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Is it weird that I don't like it when my friend says I'm being too loud one minute and shortly after when I'm silent she asks me if I'm OK?

A

Amethystgirl

Active Member
When I went to the movie theatre my friend said I was being too loud when I was near in the hallway or in the theatre doors but when I was sitting down with her she asked if I was OK when I was silent. I don't like being asked or told 2 opposite things by the same person in the same day. Is that weird? I really don't like it.
 
I agree, it is annoying... if you really care, or have to care for that person then my advise is to find out what is the level of noise this person consider normal and then try to remember to keep it at that level around that person...
 
Well... to be fair... if you were being too loud in a movie theater, then you need to bring your voice down because you may disturb the other moviegoers. You don't have to get upset about it if she was just advising you to use your inside voice. That's not an insult. It's like telling someone when they have spinach in their teeth.
 
I would say it depends on the time. Was it a quiet time? Then you could have been disturbing others, which isn't cool. Or was it while another showing was letting out, and the hallway was a noisy zoo and you were just trying to be heard? Then I probably wouldn't worry about it.

While seated, I would think that totally quiet should be the default. It sounds like she didn't say you were doing something wrong this time, just wondered if you were ok. Wondering if you were maybe hurt by the previous interaction? I would just say I'm ok, just doing my part to be quiet in the seats. After the show, if what she said was still bothering you or leaving you in question, I would have asked about it after the show, and said because I didn't want to disturb anyone while we were seated. Some may call it passive aggressive, but you're in a tight spot and to me it's the lesser of several evils. As a theater isn't the place I would want to start a disagreement, and I wouldn't want take it outside and have us both miss the show either (or lose our seats), and saying "talk about it later" just keeps the other person wondering and not fully enjoying the show. And who knows, by the time the show is over, you might have forgotten all about it. Good movies sometimes do that.
 
I know I was being too loud but I didn't like it when my friend asked me a short time later if I was OK after being silent in the movie theatre. I felt she want opposite things at different times, for me not to be too loud at one minute, and for me to start talking the next moment.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I know I was being too loud but I didn't like it when my friend asked me a short time later if I was OK after being silent in the movie theatre. I felt she want opposite things at different times, for me not to be too loud at one minute, and for me to start talking the next moment.
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I know this is confusing but yeah, she wants two different things. It's called situational awareness. You can talk in a movie theater but you have to use a different voice and manage the volume of your voice.

She wasn't complaining about you talking - she was complaining about you talking too loudly.
 
I guess that when asked if I was OK I felt weird about answering that question and I guess when she asks me to talk she's getting more than she bargained for and at that moment I was kind pissed at her.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I know I was being too loud but I didn't like it when my friend asked me a short time later if I was OK after being silent in the movie theatre. I felt she want opposite things at different times, for me not to be too loud at one minute, and for me to start talking the next moment.
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It sounds like you went from one extreme to another.

Silence is frequently interpreted as something wrong - she may have thought you were irritated or mad at her. Or maybe she thought your feelings had been hurt or something.

EDIT: "...at that moment I was kind pissed at her." This is probably what she was picking up on and the reason she asked if you were okay.
 
She did think I was hurt and mad and I know I was. I can't help from going one extreme to another. Especially after I had a some tiff after she told me I was being too loud and I will also add she didn't like the seats I choose for the movie and I got mixed up from the front seats from the back seats.
 
My advice would be to be aware of your surroundings and if someone asks you, reasonably, to manage your volume (or other similar behavior) to just take it in stride. It might be a bit embarrassing but it's not a huge deal unless you make it one.
 
Sometimes, someone will ask if you are okay in that situation to try to make amends. It's possible that this friend was feeling badly that there was tension between the two of you. I understand wanting to be silent, but sometimes it's better to share your feelings and tell someone that you are hurt or embarrassed. Even telling them that you are mad at them can be better than making them guess.
 
I basically do this thing I call social referencing. I look around at what other people are doing to get an idea of what is expected and acceptable.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I guess I didn't want to be embarrassed about talking about how I felt in a movie theatre in front total strangers.
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The thing to remember is that the other people are there to see a movie. They're not paying much attention to you.
 
I don't like being told 2 opposite things from the same person in the same afternoon and to top it off she kinda got upset when I mad a mistake with the seats I bought for the movie. She wanted to be in back and not the front. I did my best and after I was upset I didn't exactly feel like a chatty Kathy at that moment.
 
I think the other thing to realize is that this isn't unusual, really. This happens to a lot of people. They forget themselves and forget where they are and maybe talk too loud or forget to put their phone on silent or make some otherwise fairly harmless social mistake. It happens and, trust me, no one is going to remember it.
 
My friend wasn't exactly being perfect. She criticized the seats I bought. I didn't my best to make sure they weren't in the front but I got mixed up.
 
You being in the front will be their focus if you're looking like a situation is going on, if they're bored, or especially if the movie has started. I would be saying the minimum for the time being. What would be way worse for me is to be asked to talk (when I knew the seats were a quiet place), then start getting my feelings out, then be hushed because suddenly the movie is starting.

Just be sure to discuss it soon after the movie, as others said, to make amends.
 
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