Is this really life with us?

[megacomic]

I found this recently. Describing life with an asperger's partner. If so, what hope is there for a happy partnership?

Autism: Difference or Disorder?

The Bottom Line
The bottom line, as we've all come to accept and know it is: that anyone married to someone who is functioning with Aspergers:

1. You will be a caregiver only.
2. You will be subjected to, on occasion, flaring tempers which may or may not be harmful for you.
3. You will be living with someone who has only themselves as a focus in their lives and not their partner.
4. You will be subjected to periods of paranoia, thus becoming the focal point for such negative behaviour.
5. You will live with someone who doesn't 'get it' insofar as sharing their lives with you emotionally or financially in any supportive way.
6. You may possibly end up in the care of doctors for physical ailments related to feelings of neglect.
7. You will end up in therapy trying to learn how to live with someone with Aspergers because you will have been fully convinced by the AS partner that you are to blame for his or her problems, thus ending up with a massive case of self-doubt.
8. You will be charmed, subjected to an overload of initial attention so that you are made to feel special and then when you succumb to the this focused attention, make the commitment to join that person in your life's journey, will quickly discover that all the charm, the apparent loving attention is simply set aside and forgotten with the AS person off onto the next quest in their lives.
9. In the end, you may stay with the AS person out of financial concern for yourself only.
10. You may end up permanently depressed or build a life of your own within the context of what society calls a marriage.
11. You will end up cynical and going to your grave feeling blamed for everything in your life. Such a burden you can accept or not. Either way you end up angry.
12. People in general will not understand why you've been flapping around for however many years you've been connected to this AS person because it seems to the outside world you're the difficult one.

There is no 13.
If there was, 13 it would be: give it up before you get involved. Trouble is: there is not enough truthful information out there to warn you about the condition in advance.

Well that's interesting.

1. I've been financially independent since age 17. I'm the 2nd youngest but first to move out. My mom says I was the easiest to raise because I required so little attention or affection.
2. I rarely show emotion. I'm often called dull because I'm ridiculously hard to anger. I don't find it logical to get angry over minor inconsequential details I have very big picture goals and pursuits.
3. With my big picture goals and pursuits I focus on how I can make humanity better not on the conditional fleeting happiness of my one partner. That's hardly a self absorbed mindset.
4. If you're my partner logically assume I trust you.
5.I'm highly educated with a well paying career and I'm fairly open and blunt about what bothers me. Stewing in a pool of resentment and passive aggressiveness is more of an NT trait.
6.If I care about something or someone I REALLY care about those things otherwise I wouldn't bother.
7.I'm responsible for me and you are responsible for you. My problems are my responsibility and I do what I can to address them. I have Aspergers but it doesn't really dictate my life. To believe that someone is their affliction is dehumanizing and invalidates the other facets of their being.
8.I'm hardly charming off the bat. I grow to love someone the more I spend time with them and those feelings generally increase over time.
9. That's just rude.
10. I take responsiblily for my own problems if anything anytime something in the relationship is wrong NT's blame it o ASD rather than acknowledging that every couple has problems.

11. See 10.

12. You can always leave no relationship is forced. You are not a hostage.

But anyways it is a spectrum and everyone is different so try not to put us in boxes we are not objects.

 

[megacomic]

The thing is, popular culture, at least in the US, heavily sells the "idea" of getting married to young women. For example, in my local supermarket today I counted no fewer than FIVE very thick magazines that are devoted exclusively to planning weddings. All but maybe one are specifically devoted to my city/metro area, and basically function as advertising circulars for businesses that provide wedding services, all illustrated with photos of perfect brides and grooms amid VERY expensive wedding arrangements.

In effect young women feel a lot of pressure from their social circles and beyond to get married and have kids, to the point where single women over 30 are constantly being asked when they will get married and have kids. If the US was like most other places on earth where marriages are arranged by families and men are expected to have mistresses on the side, this might not be as much of a problem.

But here we have an idea of the couple marrying because of LOVE. So women especially are rushed into marrying a guy they think they love, only to find out he's a jerk...several years and two kids later. The wife's social circle doesn't want her to get divorced. So you end up with the whole narrative of the aloof husband and the lonely, abandoned wife who only stays married because of some reason like "health insurance". Eventually the wife decides to pour her guts out on the internet about how lonely and mistreated she is. "Aspergers" is simply another label for "I married a jerk" to them.

