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It all makes sense now!

Peace said:
I am wondering where this picture was taken. You say you are from New Hampshire, yet the drivers seat in this photo appears to be on the right side of the vehicle.
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I am a real New Hampshire girl! I don't know why it looks that way.
 

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Bri said:
Yes! Mine started at 8. I was diagnosed with ADD but I couldn't follow through with my meds because they made me feel way to focused or "robotic". Then at 15 I was in anger management (but who wouldn't be with an alcoholic mama) then I tried out the ADD meds again at 17 but had to stop because I was never hungry and when a girl who is 5'8 is weighing in at 115lbs it a problem. I was just currently diagnosed with depression. Story. Of. My. Life.
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This is slightly off-topic but your mentioning the issues in the family (like mother who is alcoholic), made me think to mention: if you do or end up doing alanon, it can be incredibly helpful in applying it to finding peace in a world of NTs, not just alcoholics. Not to in any way conflate alcoholism and neurotypical behavior but fir any who have done good 12 step meetings, they may know what I mean! And boy did those meetings also help me simply understand NTs better since most in the mtgs are NTs. I understand better what is often on their minds now. And the structure of those meetings is very aspie friendly with no cross-talk and only one person at a time speaking. Anyway, the spiritual aspect is an aversion to some but I actually feel more spiritual in my own aspie way now.

Anyway, like I said: a little off topic except insofar as it can be a tool for handling a lot of the family conditions you describe.
 
2aspirin said:
This is slightly off-topic but your mentioning the issues in the family (like mother who is alcoholic), made me think to mention: if you do or end up doing alanon, it can be incredibly helpful in applying it to finding peace in a world of NTs, not just alcoholics. Not to in any way conflate alcoholism and neurotypical behavior but fir any who have done good 12 step meetings, they may know what I mean! And boy did those meetings also help me simply understand NTs better since most in the mtgs are NTs. I understand better what is often on their minds now. And the structure of those meetings is very aspie friendly with no cross-talk and only one person at a time speaking. Anyway, the spiritual aspect is an aversion to some but I actually feel more spiritual in my own aspie way now.

Anyway, like I said: a little off topic except insofar as it can be a tool for handling a lot of the family conditions you describe.
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Thank you for sharing that with me! That is something I would so do! I wish I could get my mom to go to such a thing!!!! She is so troubled. I hate talking about her problems but I feel like this is a safe place for me to be able to be open with others. It feels so good.
 
Bri said:
Thank you for sharing that with me! That is something I would so do! I wish I could get my mom to go to such a thing!!!! She is so troubled. I hate talking about her problems but I feel like this is a safe place for me to be able to be open with others. It feels so good.
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You would probably find it super safe there too. It helps keep oneself healthy in the head even when others are not.
 
Hello, I've just joined the forum and have only just recieved a diagnosis. It's nice to find people who are all different like me and have many of the same challanges as well :)
 
Bri said:
What was it that started your journey to get your diagnosis?
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I started seeing a counsellor as problems with socialising and anxiety were becoming unbearable and see suggested that see thought I could have it so I looked up the symptoms and all of a sudden all the things from my past suddenly made sense and so I went to my GP to start the process. When I was younger I always felt different but I always thought it was just that but now O release that there was a reason and it is so conforting now that there is as I can now say that I have asperger's rather than just say I struggle with things :) how did you release that this is what you probably have?
 
KiwiMonkey said:
I started seeing a counsellor as problems with socialising and anxiety were becoming unbearable and see suggested that see thought I could have it so I looked up the symptoms and all of a sudden all the things from my past suddenly made sense and so I went to my GP to start the process. When I was younger I always felt different but I always thought it was just that but now O release that there was a reason and it is so conforting now that there is as I can now say that I have asperger's rather than just say I struggle with things :) how did you release that this is what you probably have?
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At a doctors visit months ago they asked me a series of questions to see if I had depression. I answered them all untruthfully realizing that my feelings weren't normal. In May I went back to my doctor seeking help for my worsening depression. From there I started researching my symptoms and stumbled upon aspergers and then was relieved (from misinformation) that it only effected the male population. As I continued research I found aspergers in women and the traits. I was Sick to my stomach to find that I had over 95% of the traits even what is described for little girl behavior I was the exact way. Even though I was relieved to have answers I was saddened to know I wasn't as unique as I had thought. My strong love for nature and animals, large vocabulary and ability to retain vast amounts of information on topics that I enjoy. These are the things that I really love about who I am and thought that they made me one of a kind.
I now appreciate the fact that I have potential to find others with the same passions and look forward to being able to build a real friendship someday! I accept it now and am so happy I am no longer alone!!!
 
