Is there any chance of an aspie returning from a breakup?

[Aspychata]

As a spectrum frequent flyer, relationships represent murky water that l am swimming in while imaging huge giant white sharks are hoovering to take giant bites out if me. So l tend to float noncommittal, nonchalant to save being bitten by a shark.

 

[Au Naturel]

As a spectrum frequent flyer, relationships represent murky water that l am swimming in while imaging huge giant white sharks are hoovering to take giant bites out if me. So l tend to float noncommittal, nonchalant to save being bitten by a shark.

They do tend to go after things that thrash about.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

none for me.

 

[zozie]

In my experience, slow processing of emotions doesn't change. If you want to know what I feel about something, ask me tomorrow. Or next week. Or sometime next year. It varies according to the issues, but having done one heck of a lot of therapy, I would say this seems to be part of what's different in my brain.

I have to say, considering emotional processing as a neurological thing instead of a "you just don't know yourself well enough, do some relentless digging into your psyche" is a total game-changer. I have been going to therapy for years, and while there are some things I believe have exacerbated the emotional processing, the gap is more or less still there. I have been very hard on myself on this wise, thinking that I'm just not improving.

The biggest problem I've had in the past is that I'll reason through logic what my emotions should be in the present, communicate that, and then I'll finally feel my emotions and they'll be something different. Simply saying "ask me tomorrow (etc)" is a fantastic idea. Far better than the mixed messages I have sent to previous partners. And it's a great thing to understand going forward. So wow, thank you for this insight.

 

[Ursus Chainus]

I don't want to put everyone in a box but I've heard from many people that when an aspie breaks up with you it's written in stone for them, that their feelings will NOT change no matter what and that they forget you even existed after a few weeks. Is this true? Is there any hope for us in the future? She says she doesn't hate me and have no bad feelings for me, just that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. The breakup was very spontaneous. For now I'm leaving her alone..

When it is over for me, it is over. This may be because I have ended up mostly with narcissistic women and once you see that the emperor has no clothes... why go back?

The hardest breakups for me are friendships. I had one of those recently and I was open to her being my friend again.

I have always been amazed at NTs having exs as friends or taking them back. I think they can do that because their breakups are usually about understandable differences in goals or wants. All of the women I was with before my aspie wife either lied, cheated or tried to abuse me. No going back to that

 

[Thinx]

I have to say, considering emotional processing as a neurological thing instead of a "you just don't know yourself well enough, do some relentless digging into your psyche" is a total game-changer. I have been going to therapy for years, and while there are some things I believe have exacerbated the emotional processing, the gap is more or less still there. I have been very hard on myself on this wise, thinking that I'm just not improving.

The biggest problem I've had in the past is that I'll reason through logic what my emotions should be in the present, communicate that, and then I'll finally feel my emotions and they'll be something different. Simply saying "ask me tomorrow (etc)" is a fantastic idea. Far better than the mixed messages I have sent to previous partners. And it's a great thing to understand going forward. So wow, thank you for this insight.

Yes by the time I came across autism I had done so much therapy that more or less all that was left was a core of social difficulties, communication and processing issues that were pretty much unyielding to any psychological therapies, despite my keen willingness to change, and were recognisably the core of autism. I realised the issues must be neurological and that I needed strategies rather than more therapy.

I wish this was more widely understood, a lot of people on the autistic spectrum seem to find themselves in therapeutic programmes that don't understand the difference between what can be changed and what needs to be worked around. You will probably find more aspects of your challenges or quirks that fit this type of approach as you understand more about your autism from the inside as it were.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes by the time I came across autism I had done so much therapy that more or less all that was left was a core of social difficulties, communication and processing issues that were pretty much unyielding to any psychological therapies, despite my keen willingness to change, and were recognisably the core of autism. I realised the issues must be neurological and that I needed strategies rather than more therapy.

I wish this was more widely understood, a lot of people on the autistic spectrum seem to find themselves in therapeutic programmes that don't understand the difference between what can be changed and what needs to be worked around. You will probably find more aspects of your challenges or quirks that fit this type of approach as you understand more about your autism from the inside as it were.

This is a eye- opener. Life truly is strategies that we employ and cope and grow and succeed. We are fluid globs of quirks and idiosyncrasies that form our characters and we draw people to us that are intrigued by all these subtle nuances that NT's don't have. Sometimes l feel like a Dali painting.

 

[Thinx]

It's probably also important to note that therapy can be hugely effective for us in lots of ways, and especially if the therapist also understands autism, as we can work towards psychological change and development in areas such as relationships and relating, for example, and to heal wounds from childhood, and get help with anxiety and depression and post traumatic stress disorder etc.