Exactly. Every time I see a woman diagnose their husband as on the spectrum it's because he's aloof or difficult rather than the fact that many men act aloof and difficult because they are told that's the way they attract women. You were attracted to an aloof, antisocial,narcissist and now seemed surprised that he's a terrible person. Most jerks aren't Aspies and most aspies aren't jerks. If anything being mistreated our entire lives can make us a rather empathetic bunch.

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

I totally disagree, how awful to write such a discriminatory statement based on aspergars, I live with a guy who is totally opposite to those things written, rant done!

 

[Littlemissnaughty9]

Yes

Here is my list!!!! Based on the amount of people who come in here, ot wanting their Aspe back, i would say we have a Lot to offer . How about

1. You will be in the most intense relationsip of your life

2. You will ALWAYS have a friend in your Aspie even if younpart ways. Aspies are loyal and sensitive

3. You will have your own personal walking encyclopedia. Your Aspie's special interest will come in handy when you travel or want an obscure answer BUT Aspies are masters at finding answers to any question.

4. Your aspie may save your life. If you get sick, your aspie will have already sought out Best Practices and safest hospitals, even checking on your insurance and will have already set things up. Then, like a hawk s/he will make sure your room is clean, the Dr washes his hands, and your meds are not interacting. S/he will also make sure your needs are met all while researching your condition and healing. You WANT an Aspie near you if you get sick!!

5. You will have your own personal tutor.

6. Everyobe gets mad, but an Aspie cares. They will be sad until there is a reconcilliation. The idea that aspies do not care is false. They are actually sensitive.

ADD YOUR OWN

Yes true, well said!

 

[Chance]

OK, so take this page on that site: Research

The researchers were looking for emotional impacts on NT partners in NT/ND relationships. They got 122 partner survey responses, of these they interviewed 16. Then they go on to report the emotional impacts experienced by these 16 in terms of what they were researching. OK, fine and good.

What ISN'T pointed out is that this means only 13% of those responding to the survey met the research criteria for "emotional impacts for NT/ND relationships"...

That means that 87% of NT/ND relationships DON'T have these impacts. I'd bet my right arm that ANY partner group, gay, straight, NT-NT, ND-ND, pick your pairing, will have the EXACT SAME results. Namely that 13% of marriages/partnerships have negative emotional impacts on one of the partners.

However, since that website is focused on supporting [read: reinforcing] "victims" of ASD partner, they don't bother to mention the 87%.

I read this and dug around on the site elsewhere... Some of it is very factual and some of it seems flat out defamatory... or at best they don't seem to mention the vast variances.

Actually some of the stuff they say is in fact totally untrue... "Traditional counselling for couples or individuals does not work when a neurological disorder is involved. The deficits of ASD prevent counsellors from making inroads unless they have a complete knowledge and understanding of the way these deficits will impact on how their client with ASD perceives the world. The masking ability of those with ASD must be taken into account by the counsellor and the neurotypical family members must be consulted about conditions at home."

I speak to my counselor every Wednesday. We mostly just talk on the phone now, and that was his decision because he did get to know the real me. I have trouble sometimes understanding his informal suggestions or generalities, but he senses that most of the time and will take the time to let me know that was what he was doing. It is my NT wife who will not speak to a counselor because she feels she has no issues and it is my fault. Some of it is my fault, but who is trying here?

I have this thing with reading reviews and testimonies... I actually need to stop it because it upsets me pretty bad sometimes... but this is where peoples true colors show the brightest. Sadly these people seem way more messed up than anyone I see on this site.

I became bewildered though while reading the testimonies... This physiologist named Heidi, was rambling on about how sorry her ASD fiancé was and how she missed all his tell tell signs and the next thing I know I am reading where he is threatening to kill her and stuff... I'm calling TOTAL BULL S--T on that!

If anything ASD people are more likely to take their own lives because of how they were treated, but they never mention stuff like that.

Is anyone on here threatening their family? I feel we are pretty open book... My God I have laid my life wide open here and with my counselor... and I am a very private person who doesn't have much trust in anyone. However not once have I seen or read a post where one of us AS/ASD was wanting to harm someone, other than JD, who was trying protect a deer and NT was trying to harm! And even then it was nothing remotely close to the sick crap I just read...

