• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Is 'ugly' attractive?

As I discovered sexual attraction, I never liked the "pretty" people, I preferred the interesting faces, and their personality above all. A kind soul and fascinating personality can make anyone attractive.

From experience, I can say that women seem much more flexible on this score than men; imagine Beauty and the Beast with the genders switched.
 
WereBear said:
As I discovered sexual attraction, I never liked the "pretty" people, I preferred the interesting faces, and their personality above all. A kind soul and fascinating personality can make anyone attractive.

From experience, I can say that women seem much more flexible on this score than men; imagine Beauty and the Beast with the genders switched.
Click to expand...

I guess you're right on that score - pity though, because the chauvinist image is perpetuated. I would like to believe that there are enough men who defy that image and rather find other characteristics that are appealing.

Perspectives change quite dramatically when a person realises that he/she is no picture painting and therefore has to adjust. Anyway, for a long term, really meaningful relationship, I find transparency and vulnerability very appealing.
 
I don't think it to be wrong that a man and a woman should physically appeal to each other. But they need not appeal to anyone else. By that reckoning, all of my previous girlfriends have been pretty, particularly the one I married.
 
'Beauty' or 'ugliness' is what catches our attention, but that is just the attention. There are other features such as personality, character, temperament which end up causing one to be truly attracted, as in falling in love.

This is experienced when a person may seem to be attractive, but then that person transforms into ugly when behaviour becomes evident, such as selfishness, or extreme disrespected for others. I have seen 'magazine cover' beautiful people speak to others as though they are absolute trash, and that just causes a complete transformation from an attractive person into an ogre (mind you, who says ogres are ugly?)

My own concern is how many are so damaged by others who belittle them because of 'looks' - calling them geeks, nerds, piggies, etc. Hten I have seen a person completely transformed by someone who ignored all of the externals and gave affirmation in place of insults. Perhaps I simply live in a romantic world, with idealized versions of life, but that is part of me being an Aspie!
 
Professori said:
My own concern is how many are so damaged by others who belittle them because of 'looks' - calling them geeks, nerds, piggies, etc.
Click to expand...
I've had my share of compliments and insults. I figured the latter (apart from being evidence of poor self-restraint) just meant that I didn't appeal to that person. Since others seemed to disagree on that point, I never considered it to be an objective criticism.

I, myself, don't find everybody to be attractive, too, so I can accept that some others may feel the same way about me, but I don't see a benefit in voicing that opinion.
 
Professori said:
So, what characteristics do you find attractive/appealing/beautiful in others?
Click to expand...

This is a question that I've often wondered myself, and I have concluded that everyone is beautiful. I don't know how to explain it, really, but there is something I find engrossing about the apparent infinite similarities and differences between a group of people.
 
I find that my regard for the person does inform how attractive I view them. For instance, once I am in love, they become even more attractive. And if I discover something I don't like about their character, they are less good looking.

Eye of the beholder, indeed!
 
Well a girl can do lots of subtle things to bump the hotness level....even a nice pair of heels makes quite a difference.

But a lovely sweet personality can make even a plain girl shine like a light house.

And a super model can look like a horror if she is too mean and selfish.

Do the best with what you've got, and maybe life will smile on you...no matter what you were born with.
 
Professori said:
it would seem that some people find certain Aspie characteristics attractive/appealing. We have always been bludgeoned with pictures of what we should find attractive/beautiful/appealing, either through adverts or models or movies, etc. However, is the conventional picture of attractive/beautiful really appealing or just accepted as such because we are conditioned/indoctrinated to accept that which is commonly believed to be attractive?

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is certainly a very old saying, but there are very few who openly reveal that they don't agree with commonly held beliefs in this regard. In fact, many people have very poor self images/worth because they believe they are unattractive based on what society leads them to believe.

Personally, I do not find conventional 'beauty' to be attractive at all. I find that something which is different or 'quirky', or unusual looks to be attractive - it is difficult to describe, but I know it when I see it.

So, what characteristics do you find attractive/appealing/beautiful in others?
Click to expand...
Well, I always seem to find skinnier guys more attractive than big-muscles guys. I find big-muscle guys kinda scary. I also like shy and kind guys. :) When I see skinnier guys, I find it cute and huggable because I can wrap my whole arms around them. What I find really beautiful in a person is kindness and the hability to recognize one's wrongdoings and apologize.
 
SalanaEiyungAisis said:
Well, I always seem to find skinnier guys more attractive than big-muscles guys. I find big-muscle guys kinda scary. I also like shy and kind guys. :) When I see skinnier guys, I find it cute and huggable because I can wrap my whole arms around them. What I find really beautiful in a person is kindness and the hability to recognize one's wrongdoings and apologize.
Click to expand...

Oh, yes, I agree - shyness is cute and cute is very attractive - to me anyway! Any kind of awareness of one's vulnerabilities, and simply being vulnerable, are appealing characteristics.
 
Well I'm an "Aspie" and apart from a girl who was in my class at school for most of the 5 years of senior school, I've never had a girlfriend.

Daft thing is, back when I was about 14 she actually proposed to me on Valentine's Day, and being 14 at the time my response was "Ooh I don't know about that", in hindsight I half wish I'd said yes and seen her reaction! Trouble is, if we had got hitched I'd probably be detained at Her Majesty's Pleasure by now for doing something not very nice to her annoying Brother.
 
WereBear said:
As I discovered sexual attraction, I never liked the "pretty" people, I preferred the interesting faces, and their personality above all. A kind soul and fascinating personality can make anyone attractive.

Can't put it any better. So, Ditto.
Click to expand...
 
I've never been attracted to the stereotypical supermodel. I'm attracted to bigger or curvy girls, shy and quirky, and an overbite can be adorable.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom