating would have more to do with symptoms related to autism than with simply being male.

 

[AprilR]

When I talked to a close friend on the phone today, she mentioned that I could have my support worker talk to me/help with making friends. I just don't find that idea realistic since I haven't made any new in person friends (not counting online friends) in over 10 years. Do any of you feel the same way?

I also feel the same. I am looking for a job partly because i need some social interaction with people.

 

[paloftoon]

Amethystgirl, sometimes I feel the same way.
The fact that you're being offered a support worker to help you, as long as you don't have to pay anything extra, you have "nothing to lose" pretty much. If you have a decent social worker, they might try to help you with specific survival needs if that is one of their duties. The 'worst' that can happen is that you don't end up with any friends

If you're really lucky, a good social worker will recognize that you have social boundaries and possibly a sense of independence that need to be respected and balanced with potential friends that can be made per se. They will be able to judge context well and will try to help you navigate your unique situation. I don't feel a lot of people are that good. They might be good with just the basics. You will know best out of any of us, but from my own experience, I think I can say that much.

 

[paloftoon]

Lately, that often hasn't been working for me. Actually, it has been a social disaster. I don't care what they say, introverts are not compatible or related to autistic in any way, even in shared interests.

While each person is different, and while I can say this is definitely and overgeneralization, I can understand why most super introverted people will not work well with you. They tend to want to go at a real slow pace and many people in general are not always open about their true intentions. Sometimes, people want to avoid conflict by not bringing up things. But when situations occur where it's better to be more transparent, they aren't honest enough unfortunately. Our society has taught that, at least in the US, too much, and technology has only magnified this lack of empathy.

 

[Paridas]

Sometimes, starting small, like joining a casual group or activity you enjoy, might help ease the process.