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Is my obsession with only wanting certain types of friends aka single women sabotaging any friendships?

Tony Ramirez

Tony Ramirez

Single forever not by choice
V.I.P Member
Really I have friends let's not lie and I am making them all the time. I walk into a room after only being in a place s few times and I am openly greeted by name. It does not even take long for it to happen either.

Then I am randomly run into people I know who approached me when I am not even paying attention.

It's just that I get annoyed I makr friends with men, couples and few women who never want to hang that want to remain single.

Yet I have a close married friend who I complain about who is helping me greatly and I don't appreciate.

Then I actually complain at a new church make a couple and a new guy who talked me now just randomly meet me but it's not a single female friend so to me it does not count.

What hurts is seeing platonic friends in college and being ostracized. Then seeing it now being recently hurt by Madison textationship.
 

"Is my obsession with only wanting certain types of friends aka single women sabotaging any friendships?"​


Short answer:
I'd say, 'yes.'

You're so focused on single female as a goal you
figure other people don't even count. So you miss
out on friendships in general.
 
tree said:

"Is my obsession with only wanting certain types of friends aka single women sabotaging any friendships?"​


Short answer:
I'd say, 'yes.'

You're so focused on single female as a goal you
figure other people don't even count. So you miss
out on friendships in general.
Click to expand...
Agree. Hypothetically, if a young woman were to see you from across a room (1) talking, smiling, laughing with a small group of friends, or (2) by yourself at the far end of the room, which scenario would most attract that young woman?

Food for thought: Women, in general, have a heightened sense of potential threats. This is a survival strategy. A mother and children are often in situations where they are "soft targets" for predators. They need to feel safe around a man. Keep in mind, that statistically, the greatest threat to a woman's and their children's lives is a man. That's a real thing. So, if you are isolating yourself and not actively being a part of the social process, having a group of friends, hanging out with people, a young woman might erroneously perceive you as a potential threat without even knowing you.
 
You should know, that most people will understand, that you want a girlfriend, because this is why someone would want someone single - to become their partner. Otherwise why can't you be friends with everyone? Why are men or married women worse than single women?
You were asked earlier, why do you need specifically single women, and what will you do, if your future single female friends will stop being single, and you ignore those questions.
Cherish those friends you have, stop calling them pathetic, stop calling all NT people stupid (those same people who are your friends, and who you want to befriend), learn to enjoy small things, find a job, a hobby, anything which will make you happy and proud of yourself. Move on.
 
l think your post is important, you are starting to analyze your thinking habits and how it affects the outcome of your general mindset or how you feel. So many here are unable to obtain one friend, but you have many different sorts that accept you. This is a big step of going thru the door and not being self-centered, but opening up to other thought processes.
 
If you’re talking about strictly a friendship, it’s not necessarily a bad goal to want to make friends with women. But you don’t want to limit yourself. Good friendships can be with anyone - all kinds of people. You should be willing to take chances and see how the relationships work out.

Also, if you do befriend some women, you should be sure to continue to give proper time and attention to your other friends as well.
 
NDR2 said:
If you’re talking about strictly a friendship, it’s not necessarily a bad goal to want to make friends with women. But you don’t want to limit yourself. Good friendships can be with anyone all kinds of people. You should be willing to take chances and see how the relationships work out.

Also, if you do befriend some women, you should be sure to continue to give proper time and attention to your other friends as well.
Click to expand...
Of course that is what I been trying to say all alone without words getting twisted here.

Of course I still believe I got a 1% chance a single women would befriend me.
 
Last edited:
Tony Ramirez said:
Really I have friends let's not lie and I am making them all the time. I walk into a room after only being in a place s few times and I am openly greeted by name. It does not even take long for it to happen either.

Then I am randomly run into people I know who approached me when I am not even paying attention.

It's just that I get annoyed I makr friends with men, couples and few women who never want to hang that want to remain single.

Yet I have a close married friend who I complain about who is helping me greatly and I don't appreciate.

Then I actually complain at a new church make a couple and a new guy who talked me now just randomly meet me but it's not a single female friend so to me it does not count.

What hurts is seeing platonic friends in college and being ostracized. Then seeing it now being recently hurt by Madison textationship.
Click to expand...

To answer this OP and the question in the title:

Yes. You are correct in this assessment.

You are seeing examples everyday of interaction. Yet you have actively made a decision that females are your only targeted interest, and all else is irrelevant. Doing this makes it look as if you are not interested in talking at all, despite showing a desire to want to communicate. This comes off to anyone, ND and NT, as confusing.

By doing things the way you have, you have actively ostracized yourself. No one else has to do anything to accomplish that. This is Self-Sabotage in the purest sense, as far as socail communication. By actively keeping away all but the desired gender. People see that and will think that you in general are purposefully isolating yourself and do not respect others, nor care what they have to say.

This doesn't nessissarily mean you need to befriend every man and married couple in the area. But by being more open to communication with ANYONE who wishes to talk. This will help how you will look to people. And swing it in a more positive direction. You will more likely, than not, start getting females interested in you, by being more personable and genuine.

However once this starts. This is where you have to really start paying attention to yourself AND the people around you. There are going to be trials that'll come with being more open to communicating. But you can get through them. It just takes alot more effort.
 