These people seem to have and Agenda and it makes me very uncomfortable because they notably leave out thousands, of variables, and make it very clear they are victims of monsters. Its just wrong, but I know in my heart not all NT's are like this... otherwise we would be rounded up like the Jews and exterminated for just being who we are. Please don't think I meant that as a slam to jews (never would I do that). It was just a comparison of what happens when some idiot gets power and nearly instantly things can go very bad... That right there is one reason I don't like my formal. I feel at some point I could be made a target.

I know with all my heart, body, brain, and soul, that I am different, screwed up, and not always able to fit in to some situations... But I cant fit me (or anyone I have conversed with, or read about here at A C) into what these people are saying about their partners...

So I did some more digging and went back to one of the "resources" part of one page and it was a study on psychopaths... That pissed me off because ASD is not that, but this was how they were basing what they wrote...

Non-conformist to a harsh pitiful world NT's are destroying... guilty as charged! Psychopath... How do you take non-violent people who close off and withdraw and paint them as people who are plotting to kill you?
You don't, you just lie about it to inflame others WHO DO NOT THINK FOR THEMSELVES...

Toxic mix for a later bad storm.... not cool, and just sickening mostly

 

[Chance]

Well that's interesting.

1. I've been financially independent since age 17. I'm the 2nd youngest but first to move out. My mom says I was the easiest to raise because I required so little attention or affection.
2. I rarely show emotion. I'm often called dull because I'm ridiculously hard to anger. I don't find it logical to get angry over minor inconsequential details I have very big picture goals and pursuits.
3. With my big picture goals and pursuits I focus on how I can make humanity better not on the conditional fleeting happiness of my one partner. That's hardly a self absorbed mindset.
4. If you're my partner logically assume I trust you.
5.I'm highly educated with a well paying career and I'm fairly open and blunt about what bothers me. Stewing in a pool of resentment and passive aggressiveness is more of an NT trait.
6.If I care about something or someone I REALLY care about those things otherwise I wouldn't bother.
7.I'm responsible for me and you are responsible for you. My problems are my responsibility and I do what I can to address them. I have Aspergers but it doesn't really dictate my life. To believe that someone is their affliction is dehumanizing and invalidates the other facets of their being.
8.I'm hardly charming off the bat. I grow to love someone the more I spend time with them and those feelings generally increase over time.
9. That's just rude.
10. I take responsiblily for my own problems if anything anytime something in the relationship is wrong NT's blame it o ASD rather than acknowledging that every couple has problems.

11. See 10.

12. You can always leave no relationship is forced. You are not a hostage.

But anyways it is a spectrum and everyone is different so try not to put us in boxes we are not objects.

I wish I could give you and ASD award! So much fits and feels right... Fair and balanced and that is all I have ever asked from myself and those around me... No special treatment, but don't make me out to be some monster that I am not. Just call it as it is, and you did just that... good job.

 

[Fitzo]

I read this and dug around on the site elsewhere... Some of it is very factual and some of it seems flat out defamatory... or at best they don't seem to mention the vast variances.

Actually some of the stuff they say is in fact totally untrue... "Traditional counselling for couples or individuals does not work when a neurological disorder is involved. The deficits of ASD prevent counsellors from making inroads unless they have a complete knowledge and understanding of the way these deficits will impact on how their client with ASD perceives the world. The masking ability of those with ASD must be taken into account by the counsellor and the neurotypical family members must be consulted about conditions at home."

I speak to my counselor every Wednesday. We mostly just talk on the phone now, and that was his decision because he did get to know the real me. I have trouble sometimes understanding his informal suggestions or generalities, but he senses that most of the time and will take the time to let me know that was what he was doing. It is my NT wife who will not speak to a counselor because she feels she has no issues and it is my fault. Some of it is my fault, but who is trying here?

I have this thing with reading reviews and testimonies... I actually need to stop it because it upsets me pretty bad sometimes... but this is where peoples true colors show the brightest. Sadly these people seem way more messed up than anyone I see on this site.

I became bewildered though while reading the testimonies... This physiologist named Heidi, was rambling on about how sorry her ASD fiancé was and how she missed all his tell tell signs and the next thing I know I am reading where he is threatening to kill her and stuff... I'm calling TOTAL BULL S--T on that!