Peace said:
I am beyond convinced. I hope I did not come across as implying that you were being dishonest.
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I was confused about what you were saying and didn't want to give off the wrong impression to you or anyone!
 
Bri said:
Have you ever been to any aspie or ASD group meeting?
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Just a little, including for a mindfulness meditation thing. I like the 12 step group structure better: Highly highly predictable structure for one thing. And the alanon principals and step work just helped with everything entirely for me. It has helped me with some compulsions/stims like hyperlexia. In theory, I would like more aspie real life groups but in practice, online forums are perfect for us. Also, you will notice that some who are non-verbal are also on here. There is an accessibility aspect. And even personally, I sometimes don't like being with too many aspies in real life, in a group, because some are loud (just like NTs) and that triggers hyperacusis (with middle ear myoclonus). Ironically, many alanon meetings are so soft spoken because so many people there are "people fixers" and "people pleasers." ...To my advantage in that case. Har har.

In all seriousness, many there have been so affected by the alcoholism and mental illness in their families that they get very used to focusing on others and keeping everything steady and calm so that they feel safe. My observation from alanon: Many NTs especially react to growing up with alcoholism by being in a state of severe vigilance that is not paranoia per se but can make them feel like everything is "about them" or could be about them. They just want to be safe but in seeking that, become people who get offended easily, etc. It is a profound thing. I have seen people really flourish there, getting past it.

Aspies do, I think, have a different variety of responses (like fierce loyalty in the face of evidence that it is undeserved, guarding the home, escaping into special interests, increase in rigid rituals, whatever) to the chaotic homes that alcoholism or mental illness brings, but the "solutions" are the same. That is the key part. I like the saying of "living in the solution instead of living in the problem." It took a bit to fully grasp its meaning, but I get it. Living in the problem includes analyzing it to pieces instead of trusting tools and methods that can make one feel more peaceful and have better connections. I will give you an example: if I used to obsess about something (and I do not mean a special interest) that I wished would change or had not happened or that I had to do, I used to try to analyze the obsession to pieces, thus obsessing further. I would try to "let it go" as they say but could not. Then, when I finally understood the method of identifying the PURPOSE the obsession served me in my operating psychology, I could try to let go of that purpose instead of the obsession itself. Specific case: I obsessed about how my father moved out when my mother was ill when I was in middle school. I had to lift her in and out of a wheelchair, feed her etc. I was only 11,12, 13... I took care if my brother who was 5 years younger. I started driving her car then, to go buy milk or whatever. She died at 47. Anyhooo, my father could not cope. Big time. But part of my holding on to that and operating with it is to be sure everyone knows I already had to deal with one of these end of life situations complete with major messiness. And I do NOT want to have to take care of my dad if he got sick. Not because of retribution but because I am not so sure I could cope. At 11, I could not move and rent a house across town like he did. Now I could. I have the feeling I could be as unacceptable as he was.

Long writing. Err a little hypergraphia with my hyperlexia. I spend almost all of my waking hours reading and writing. I can stop when out hiking in nature or something but then I do look for shapes of letters, numbers and patterns visually all around me.
 
2aspirin said:
Just a little, including for a mindfulness meditation thing. I like the 12 step group structure better: Highly highly predictable structure for one thing. And the alanon principals and step work just helped with everything entirely for me. It has helped me with some compulsions/stims like hyperlexia. In theory, I would like more aspie real life groups but in practice, online forums are perfect for us. Also, you will notice that some who are non-verbal are also on here. There is an accessibility aspect. And even personally, I sometimes don't like being with too many aspies in real life, in a group, because some are loud (just like NTs) and that triggers hyperacusis (with middle ear myoclonus). Ironically, many alanon meetings are so soft spoken because so many people there are "people fixers" and "people pleasers." ...To my advantage in that case. Har har.