Last edited:
Yes, but this is only scratching the surface. There is nothing platonic about what you want in a relationship, for instance. There are serious issues involved that can only be worked out with professional help.
 
Tony I don't know any idea how many threads you have started on this topic or similar. Things seem very difficult for you, but you seem to be resting exlusively on vulnerable people for advise which is not desirable. We can try and support you, but we are not professionals. I was shocked when I joined to get a conversation from a man looking for a date when I joined to learn about my autism and post mainly in the religious forum. However, who it was I cannot recall as I blocked the conversation. Gender is fluid, I am a female, but have always been more of a tomboy growing up. I am not sure what you are giving back to this forum at this time, but you are resting heavily on it for support and not reaching out to people in real life to help you.
 
Is my obsession with only wanting certain types of friends aka single women sabotaging any friendships?
Click to expand...

Tony, this is a really good question to ask. It's a real strength to be able to look at what we are doing and wonder if there is some unwanted thing happening.

It doesn't make things our fault, but it can tell us what we could try differently to get what we want. This is building self awareness and it is a very important skill.
 
Remember I thought Madison was the first real platonic friend and when she ended up being a textationship faker it hurt me so bad that I got so much meaner, envy and jealous. Also I even went back into watching porn.
 
From my life experience, life happens or the job when you almost given up, forgotten. This was what I noticed about landing the ideal job, it didn't happen when I wanted it to.
I think neonatal has point that at your age most women have children and are not really single, their priorities different.

My obsession is money for intents of financial freedom. I hate men trying to pick me up, but I'm a-sexual so.

So for us it may be hurdle in life, get the job when you have actually moved on...it breaks you a bit because by time I finally got it right (partial success) I was hardened and can be quite difficult at times. It's like us to loose interest in jobs and seek less repetitive tasks.
It's tough
 
When I wanted to try be 'sucessful' I did do lot of mimic or masking
So maybe could try this:

I bought new Corsa lite (repossessed later but it seemed status symbol so I just did it) could opt for cheaper repossed car, figure Gett hands on BMW

Blew credit on clothing accounts for boyfriend, I bought nice clothes, even checked out what was in fashion. Wore expensive perfume, and lots of it.

Went to gym often, and put up best masked appearance, but knowing people was just the edge to this success issue that I needed to try, so greeting some regulars a must.

Since I had job, id cruise around the waterfront, shopping and stopping often for coffee, being out, finding out what's events, even sit and order food, sip wine and pretend I was something, all a silly show but since others doing this pretentious thing, I did it.

Go drive past busy places to be out and about, even if just walking through as if I was looking for someone, asking for directions to hang around, sitting in internet cafe having more wine, watching poses, copying this, I even lit a cigarette and ended up coughing everywhere.

I think this brings went off the charts, then wasn't buying books, but testing my outfits and practicing acting like someone whilst browsing book stores, testing CD/earphones at music store, onto card and bought the hit album, installed sound system and went driving with music down sea-point.
Even tipped waiters and tried to joke, bad jokes but seemed to oblige
Learner to try act like don't care what think or think carefree

I'm glad I did it, it was something I got t-shirt. It's behind me, it's not how I live today....
 
BMW is bit much, sort of get message, not having car etc.
Not having own flat, issue

You're 47 so you want it to happen,
My ex and I drifted away so much that he'd just work or be out, which was better. I think many women would appreciate guy that helps, even just seeing he washes dishes is sign of sophistication, showing signs of interest in her kids, helping out with kids. Not sure if being volunteer with children may spark it.
So at park if you see kidie in situation and show interest, many women see this.

After dredge of married life, being spoilt is a bonus.... So promising reminder to her of a fresh start,
I hate being treated like I'm helpless but most women want guy to show he can take care of her, so if she is battling with XYZ and you can fix it,
 
Neonatal RRT said:
Agree. Hypothetically, if a young woman were to see you from across a room (1) talking, smiling, laughing with a small group of friends, or (2) by yourself at the far end of the room, which scenario would most attract that young woman?

Food for thought: Women, in general, have a heightened sense of potential threats. This is a survival strategy. A mother and children are often in situations where they are "soft targets" for predators. They need to feel safe around a man. Keep in mind, that statistically, the greatest threat to a woman's and their children's lives is a man. That's a real thing. So, if you are isolating yourself and not actively being a part of the social process, having a group of friends, hanging out with people, a young woman might erroneously perceive you as a potential threat without even knowing you.
Click to expand...

You make some good points, but Tony needs to seek out women his age which is 47. To put it bluntly, I believe few "young women" are going to be interested in him. He is middle aged. Twenty-somethings are not going to be attracted to him or want to "hang" with him on their own. He's old enough to be their father.
 
Mary Terry said:
You make some good points, but Tony needs to seek out women his age which is 47. To put it bluntly, I believe few "young women" are going to be interested in him. He is middle aged. Twenty-somethings are not going to be attracted to him or want to "hang" with him on their own. He's old enough to be their father.
Click to expand...
If I can find them. Really they are not around anywhere. I am not joking around. I am being serious. I been too a lot of social gatherings and the oldest I found were mid to late 30's.

I only found 2 women the 5 years from the same old church TGC my age that was single. One backstabbed me as a friend and the other who I approached the nice British women I barely see but she barely shows up at church anyway.
 
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