Is anyone on here threatening their family? I feel we are pretty open book... My God I have laid my life wide open here and with my counselor... and I am a very private person who doesn't have much trust in anyone. However not once have I seen or read a post where one of us AS/ASD was wanting to harm someone, other than JD, who was trying protect a deer and NT was trying to harm! And even then it was nothing remotely close to the sick crap I just read...

These people seem to have and Agenda and it makes me very uncomfortable because they notably leave out thousands, of variables, and make it very clear they are victims of monsters. Its just wrong, but I know in my heart not all NT's are like this... otherwise we would be rounded up like the Jews and exterminated for just being who we are. Please don't think I meant that as a slam to jews (never would I do that). It was just a comparison of what happens when some idiot gets power and nearly instantly things can go very bad... That right there is one reason I don't like my formal. I feel at some point I could be made a target.

I know with all my heart, body, brain, and soul, that I am different, screwed up, and not always able to fit in to some situations... But I cant fit me (or anyone I have conversed with, or read about here at A C) into what these people are saying about their partners...

So I did some more digging and went back to one of the "resources" part of one page and it was a study on psychopaths... That pissed me off because ASD is not that, but this was how they were basing what they wrote...

Non-conformist to a harsh pitiful world NT's are destroying... guilty as charged! Psychopath... How do you take non-violent people who close off and withdraw and paint them as people who are plotting to kill you?
You don't, you just lie about it to inflame others WHO DO NOT THINK FOR THEMSELVES...

Toxic mix for a later bad storm.... not cool, and just sickening mostly

That's why I didn't even bother to read past the part about no empathy. That is one of the defining characteristics of psychopaths and narcissists.
I have seen ample evidence of empathy on this site.
I am not interested in one person's vitriol and vindictiveness. Even if her portrayal is accurate of her partner, I know it doesn't define me or Aspies in general.
I have learned to ignore vitriolic generalizations and refuse to be pigeonholed.
'If you've met someone with Aspergers you've met ONE person with Aspergers'.

 

[Chance]

The thing is, popular culture, at least in the US, heavily sells the "idea" of getting married to young women. For example, in my local supermarket today I counted no fewer than FIVE very thick magazines that are devoted exclusively to planning weddings. All but maybe one are specifically devoted to my city/metro area, and basically function as advertising circulars for businesses that provide wedding services, all illustrated with photos of perfect brides and grooms amid VERY expensive wedding arrangements.

In effect young women feel a lot of pressure from their social circles and beyond to get married and have kids, to the point where single women over 30 are constantly being asked when they will get married and have kids. If the US was like most other places on earth where marriages are arranged by families and men are expected to have mistresses on the side, this might not be as much of a problem.

But here we have an idea of the couple marrying because of LOVE. So women especially are rushed into marrying a guy they think they love, only to find out he's a jerk...several years and two kids later. The wife's social circle doesn't want her to get divorced. So you end up with the whole narrative of the aloof husband and the lonely, abandoned wife who only stays married because of some reason like "health insurance". Eventually the wife decides to pour her guts out on the internet about how lonely and mistreated she is. "Aspergers" is simply another label for "I married a jerk" to them.

I think you just described my wife's situation perfectly... In a hurry to marry and have kids because all of her friends and family were married and pressuring her (and me, but I wasn't wanting too yet). She finds me, I'm easy to deal with. I work hard. I'm quiet, don't drink, or cause problems... She falls in love and she gets to start calling the shots right off the bat. I sensed that much. I held off 2 years, no sex, no living together, but letting her know the real me. She started pressuring me, and then I broke off the engagement because I was being shoved into stuff I didn't want...

She came back all boo whooing... I freakin caved in, and still was forced right back into the same mess by those pressuring her! I nearly didn't show up for my own wedding. I actually stated how unhappy I was about being forced to do MANY things I didn't like... My mother-in-law told me right there ... "This isn't your wedding." An alarm went off in my head, but it was too late. My mother in law is a truly wonderful lady, but she calls the shots, and that was made very clear to me in the church the day of my (wife's) wedding.

I was wanting to run the whole time... Who in the world has to run and get sick and hide because of a shutdown at their own wedding... Me! I ran down to the basement to the far bathroom and I just sat there wanting to run... Knowing I had to back and face all those people at the reception. It was the worst day of my life, but I tried so hard to make it a happy day for her.

