Is there someone you could be with non-stop?

[Steph06]

Do dogs count? I miss mine every second that I'm not with them

 

[goodgravy]

No way. My solitude is sacred to me.

 

[Sylar]

The island from Lost.

EDIT: For some reason I read the thread title as somewhere you could go without a break. The last part wasn't even close.

 

[Nyarlathotep]

No. Definitely no.
I need a break from time to time, even from my most favorite people in the whole wide world.
For example, my best friend Byah and I went out together for three nights straight. After that, I refused to leave my house or talk to anyone for a week.
I wish I could spend all my time talking to her, but I can't. It drains me.

 

[paloftoon]

Since your mom and you are close, and you don't want to communicate via telephone or in-person, consider writing/typing a note to her expressing you feelings at the time or how they might change, but that you and her will continue to try to work and communicate with each other as much as possible. She sounds like a very caring mother, overly protective, very realistic, and maybe understands aspies half-way or not even. Even as aspies, we have to try to be aware that we cannot live in a world that we imagine would be ideal either. We can only everlastingly grow toward maximal happiness and confidence.

 

[Stacey]

My best friend! Absolutely. The only person that I can keep in constant contact with.

 

[donkey_kebab]

Only my cat.

I've also found that as I've got older my recharge times have increased more. A day of social for me now involves about three days of recharging. Although as others have stated, if it's sharing an interest then it's hard for them to get away (I still need recharge after, but get so wrapped up in swapping info I don't spot myself getting compressed).

My current (live in) relationship is failing due to my massive need to be away from the entire human race. I probably shouldn't have moved in but as always, I was eager to please - and I'm useless when put under emotional pressure. I find it impossible to say no to people. I guess this is why I need solitude, because solitude equals NO demands placed on me. (I didn't know I was aspie when we met).

Now I've learned a little more about myself from reading (I'm highly alexithymic), I know now that however much I can crave company sometimes, I need my own place that nobody can enter without me allowing them. Something that I don't have where I am now.


So short answer - NO

 

[Stacey]

Sometimes it's good when you find the word "no" hard. I say "hmm?...let me think...uh...no", to pretty much everyone. You've probably already thought of this, but have you tried sitting in the shed? Big ones can fit portable heaters and sofa beds. Take a thermal flask and ear plugs. Tell your girlfriend you have a hobby. It's not a lie. Its called 'recharge'.
Now, if this thought has never actually crossed your mind...then may I also suggest, that you completely ignore this advice.

 

[donkey_kebab]

When you live with someone very clingy and controlling there is no escape from passive-aggressive hell... Anywhere!

And I've never found the inability to say no to be in any way helpful in my life. I agree to everything and anything to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. It is a miserable existence.

 

[Stacey]

Erm?...well in that case, my advice would be to leave a note, pack a suitcase and run! Run for the hills!

I've actually done this myself. (Never again will I share my living space) Therefore it's tried and tested. Although it probably won't make you very popular in her book.

Be prepared for constant phones calls. (Change the number immediately)
Inform family/friends to tell her you left the country to go back packing.
She'll bore eventually.

That was pretty much the conclusion of my 1st adult relationship.
Maybe a 'little' immature in hindsight.

...

Oh well. It worked.

 

[Judge]

When you live with someone very clingy and controlling there is no escape from passive-aggressive hell... Anywhere!

And I've never found the inability to say no to be in any way helpful in my life. I agree to everything and anything to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. It is a miserable existence.

Clingy and controlling...for me that evokes only a flight response. It's just a matter of time it takes to perceive it. Once I figure it out, I'm gawn!

 

[donkey_kebab]

I have 'run away' three times now, but the pressure from everyone (including my family) to go back 'because it's for the best' is simply overwhelming and I return just to get them off my back ...

But best for who though? THEM! It's not for me that's for sure. When will someone hear MY f****ng voice huh?

Sorry <rant mode off>

 

[Stacey]

It's ok to rant. Venting is good for you.
Is it possible for you to save and move somewhere on you own for a while? Tell your family you're ok, and you'll live your life on your own terms.
Leave a note if you've tried talking!

No. No!...Actually please ignore that. Could you go to proffesional couples counselling? My advice will more than likely cause an eruption. I don't mind a sonic boom (if I'm not around to hear it). But you may, and it might make problems worse.

 

[Judge]

I have 'run away' three times now, but the pressure from everyone (including my family) to go back 'because it's for the best' is simply overwhelming and I return just to get them off my back ...

But best for who though? THEM! It's not for me that's for sure. When will someone hear MY f****ng voice huh?

Sorry <rant mode off>

It's ok to rant here. You are among friends in that respect. However in R/L when you are likely surrounded by NTs who simply don't understand largely out of unintended ignorance, sometimes I suspect the only voice that truly counts is your own.

 

[donkey_kebab]

Thanks guys. I have an advocate who is desperately trying to get me rehoused by the local authority. (Counselling out the question - I just can't live with NT's. Period)

 

[Stacey]

Good luck! Everything will be ok eventually. You know what needs to be done. Just keep looking straight ahead. Your life is your journey.

 

[Judge]

Thanks guys. I have an advocate who is desperately trying to get me rehoused by the local authority. (Counselling out the question - I just can't live with NT's. Period)

Having a self-imposed sense of isolation and self-employment while lonely at times, offers a much needed sense of well-being I never had when I was forced into close proximity with NTs on a daily basis at work. It's a form of stress I simply don't have...so it doesn't compound more basic concerns like survival in general. For me, the "pluses" ultimately outweigh the "minuses".

While I feel that I now have the understanding of the social dynamics in play, that doesn't necessarily mean that I can easily coexist with Neurotypicals. Truth is, I'm not sure I could ever do it again with the regularity and intensity of the past. And I'm ok with that.

 

[donkey_kebab]

That's where I'm heading Judge. I'm just fighting for survival until I can reach that point.

I will not lie - it is soul crushingly hard. Not just fighting for my sanity, but carrying the weight of knowledge that I am going to cause others pain in my actions. I do not hurt people, ever. But I know, not just for my sanity but for everyone's living in this house, that I have to leave. It is breaking my heart. I have never felt so low in my entire life yet been so determined to go against my heart.

I thought coming to terms with my Aspergers would be the hardest part. It seems grieving for my past world is harder

 

[Tarragon]

The only person I can be with non-stop is me. This hasn't always been the case, I've had to work on it. Its been worth it though!

 

[Judge]

That's where I'm heading Judge. I'm just fighting for survival until I can reach that point.

I will not lie - it is soul crushingly hard. Not just fighting for my sanity, but carrying the weight of knowledge that I am going to cause others pain in my actions. I do not hurt people, ever. But I know, not just for my sanity but for everyone's living in this house, that I have to leave. It is breaking my heart. I have never felt so low in my entire life yet been so determined to go against my heart.

I thought coming to terms with my Aspergers would be the hardest part. It seems grieving for my past world is harder

I'm quite certain there are many here who understand completely. So many of us must walk some kind of "razor's edge".