In all seriousness, many there have been so affected by the alcoholism and mental illness in their families that they get very used to focusing on others and keeping everything steady and calm so that they feel safe. My observation from alanon: Many NTs especially react to growing up with alcoholism by being in a state of severe vigilance that is not paranoia per se but can make them feel like everything is "about them" or could be about them. They just want to be safe but in seeking that, become people who get offended easily, etc. It is a profound thing. I have seen people really flourish there, getting past it.

Aspies do, I think, have a different variety of responses (like fierce loyalty in the face of evidence that it is undeserved, guarding the home, escaping into special interests, increase in rigid rituals, whatever) to the chaotic homes that alcoholism or mental illness brings, but the "solutions" are the same. That is the key part. I like the saying of "living in the solution instead of living in the problem." It took a bit to fully grasp its meaning, but I get it. Living in the problem includes analyzing it to pieces instead of trusting tools and methods that can make one feel more peaceful and have better connections. I will give you an example: if I used to obsess about something (and I do not mean a special interest) that I wished would change or had not happened or that I had to do, I used to try to analyze the obsession to pieces, thus obsessing further. I would try to "let it go" as they say but could not. Then, when I finally understood the method of identifying the PURPOSE the obsession served me in my operating psychology, I could try to let go of that purpose instead of the obsession itself. Specific case: I obsessed about how my father moved out when my mother was ill when I was in middle school. I had to lift her in and out of a wheelchair, feed her etc. I was only 11,12, 13... I took care if my brother who was 5 years younger. I started driving her car then, to go buy milk or whatever. She died at 47. Anyhooo, my father could not cope. Big time. But part of my holding on to that and operating with it is to be sure everyone knows I already had to deal with one of these end of life situations complete with major messiness. And I do NOT want to have to take care of my dad if he got sick. Not because of retribution but because I am not so sure I could cope. At 11, I could not move and rent a house across town like he did. Now I could. I have the feeling I could be as unacceptable as he was.

Long writing. Err a little hypergraphia with my hyperlexia. I spend almost all of my waking hours reading and writing. I can stop when out hiking in nature or something but then I do look for shapes of letters, numbers and patterns visually all around me.
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I just have to start off by thanking you so much for taking your time to write this. Its amazing and I really think it will help me!! Im going to look into local alanon groups. Perhaps someday I can also use it as a tool to help my mom when she is ready. Im glad you broke down the ways it can help me so I know what to key into. Realizing the purpose of an obsession.. thats great! Something so simple yet very helpful. I havent been obsessed with anything lately but I'm glad to know that now for the future.
I am sorry to hear about your mom, I know you wernt looking for pitty but that sounds like a really hard time in your life and shows that you are a really stong person and have lots of character. Ive learned in times like that we learn the most important life lessons. Like for me growing up essentially alone because my mom would lock herself in her room form the time she got home to time she had work was hard but it made me really independent and gave me confidence in myself in a sense that I can handle whatever comes my way without needing support. Then when I was halfway thriugh my senior year in high school my mom quit her nursing job hit rock bottom and moved out to her boyfriends an hour away. I was left in my house all by myself and had to work and go to and clean a friends house to be able to get a car and survive. I learned so much about how to save and budget my money that now I can say im 21 and im fully self sefficient and on my own feet and very happy with the way my life is now. These things ive learned are invaluable to me and though they were extremely unfavorable I got through it and im better because of it!!

Never apologize for a long post, I love it!! Very interesring (:

Again thank you very much!
 
Peace said:
I am wondering where this picture was taken. You say you are from New Hampshire, yet the drivers seat in this photo appears to be on the right side of the vehicle.
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I thought the same but I have seen some selfie apps take a mirror image and the mirror would be reversed.
 
Mattymatt said:
I thought the same but I have seen some selfie apps take a mirror image and the mirror would be reversed.
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Thats most likely what it was. I was probably on snapchat and decided to save that adorable picture before I sent it out to my friends and lost it forever (im a picture hoarder). (:
 
Vanilla said:
Welcome :)

I'm glad to see you've learned that there is a difference in diagnosing different genders with AS; I hope your specialist respects this well too.

I like to recommend this book to our female members, as it does cover much about the more typical female traits, and is also a bit of a survival guide for young adults:
Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com
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Thank you very much! I am always looking for new material to read and I feel like Ive neerly exhausted my resources (google). I hope I get lucky enough to get specialist who can actually help me grow. Any day now I should be getting a call... fingers crossed!
 
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