Is it wise to "cross that bridge when we get to it"?

[Gift2humanity]

The term implies that it may not even happen, therefore worrying about something that may not happen does a number of things...

1. You worry about something, then it doesn't happen. You've worried for nothing. Made yourself feel bad.
2. You worry about something, then it does happen. You have to deal with it, but have effectively dealt with it twice. Worrying instead of being in the present first, then dealing with it as you experience it.

In each case you have used energy you didn't need to use. Reinforced negative habits and patterns making it more likely you will do it again, and it becomes easier to worry about minor, even meaningless things in a similar way.

It all comes out of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of a future you can imagine but don't prefer. Focussing on what you don't want actually makes it more likely you will experience it. Law of attraction is impartial. What you put out is what you get back.

Worrying about something that may not happen is a waste of energy.
Worrying about things that are deteriorating and you don't have the resources or knowledge to solve them, and no one else does is a worry.
I agree with the law of attraction and I know what I want out of a situation that is worrying me, however events have occurred that may not make it possible. I can't go into it on here, I am sorry about that, however as events have happened, the consequences are dire, and I mean dire, talking about basic human needs not being met.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I really hope someone gets this post, it's about anticipating and hoping to prevent problems.
"Cross that bridge if/when you get to it"
That is sometimes said to me.
It feels disorganised and ill prepared.

Do we pitch our tent when we arrive, so we are nice and dry when the rain comes?
Or
Do we go with the flow and pitch the tent when it starts raining?

I hope I am making some sense.

Perhaps some context. Usually when someone says this,...and I have said it myself,...it means that some situations are very unlikely (crossing the bridge, in this case).

For example, I am going to prepare myself for the most likely scenario(s) by anticipating them before they happen. Now, it's not that I am neglecting the possibility of the unlikely scenario, nor am I not preparing for it, but rather I am going to put more of my energy into the more likely case.

You are correct that one should have some degree of anticipation and preparedness for certain situations. Another way to look at it may be "plan A", "plan B", and "plan C". Plan A being your first approach towards the most likely scenario. Whereas plan C might be the "cross that bridge if/when you get to it" scenario.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes we face huge obstacles that seem pretty much impossible to overcome. Before your brain turns to mush, l try to look at the issue in a different perspective. If human needs aren't being met, then try to find social services if possible. Start looking hard for ways to meet these needs. Start asking for help. Right now, people from all walks of life are facing this. A bill has just been signed for a stimulus check of 1400 dollars.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

It means that it's not time to worry about that yet. Even in the military they plan to tackle the task at hand before moving on to the next objective. Yes, be prepared, but don't try to do too much at once.

 

[GadAbout]

My husband has dementia. He is prone to fixating on something that he can't do anything about. So I sometimes find myself telling him, "Let's cross that bridge if we ever come to it." It's intended to focus him away from something that is not a productive direction. (So, sue me.)

I am not equating autism to dementia. I'm just saying that some foci of worrying are not productive, and this applies to all of us.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I don't really relate. Maybe I am the only autistic on here that can't plan heck worth crap.

 

[Amphilyke]

I don't really relate. Maybe I am the only autistic on here that can't plan heck worth crap.

I dunno, the worst parts of my most recent life catastrophe were all based on my foolish attempts to plan a future that just couldn't be. There was just never a chance that it would have been possible. And all the while my dog was at home missing me, missing being taken for walks, missing going to the park, missing playing. He was in pain and wasn't going to live much longer. I squandered my time on someone who didn't even want it and when I realised my mistake I was still only barely functional enough to spend some time with him. I only had a little bit left and I tried my best to make it good for him.

The point is, my plans for the future--a future that never was and never will be--substantially worsened my present. I am surrounded by the ashes of my failed plans. They catch in my throat again and again, one day they might even choke the life out of me. To hell with the future. Like Picard, as Kamin, told Meribor. "Make now the most precious time."

 

[Au Naturel]

Some people play things by ear and depend on their ability to McGyver their way through problems. I'm pretty good at that. I have an engineer's mindset and am not easily defeated by a physical obstacle. Other people just assume that EGBOK and nothing important will go wrong. When they come to an obstacle they'll pay other people to remove it.

Social or economic obstacles are much more difficult. I have no way around a person's prejudice. When someone tells me that we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, one suspicion I have is that the person never intends to get to the bridge.

You can't prep for everything. Most people are horrible at risk assessment.

There are a vast number of potential bridges in life one might want to cross and almost no bridges one needs to cross. Very few broken bridges mean anything but a mid-course correction and extra time spent on the journey. Sometimes you fix the bridge yourself, sometimes you wait for someone else to do it. Sometimes you pick another route and sometimes you climb down the chasm and ford the river. You might decide to crack a brewski and go fishing. Sometimes you realize you didn't really need to make the trip and go home. Maybe the destroyed bridgehead would be a really nice place to settle down and live. All are equally valid responses.

 

[Au Naturel]

I dunno, the worst parts of my most recent life catastrophe were all based on my foolish attempts to plan a future that just couldn't be. There was just never a chance that it would have been possible. And all the while my dog was at home missing me, missing being taken for walks, missing going to the park, missing playing. He was in pain and wasn't going to live much longer. I squandered my time on someone who didn't even want it and when I realised my mistake I was still only barely functional enough to spend some time with him. I only had a little bit left and I tried my best to make it good for him.

The point is, my plans for the future--a future that never was and never will be--substantially worsened my present. I am surrounded by the ashes of my failed plans. They catch in my throat again and again, one day they might even choke the life out of me. To hell with the future. Like Picard, as Kamin, told Meribor. "Make now the most precious time."

Man plans, God laughs.

Plans are ok but don't hold onto them tightly and don't take them too seriously. Life has a way of ripping them out of your fingers. Best not to take too much damage when that happens. There are people of iron will and/or great good fortune who achieve their plans. That ain't me.

Over the decades I've had so many dreams die I coined a phrase for it. I call it "Kicking the bucket list."

 

[SusanLR]

That expression always meant to me there was something eminent that I didn't like coming up.
Such as going to the dentist, surgery, someone near to me that was near death, or a change I
don't want.

When I see something is planned that I don't want to face, then I start thinking about it. Preparing.
If the bridge coming up is something I dread, then over thinking can set in.
Preparedness is good, but, that bridge in the road ahead is not here yet and the future is not
set in stone. You may never get to the bridge, so saying we'll cross that bridge when we get there,
is being ready for something in the future and we don't know what the future will be on that bridge
until we are there.
It might be like this by the time we get there:

Or it might happen while we are on it or it might not.

 

[Gift2humanity]

That expression always meant to me there was something eminent that I didn't like coming up.

Yeah that horrible ominous feeling, not knowing what to do. Events looming.

Such as going to the dentist, surgery, someone near to me that was near death, or a change I
don't want.

Yeah

When I see something is planned that I don't want to face, then I start thinking about it. Preparing.
If the bridge coming up is something I dread, then over thinking can set in.
Preparedness is good, but, that bridge in the road ahead is not here yet and the future is not
set in stone. You may never get to the bridge, so saying we'll cross that bridge when we get there,
is being ready for something in the future and we don't know what the future will be on that bridge
until we are there.
It might be like this by the time we get there:
View attachment 66401
Or it might happen while we are on it or it might not.

yeah

 

[Progster]

That's the kind of advice I'm good at doling out, but not so good at following myself. I worry about everything and can think of umpteen things that could go wrong, or variants that need to be planned for - perhaps the bridge has collapsed, perhaps there is no bridge, perhaps there is a toll and I need money, perhaps there's a troll waiting for me on it... There are a lot of 'what ifs' and I need to consider them all. If that's an OCD trait, then perhaps I have OCD.

 

[Au Naturel]

That's the kind of advice I'm good at doling out, but not so good at following myself. I worry about everything and can think of umpteen things that could go wrong, or variants that need to be planned for - perhaps the bridge has collapsed, perhaps there is no bridge, perhaps there is a toll and I need money, perhaps there's a troll waiting for me on it... There are a lot of 'what ifs' and I need to consider them all. If that's an OCD trait, then perhaps I have OCD.

But do the variants really need to be planned for? In the case of a fallen bridge, there's usually nothing to be done for it. All the planning was premature and the decision on what to do next can best be made on the spot. No detailed battle plan survives first contact with the enemy.

When I say, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." that's exactly what I mean. I'll study a map if the terrain is unfamiliar. I may bring brains and a few general-purpose tools that don't weigh me down. I'll figure out how to solve the problem or decide upon a different route when I encounter it. If I don't encounter a problem, look at all the anxiety I've saved. Anxiety is expensive.

Life is not a complex precision machine. Efficiency is not the highest value. Life is a journey and it doesn't matter what route you take or even if you just wandered about randomly. Not about crossing bridges but rather enjoying the trip. We all come to the same destination.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Personally, I think it's wise to BURN a bridge when we get to it.

 

[Progster]

But do the variants really need to be planned for? In the case of a fallen bridge, there's usually nothing to be done for it. All the planning was premature and the decision on what to do next can best be made on the spot. No detailed battle plan survives first contact with the enemy.

When I say, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." that's exactly what I mean. I'll study a map if the terrain is unfamiliar. I may bring brains and a few general-purpose tools that don't weigh me down. I'll figure out how to solve the problem or decide upon a different route when I encounter it. If I don't encounter a problem, look at all the anxiety I've saved. Anxiety is expensive.