I dont even remember the reception. It was just a blur and noise and I had no way out. I actually started drinking a little just to numb everything and it made me sicker because I hadn't ate all day. I remember getting in the car to leave and I was praying I could see to drive while trying to smile, wave, and be happy... What NT will do that for someone they love and never even let them know what was going on? Not many... And we are selfish, ego maniacs? I wanted to be one and logically I should have been one.

Looking back... I wish I had have never got back with her... She would be happy and I would still be me, the same guy I will always be.

My wife is very influential, even TV stuff influences her... I don't watch or even give it a second thought.
Its like she sees this BOX we have to fit in, or we are just a travesty... and because of her thinking we are.
I'm a messed up guy who has to live hiding the real me to be normal for her. It started trying to kill me and I started wanting to kill myself simply because I cant keep doing that...

I hope my prayers to be normal never do get answered, because I never want to be like what I keep seeing "normal" people doing and saying...

Then to blame or extort someone else's condition to rationalize their own brand of insanity... Normal?
Thank you, but no thank you... I will just stay the freak I am.

 

[Fitzo]

I think you just described my wife's situation perfectly... In a hurry to marry and have kids because all of her friends and family were married and pressuring her (and me, but I wasn't wanting too yet). She finds me, I'm easy to deal with. I work hard. I'm quiet, don't drink, or cause problems... She falls in love and she gets to start calling the shots right off the bat. I sensed that much. I held off 2 years, no sex, no living together, but letting her know the real me. She started pressuring me, and then I broke off the engagement because I was being shoved into stuff I didn't want...

She came back all boo whooing... I freakin caved in, and still was forced right back into the same mess by those pressuring her! I nearly didn't show up for my own wedding. I actually stated how unhappy I was about being forced to do MANY things I didn't like... My mother-in-law told me right there ... "This isn't your wedding." An alarm went off in my head, but it was too late. My mother in law is a truly wonderful lady, but she calls the shots, and that was made very clear to me in the church the day of my (wife's) wedding.

I was wanting to run the whole time... Who in the world has to run and get sick and hide because of a shutdown at their own wedding... Me! I ran down to the basement to the far bathroom and I just sat there wanting to run... Knowing I had to back and face all those people at the reception. It was the worst day of my life, but I tried so hard to make it a happy day for her.

I dont even remember the reception. It was just a blur and noise and I had no way out. I actually started drinking a little just to numb everything and it made me sicker because I hadn't ate all day. I remember getting in the car to leave and I was praying I could see to drive while trying to smile, wave, and be happy... What NT will do that for someone they love and never even let them know what was going on? Not many... And we are selfish, ego maniacs? I wanted to be one and logically I should have been one.

Looking back... I wish I had have never got back with her... She would be happy and I would still be me, the same guy I will always be.

My wife is very influential, even TV stuff influences her... I don't watch or even give it a second thought.
Its like she sees this BOX we have to fit in, or we are just a travesty... and because of her thinking we are.
I'm a messed up guy who has to live hiding the real me to be normal for her. It started trying to kill me and I started wanting to kill myself simply because I cant keep doing that...

I hope my prayers to be normal never do get answered, because I never want to be like what I keep seeing "normal" people doing and saying...

Then to blame or extort someone else's condition to rationalize their own brand of insanity... Normal?
Thank you, but no thank you... I will just stay the freak I am.

With her Mum as a role model it's not surprising your wife turned out the way she did.
Two days before my wedding I told my mum I thought it was a mistake. She said ' too late now'.
She organized the whole thing. Church, reception, invitations, guest list, my attendants, food..... absolutely everything except what I wore. And I'm sure she would have changed that if she could! It wasn't my wedding either... it was hers.
I was half an hour late to the church and can't even remember the service which was significantly shortened because I made the minister late for the next one!
The reception was actually very good and was the best part of the whole (short lived) marriage...... it was all downhill from there!

 

[OkRad]

Doh! Flashbacks...................

 

[Gracey]

I'm stuck with a thought that I may be best keeping to myself but I'm trying to work out how an aloof or difficult male partner is automatically on the spectrum?

It's amusing me to think that other considerations for aloofness or being difficult could include boredom induced frustration, communication breakdowns (wife, partner isn't listening)
The poor bloke is getting nagged to death so switches off and keeps his mouth shut.

Seemingly blaming ASD when a good look in a mirror, some soul searching and taking some responsibility for the situation would also provide an equally plausible explanation.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I'm stuck with a thought that I may be best keeping to myself but I'm trying to work out how an aloof or difficult male partner is automatically on the spectrum?

It's amusing me to think that other considerations for aloofness or being difficult could include boredom induced frustration, communication breakdowns (wife, partner isn't listening)
The poor bloke is getting nagged to death so switches off and keeps his mouth shut.

Seemingly blaming ASD when a good look in a mirror, some soul searching and taking some responsibility for the situation would also provide an equally plausible explanation.

To thine own self be true
So in matters of blame, it's not me
It's you.

Yes for,your plausible explanation. But will it work?

A lot of relationships seem to be more about out doing each other, winning something (ego points) rather than understanding anothers point of view, accepting it then finding a compromise.

It would be a lot easier if people were able to say what they meant.
In disagreements,sometimes, it becomes about the ego,avoiding admitting blame and securing a victory.
Always a hollow victory - but would the victor admit that?
No way.
And what did you win?
A worse relationship. Well done. Victory lap.


Did you put the butter away? (A trick question as she knows the answer having just walked past the butter) so it can also be a very clever passive aggressive strategy repeated over a thousand left out butters.

'No' = ' are you going to put it away?
'You were walking past it,why didn't you put it away' = why do you talk to me so aggressively i was only asking if you put the butter away' (a lie, it was not the reason for the asking but if you try to get into those dynamics try eating a sh*t sandwich for a fortnight)
Response with amateur dramatics ' fine. Ill put the butter away' big sigh.

Victorious butter battle 456.

My world :

I notice the butter is out and put it away. Dont mention it. Happiness reigns.

For most people happiness just isn't good enough.

 

[Gracey]

To thine own self be true,

I didn't state it was your fault,

I just said I was going to blame you.



A bitter butter battle with perfect point scoring pettiness.

I'll pass on the sandwich thanks

I like the complexity of the Dynamics though.

 

[George Newman]

The article seems to have once more turned the tables so NT's can be the "victims" against ND's...
It seems to lump all AS/ASD people into this camp of all being the same, which of course isn't true, just like NT's are not all the same. I take it as a very unbalanced, bias word sword, but thats okay. People are entitled to say what they think. Its just sad more than anything.

I'm not a villain, nor do I allow myself to play the part of the victim, though I do have to battle to not feel like one. I was abused, molested, even beaten unconscious at times, and later abandoned, by NT's. I was bullied in school, and I never understand why, but I just forgave and moved on... However, I still made my own way. I have never asked anyone to provide for me in any way. I actually became the provider. Yet, even to be loved (or just accepted) was/is to much to ask.

I try to never harm another person. I try to never ask for help/advice (outside of this site and my counselor), or burden anyone. I do try to find anyway possible to fit what this world demands. I will help anyone I see needing help, if I possibly can. I spend my every waking moment trying to be as "normal" as I can possibly be, only to go home and often fall apart inside, and try to find a way to not show that I am exhausted beyond words.

I married a person who feels she is the victim (because of me). No one might understand how that can crush me, but it does. I never want to be a monster, or a problem causer, yet any move I make I seem to be the opposite of what is expected. I get upset because she hates my guts, but yet I will defend her because I do love her. I basically don't talk so people will hopefully leave me alone, and even that bothers so many people, even angers some.

I vent on here to people who are like me and maybe understand some of my weirdness. I guess that person who wrote this Blog (we are discussing) chose to vent and throw it to the wind in a public setting. I could expose things that should have some NT's placed in prison... I chose instead to understand they are not perfect, and forgave them instead of trying to further allow the hurt to be the centre point of my life.

Most of us already know we don't fit in. I guess people just need to remind us of how we mess up their version of reality. So much for being loving... I have been hated since the day I was born, so I guess this sort of serves as one of a million reminders that I will never be enough.

I only seek a peace not allowed it seems. I ask no one to change to give me that peace, but to just allow me to go off and find it on my own, but that equals a selfish bastard in an NT based reality.

My "loner mentality" is seen as unacceptable, yet my social inability, and my conditions that mess up my perception of this reality, is also seen as unacceptable... and to think why we would ever be depressed and closed off. Its because that is sometimes the only choice we have left.

However I will come back out of my shut down and try everyday to be the best version of my messed up self as possible. Its all I can do... Its all any of us can do. Hating and dividing will never fix any of us NT or ND.