Life is not a complex precision machine. Efficiency is not the highest value. Life is a journey and it doesn't matter what route you take or even if you just wandered about randomly. Not about crossing bridges but rather enjoying the trip. We all come to the same destination.

I can't predict all outcomes, but preparing for a wide range of eventualities can help alleviate anxiety, and means that I might attempt to do something that I otherwise wouldn't. For me, preparing for a trip would mean my thinking of all the situations I might reasonably encounter and then bring a tool, suitable clothing, etc. I might look out of the window and see a fine day, but I know that won't last and then pack a set of warm clothes, so I don't have the additional stress of worrying about where to get warm clothes from when it does eventually turn wet or cold.

I think that both have their value, but personally I prefer to be prepared, so that things go as smoothly as possible.

 

[SimonSays]

Personally, I think it's wise to BURN a bridge when we get to it.

Is that before or after you cross it?

 

[SimonSays]

There's a difference between sensibly preparing for eventualities and worrying about what happens if something bad does.

 

[SDRSpark]

I really hope someone gets this post, it's about anticipating and hoping to prevent problems.
"Cross that bridge if/when you get to it"
That is sometimes said to me.
It feels disorganised and ill prepared.

Do we pitch our tent when we arrive, so we are nice and dry when the rain comes?
Or
Do we go with the flow and pitch the tent when it starts raining?

I hope I am making some sense.

I think it depends on the situation.

Usually "cross that bridge when you get to it" is used to say "don't worry about this hypothetical situation that may never occur - if it happens, deal with it then". In this case, the hypothetical situation is typically something that is somewhat unlikely to ever actually occur, or maybe something that you cannot adequately prepare for in the present moment. So it's meant to mean that you don't need to worry about the thing because it's far off in the future, may never happen, and not much can be done about it right now.

On the other hand, if it IS something that you can readily anticipate and plan for, you absolutely should. Much stress and hassle can be prevented by proper planning. For example, I'm in the midst of buying a house and I've already started packing things from my apartment into neat boxes and moving them to a storage locker, even though I haven't found the house yet. I'm NOT saying "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it" because I'm certain that I am buying a house this summer and because I'm doing all the moving myself. It would be a lot more work and difficulty if I wait until the settlement period to start preparing. There's no good sense in waiting (I have a lot of stuff to move). By the time settlement comes around, I'll have most of my things packed and organized. I'm confident in the fact that I will be moving this summer - my plans could fall through, of course, but that's the smaller of the two possibilities. The risk of not being prepared is greater than the risk of having packed and moved everything and not finding the house.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Unless it's a bridge too far.

When I hear "cross that bridge when we get to it," I have to dig into context and look at what I know about the person and situation to know what it really means. They may be procrastinating or merely asserting their authority. Any complex task can have sections where multiple things have to be done serially, in parallel, or in some combination.

It can mean that other tasks must be performed first. It can mean we could be doing this in parallel but I can't deal with, or don't have the resources to do, more than one thing at a time. It could mean this task is less important and I don't care very much if it gets done. It could mean the task is extremely difficult and I'm afraid to tackle it until I absolutely must. Or relatively easy and I want to tackle the difficult stuff first. Or I want to hold off on this because conditions may change and make the effort irrelevant. In the end, you may never need to cross the bridge

It might even be they want to do "B" first simply because you want to do "A" first and they want to assert their dominance.

In any event, they are probably disputing your prioritization of tasks.

Similar to: one step at a time, first things first.

Weather doesn't sneak up on you so quickly that if it is warm and sunny now, you can't wait to put the tent up a bit. Maybe eating or collecting water or starting a fire is more important. In a complex project within an organization, you may not have the luxury of doing things in the convenient or the most logical sequence. Your supervisor gets to decide.

What is "A bridge too far?"
I like this post, I might have to do some thinking and get back to it, if that's ok.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I struggle with balancing being prepared or 'rolling with it'.
Can't seem to find a happy medium.

Like these are two different mind sets, requiring two different sets of skills so I can do one or the other.
Can't do both at the same time.

In my own case, being ultra prepared for most all eventualities served me well raising three children,
but I didn't 'switch it off' or taper it off as the children got older and more independent. (late teens-ish)
I fine tuned and developed it instead.

When I asked the question,
"What's wrong with having 3 alternate ways of getting from A - B should that bridge be in need of repair when I get to it and therefore uncrossable?"
That (in addition to other things) earned me a dx and meds for OCD.

I thought it absurd people would just roll up to this metaphorical bridge without having a least one plan of action should they be unable to cross.

Much eye rolling, mild belligerence and tutting at a therapist over time revealed I was making myself quite ill with my perception.

Old habits die hard.
I launched headlong and full tilt into avoidance of metaphorical bridges instead, rather than give up being prepared

I struggle with balancing being prepared or 'rolling with it'.

Me too.