I may not be a social butterfly or a guy that can have a decent conversation without acting weird, but I can do something many NT's cant... I can love them for who they are and remember that not one of us are perfect and come to a place like this to try and understand how to deal with it in a much more private setting. : ) BTW, all my settings are set for members only for that very reason.

I read thru all the comments and am emotionally spent. I'll just crawl from my little house where I live alone to work and back again day after day. It's all too much for me.

 

[Chance]

I read thru all the comments and am emotionally spent. I'll just crawl from my little house where I live alone to work and back again day after day. It's all too much for me.

Hey George,
Just know that our struggle is what makes us stronger.

Never give up on yourself and always look for the next chapter, the next thing that moves you closer to a life that becomes a state of happiness and fulfillment.

It's out there, it's just not easy to find.

: )

 

[Fitzo]

Hey George,
Just know that our struggle is what makes us stronger.

Never give up on yourself and always look for the next chapter, the next thing that moves you closer to a life that becomes a state of happiness and fulfillment.

It's out there, it's just not easy to find.

: )

I admire your optimism!

 

[Chance]

I admire your optimism!

It's all I have unless I just want to set down and start bawling like a little girl...
Which I have done in private praying it never happens publicly...
And that's certainly not a pretty sight.

I just can't be, or remain, a victim... There's no future in it. So the only other option is to work on my thoughts and my actions as much as possible... Knowing I will slip up and mentally (or physically) plant my face into a wall, or in the ground... At that point have my little fit, get my butt up, and move forward...

It's what we all do in some form or another, or we just wouldn't hang around. : )

 

[George Newman]

Hey George,
Just know that our struggle is what makes us stronger.

Never give up on yourself and always look for the next chapter, the next thing that moves you closer to a life that becomes a state of happiness and fulfillment.

It's out there, it's just not easy to find.

: )

Thank you, Chance. At the risk of sounding too negative (in a hushed tone), I'm tired. Tired of trying to be what others think I should be, tired of trying to understand, tired of fighting the miss-understanding, exhausted from the years (I'm 47). I'm just tired (sigh). Yes, yes, "our struggle is what makes us stronger."(unconvinced tone) Pity-party over.

 

[Chance]

Thank you, Chance. At the risk of sounding too negative (in a hushed tone), I'm tired. Tired of trying to be what others think I should be, tired of trying to understand, tired of fighting the miss-understanding, exhausted from the years (I'm 47). I'm just tired (sigh). Yes, yes, "our struggle is what makes us stronger."(unconvinced tone) Pity-party over.

It's not a pity party
It's just your reality at the moment
I'm not the brightest guy myself but I know within the deepest of my being that what I dwell on will (and has to be) the reality I will live in...

You me, We all get down (I get horribly down at times)... but the same thing gets me out every single time. Some times I am purposely doing it, sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it...

I simply find something to get my mind in a better place. I start noticing others who have it far worse than me. I try and lift others up (which blows up in my face sometimes). I study, I look at the life I want to be living... I find something funny to read or listen too. And suddenly I'm back out of the ditch and trying the next thing that may look like a failure to others, but inside me... it's me changing, me reaching, me growing.

It's the same for everyone, yet only a few ever dare to test it because it hurts to change. It's uncomfortable to notice that our lives suck because we say they do...

I'm just as guilty as anyone, but the difference is when we catch ourselves and get determined that it does not have to suck this bad.

You stated your tired of being what others want you to be... Decide what you want to be and let them hash out a problem that is theirs not yours...

I'm just passing on what I was taught right here in this forum.

Find yourself and this nightmare may just turn into your most unexpected wildest dreams...

Vent all you need too... just don't dwell on it. Let it out and then let it go And you may have to do this a lot, but it works...

So you are already doing the right thing and may not have even realized it just yet... : )

 

[Gracey]

Thank you, Chance. At the risk of sounding too negative (in a hushed tone), I'm tired. Tired of trying to be what others think I should be, tired of trying to understand, tired of fighting the miss-understanding, exhausted from the years (I'm 47). I'm just tired (sigh). Yes, yes, "our struggle is what makes us stronger."(unconvinced tone) Pity-party over.

If you're tired George, have a rest.

Do something exclusively for you.

Don't try to be anything other than yourself.